The Final Note (DJ Series Book 1) (20 page)

“I don’t want to choose. I can’t think about this,” I sob and Dayton pulls me across the centre console into his lap. I bury my face into his neck and try to slow the tears. He makes soothing sounds and rubs my back until I calm. When I’m more in control of my emotions and my thoughts have stopped racing, I sit back and he pushes my hair back over my shoulders before gently cupping my face, making me meet his gaze..

“Look, we are getting way ahead of ourselves. We don’t even know if this contract with Epic Records will happen. It all seems too good to be true. So let’s just cross each bridge as we get to it. Nothing is going to happen overnight and we could get all worried and worked up over something that’s never going to happen. Okay?” he asks calmly, wiping my eyes clear of tears and I sniffle, giving him a small nod.

“Okay. I’m sorry.” I wipe my nose on my sleeve in a dreadfully unladylike manner.

“Don’t apologise for being honest with me, sugar. I’d rather you be straight with me than let me think everything is all honky dory then you bottle on me at the last minute.” He kisses me on the forehead and I nod my understanding. “Shall we grab a quick coffee while we’re here? I’m sure your hangover must be making you feel pretty terrible and I could do with the caffeine to stay alert on the roads.”

“Okay, sure,” I reply but my voice sounds frail and I’m struggling to rein in my emotions even if my tears have stopped.

“Come on, let’s get you something sweet to eat and see if we can get you some more Anadin.”

The rest of the journey back is subdued and Dayton keeps kissing my hand, stroking my thigh and trying to initiate a cheerful topic of conversation but invariably it always comes back to music which is a stark reminder of why I feel so damn shit about things.

Once my luggage is brought into the house I stand on the doorstep to say goodnight. There is an unspoken conversation hanging between us, one we both know we may well have to have eventually and ignoring it is not going to make it go away. Dayton opens his arms to me and I step into his hug willingly, needing the comfort of his embrace, his heat and his scent. Everything about being in his arms soothes all my worries and I press my face to his firm chest, wanting to sink into him and become a part of him like he is a part of me.

“Baby, please don’t torture yourself, okay? For all we know I may never hear from Mark or Jimmy again and this weekend will just be one we can look back on with happy memories.”

He kisses the top of my head and as much as his words bring me comfort there is a part of my brain that’s screaming
you wish, lady.

I know after this weekend Epic is going to want Dayton, his recent work is his best by far. I won’t hold my breath on them not being in touch within days if I’m brutally honest with myself. I appease Dayton by assuring him I’ll drop the subject. “We’ll cross each bridge as we come to it.” I give him a smile and he nods.

“Sounds perfect. Now, get some rest. This weekend has been as exhausting as it was fun so get something to eat and try to get an early night. Okay?”

“Okay. Thanks again, Dayton, for this weekend.”

“Thank you for sharing it with me. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else by my side.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, so much more.” He smiles before giving me a long and tender kiss. He steps back off the doorstep and kisses my knuckles. “Night, sugar.”

“Goodnight, Dayton.”

I slink off to my room and plonk down onto my bed. Lying back against my pillows I look up at my bedroom ceiling. In my mind I relive the whole weekend, smiling at some of the laughs we had. I get my camera from my handbag and start flicking through snaps of me and Dayton. There’s a tap on my bedroom door and Mum pops her head into the room with a smile.

“I made you cheese on toast and a cuppa, dewdrop. I wasn’t sure if you’d be hungry but it’s a long drive from London.” She lays a tray on my bed and I give her a grateful smile. Comfort foods look so welcoming about now. I pass her my camera, letting her flick through the pictures whilst I eat.

“It was a great weekend, Mum.”

“You certainly look happy on these pictures, Lana.”

“I was.”

I toss the toast back onto the plate, my appetite slipping, my emotions rising again even though I promised Dayton I wouldn’t do this to myself.

“Was? Past tense?” Mum queries, putting my camera on my bedside table. I sigh and rub my hands over my eyes.

