The Flowers in the Attic Series: The Dollangangers: Flowers in the Attic, Petals on the Wind, If There Be Thorns, Seeds of Yesterday, and a New Excerpt! (156 page)

Was I crazy too—like him? Was I a killer at heart—like him? Didn’t know nothing about myself. Was foggy-minded, hazy seeing, but I did manage to move my heavy legs and somehow I climbed up all those old stairs.

H
e was the only father I could remember well, and I loved him even more in that relationship. He held out his hand and told me what we had to do, and I followed, as I would have followed blindly anywhere he led. For out of every terrible situation something good had to come, and I knew now how much he meant to me.

With Dad leading the way, we went once more to the house next door. We hadn’t seen Bart all afternoon. How stupid of me to let him outsmart me, and sneak away when I had my head turned, watching some cute thing Cindy did as she tried to dance like me.

Mom had been missing a full twenty-four hours.

That old butler let us in, standing back to scowl at us.

“My mother has not flown to Hawaii,” stated Dad, his blue eyes hard and cold.

“So? She is not an organized woman. She may have gone on to visit friends for the holidays. She has no friends here.”

“You smoke expensive cigarettes,” said my father dryly. “I remember that night when I was seventeen lying behind
the sofa while you and Livvie the maid were there . . . and you smoked the same cigarettes—French?”

“Right,” said John Amos Jackson with a sneering grin. “Old Malcolm Neal Foxworth’s tastes gave me the habit . . .”

“You pattern yourself after my grandfather, don’t you?”

“Do I?”

“Yes, I believe you do. When I checked this house the last time, I opened a closet full of expensive men’s clothes—yours?”

“I am married to Corrine Foxworth. She is my wife.”

“How did you blackmail her to marry you?”

Again the old man smiled. “Some women have to have a man in the house or they don’t feel safe. She married me for a companion. As you can see, she treats me like a servant still.”

“I think not,” said my father with his narrowed eyes sweeping over the butler who was wearing a new suit. “I think you were thinking of your future when, or if, my mother should die.”

“How interesting,” replied John Amos Jackson, grinding out his stub of quickly smoked cigarette. “I’ve made my departure plans. I’m flying back to Virginia where I expect my wife will join me when she becomes tiresome to her hosts. Her daughter ruined her socially in Virginia years ago, which you must know, but still she will go there.”

“Why?”

John Amos Jackson grinned widely. “She is having Fox-worth Hall reconstructed, Dr. Sheffield. From out of the ashes, Foxworth Hall shall rise again—like the fabled Phoenix!”

Dad faltered, still staring at the cigarette. “Foxworth Hall,” he said in a haunted voice, “how far along is it?”

“Almost finished,” answered John Amos Jackson smugly. “Soon I shall reign as king where Malcolm ruled, and his arrogant beautiful daughter will reign at my side.” He laughed crazily, seeming to enjoy my father’s discomfort. “She’ll have her facial scars reconstructed, her face lifted again. She’ll
color her hair and make it blonde again, and she’ll sit at the foot of my dining table. Behind me will stand one of my own cousins, where I used to stand. It will all be as it was before, except this time I shall be the lord and master.”

Wheels were churning in Dad’s head. “You will never rule anywhere but in prison,” he said before he turned and left.

“Dad,” I said when we were home, “did you believe what that butler told us?”

“I don’t know yet. I do know he’s more clever than I thought. When I was a boy in Foxworth Hall looking down on his bald head, I never suspected he had any power. He seemed just another servant. However, I can see now he laid his plan a long time ago and is now fulfilling his schedule for revenge.”

“For revenge?”

“Jory, can’t you see that man is insane? You have told me that Bart imitates a man he calls Malcolm who has been dead for years. But the man Bart is really imitating is John Amos Jackson, who is himself imitating my grandfather. Malcolm Foxworth, dead and gone, but still influencing our lives.”

“How do you know? Did you ever see your grandfather?”

“I saw him one time only, Jory,” he said in a sad reflective way. “I was fourteen, your age. Your mother and I hid in a huge chest on the second floor and looked down in the ballroom, and Malcolm Foxworth was in a wheelchair. He was a far distance away, and I never heard his voice. But our mother used to come to us with descriptions of how he talked about sin and hell, quoting from the Bible, talking about Hell and Judgment Day.”

Night came. We turned on all the lights hoping that would light Mom home and Bart too. Emma and Madame put Cindy to bed early. Emma went from Cindy’s room back into the kitchen, but Madame came into the family room and slouched in a chair across from Dad. Just about that time Bart came in the door and crouched down in a corner. “Where have you been so long?” asked Dad, sitting up straighter and fixing
Bart with a strange long look. Madame M. riveted her dark ebony eyes on Bart too. Bart ignored them, and continued to make shadow pictures on the wall by holding his hands in contorted positions.

The TV set behind me was turned on though no one was watching. A choir of boys were singing Christmas carols. I felt exhausted from trying to follow Bart around all day. Exhausted more from worrying about Mom, to say nothing about what would happen to all of us . . .

I decided I had to escape by going to bed, and rose to say good night, but Madame put her finger before her lips and gestured to Dad so he too would pay attention to what Bart was muttering to himself as he made the eerie picture of an old man talking to a child.

“Bad things happen to those who defy the laws of God.” he crooned in a hypnotizing way. “Bad people who don’t go to church on Sundays, who don’t take their children, who commit incestuous acts, will all go to hell and burn over the everlasting fires as demons torment their eternal souls. Bad people can be redeemed only by fire, saved from hell and the Devil and his pitchfork only by fire, fire.”

