The Fire Inside (21 page)

Jack watched the captain trek over the
pavement of the parking lot to Incident Command. Thankfully, the
convenience store was a single building and not in a strip mall.
Then he caught sight of the battalion chief on duty…Mitch Malvaso.
Shit. Jack thought briefly of absconding back to his car and
hightailing it out of there.

But he thought of Tess’s words.
I like
seeing you like this. Commanding. In control.
So he couldn’t
very well let her down on his new image. In truth, he didn’t want
Mitch to be mad him.

So he strode over to the official vehicle.
“Hey, Chief.”

Mitch spared him a glacial glance. “Doc.”
Then, “I thought you were going home early.”

“I did, right after lunch. I slept this
afternoon then cooked some dinner for Engine 4.” Jack nodded to the
building, sniffing at the scent of smoke. “Big deal or not?”

“No. Small fire in the back kitchen. The cap
could have handled it, but I came because I was…stirred up.”

Jack watched the firefighters go inside with
hose. Smoke rose, but it was light colored. “About today.”

Mitch stared ahead.

“I know my history with Tess must be a
surprise.”

“You lied to me.”

“A lie of omission. I apologize. But I had no
idea Tess was your cousin when we…you know…got together.” Hell, he
stuttered like a teenage talking to his girlfriend’s dad.

Another grunt and still Mitch kept his gaze
on the fire.

“It wouldn’t have mattered. We, um, the
attraction was just there.”

Finally, Mitch pivoted. “I got no qualms
about that. But I been thinking about this. Tess must have been
upset when you disappeared from her life afterward. When you never
went back to Rockland.”

“She was. So was I, Mitch.”

Dark brows furrowed. He could see them
because Mitch wore his uniform and no turnout gear.
“Seriously?”

“Honest to God.”

“Well, then.”

He dug his hands into his pockets. “Mitch,
we’d like your blessing, your family’s blessing, but in any case,
I’m going to keep seeing her this time.”

Now Mitch pierced him with a heavy gaze. “Not
without preliminaries.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re to come to our house Sunday. For a
family dinner.”

“Your family already knows me.”

“Not as a suitor.”

“Hell.”

“All of us will be there, so come
prepared.”

“To find out what my intentions are?”

“Maybe. Be there at three.”

Jack shook his head. “All right, I’ll come,
but Tess isn’t going to like this.”

“Tough shit.”

Jack walked away bemused. He didn’t really
think the Malvasos would…do anything to him. Yet they were a
protective bunch. Hmm. Maybe he better check with Tess.

Tess crouched on the floor behind Mitch and
felt her way along the wall of the house. Neighbors reported
elderly people in the back bedroom, and her crew had to rescue
them.

In her mic, she heard, “Don’t be a baby
about this, Tess. You have to do what’s right.”

“
I will, Mitch. I promise.”

As they crawled at a snail’s pace, the
temperature rose. Sweat beaded on her forehead, neck and chest. She
could hear her own labored breathing. Behind her, a crash, as if
timber had fallen.

Mitch stopped and said, “I think we’re at
the door to a bedroom.” They were working totally blind, so they
had to go by touch. “According to a neighbor, there’s supposed to
be another room to the right. Mauro, you go with Righetti.”

Tess didn’t want to work with the recruit.
He reminded her too much of Joey and she didn’t want to care about
him. Still, she followed orders, and on her knees, Tess felt for
the doorway. “In here, Mauro.”

She heard him creep inside behind her. Tess
knocked her knee on something metal and stinging pain shot through
her. “I found a bed. Mauro, see if there’s more in here. I can’t
tell how big the room is.”

“
Yes, ma’am.”

Still kneeling, Tess put her hand on the
bed. The mattress bounced, which meant a victim was on it. She felt
around…a leg, thin. Arms. Slight. “I got one. You find anybody,
Mauro?”

“
No answer.

“
Mauro, respond.”

“
What’s going on, Righetti?” Mitch’s
voice.

“
Mauro’s not answering.”

“
Did you find anything?”

“
Yeah, I got a body.”

“
Get `em out.”

