The Forgotten: Aten's Last Queen (56 page)

In an empty corner, pillows thrown clumsily around, we sat and held each other for a short while; nothing more. His company gave me strength. Sitting in his arms, we watched the sunset through a window. My body longed for more, but anything more… I knew I could not face Tutankhamun again if I gave myself to someone else. I did not have the heart to betray him in body. My feelings were another matter entirely, though. My love for Amyntas could not be poured into a bottle and hidden away somewhere to be eventually forgotten or dried up. It needed its freedom. It was not a thing, it was who I was.

“There is one thing I must ask of you.” I said as the sinking sun boat began to paint the horizon pink. I knew I would have to return to my room soon as Ay had them checked every evening.

Amyntas rested his head on my shoulder and looked over at me in response. I continued, “It’s about Tawaret. I am concerned about her future.”

“I would think you would be comforted by her future right now. Daughter to a highly-respected commander and Horemheb’s best man? She has a good place in society. Anything is within her reach.”

“Yes, but what I speak of, it’s about her, her
womanly
future.”

“Marriage.”

“Yes.” I breathed easier knowing he had so quickly picked up on my questions. I hoped the conversation would continue this smoothly. “My… womanhood… well, it came rather early. So I’m concerned that hers will arrive when I’m gone. And I wanted to ask what plans there were set in place for her future?”

Amyntas sighed and leaned back on a pillow away from me. I could feel my heart tighten up at his withdraw. I quickly shivered as my skin missed his body close against mine.

“I am afraid that is no longer up to me. You would have to speak with Mara.”

I flinched. “You cannot speak that name!”

“Oh, we are alone, and I have only known her as Mara. Relax.” He sat up again and began to knead his hands into my back, soothing away the stress I was quickly building up by the subjects in discussion.

“I’m sorry. Ay has me watched. He found your home and has driven you and your father into hiding. He kept correspondence secret from me sent from…” I stopped before I allowed myself to say
husband
aloud. “… from Pharaoh.”

Then I blushed at the heavy guilt I suddenly felt weighed down by. I was also mad at myself and the position I was in. I had been so happy moments ago because this was the love that I chose. Though I knew in my heart that all of this was doubly unfair for Tutankhamun.

I continued, focusing on the concerns of the moment, “I’m concerned for Tawaret.”

“And that is where you must let faith step in. I know that Adonai is protecting us. He sent Tia to save us from the soldiers sent to arrest Father and me. He has kept your daughter hidden from Ay. He has given us this moment now. He is watching out for you, An, you just have to remember it is so.”

I closed my eyes and allowed his touch to be the only thing that occupied my body. I threw out the thoughts that bound me up tight. I breathed in and out, slowly. Was Adonai still there, watching me, even though I bowed down to other gods?

“What is it?” Amyntas whispered.

“Sometimes I think of the name Aten, and I feel innocent again like when we lived in Akhenaten. But every day I worship so many other gods. Why would Adonai take the time to take care of me? I have never asked for it. Surely I do not deserve it.”

His hands stopped and withdrew. I feared I had said something wrong again. Was Amyntas angry with me? I adjusted my leg position and turned around to face him right as he was leaning toward me.

He kissed me softy, sweetly. His lips gently caressed mine. When he pulled away, he looked deep into my eyes.

“I ask Him. I pray for you. Each morning and night, I pray.”

For a second, I was stunned. Hundreds of people prayed to hundreds of gods for me, some Egyptian gods, some Canaanite gods, and so many others, every day. But hardly any of them prayed for me like this…. prayed and meant it within their heart. I collapsed onto his chest, wrapped my arms around him, and let his body heat warm me. I said nothing for a while as this mounting joy filled the inside of me. I knew he loved me. He even used his prayers for
me
.

Just then, there were two strikes on the door. I did not jump at the noise though. I knew it was coming. Tia was signaling that it was time to leave. I was called upon to be queen again.