“It could become a permanent thing for Dayton. I’m pretty sure he’s going to get this contract and it would mean him moving to London. He wants me to go with him,” I state and I see Mum’s eyes widen.

“Alannah, it’s so soon.”

“I know and I don’t know if it’s something I can do, Mum. I can’t imagine not being able to see you all every day. I’d miss you all too much.”

“But..?”

“But I love Dayton and I’d miss him so badly, too.” I pout and Mum rubs my hand.

“It’s not a case of who you would miss more, dewdrop. It’s a case of asking yourself what
you
want out of your life. Can you see yourself living in London?”

“Honestly? I never even considered moving out of Manchester. I haven’t even considered a big commute for my own work commitment.”

Mum looks thoughtful for a few minutes. “Alannah, I’m not going to lie and say we wouldn’t miss you immensely if you moved so far away. I know visits home wouldn’t be easy. But what I say next isn’t to try and put you off going, because ultimately I just want you to be happy, no matter where in the world you live. You have been incredibly happy since you met Dayton. You’ve floated around in a world of your own, happy as a pig in muck. But you’re still in the honeymoon period. It’s only been a few months since you met him and I know relationships change, especially with new pressures, like work and responsibilities.”

I nod, seeing what she is getting at. It just confirms all my doubts and I hate to admit that I think she is right. “It will kill me to let him go though, Mum.” I feel the tears resurface and Mum gives me a pitying look.

“I understand that. I remember the days when your dad just going to work left me missing him. Many moons ago.” She smiles and I give her a weak smile before I let out a small sob. I can practically feel Dayton slipping through my fingers already. “Hey, don’t get so upset about it just yet, sweetheart. There is nothing saying you couldn’t visit Dayton at weekends and try the long distance relationship thing.”

I shake my head. I can’t do that, it’s all or nothing. I cannot punish myself missing him for five days a week and wishing my life away waiting for the weekend. I’m either there with him or here, alone. “I couldn’t do it, Mum. If he goes then I’ll lose him unless I go with him. That’s the ultimatum.”

“Dewdrop, it may all come to nothing. If it does come to that do you really want your last days to be spent in tears? We can sit here and think up a million different scenarios, Lana, and none of them work out how you predicted. Don’t make yourself ill over a future you have no control over. Only Dayton can control this situation and I think if he knew it was going to make you sick he would refuse to go to London without you.”

My head snaps up. “That’s not an option, Mum. London is going to happen for him, no matter what. It’s all he has ever worked for.”

“Then you have to make sure he doesn’t see you like this. Sometimes we have to lock things away, face them when the time is right because we could all sit crying over possible outcomes to things but what kind of life is that? Just show Dayton that you love him and carry on enjoying being together, like you were in those pictures.” Mum rubs my arm and I realise she has a point.

I could lay here and torture myself with
what ifs
and
maybes
and it’s going to earn me nothing. I sniff and nod, giving Mum a weak smile. “You’re right. You and Dayton both are. Feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to earn me a thing. I’m going to try and put it out of my mind until we know exactly where we stand. Life can just go back to how it was before now we’re home.”

“Isn’t that what Dayton is doing? He isn’t letting life pass him by waiting on things that possibly could happen. Live in the now, Lana. The past is gone, the future unknown, so just be happy now.” Mum smiles and I nod. She’s right, as always.

“Thanks, Mum.”

“My pleasure, dewdrop. I’ll go run you a bubble bath so you can soak away some stress. Tomorrow is a new day, it’ll all look different in the morning.”

She leaves the room and I suddenly feel much lighter for having talked it through with her and I feel a determination to just enjoy what I have now. We’ll just have to wait and see what the future holds.