“
And leave Mauro?”

“
I’ll search for him. Now go.”

Tess stood, bent over and picked up the
victim. Suddenly, the smoke cleared and she was looking into the
blank stare of Recruit Dan Mauro…

Tess bolted up in bed. The air pack was gone
and she couldn’t breathe. The room was filled with smoke…yet it
wasn’t. She looked around. Zach’s bedroom came into focus. She
wasn’t in a fire with Mitch. She was home at the Malvasos.

When her breathing evened, she lay back on
the pillow. She didn’t need Jack to interpret the dream. It was
obvious that Tess was worried about Recruit Mauro. Because he
reminded her of Joey? Jack had pointed that out, but she refused to
see the comparison. Had her unconscious mind made the connection
for her in the depths of a dream? Damn it.

Slipping out of bed, Tess went to the
bathroom. Her hair was messy and her eyes still sleepy. She’d spent
the night alone with Sabina. Mitch had been working, and Megan and
Sabby were out. Now she wished she’d stayed at Jack’s because he
could soothe away the remnants of the nightmare.

That’s it, Tess told herself. Think of him.
She made her way back to her bedroom and climbed into bed again.
This time, she let thoughts of being with Jack, and how different
their love making was after they’d begun to care about each other.
Her eyes started to close as she could feel his arms around
her.

o0o

Anita Cruz held her daughter against her
chest and sighed. Charlotte had a cold, so she wasn’t sleeping
good. Already exhausted, Anita had to get up in two hours for
class. As she soothed her child’s curly black hair, Anita
whispered, “
Shh, bébé, todo será bien
.”

But everything wasn’t going to be fine. If
Anita didn’t get some sleep and eat better, she wasn’t going to
make it through the remaining weeks. Which right now seemed like an
eternity.

“
El bébé
up again?” Anita’s
grandmother stood in the doorway. She was small but sturdy. Still,
she was too old to be waking up with babies in the middle of the
night.

“We’re okay,
Mamagrande
, go to
sleep.”

“No, you go to sleep.”

“This isn’t your responsibility.”

“
Querida,
we only have to get through
this class. You’ll be a firefighter, and the three of us will be
fine.”

Anita’s eyes teared. She couldn’t tell the
woman who’d raised her and sacrificed so much for her that she
didn’t think she’d ever be a member of the HCFD. “
Sí, sólo por
esta vez
.”

When her grandmother took Charlotte to her
room in the small apartment, which was paid for by welfare, Anita
climbed into bed. And thought of the Academy program. Of Danny
Mauro, who ran circles around everybody in PT and in the course
work but didn’t seem to give a shit. Why was it that the recruits
who wanted this job might not get it and the blasé, arrogant ones
would succeed? With that ugly thought, her eyes closed and she
drifted off.

o0o

All people are created equal, then a few
become firefighters. 

If you think it's tough being a firefighter,
try being a firefighter's wife or husband.  ~Author
Unknown

Let no man's ghost return to say his training
let him down.  ~Firefighters Saying

Firemen never die, they just burn forever in
the hearts of the people whose lives they saved.  ~Susan Diane
Murphree

Never fight fire from ego.  ~Author
Unknown

How important it is for us to recognize and
celebrate our heroes and she-roes!  ~Maya Angelou

Better a thousand times careful than once
dead.  ~Proverb

I can think of no more stirring symbol of
man's humanity to man than a fire engine.  ~Kurt Vonnegut

Seems to me the basic conflict between men
and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is
an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two
minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. 
They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right
for it to occur.  ~Jerry Seinfeld

The room was cool, creating a soothing
atmosphere for the third Recruit Concerns class. But Jack hadn’t
been able to get them to talk openly. A few had asked questions,
and they all wrote when asked, but he wanted freer participation.
He watched them as they read what he’d put up on the screen. At
least there were a few chuckles for the last entry—a joke he hoped
would loosen them up.

“Now that you’ve had time to read the
sayings, I’d like you to pick one of the quotes and write a
paragraph about why it’s meaningful to you.”

A lot of nods. Well, that was progress.

