The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (22 page)

Keeping residence in my mother’s room, I felt like an intruder. Meketaten had not added anything when she had moved in. Every decoration here had been picked out by my mother. There were many colors here. Mother had loved colorful decorations and furniture. Though blue looked best on her, her favorite color was red. Many wall paintings were in this color.

Mother’s attendants also became mine. They would shower and dress me every morning. There were so many choices of wigs and jewelry. I did not want my mother’s wigs, and I asked for new ones to be made. Maybe the servants thought I was being spoiled, but it did not feel right to take them. I was not replacing Mother, I was just the last option. I was nothing more than a tool used to create a new son like a chisel used by the stone cutters. I was a means to an end, nothing more.

I had hoped that I would become a priestess after my bloods came, not a Great Wife. I no longer had my freedom. I accompanied Father everywhere as we worshipped. We made appearances and presented gifts to faithful servants of Pharaoh.

I spent my first days in dreary melancholy. I noticed that the royal officials looked at me strangely. They saw my youth and were irritated by my presence. I had never felt so worthless before. I was often ignored around my father’s entourage. I requested to accompany Father to his meetings and appointments so I could learn. Maybe people would get used to my presence then. At least, that was my hope. In no mood to argue, possibly even in no mood at all, he allowed me to follow him and observe.

When I sat with him in the audience chamber, I was never acknowledged. Some queens would hold a court of their own to give their husband some personal time for hunting. I was not even asked my opinion on the most trivial of matters like distribution of foodstuffs or greeting visiting viziers from other provinces.

I listened to counsels my father held and found out that the loyalties of our vassal states were wavering. Vassal states were countries under Kemet’s control and who could be counted on for trade and as military allies. Kemet’s reach was broad but was crumbling quickly. Father had detained a vassal named Aziru from Amurru, who had killed the vassal of Byblos. Now my father was being advised to release him as the Hittites were advancing southward and threatening a number of our vassal states, including that of Amurru who no longer had a leader and were now easy prey. Our borders were closing in on us. Yet Father refused to send troops. I could not make sense of why, and he refused to explain himself to his generals and advisors.

My heart calmed considerably when Tia returned a few days after I had sent her. She relayed that Amyntas and his father lived. This helped to pull me out of my depressed state.

So I continued to learn as my mother had. I would learn as much as I could about how delicate matters were dealt with and how everything functioned together. It wasn’t so much about the individual pieces as it was the connection between them.

Yet all that I had learned did not solve one problem. I had a nagging feeling about Father not sending troops to aid or allies. I decided to do what no one else had done yet: ask him.

*****

He was walking back to his room. His steps were often heavy. When he came to his door, I burst out of mine and asked if I could have a word with him in private. He followed me into my living room and shut the door.

“Father,” I began.

“I am Pharaoh to you now,” He cut in.

“I’m sorry.” I spoke gently because I was not sure what response my question would get. “Pharaoh, I want to know all about our lands and how they are prospering. I thank you for letting me in during your counsels. But I am confused by one thing.”

“It’s about sending troops across the sands to Canaan? I cannot speak of it,” he said wearily, rubbing his fingers back and forth across his brows.

“Why not?”

“It is something that a pharaoh cannot share with others.”

“But the generals need to know your reasoning. It would be devastating if their loyalties changed.”

“You think I have not considered that possibility? It’s trust that the people should feed on, not explanations. Aten will take care of them if they are faithful.” He was losing his temper, but I often did not know when to stop.

“Our vassals do not see your wisdom daily. Their faith may waver. And we should be there to remind them of Aten’s might. We should help them see. We must send them help.”

Pharaoh started pacing the floor. He was at odds about something. It was as if he wanted to speak but did not allow himself to do so.

“Please, I am just trying to understand so I can be a great ruler like you.”

His arm quickly went up. He struck my face, and I fell backward onto the floor. My cheek stung from where his hand had connected.