By Wednesday I’ve convinced myself that there is no ultimatum hanging over us and we have fallen back into the comfortable groove of work, job searching and evenings together. I’ve attended another interview today and even though the pay isn’t the best and there is a thirty minute commute I’ve still got my hopes pinned on it being a successful interview. In short, I’m starting to get desperate for work. The boredom during the day is setting in and there are only so many post boxes to run to with application forms.

I need to fill my time with more than running and reading. Wednesday night I take over Dayton’s kitchen again and make us an intimate dinner which is invariably followed up with slow sex and naked pillow talk. The conversation we really should be having is avoided, as is now the norm.

Thursday morning I see Dayton off to work before showering and lingering for a while. When I have no other reason to stay I make the drive home and I’m greeted by an empty house. Mum is at work, so is Dad, and Coby is out with friends making the most of the summer holidays before he starts college in September. I swipe up the mail off the mat and go through to the kitchen to make a coffee. Tossing the mail on the table I flick the kettle on and let the dog out in the garden. I’m just munching a banana when I see the top letter on the mail pile is addressed to me. The top three are, actually. I open the first and sigh, another rejection letter from a local solicitor. I throw it into the recycle and open the next one which is practically a carbon copy of the first letter, except it’s from an even bigger firm.

I pause when I see the last letter is stamped from Fox, Merchant and Co. Well, they say it comes in threes so I think I can hazard a guess as to the contents, but I’m gutted it’s from this particular firm. I’d set my heart on this position and in my book, no news is good news. I toss the banana skin in the bin and peel open the envelope, unfolding the sheets.

My eyes scan the page and my heart stops in my chest. “Holy shit! They want me!” I yell to the empty kitchen. Just then I hear the front door and in walks Coby with a friend in tow. “Coby, they offered me the job, can you fluffing believe it? I’m no longer going to be unemployed,” I sing and Coby looks taken aback before flicking his friend an apologetic look.

“That’s great, sis. Congratulations.”

“Thanks, bro. I’m going to ring everyone I know. I’m so excited,” I squeak before skipping from the room, the kettle cooling to itself in my wake.

My first call is to Dayton. I did consider surprising him tonight with a fancy meal but I can’t keep the news to myself until then.

“Congratulations, sugar. I’m so pleased for you. I’m going to make reservations at La Bella Luna and take you out to celebrate.”

“Thanks, babe. I’m over the moon, it’s with the only firm I’ve had my heart set on. I can’t believe my luck.” I’m already in my wardrobe picking out something to wear tonight.

“Even better. Is it a big commute?”

“None at all. That’s the best bit. I’m going to call my parents and tell them the good news, then Corrine and the girls.”

“Okay, babe. I’ll pick you up tonight. Congrats again. Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Mum and Dad are made up for me and Corrine insists we celebrate this weekend with a day girly shopping and champagne at Lexis. All the girls agree and I’m grinning to myself whilst waiting for Dayton to pick me up. Today turned out to be one of the best days ever.

In La Bella Luna Dayton orders for us and we have just finished our main. Dayton has been so attentive and complimentary. I don’t think I could be happier right now.

“I’m so proud of you, Alannah. I knew you’d get the job you wanted, you’re too talented not to. I’m just so proud to say you’re mine.”

I blush and take his hand over the table, my thumb running over the ring on his finger. “Vice versa. I know we have been avoiding talking about London, but that night at Sphinx, I couldn’t have been prouder.”

“Just a shame I didn’t get the great result you did.” His voice is low and he doesn’t meet my eye. Even though I’m trying to take in the news I can’t help but get a small feeling of elation and I note it, with a stab of self-loathing. I shouldn’t be pleased if he’s been turned down.

“What? Have you heard from Mark and Jimmy?” I ask quietly and he seems to shake off his disappointment.

“No, nothing.”

“Well, no news is good news. That’s what I kept telling myself with this job. Just because they haven’t been in touch yet, doesn’t mean they won’t be at some point soon.” I try to sound optimistic and when Dayton looks at me I can see he is reading me. I have to look away. I hate that he might see that somewhere in my heart I’m secretly pleased they haven’t been in touch to offer him the job. A small, hidden part of me is disappointed that they haven’t been in touch to say they won’t be offering him the contract.

