The Freefall Trilogy (Complete Collection) (11 page)

'I saw his face that day when I bumped into him outside the shop.  The guy really cares about you.'

Lucy hauled herself up.  She sat with her back to the window, resting against his knee.

'I was with Phil for six years,' she told him pointedly. 

Josh's eyes closed at the admission.  He lowered his chin.

'In all that time, that wasn't the impression I got.  Nor my friends.  Suzie can't stand him.'

His eyes flickered open, eventually. He smirked.

'I like her,' he nodded.

'I know you do.'

'That's not why you're upset then?' he asked, reaching for her hand. 

She stared at him for a moment then shook her head, looking down at their entwined fingers.

'No,' she murmured into the darkness. 

'It's OK.  I get it,' Lucy told him, collecting herself, running her free hand through her cold, wet hair.  'I know it must be weird.'

He frowned at her.

'What must be weird?'

She looked back at him guiltily.

'Did you live here with her?'

Josh's eyes widened. 

'...No!' 

His voice was raised, fingers gripping hers tighter.  He glanced across the room, fist clenched in his curly hair.

'Is that why you won't get into bed?'

She stared at the floor and shrugged. 

Josh let go of her hand.  He drew his leg from behind her, pivoting around so that they both sat with their backs to the window, next to one other.

Josh stared down at his clasped hands. 

'She was a nice girl...' he said quietly, 'and I was really shitty to her.'

Lucy stared at him.

'...Shitty how?' she murmured.

Josh glanced up.

'You know what you just said about the banker?' he said.  'Never feeling cared about?  That.  Exactly that, but with bells on.

'I was
so
into my jumping back then.  I was obsessed.  And
I
lived with
my
parents too.  I had to work my arse off packing for my jump tickets - I spent most of my free time at the dropzone.  And when I wasn't jumping, I just wanted to be down the pub with my mates
talking
about jumping, or...'  He looked up sheepishly.  'Playing on my X-Box.'

'If she was unhappy,' Lucy said quietly, 'why didn't she just walk away?'

Josh's eyes glinted up at her.

'Did you finish with Phil?'

Her jaw flapped for a moment.  Lucy shook her head.

'Were you happy with him?' Josh asked.

Lucy sighed.

'Looking back, not really, no,' she admitted.

'Let me guess.  You made him the centre of your universe, he just didn't extend you the same favour?  Took you for granted all the time?'

Lucy watched their shadows weaving across the floorboards.

'I was with Jess for over a year.' Josh said quietly. 

Lucy turned to him.  He looked up sheepishly.

'I never even told her I loved her.'

His face was etched with guilt, eyes shining back, brow contorted in a deep furrow.  He sighed and put his head down. 

She wrapped her arm across his back, gently stroking his shoulder.

'Did you?'

'Did I what?'

'Love her?' Lucy asked gently.

He paused.  She saw him nod.

Lucy went on stroking his back.

'Phil cheated on me,' she sighed.  'Twice, that I'm aware of...  Unfortunately so is most of town.'

Joshua's head rose slowly.

'It wasn't enough to make me a laughing stock once,' she told him.  'He had to do it again.  That's the definition of a shitty boyfriend.

'You know, now I look back...  I really don't remember loving him at all.' 

She smiled bitterly, quirking an eyebrow. 

'I certainly didn't feel loved.  The funny thing is, we used to say it all the time.'

She reached out, running her fingertips down his rough cheek.

'Unless you've undergone a complete personality transplant, I'd say you're selling yourself short.'

His eyes glinted back at her.

'If you loved her,' Lucy told him gently, 'she would have known, whether you said it or not.'

He stared for a moment.  Lucy's hand slinked back.  Josh sighed, running his fingers down his face.

'Is that why you were crying?' he asked her, eventually. 

Lucy's gaze dropped to the floor.  He reached out, grabbing her hand.  Lucy looked up. 

'Are you scared I'm going to cheat on you too?'

'...No.  It wasn't that,' she squeaked.

'What's the matter then?'

If she didn't get it from his voice, his face made it clear.  Joshua's eyes were pleading with her. 

Lucy closed hers, taking a deep breath.

'You didn't want to sleep with me,' came her choked response. 

She could feel the sting in her eyes starting up again.  She felt his fingers on her chin, tilting her face upwards.  She finally looked up at him.  She found him scowling back, mouth open.

'Whatever gave you that idea?'

She shrugged, soon frowning too.

'You wanted to sleep downstairs.'

His eyebrows reached for the ceiling.

'No I didn't!  I thought
you
wanted me to!  ...One minute you were kissing me, the next you jumped up like you'd just found out I'd got the plague!'

Lucy thought for a moment.

Oh...

'I... 
uhm...  I needed a shower.'

Josh's eyes flicked from left to right, buried in a frown, a smile soon twisting his lips.  In a blink, he was up on his feet.  In the next, she was up in his arms.

'I've been staring at the ceiling for the past hour!' he grumbled loudly, grinning down at her; eyes full of mischief.  'I've been up and down these stairs three fucking times!' 