“It is just like Queen Mother predicted. Who do you think you are? You are not a ruler.” His eyes lit up with fire. His nostrils flared out as he breathed. He did not blink as he awaited my response.

“I only meant to help you in your affairs. I can help lessen your burden. That is all, Father.”

He leaned down and grabbed me by my shoulders. Then he jerked me up, my feet dangling in the air, as he looked into my eyes. “I am Pharaoh. Not Father!”

Though his arms were not well muscled, he had enough strength to carry me into the bed chamber. There, he threw me across the room and onto my bed. My head hit the wall, and I bit my lip. Everything was blurry for a moment. My eyelids were heavy. When things looked clear again, I saw Pharaoh on top of me. His shendyt was lying on the floor. His eyes… they were burning as he walked over to me.

“I will not be responsible for my brother’s death. I don’t care what his god rained down on us. Djhutmose and his followers are out there somewhere, and I will not risk him getting killed. You are too young, but my generation remembers. General Horemheb remembers. Many of my troops remember. The land was in great suffering, but he is still my brother.”

As scared as I was, I still asked, “Is he who the people call Moshe?”

“Yes. His god defeated all of ours. That is why I worship only one. Our people must remember that one god is greater than many. But they refuse to leave behind the comfort they have known before. I remind them here. But I will not send troops out there. They may be protected by their god, but I will not risk causing him harm. I do not have his faith.”

“I am sorry… Pharaoh.” My lip trembled. I would not cry. I would not show my fear.

The anger had not completely left his eyes, “Do you understand now? Was it worth it to find out?”

But he did not give me a chance to answr.

*****

It had never hurt to walk before. The following day, I learned it could. When I awoke, my sheets had blood on them, and Pharaoh was gone.

I refused to remember last night.

As I got up, a sharp pain ran through my belly and coursed down my legs. I had to lie down again. Tia rushed in. She must have been waiting outside for me to wake up. She helped me lay back down comfortably on the bed, away from the blood stain, and bade me to stay still. She left the room again. When she came back, she put a pouch of hot water on my belly. It felt so much better.

Tia gently removed the sheets from the bed, carefully pulling them out from under me, and washed the mattress off. I tried to go back to sleep, but I was afraid to close my eyes and see it all again. The memory of it seemed burned on my inner eyelids.

When she was done, Tia picked me up and took me to the bath house. She had hot water kept fresh by the slaves. She walked down into the bath and sat me down. I stayed motionless, weightless. Tia gently washed my face and hair. She was careful of the bruise on my cheek. She cleaned my arms, hands, nails, and body. For my part, I did not yet have the courage to move. I did not want to start having to live with these memories. I wanted to pretend it was all a dream. My ka was playing a cruel trick on me. I let them pour water over my head when the water got too cold. I let them brush my hair. I loved the feeling of them braiding what little hair I had. It felt like fingers made from delicate winds tickling my head.

Once clean, Tia picked me up again and brought me back to my room. Her garment and legs were dripping water from carrying me out of the bath, but I did not care. She tried to lay me on the bed, the linens freshly changed, but I told her I wanted to lie on my couch. I wanted to look outside and feel the air on my face. She nodded in response. No other words were needed. She took me to the couch set closest to the windows.

I could see my sisters down below splashing water at each other. Setepenre was clearly getting the worse of it. She didn’t seem to mind, though. It went in her ears and up her nose, and she continued to laugh. A woman was chasing them with a towel, but Neferneferure seemed a master splasher. The woman chasing them got a mass of water slapped on her chest. From the water weight, her hood fell back, and there was my mother’s face. She was here, in the palace playing with my sisters!

I smiled at the thought. She must have a connection inside the palace to be able to sneak in and out. Though I longed for her to come and see me, I was next to Pharaoh’s room, and that would be dangerous for her. I was happy my sisters got to spend time with her. I wondered if they even knew it was their mother. She might not have told them for fear of them telling others. Of course, Pharaoh rarely visited them. Who else would they tell? And the servants all loved her.