I sat up and looked at him. His face was so carefree. I wished for peace in my heart as he had found in his, but I still wrestled with all that was pulling at me. He did not have to pray and put down offerings to multiple gods. He did not have to listen to the cries of the citizens. He did not have to order someone’s death. It was only in these moments, with him near, when I felt close to something serene, and my heart was quiet.

“Is it really enough, one man praying for one woman?” I asked.

“Well, it’s gotten us this far. Now here we are again, together. It’s enough for me,” he said before he kissed me again lightly.

I pulled away this time and stood up. “You are better than I deserve.”

“Sometimes the things you say make no sense,” he replied with a smile. He stood next to me. The days were still extremely hot, so he wore no shirt to cover his muscled chest and arms. I could have stayed and just gazed at his statuesque form. He was such an honest person, so peaceful to be with, and so beautiful. His hair was lightly beaded with sweat, making the ends curl up around his face and neck. His eyes were ever the palest shade of green and intense.

“Thank you for being patient with me. For loving me. For being there when I needed someone. I will miss you dearly,” I breathed.

I started to turn for the door, but I just could not take a step toward it. Instead, I swept myself back into his arms, and held him close just a few heartbeats longer. Our bodies melted together and felt like two pieces to a puzzle perfectly fitted as a whole.

I had to quiet these thoughts if I would find the strength to leave him again for who knew how long.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“Goodbye, my sweet An.”

“No… no goodbye. There will be no more goodbyes between us.” Then I freed my arms from his and quickly went out the door.

Tia stood there and eyed me sympathetically. She linked my right arm under her left, and we walked back to the inner palace.

After I had gathered my emotions inside of my heart again, I spoke. “Tia, I think it would be best if you stayed here. That way, you could look after your husband. You could also, perhaps, keep an eye on Tawaret --”

“I would appreciate accompanying you, my queen,” she cut in.

“No, you have a family here. They need you. I want to make sure you take care of yourself for a while.”

“Are you pushing me away because you’re upset?” she asked. It was not an accusation, merely a thought that had come to life.

Her devotion made me smile. “I have neglected you for too long. You have a family, and you do not need to leave them as I have to leave Tawaret behind. You should stay.”

Tia stopped me and took back her arm. She did not meet my eyes but instead stared at her sandaled feet. I looked down and noticed that her toes were scratched; her nails were chipped and stained with blood. The ends of her linen sheath which floated carelessly around her ankles looked frayed.

“Queen, I have kept something from you…”

I put my hands on her shoulders. “You can call me An. Not queen at this moment.”

“My husband, An, he has gone into the Afterlife.”

I had nothing to say. How could this have slipped passed me? Maya handled much of the land taxes and family estates. Did he hear about this? I thought I remembered Esam say Tia’s husband was a mason…

“Tia, what happened to --”

Her words flew together quickly as she worked to get them out before her tears could escape with them, “He was in an accident at the temple. His wounds could not be mended. His bones would not stitch back together. And then came the fever…”

“What accident?” I felt terribly cold inside, as if a great wind had swept through my body and stolen all the warmth that had just built up and had resided there.

“One of the columns was not raised correctly. Instead of settling straight, it began to tip. It fell over. My husband and five other men were crushed by it. Only one man survived, but he has lost his leg, so he will never work again.”

She did not shed a tear, but I could hear the pain tear through her voice. It made my heart break in two. I quickly wrapped her up in a hug, holding her tightly, hoping to give her strength when I knew if I found myself in that position, I would have none. She slowly brought her arms up around my back to close our embrace, but she did not cry.

“You should have told me. Let me have a temple built for you and your family.”

“I was hoping his body could come with us to Man-nefer? His family owns a piece of Saqqara land. His brother has prepared a space for him.”

I pulled back and looked in her eyes. They finally met mine. “Of course. I will give you anything you ask. I am so sorry, Tia. Your husband will be given the highest honor when we arrive.”