“I’m not holding my breath. If they do then they do, if they don’t then we all know what that means. I won’t go chasing them up for an answer.”

The dessert is delivered and it is now a tradition that we share the lemon ice, both of us trying to put a smile on and enjoy the night how we did before the subject of London came up, but it’s in vain. The mood has soured substantially and it’s just another stark reminder of the uncertain future we may be facing.

On Saturday I go all out with the credit card and treat myself to a new dress for the celebration tonight at Lexis and I splurge on new work clothes. I can’t resist buying Dayton a black surfer type bracelet that has a treble clef on it. As soon as I saw it I thought of him. We’re just taking silly snaps of us trying all the hats and glasses on when Gemma’s phone starts to ring and she darts off to take the call.

“Can we go to La Senza? I want to buy something to treat Dayton tonight.”

“Yeah, let’s go. I think I’m gonna splash out and get something in case Greg decides to stay over tonight. Something black and lacy.” Corrine giggles and Macy rolls her eyes.

“Total over share there, sister. TMI for me, he’s my brother.” Macy shudders and we all giggle making our way out of the shop and seeing Gemma standing outside putting her phone away.

“You ready, babe?” Corrine tinkles.

“Yeah, I’m good to go.”

That night is one of the best. The new bar manager in Lexis is a great guy named Thomas who all the regulars seem to love. He has a really dry sense of humour and is really easy on the eye. He is also incredibly gay. He is more than helpful in getting our party started and keeping it going with buckets of chilled champagne and jelly shots. We’ve been partying hard and laughing harder.

Dayton’s sets are perfection, as always, and I find that now I don’t have the haunted feeling of Regina’s eyes constantly burning into the back of my head, I actually love the family like gathering of friends here and I could easily call Lexis my weekend home.

Julie congratulates me whilst I wash my hands in the VIP ladies’ room. “Thanks, Julie. News travels fast, did one of the girls tell you? I’m really looking forward to my first day on Monday.”

“First day? I was congratulating you on getting Regina the boot. Really, I should be thanking you. So should half the bar staff, you did us all a favour freeing us from that bitch.” Julie laughs.

“Oh, right. Well, no thanks needed. As you are well aware I did it for selfish reasons. I wanted Dayton all to myself, but I’m glad it made you all happy.” I smirk, reapplying my eyeliner.

“Who wouldn’t want Dayton all to themselves? So, ding dong the witch is dead. Congrats again. Oh, and congrats on the new job.”

I thank her and go back to our table but when I see everyone doing screaming orgasm shots I make a U turn to the bar. I’m perched on a stool when I see Dayton go behind the bar and I watch him with curious eyes. He goes below the bar to a fridge and pops up in front of me. With serious eyes he utters one word.

“Bud?” he asks before placing the bottle of lager in front of me, a slow and adorable grin spreading over his face.

I ruffle the little cowlick in his fringe and grin back.

“I don’t smoke.” I giggle and he laughs, leaning on the bar towards me.

“You look fantastic tonight, sweetheart. It makes me happy to see you so happy.” He plants a chaste kiss on my mouth before popping open the bottle between us and pushing it towards me.

“Thank you. I am happy. You make me happy, baby.”

He pulls out a bottle of bud for himself. “Ditto, sugar.” He is just about to pop the lid on the bottle when Thomas shouts from the opposite end of the bar.

“Don’t be opening that bottle from my bar, Dayton. You don’t have time to drink.” Thomas winks at me and Dayton frowns, looking at his watch.

“What do you mean? I’m not back on the decks for another forty minutes.”

“The boss-daddy requested you get your fine ass upstairs, sweet boy. Oh, and you owe me for that bottle you just bought your pretty legal lady.” Thomas smiles before pouring a shot for a customer.