Weird, really weird.

Dad could control his impatience and rage no longer.

“Bart! Who told you all that hocus-pocus?”

My brother jerked upright, his dark brown eyes went blank. “Speak when spoken to, said the wise man to the innocent child. The child says in return, unholy people who commit sins will come to a fiery end.”

“Who told you that?”

“Old man from his grave. Old man like me better than Jory, who does sinful dancing. Old man hates dancers. Old man says only I am fit to rule in his place.”

Dad was listening intently. I was remembering what Bart’s shrink had advised. “Play along with the boy; pretend to believe everything he says, no matter how ridiculous.
Remember he’s only ten and at that age a child can believe in almost anything, so let him express himself in the only safe way he’s found so far. When the ‘old man’ speaks, you are hearing your son speaking of what bothers him most.”

“Bart,” said Dad, “listen to me carefully. If your mother didn’t know how to swim, and she was drowning, and I was there but looking the other way—would you tell me so I could jump in and save her?”

Any son should have said yes immediately, but Bart considered this heavily, frowning, weighing his answer when it should have come spontaneously.

Finally he answered. “You wouldn’t have to do anything to save Momma from drowning, Daddy, if Momma was pure and without sin. God would save her.”

N
obody understood me and what I was trying to do. Wasn’t no good trying to explain. Had to do it all on my own. I slipped away from Daddy, from Jory, from all those people who saw me as bad and unnecessary in their lives. I had come, and I could go, and it would make no difference to anyone. They didn’t know I was trying to help right all the wrongs they’d done before I was even born, and all those done after I was born.

Sin. The world was full of sin and sinners.

Wasn’t my fault if Momma had to be punished. Though it did worry me some why God didn’t want Daddy included in the punishment.

John Amos had told me that men were meant for better things. Heroic things like going off to war and doing brave deeds. No matter if legs and arms were shot off—was a far-far better way to suffer than what God had in mind for women.

Got to thinking hard on the subject. What if the pearly gates of heaven didn’t open to receive my momma’s purified soul? “Go forth and sin no more” I’d say if I were God. I
stamped my golden staff on heaven’s golden floor and struck a huge boulder far below so it split wide open and I could write on it my twenty commandments. (Ten weren’t enough.) Wonder how I could split open the Pacific and let all the righteous escape the heathens that were on their heels?

Gee, thinking like this made me feel bad in my head, in my legs, and it made my hands and feet cold.
Momma, why did you have to be bad? Why did you have to go and live with your brother and put the burden of your death on me?

Jory was outside my door. Spying on me. Knew it was him. Was always him sneaking around, trying to find out what I was up to. I’d ignore him and concentrate on my momma’s last hours. She and Grandmother oughta have good food for their last meal. Every prisoner had her favorite meal before the end. Had to do right by my momma and grandmother. What did they like to eat most? I like sandwiches best, so maybe they did too. Sandwiches, pie and ice cream should be just fine. Just as soon as everyone was in bed, I’d slip their last meal over to them.

Black night came. All the lights were turned off. Soon everything was very, very quiet. What was that? Was it snoring I heard across the hall, in the guest room next to Jory’s room? Old Madame Marisha snored. Disgusting.

I slapped turkey between slabs of Emma’s homemade cheese bread. With two slices of cherry pie and a quart of ice cream in my sack, I made my way to the white whale of a house, moving as quiet as a mouse.

Down, down, down all the steep stairs into the cellar where rats, mice, and spiders roamed, and two women were moaning and groaning and calling for me. Made me feel important. I lifted the kitty door that was under the wine shelves and shoved in the sack with all the goodies.

The light from the candle stub I’d given them was very dim, flickering, showing forms that didn’t seem solid at all. My grandmother was trying to calm my mother who raged on
and on: “Take your hands off of me, Mrs. Winslow. For a while I felt like a child again, and I was glad you were with me in the dark, but now I remember. How much are you paying that butler to do this to me? Why are
you
here?”

“Cathy, Cathy, John hit me over the head, just like he did you. He hates me, too. Didn’t you hear all I explained?”

“Yes, I heard. It was like a bad dream, all the same things Chris used to say to me, trying to explain why you acted as you did. Even though he pretends to hate you, underneath it all, I’ve always known he still loved you, despite all you did. He kept a little of his faith in you . . . but he’s stupid in his loyalty to women. First you, now me.”

I was glad I knew so many big words, so some day I could write in my own journal and tell everyone how I saved my momma from hellfires.

I could see straw in Momma’s hair which wasn’t so pretty now. Same old straw that once was in the barn where Apple stayed. They hadn’t even thanked me for making their prison softer and warmer with that hay—had shoved it all in while they were both sleeping.

“Cathy, don’t you really love your brother? Have you just used him?”

My momma seemed almost crazy as she struck out at my grandmother. “Yes, I love him! You made me love him. It was your fault and now we have to live ashamed and guilty. Afraid any day our children will find out. And now they have, because of you!”

“Because of John,” whispered Grandmother. “I only came here to help, to be near you, to share, just a little in your lives. But stop feeling guilty, make it my shame and my guilt. I accept it as mine, all mine. You are right. You have always been right in your judgment of me, Cathy. I’m weak, foolish, and manage always to make the wrong decisions. I think they’re right when I make them, but never do they prove anything but wrong.”