Her arms tightened around his neck.  Lucy stared up at him.  For the first time in ages, she laughed. 

'You didn't think I wanted to sleep with you?' he said, shaking his head, carrying her across the room; cocking an eyebrow.  'I've been taking cold showers for the past month!' he growled.  'Lucy, you're killing me here!'

Lucy squealed as she bounced down on the bed.

'No prizes for guessing how I knew you were still up,' he said grinning, pressing his palms into the mattress, shoulder muscles flexing as he pushed. 

The bed responded loudly. 

Lucy tugged the hem of the t-shirt down, looking up at him, heart surging.  He clambered across the mattress towards her on his hands and knees.  She giggled nervously.

'I borrowed your toothbrush,' she admitted quickly. 

He paused, cocking an eyebrow, pulling a face; shaking his head.

'I don't mind.'

And he was coming again, like a predator stalking his prey. 

She smiled up at him shyly, sinking back into the cold, goose down duvet as he pressed his hands down either side of her shoulders, knees either side of her thighs.

'And your razor...' she remembered, blinking up at him.

Josh lowered himself down, almost close enough so that their noses were touching, but not quite.  His head quirked, grin spreading.

'Couldn't give a shit!'

She could feel his breath on her lips.  Her eyes flicked up to his.  She blinked up at him as he pulled away, sinking back on his knees. 

He quirked an eyebrow, folding his arms across his bare, broad chest, staring down at her.

'But I do have a problem with that t-shirt.'

Lucy squinted down at the image of a naked baby swimming after a dollar bill, pulling the t-shirt taught, soon gaping.

Oh my God!  Is that a penis?

Josh thrummed his forearm with his fingers, smirking. 

'It's signed.  On the back...  By the whole band.'

Lucy gasped, eyes bulging.

'What...  Curt Cobain?'

'
Mmmhmm,' Josh said in a singsong voice, fingers still thrumming away.

...Oh shit!

'I grabbed it out of your wardrobe!  I thought it was just a print!'

Joshua slowly shook his head.

'Me and my brother stood in the rain outside a hotel in Dublin for four hours to get that,' he sighed.  'I was fourteen.  You would have been...'  She saw his brow crumple.  'Shit.  You would have been eight!' 

Lucy caught his shy smile in the moonlight.  Josh pulled a face. 

'That's a bit weird, when you think about it...'

She stared up at him.

'I liked Blur' she said hopefully.

His fingers froze, mid-thrum, suspended in the air.

'Right that does it,' he said, shaking his head grimly.  'You don't deserve to wear that t-shirt.  Take it off.  Immediately.'

He stared down at her, arms still folded across his chest.

'I mean it,' he warned, fingers thrumming again.

Lucy closed her eyes.  She didn't know why she felt shy.  She knew since the moment she laid eyes on him it would land up like this.  Her fingers grasped the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it down her thighs for a moment as she bit her lip.  She heard a faint intake of breath as she slowly hitched it up. 

Her splayed fingers drew the soft cotton up to her hips, hesitating for a moment.  She balanced on her heels as her hands slid up to her waist, her heart pounding.  She bunched up the material, on up her rip cage, grasping it by the hem; sitting forward.  With a yank, the t-shirt was over her head in her hands. 

She shuddered, feeling the cool air on her skin; the pregnant pause.  She heard the owl hooting outside; the grandfather clock ticking downstairs.  She could hear Joshua breathing.  Her eyes fluttered open.  She watched his flickering over her body, black as coal; skin blue in the silvery light.  Her breath hitched as he looked up at her. 

Josh snatched the white t-shirt from her fingers.  She watched it sail across the room.

'I never liked that t-shirt anyway.'

He came down heavily on top of her.  Suddenly they were all hands and mouths; bare skin and breathlessness.

Lucy groaned, hoisting the duvet over her head, roused from her slumber by a loud, repetitive shriek.

It's him up on Penpethy again
. 

She scowled, clenching her fists. 

Who keeps a bloody cockerel in a built up area? 

They'd only had a month of peace since the last one finally shut his beak.

It shouldn't be allowed... 

Actually, Lucy checked last time.  It wasn't. 

Right, that's it!  I'm ringing the Council, first thing on...

Hang on.  What day is it?

She reached out for her phone on the bedside table.  Lucy's hand swooped down; she almost fell out of bed.  She grasped the sheets, hauling herself back up, reaching out again, fingers splayed; feeling into nothing. 

Her eyes blinked open, widening, his smell enveloping her.  She yanked the duvet down from her face.

'Morning,' Josh smiled as the door swung open.  Lucy squinted up at him, blinking through tightly drawn lashes. 

Amber rays streamed through the thin white curtains.  He was wearing a black dressing gown.  She saw the soft down on his shins; the burnished bronze skin.  He clinked the tray down on the bed, grinning at her.

'Shove up then!'

Lucy hesitated, then edged away, holding the crisp white duvet cover against herself tightly, realising she was naked underneath.

It was a bit late for playing coy.  She remembered the night before and flushed, smiling up at him meekly.

'Good morning.'