The Fixed Trilogy: Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You (8 page)

A folded paper was taped to the outside. In neat block print he had written:
I can’t let you go without
. I blushed as I peeked inside, suspecting I knew what I’d find. Sure enough, there were my panties—laundered and folded neatly. I didn’t even want to think about what member of his staff got the job of cleaning the under things of Hudson’s fuck buddies. But the fact he’d made it happen was kind of cute.

“So what the fuck, Laynie?” Liesl said, and I quickly closed the bag.

“It’s nothing. I left something when I was at his office earlier.” Internally I smacked myself. Next she’d question why I’d been in Hudson’s office.

But that wasn’t what she asked. “You left your panties at Hudson’s office? Yeah, I looked. What did you expect from me?”

I rubbed a hand over my face. Liesl would find out soon enough. She’d find out the fake story, anyway. This was the perfect opportunity to tell her I was dating the man.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to share him yet. I wanted to live with the genuine a little longer before I started playing the pretend. “Liesl, I promise I’ll tell you. Just not tonight.”

She breathed out an exaggerated puff of air. “Fine, whatever. But you better have juicy details when you’re ready to spill.”

“Deal,” I said. I took the bag and its contents to the bathroom to put them on.

After I did, I caught myself smiling in the mirror. Maybe I’d been wrong about Hudson. He obviously wasn’t the pompous asshole I thought he was. In fact, he was turning out to be a pretty decent guy.

Damn it.

Chapter Eight

I woke up the next day with Hudson on the brain. Again. I’d never scheduled sex and knowing it was on the day’s agenda made my belly tight and my pussy throb. But with the constant replay in my head of words he’d said, moves he’d made—my panic flag began to rise. I wondered as I had many times in my life if I was doomed to live either obsessing about my relationships or obsessing whether or not I was obsessing over them.

With three hours before I was set to meet Hudson at the loft, I had to address my anxiety. Otherwise I’d be too wound up by the time I saw him and I doubted even his magic charm could unwind me.

I decided to take a jog and quickly regretted it. Midday runs were brutal in the summer, especially when I’d become used to running in the cool of the morning. Halfway through my planned course, I gave up and slowed to a walk. None of it helped ease my mind—the heat, the exercise—I still couldn’t stop wondering about Hudson, what he was doing and what he would do to me when I saw him.

By coincidence or subconscious effort, I found myself wandering over to the Unity Church where my old Addicts Anonymous group met. I’d discovered it at the height of my obsessive disorder—a place where atypical addicts got together to discuss everything from video gaming addictions to obsessive shopping. I’d moved away from attending on a regular basis since I hadn’t had any attacks in several years, but maybe checking in now wouldn’t be a bad idea.

I went inside and down to the basement meeting rooms, finding a session led by my favorite facilitator ending. I hung in the back until they’d finished, then made my way toward Lauren.

“Well, there’s a sight I haven’t seen in a while,” Lauren said, throwing her arms around me in a friendly hug, her hair hitting me in dozens of long braids. “Should I be concerned to see you?”

“I don’t know yet. Do you have any time to talk?”

“A bit. Wanna grab a cup of coffee at the corner café?”

“Yeah.”

As we walked, I caught Lauren up on my graduation and the prospects of promotion at the club, as well as the blow Brian had dealt me with his retraction of financial support. Lauren had counseled me through many of my family issues and knew probably better than anyone about the intricacies of the relationship with my brother.

“Will you be okay without the help from Brian?” Lauren asked when we were seated outside, each with an iced coffee. Her subtext said she was talking about more than the money. Stressful situations led to relapses in mental health disorders, and she wanted to know if I was stable enough to hold up.

“Maybe,” I said with a sigh. “I think so. Brian hasn’t been much help with any of my crap except financially. And I’ve gotten the money worked out.”

“You have? That’s great. I’m sensing a ‘but,’ though.”

“But there’s a guy.”

“Mm hmm.” She sat back, her arms crossed over her chest. “Go on.”

I paused, not really sure how to explain my relationship with Hudson, wanting to give details and knowing I couldn’t. I tried to pinpoint exactly what concerned me and express it as simply as possible. “We work together. And I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“Is it David?”

Thinking about David now seemed odd. I’d mentioned David before in the group, when we’d started our occasional make-out sessions. Now he felt distant and in the past though he’d only put a hold on us two days before. “It’s someone else.”

Lauren cocked her head. “What sort of thoughts are you having about him?”

“Fantasies.” I lowered my face to hide my blush. “Sexual fantasies.”

“What else?”

“That’s it.”