They wrote. He sat on the front table,
scanning the group, dying to know which truism each kid had picked,
but the anonymity of writing out their responses seemed to make
them more comfortable. He gave them ten minutes.

Before he could collect the papers, Liam
Murphy raised his hand. “Can I say something, Captain?”

“Yes. I wish someone would.”

“I’m twenty-two years old. I don’t have to
write down what I think. I can say it out loud.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I wish everybody
would talk about their reactions. You’re a quiet group. I respect
that. I want you to write things down
first
. That way, you
get to articulate what you feel before you hear others’ opinions.
But after you’ve formulated an answer, I’d rather you shared aloud.
Why don’t we try it at least this time?”

Not everyone agreed. Some heads shook.

“Okay, I’ll let you pass if you absolutely
can’t talk openly.”

Liam began. Jack smiled at the young man, who
seemed more mature than others. His consistent grin and Irish charm
made him likeable. “I picked, ‘Firefighters never die, they just
burn forever in the hearts of the people whose lives they saved.’ I
chose it because I think it’s important to remember what we’re
training for. To save lives.” He went on to talk about why he
wanted to join the department.

Another recruit who hadn’t said a word raised
his hand. “I picked that one, too. But not for the same reason. I’m
afraid to die. I wanna be a firefighter but I’m scared, too.” He
looked around. “Is anybody else?”

Several students nodded.

Thinking of the recruits in Rockland who’d
said the same thing, Jack smiled easily. “Of course you’re afraid.
A good amount of fear will keep you on your toes. It’s healthy. But
too much anxiety over your safety can be immobilizing. I wonder if
we might want to go over some techniques for dealing with our
fears.”

This time, everybody agreed.

Happy with the participation, Jack said,
“Next.”

A young blond woman waved. She was demure and
feminine but strong physically. Briefly, Jack wondered if Tess
liked her. “I picked the Maya Angelou quote. All I hear is how
sexist the fire department is.”

“No fire department is perfect.” Though,
thanks to Noah Callahan, the HCFD had made more strides than most.
“We could get a few women in to talk to you about this.”

Ron Johnson asked, “Can the guys listen to
them, too? I don’t want to be sexist, but yeah, I’m afraid I won’t
treat women the same as men on the line.”

“Done! Next?”

Danny Mauro lazed back in his chair. The
kid’s eyes were droopy and his shoulders hunched, as if he hadn’t
slept. He spoke out loud, without raising his hand. “I picked
‘Never fight fire from ego.’”

Jack hoped this was a breakthrough with the
boy.

“Why did you pick that one, Danny?”

“First, is what we say here
confidential?”

“I told you it was. Unless you’re going to
hurt yourself or others.” He watched Mauro. “Why?”

“Because I think our trainers have a ton of
ego. Captain Righetti, especially. What the hell’s wrong with
her?”

o0o

Tess stayed with Jack overnight on Friday.
Salmon steaks waited to be grilled, and Tess had brought a salad.
They sat on his patio in the warm late-April evening; she sipped a
beer and he drank a scotch, both enjoying a companionable
silence.

Flowers bloomed and the trees were green,
making the backyard homey and pleasant.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked after
a while.

“That you still have swings.” She nodded to
the faux wood play set. “From the twins? No wait, it can’t be. You
moved here after they were grown.”

“It’s our second one,” he said. “We got it
when the twins were ten. Sara wanted me to bring it to the new
house for sentimental reasons, I guess. She still uses it when she
comes home.” He shook his head. "I had a hell of a time dismantling
it. I made Sara and Seth reassemble it before they went to
school.”

Tess set her beer down and stood. “Come on,
old man, push me on a swing.”

“Old man?” He tugged on her hand, holding her
back. “That’s not what you were saying”—he checked his watch—“in
bed an hour ago.”

“Ha. Come on, I’ll race you over.”

He didn’t race. He ambled to the set in that
sexy meander he had, and she was sitting on the swing, kicking her
feet back and forth when he reached her. He stood behind her and
pushed. And pushed. “Man, you’re heavy.”

“That’s not what you said an hour ago.” She
reiterated his earlier allusion.