The Fifth Season (23 page)

“Too late. I want you…now.”

Her closeness, her vulnerability edged tighter around his heart.

He couldn’t breathe.

Emma moved against him, and he was lost.

Stone demanded. She gave.

He held her trembling body, seeking to regain control of himself. Inhaling in deep, ragged breaths, he wanted to tell her how he felt.

He sighed as she pulled away. She twisted around and hugged him tightly. He returned her embrace, holding her fiercely against his chest.

“Every time you’re near, I want you,” she said, her voice husky and slightly hoarse.

He couldn’t speak. Swearing silently at his inner fear, he kissed her forehead. Finally, the iron grip on his chest released and sanity returned.

Stone chuckled. “Obviously I’ve just proved that I agree.”

***

Emma lay curled in a corner of the living room couch. Her head hurt, her stomach reeled, and her heart…well, her heart made demands she couldn’t answer.

Surrender to Stone, the stupid little organ screamed. If only it were that easy. His plane was scheduled to leave tomorrow and with it a part of herself would disappear. She hated it. Detested the predicament she’d allowed herself to fall into.

“Hey,” he said softly from the kitchen doorway.

“Hey, yourself.”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Sure.” She twisted around and noticed he held a folder in his left hand.

“I’ve written these letters.” He held up the folder. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind reading them. I don’t know if they’re good enough to mail.”

She bit down on her lower lip trying to hide her curiosity. “Sure. I’ll do it right now.”

“Okay. Thanks. I’ll be downstairs working on the shelves for the media room.”

“10-4.”

He rolled his eyes at her attempt at military jargon and left the room. The minute she heard the nail compressor turn on, Emma bolted from the sofa and snatched the folder off the table. Holding her head against the sudden pounding, she sat back down and pulled out the first letter.

Dear Maria,

I realize you’ve probably been waiting for this letter for almost two years, your heart breaking, and your mind searching for an explanation as to how I could’ve allowed your husband to die. Believe me, I’ve asked myself that question every morning and every night.

Jose wormed himself into my group right after the two of you were married. I wish he hadn’t. I don’t regret the privilege of knowing him or his wisdom that came from loving you. But I hate myself for denying him the right to watch your daughter grow, to see his grandchildren and rock his days away beside you. For that, I am eternally sorry.

A special person has helped me realize that healing doesn’t come from forgetting but from remembering. I’d like to share some memories with you and hope they ease your pain and help you move on
.

Emma flipped the page, reading paragraph after paragraph of exploits Stone’s unit had undertaken. She laughed at his fine touch of humor, the warmth and love he conveyed in every sentence, every word. Turning to the last page, she realized her barriers against this man were weakening.

As you can see, Jose not only touched your life with his passion and love but also mine. I will forever miss him. I will never forget.

With deepest regards,

Colonel Stone Connor

Tears streamed down Emma’s face. Damn, but she was tired of crying and lately it seemed like a daily, almost hourly occurrence.

The front door slammed, and she quickly brushed the tears from her face. Glancing through the folder she realized it contained letters to every wife, mother or father that belonged to his deceased unit. The knowledge of the pain Stone bore crushed her chest making it hard to breathe.

“Any one home?”

Emma smiled, recognizing Alexa’s voice. “In here,” she called, dashing away the tears that kept insisting on flowing down her cheeks.

“Hey,” Alexa said, walking into the living room and plopping on the couch next to her. “What’s up?” She frowned and shook her head. “You look like crap. Why are you crying?”

A flood of emotions toppled over, and Emma couldn’t control the sobs that broke forth. Alexa scooted over and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tightly. “I can’t seem to stop.”

“It’s okay, let it out. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Stone’s leaving tomorrow.” She let out a shaky breath, sat back and inhaled deeply attempting to control herself.

“I know. That’s why I’m here. But he’ll be back, you have to know that.”

“I do. But…” She paused and exhaled a rush of words. “He’s selling River Run, and I don’t know what that means. He wants me to choose between himself and Nate, and it’s tearing me apart. And he’s gone and written all these wonderful letters, and just the thought of how hard this must have been is making me feel like I don’t deserve to be in the same room with him.” Her eyes watered again, and the damn tears spilled over. She dashed them away, sniffing loudly.