Lauren shook her head. “You’re not going to get me to say you’re having problems because you’re thinking kinky about a hot guy.”

“But it’s all the time. I mean, I wake up thinking about him, I go to sleep thinking about him, I’m tending bar and I’m thinking about him.”

“But no stalking or calling him at work or emailing him incessantly?”

“No.”

“Only sexual thoughts?”

“No, I replay things he’s said to me in my head. I wonder what he’s doing and thinking.”

“Have you considered you might just like him?”

I took a swallow of my coffee. Up until the night before I had spent a lot of time considering that I didn’t like Hudson. Except sexually. I always knew my female parts were drawn to him. But other than that, no, I hadn’t considered it. I couldn’t.

“Lauren, I can’t like him,” I groaned. “We…there’s no chance with him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. We’ve discussed it.”

She looked at me curiously. I searched for something more I could give her. “He doesn’t do romance,” I conceded.

“Lots of women get the hots for men that are unattainable. It’s natural. It doesn’t mean you’re falling backwards. Stay realistic about the situation. If you feel he’s consuming your thoughts to the point that it’s affecting your daily routine, then you need to seek some help.”

“So would sleeping with him be a bad idea?” If she said yes, I didn’t know what I’d do. I didn’t think I could cancel on Hudson. I wanted him too badly.

“Have you?”

“Not yet.”

Lauren looked at me sternly. “But you’re planning on it, right? Now, girl, sex with no intention of a relationship opens up a whole other host of problems that have nothing to do with addiction but certainly can add to it.”

“Is it impossible to have meaningless sex?”

“I’m sure it’s possible, I just don’t know very many people who get away with it. And I don’t mean to imply that you’re not strong enough to deal with it, but, honey, are you?”

“It might get rid of the fantasies.”

“Maybe. It also might make you latch on.”

“Not to sound like a slut, Lauren, but I’ve had quite a few one-night flings in the last few years with no attachment issues.”

“Then maybe you’ll be fine. But your one-night things work because you don’t see the guy every day after. You’ll still see this guy after, right?”

My one-night flings worked because those guys were fuck and forget guys. Hudson, not-so-much. And I would be seeing him after. ”Occasionally.” Probably more than that. Truthfully, I didn’t have any idea how much our little scam would require me to see Hudson. The charade was set to start Sunday, though, and he’d been intent on keeping the sex separate so I imagined that we’d be having a one day affair and then would move on.

Lauren studied me carefully. After a few minutes she shrugged. “I can’t tell you what to do, Laynie. And I can’t tell you that sleeping with this guy or not sleeping with this guy will make any difference in whether you do or don’t fall into obsessive patterns. What I can do is be there for you and suggest that you come back to group for a while for some extra support.”

Extra support was a good idea. Before we parted, I agreed to come to a weekly meeting. Then I hurried home to prepare for my evening because I had not agreed to cancel my sex date with Hudson.

***

Again I agonized about my wardrobe choice for my night with Hudson, finally settling on a black sequined cowl neck shirt and sequined striped shorts. Jordan dropped me off in front of the Pierce Industries building a few minutes before five. By the time I’d entered the elevator code and ridden up to the penthouse, I was shaking in my strappy three-inch heeled sandals.

It took at least one full minute before I could bring myself to knock on the loft door. Hudson opened it immediately, as if he waited just on the other side, but he had his cell phone to his ear. “Roger, I don’t want to hear that we lost this company because my staff wasn’t able to foresee the possibility of separation.” He held the receiver away from his mouth. “Come in,” he whispered to me. Then he returned to his call as he shut the door behind me.

I couldn’t decide if his preoccupation with work made me more or less nervous, but I took the opportunity to check him out. He wore tailored black suit pants and a light gray dress shirt with several buttons open at the top, his tie hanging undone around his neck. I fixed on his exposed chest, picturing myself licking the patch of bare skin that I was seeing for the first time. God, if I was this enthralled by a few square inches, what would I do when he was naked?

He returned my stare, his eyes intense and dilated with want. The heat I always felt in his presence turned on full force and the moments he stood there on the phone felt like agonizing hours.

“Take care of it, Roger. I expect this to be resolved before I arrive on Monday.” He ended the phone call without saying goodbye, tossing his Blackberry onto the table beside the front door, his gaze never leaving mine.

“Hi,” I whispered, unable to handle the acute silence.

His lip curled slowly into a sexy grin.

That was all it took. One smile and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I’d imagined the first move would be his, but it was me who moved to him, my mouth crashing against his.