Dayton pops the cap on the bottle anyway and tosses a ten pound note next to the till. “I won’t be long, baby. Watch my drink, please.”

I take both of our drinks back to the booth we are all gathered in and I see Corrine sat in Greg’s lap. Gemma and Luke have their arms wrapped around each other and Macy is kissing Ross like it’s the last time she will see him. Dina must be off dancing while Brent is playing. I feel such a gooseberry. I go off in search of Dina and find her downstairs. Brent is playing up a storm and seems to have gotten himself quite a following now. The crowd are all dancing and the atmosphere is electric.

I go join Dina on the dance floor and make the most of the night, dancing and enjoying the euphoric sounds Brent plays. Before I know it, he finishes his set and I hug him. “That was great, Brent. No wonder people want you made resident.” I grin.

“Actually, Barros just asked me if I’d like to make the position permanent. I said yes, of course. Double celebrations tonight.”

Dina squeaks before launching herself into his arms. “Babe, that is fantastic. Come on, we need more champagne. I want to make a toast.”

We make our way upstairs and Brent announces his big news, it’s met by a round of applause and congratulations and a fresh bottle of champagne. We lift our glasses to Dina’s toast. “To my amazing, talented boyfriend, Brent. Congrats, babe. Welcome to our permanent family at Lexis.” We all sip our drinks in good cheer. Looking around the table at all my friends I imagine how hard it would be to say goodbye. Regina or not, this club has become our stomping ground and I’ve come to love it.

“They say it comes in threes. Who else is up for promotion? Because it’s a sure thing.” Greg smiles.

“Actually, I am. It’s a triple celebration. London called, I got the contract,” Dayton says from behind me and I spin to face him. The whole table behind me goes up in an uproar of clapping and whooping.

Dayton watches me intently, waiting for my response, ignoring the congratulations from our friends. I see his expression and he looks as though he’s been told he’s been drafted into war. I know my mouth is open and I should be repeating the words of congrats from my friends but my brain won’t function. I feel like the bottom has just fallen out of my world. There’s no smile on either of our faces and I hate myself for not being able to react the way Dina did.

Why can’t I throw myself into his arms in joy? Why am I not clapping, making toasts and ordering champagne? Why do I want to cry?

He must see this because he comes to wrap me in a hug, one I desperately need and I press myself to him, needing his strength more than ever. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into my ear before holding my face against his chest. My fingers ball into his shirt and I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to block out the pain in my chest when I think about the choices I have to make.

I take a deep breath and gather my wits, suppressing my feelings and pushing down the hurt. “Don’t apologise, baby. This is what we wanted.” I offer him a watery smile but he doesn’t smile back. Instead he takes my hand and pulls me behind the bar to the staff room. I hear the quiet murmurs of our friends who are obviously confused as hell.

We sit on a bright pink leather sofa and I bite my lip, determined not to cry. I sneak a glance up at Dayton and I can see he doesn’t know what to say. After a sigh he forces me to look at him with a finger underneath my chin. “I know you’ve been dreading this. I know what this means. I’m not going to sit here and reel off a load of spiel to try and convince you to come with me, Alannah, because ultimately, I just want you to be happy. I know I can make you happy.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat and nod. Once I trust myself to talk I manage to croak out three little words.

“I can’t leave.”

I see his head drop. I think he knew all along that I couldn’t go with him. When he looks up again his eyes are glazed with tears that I can see he is fighting, so hard. He curls his lips inwards and nods before clearing his throat, his voice is still raspy though. “I knew that. We could make it work though. I could come home as often as possible and you could visit London whenever you like.”

Before he has finished his sentence I’m shaking my head. “It wouldn’t work. I can’t be
with you
but not be with you and miss you so badly. If I’m going to hurt for losing you to London then seeing you sporadically will only make it harder to say goodbye every time we have to part company for you to work.” I take a deep breath, feeling my heart stutter in my chest. I feel like I can’t breathe.