“Oh, baby,” Alexa said. “It’ll be okay. You’re just scared. I can’t believe Stone’s selling River Run. He knows how much it means to you.”

“He is. I saw the contract.”

“I’m sure there’s an explanation. When he comes home, there’ll be plenty of time to discuss River Run and Nate and all these other emotions running through your system.”

“No there won’t be. Stone and I…” Did she want to explain? Yes, she needed to tell someone. “We’re all out of time. I’m pregnant.”

Alexa stared at her, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. “Pregnant?” She narrowed her gaze and tilted her head. “Does Stone know?”

Emma shook her head and pointed a finger at her friend’s chest. “Don’t you dare tell him.”

“Emma…”

“No,” she interrupted before listening to any of the arguments Alexa was about to say. They probably only mirrored the silent ones she’d been having with herself. “He can’t know. Not yet, at least. I want him to go on this mission with a clear head, clear conscience and absolutely no conflicting emotions.”

Alexa shook her head.

“No,” Emma repeated. “You have to swear you won’t say a word.”

“I won’t say a thing. But I think you’re doing yourself and Stone a great injustice.”

“Maybe, but it’s the right thing to do. He needs to be fully focused on this mission.”

“He needs?” Alexa rose from the couch and paced in a tight circle. “What about you? How far along are you?”

“Ten, maybe eleven weeks.”

“You’re almost through your first trimester. Oh Emma, you’re so wrong about all of this. You should be sharing this with Stone.”

“No. Don’t make me sorry I told you. He’d worry, and…” Emma leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

“And?”

“What if he doesn’t want the baby?” There, she’d done it. She’d voiced her greatest fear.

“No.” Alexa sat back on the couch and grabbed Emma’s hands. “No, he’d never feel that way.”

Looking into her friends eyes, she saw the worry and a flicker of doubt. “Yes he might and you know it.”

“I don’t know a thing. Stone’s a difficult man, but he’ll do what’s right. He’ll stand by you.”

“I don’t want that.” Emma stood and stared down at Alexa. “I won’t accept anything less than his full love for me and my child. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to choose between him and Nate. How do you just stop loving someone?”

Alexa shook her head, and they both dropped into silence.

***

“Hey, who died?” Stone stood in the doorway looking from one woman to the next. The emotions in the air were thick enough for him to draw a knife through. “Alexa, what a pleasant surprise.” Neither one answered, they simply stood staring at one another. Alexa’s face was pale, and he thought he noted a tinge of anger building in her posture. Emma seemed frozen, her eyes a watery green and cheeks tear stained.

“Ladies, you’re scaring me.”

Emma jerked, and turned to face him. She smiled, but it didn’t hide the hurt shining bright within the emerald depths of her gaze. “Sorry, we were just debating the advantages and disadvantages of shopping online.”

Stone frowned. “You don’t lie well. What gives?”

“Nothing,” Alexa said, rising from the couch. “Emma’s right. We weren’t agreeing with one another, and I’m so tired I gave her a hard time.” She turned and hugged Emma. “I’m sorry, sistah. I love you.”

Emma returned the hug, her shoulders more relaxed than when he first entered the room. “I love you, too.” Both women teared up, and Stone backed away hastily.

“I think I’ll come back later.”

“It’s okay, cuz. I really just stopped by to give you a hug and tell you not to be gone for too long.”

He sighed in relief as Emma and Alexa laughed softly. Okay, out of the danger zone. Man, tears scared him more than the thought of returning to the Congo. “Don’t worry. In ten days, you’ll be wishing I’d stayed away.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Alexa hugged him and waved a hand at Emma. “I’ll call you tomorrow, Emmie.”

“See ya, Lex. Drive safely.”

After Alexa shut the front door, Stone turned on Emma. Something wasn’t right.

“What gives?”

“Nothing Stone. Drop it, okay?”

“Is this about me leaving or about those letters? Because I have to go, but I don’t have to mail the letters if you think they’re not appropriate.”