I let myself cry. I thought of swimming in the Nile with Meket. I thought of the games we played. Her laughter filled my heart. It sounded a lot like Neferneferure’s emanating from below me.

For a second, the world seemed to be moving in harmony. As two little girls played, I closed my eyes and found dreamless rest. Their laughter was my lullaby.

*****

I felt hair being gently pushed away from my forehead. The hands were hard, but the touch was soft. My eyes fluttered opened. What I saw stopped my heart. Looking down at me was Amyntas. I reach up and touched his cheek, making sure he was real. I felt fresh tears coursing down my cheeks. He wiped them away with his gentle touch.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered.

“There have been rumors that Pharaoh almost killed you. I had to see you with my own eyes,” he answered.

“How did you…?” I stammered.

“I found Tia at the market and made her bring me to you. We entered through the servants’ entry.”

“You could have been caught and arrested. Tia could have told you how I was. Why would you do such a thing? ”

He ran his fingers through my hair for a moment. “Because I realized that I did not want to continue living in a world where you were not,” he answered softly.

My next words caught in my throat. I felt something inside me come alive. It was something that I had buried, fearing it would be broken. Instead, the feeling jumped through my body. I felt as light as the wind that fluttered my curtains.

I tried to sit up, but my abdomen reminded me of what had caused the rumors. I winced and lay back. He brought his hand to my cheek and traced the bruise on it. His eyes darkened.

“How could he do this to you? Even with wild animals, fathers protect their young.”

“Amyntas… you should go. If you are seen with me --”

“How can I leave you here? He will do this again.” He cut in. “Let me protect you. Come with me. I promise I will never let anyone hurt you.”

I wanted to smile, but instead I started crying. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. I could smell charcoal.

“Let me take you away from this,” he whispered.

I could feel his breath on my neck when he spoke. I pulled my head back. The tips of our noses brushed each other’s. I looked into his eyes and then plunged forward.

Our lips connected, and I felt something consume me. I could not stop. I wanted more of him. I pulled myself closer, pressed my lips against his, moved faster. We melted together. His caress made me come alive. My entire skin erupted in bumps that made me quiver with elation.

There was a knock at my door, and we parted sharply as if we had been yanked apart. I knew there was fear in my eyes, but his eyes were calm. As the door opened, we both looked.

Tia entered. She had a basket of fruit with her.

“I’m so sorry,” she said quickly. She set the fruit down on a side table and stepped back out into the hallway.

I knew he had to go. I shook my head. This was not right. We were meant to be together. I knew this know without a doubt. He was the truth to my life.

But I knew he could not stay. I would not let him risk his life for me.

My lip trembled as I spoke. “You must go now. Be safe. Please.”

“I don’t think I’m strong enough to let you go.”

My heart spoke my next words, words that could no longer be held inside of me. “I need you to live. I love you.”

He leaned down and kissed me again. This time it was delicate and soft. I felt my heart skipping. When we stopped, I felt as if a piece of me was missing.

“I love
you
. Come with me.”

“You will be killed. I will not be the cause of your death. I would never forgive myself. Please be safe.”

He rested his forehead against mine. “I will see you again. I promise you.”

“Yes, you will.” I returned and locked my fingers around his neck.

Tia entered again, this time without knocking.

“Pharaoh’s council will be dismissing soon. We should get you out of here,” she said to Amyntas.

My love, my Amyntas. I had to let him go. But I could not let loose my fingers wrapped around him. My body would not release its hold.

He smiled down at me. His beautiful green eyes were soft, and I let him remove my hands from his neck. But before setting them down, he kissed the back of each one as he held my gaze.

“This is not goodbye,” he said.

I shook my head no. I could not speak.

“I am afraid for you. I will pray every night for your safety.” He continued as he brushed a hair falling down my cheek back behind my ear. Then he cupped my cheeks in his palms. “I know that one day, we will be together. I can feel it in my heart.”