His surprise lasted only a millisecond before he responded in kind. His previous kisses had been deep and passionate, but this one held no restraint as he plunged his tongue into the recesses of my mouth with desperate hunger. I met his eagerness with equal fervor, licking into his mouth, swooping my tongue across his teeth.

Without breaking our kiss, Hudson’s hands moved under my shirt to palm my breasts through my bra. I gasped at the wonderful tingles that shot through my body under his gentle squeezing. My own hands fumbled with his shirt buttons, images of me ripping the damn thing off filling my mind.

Just as I’d completely opened his shirt, he pulled away, panting. “Jesus, Alayna. I want you so bad, I’m not behaving.”

“Hudson,” I said, closing the distance he’d created. “If this is misbehaving, please don’t stop.” I slid his shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, then put my tongue on his chest and licked under his collarbone toward his nipple.

He groaned. “At least let me take you to a bed. If you keep this up, I’m going to fuck you against the door.”

“That doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world,” I murmured, but I let him lead me toward the partitioned bedroom.

“No, it doesn’t.” He stopped a few feet from the bed and pulled me into his arms. He nuzzled my neck as he said, “But I won’t be able to savor you properly and I’ll forever regret it.”

He tugged the bottom of my shirt up and over my head then reached behind to undo the clasp of my lacey black demi-cup bra. When it fell off, releasing my tits from their C cup prison, I wanted nothing but to press my skin against his naked chest.

But Hudson wanted to gaze, mesmerized. “I imagined you’d have beautiful breasts, Alayna. But I had no idea…” He broke off, his voice choked. He pushed me back until my legs met his bed and I had to sit. Kneeling in front of me, Hudson flicked one breast with his tongue, cupping it toward his mouth with his hand, his other hand wrapped around my back.

With a growl, his mouth covered my nipple and sucked and tugged with pleasing pressure. I cried out at the jolt that accompanied his ardor, my cunt tightening. I clutched his hair as he feasted thoroughly, leaving me gasping and near orgasm before he turned the same attention to my other breast.

When he’d finished, he kissed his way down my stomach. “You’re so responsive. I could spend all day sucking your gorgeous tits.” He pushed me back on to the bed. “But there’s so much of you to adore.”

He gripped his fingers in the waistbands of my shorts and panties and pulled down. I arched my hips to help him. “My shoes,” I said when my bottoms reached my ankles.

“I love them.” He maneuvered my clothing over my high-heels. “I want them digging into my back when you wrap your legs around me.”

I quivered at his sensual instruction. Not a particular lover, I enjoyed the way he told me how things would be, trusting that his way would bring us both pleasure.

“Lean on your elbows.” I did and he bent one leg up then the other, anchoring my heels on the edge of the bed, my thighs open. He sighed as he slid his hands up the inside of my legs. “You’re so fucking sexy like this. All spread out for me.” My sex clenched and he smiled, running his fingers down my slit. “You want me. Look how your pretty pussy throbs.”

No one had ever talked to me like that—so raw and crude. It was incredibly hot and savage and combined with the repeated tease of his fingers brushing across my pulsing bud, it wouldn’t take much to bring me to convulsions. As soon as his tongue replaced his fingers, grazing me with velvet licks, I unraveled, throwing my head back to let out a ragged cry.

“Again,” he demanded gruffly, plunging three fingers deep inside me. My hands curled into the bedspread, not sure I could take another, wanting even more than his fingers. He stroked me, rubbing the inside of my walls as he returned his mouth to suck on my clit. When I’d reached the brink of climax again, shuddering under the building tension, he stretched his other hand up to my breast and tugged at my nipple with his fingers. I came violently, thrashing against the bed, my sex rippling around his digits.

As I lay shaking, I was vaguely aware of Hudson removing his clothing. I heard the drawer of the nightstand open and close and the rip of a condom foil. He shifted me backward on the bed, giving himself space to crawl over me. Then he settled between my legs, his hot staff pressing at my quivering entrance.

“You’re ready for me,” he said, leaning his weight on his forearms. He aligned his erection with my opening and entered me partway. “Jesus, Alayna,” he hissed. “You feel so goddamn good.”

I gasped as he invaded me. He was so big. Not sure if he would fit, I tensed, knowing that I had to relax if I had any hope of accommodating him. He adjusted my leg and that’s what I needed. I opened to him and he sunk deeper, nestling in my tight channel.

I couldn’t remember ever having felt so completely filled, not only because of his girth, but because of the way his eyes pierced mine as he stretched and moved within me. He circled his hips nudging his tip forward. “So good.”

He pulled out slowly, almost the entire length of his cock, and I bemoaned the emptiness left behind. Then he flexed his hips and rammed inside me with a fierce stroke.