“No please, it is all right. He would not want such flattery. He was happy to know that his body would rest by his mother and father. He lived quietly, and that was all he desired from life. We raised two sons and one daughter. My daughter has been courted by a good man, and they will move into our land and tend the fields. It gave my husband comfort that his daughter would walk the threshold we once walked across in marriage. Everything has worked out. Adonai has taken care of me. All I ask is to stay by you. You were the daughter I never asked for, but Adonai knew what I would need. You are my family now.”

Tia took in a deep breath and swallowed any tears that were threatening to emerge. She dropped her eyes from me again, “I am sorry. I am putting too much onto your shoulders. I should not have said such things.”

“I’m glad you did. I have kept you to myself for so long. I was beginning to wonder
what
you thought of me.”

Tia smiled slightly at my attempted humor.

I continued, “My dearest friend, for as long as you need me, I will be here for you. You have always seen me as a girl first and never a queen. You have always given me exactly what I needed even if I pushed it away. I am honored to help you now.”

If a movement could be called quiet, it was the nod of her head. She then linked her arm in mine once more. “Let me escort you back to your room for now. If you don’t mind, I will go home and finish attending to some last items.”

“If you need your taxes eased, a transfer document signed, anything?”

“I know,” she said as a tear trailed along her cheek bone. “Thank you, An.”

We walked the rest of the way back in silence. She stopped in front of my doors and bowed before taking her leave. As she turned to go, I found that I had one final blessing that sprang forth from my lips.

“I will pray for you, Tia.”

*****

It was our last feast in Waset. Many people had gathered to see me and my retinue before we left. At my table sat Horemheb, Ay, Pa-ramessu, Tia-Sitre (who sat on my right), their children, Maya, and Maya’s wife Merit (who sat to my left). Merit was very tiny in body as if she were made from sticks. She had a long wig that reached down to her seat cushion. The front of the wig was thick at her forehead and then appeared to diminish as it fell downward along her cheeks to her chin. It was richly black and shined like it was made from the night sky’s depths. Few jewels were woven into it as it was radiant without such ornamentation. Her eyes were round and close together. Her nose was prominent on her face. Her lips were full and red. She was very quiet and tried hard to look like she was listening to her husband. I figured she was uncomfortable around me. It happened often, and we had never really conversed before. So I turned my attention to Tia-Sitre as Maya enthusiastically discussed how the new taxation system was working thus far. He was practically shaking with excitement in his anticipation to report to Pharaoh on the success of their project.

Tia-Sitre seemed unusually quiet this evening. Tawaret sat next to her, Tushari next to Pa-Ramessu. The children were talking abundantly, but I could not catch what their words were. I was hoping to have a conversation with Tawaret before my migration north.

After another spoonful of chickpeas, I decided to broach Tia-Sitre about my request from yesterday I had brought up with Amyntas. “Tia, I was hoping we could discuss Tawaret,” I began quietly.

Tia-Sitre set down her cedar fork loudly. “My queen, I know what you would like to discuss, and I wish that you would not. I understand your concerns, but you need not be. Amyntas has informed me of your needless worry.”

“So you have made plans for her future?” I continued.

“To be honest, I thought it best if she was sent to a priesthood far from here. But that’s really not your concern. You said you were not claiming her.” Tia-Sitre hissed at me so quietly that I could barely make out the last sentence.

My face flushed with embarrassment and anger. Who was she to say such things? Then I remembered that she was right. I had agreed to it. But her answer confused me. A priesthood in an outlying nome?

“Why would you send her away?”

“Walk with me.” Tia-Sitre stood and marched out of the dining hall. I got up quickly, excused myself from the table, and followed her out. We walked halfway across the palace to a deserted garden area. Then she turned on me.

“To start, you have no right asking this. You cannot just walk in and start directing her life. You gave her up! She is my daughter. But because you have always been there for me, I will answer you.
My
decision is that, for her safety, I think she should leave here and live quietly somewhere far from the court.”

“Are you sending her away
because
of me? Because I have enjoyed spending time with her? Because she is in my life again and you’re jealous?” I asked sharply.

“Don’t you see it? Every day, she looks more and more like you! She should be safe a few seasons longer with you away in Man-nefer, but that will not be so when you return!”