Her face softened and the love that shone from her eyes touched his heart. “The letters are wonderful. You’re an amazing man.”

“No, I’m not. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

He walked over and wrapped his arms around her. Holding her close, the pain of leaving suddenly slammed into his chest with a vengeance. The sharp burn made him wince, and he held tighter.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow.”

“It’s going to be the longest two weeks of my life.”

“I know.”

“About earlier…I didn’t use any protection, are you okay?”

She sighed heavily and nestled closer. “I’m fine.”

“You said it was too late, what does that mean? I wanted to ask you then but my attention was elsewhere.” He felt her shoulders shake with laughter, and suddenly she broke away, laughing even harder. Actually, he frowned, she seemed quite hysterical. “Am I missing something here?”

“No,” Emma inhaled and swallowed. “I’m on the pill now. Don’t worry.”

“Oh,” he said, still perplexed by her behavior. “Why didn’t you say so?” She waved her hand at him and burst into another round of giggles.

“I dunno. I guess it slipped my mind. Oh please, stop looking at me like that.” Tears were streaming down her face, and her smile suddenly faltered. A hand squeezed his heart when happy tears melted into sad.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“What for?” She bit her lip and sniffled.

“Making you cry.” He pulled her back into his arms and held tight. Stone wanted to tell her how he felt, tell her he loved her, but it didn’t feel right. Somehow his words seemed empty. He needed to show her, and to do that…he had a mission to accomplish.

***

Stone swung around in the office chair to glance out the window. He waited for Rex’s final call. His duffel bag sat by the front door, an ominous symbol of his departure. He didn’t know where Emma was. The scent of jasmine wafted lightly around the office, signaling her recent occupancy.

The second the phone rang, he snatched it off the base unit.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” He said, his heart pounding. Scared. That feeling didn’t sit well with him.

“Did you call Nate like I asked?”

“No, Rex. I’ve arranged for Seth to stay with Emma.”

“Stone, Nate knows how Adams reacts. He’d be an incredible asset.”

“No. That man isn’t allowed on this property.”

“But Emma…”

Stone interrupted him, not wanting to hear any more. “She’s chosen me, and that’s all I need.”

“You’re a fool.”

“Dammit Rex, give me my coordinates and stop acting like a mother hen.”

Stone quickly scribbled down his instructions. A trickle of fear skimmed his skin when Kuffuor’s name was spoken, but he tamped it down and focused on the goal. He’d not allow one life to be lost on this mission, Stone silently vowed. Not one life.

“And the plan for Seamus?” he asked.

He heard Rex take a deep breath. “It’s been approved. Both missions should take place simultaneously.”

Stone smiled in satisfaction. “Then Emma shouldn’t be in any danger.”

“I’m just covering all bases, Stone. I still think you should involve your father.”

“No. End of discussion.” Stone glance at his watch and realized he only had two hours before he needed to be at the airport. “I’ve gotta go. There’s a certain lady I want to find.”

“Good luck, buddy.”

“No luck needed.” Stone hung up the phone and wrestled with his thoughts.

He could do this.

He would do this.

He had no choice.

***

Emma stood in her own room, preparing it for Seth’s occupancy. She could hear the low murmur of Stone’s voice from the office, knowing he’d be discussing his mission with Rex. Indifference. She prayed for the indifference he’d once accused her of possessing.

“There you are,” Stone said.

She plastered a smile to her face and turned toward him. “Yep, just getting ready for Seth.”

“I know you don’t want him here.”

“No, I don’t. It’s going to be like spending two weeks with a two hundred pound puppy. The man’s a nuisance.”

He grinned at her. “Yes, he is.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “He means well.”

“And he’ll make a fine watchdog.”

Sobering, Emma thought about Seth’s reason for staying at River Run. “Do you really think Seamus Adams will make a move against me?”

“Honestly? I don’t think so. We’ll hit him before he has a chance to retaliate.”

Success, Emma thought. One piece of the puzzle confirmed. “So this mission does involve him.”

The shock that flared in Stone’s eyes almost made her laugh. Did he think she was an idiot? Then his gaze flitted to amusement. “Caught me red handed.”