The Friendship Matchmaker (2 page)

So when Tanya sat down next to me and started sniffing my pencil case, I tried with all my might to control my temper. Ms. Pria had already lost it. Somebody needed to set a good example.

I started to copy the passage on the board.

“You need to copy it, too,” I told Tanya, who had moved on to sniffing a pink highlighter.

Just then the classroom door was flung open. The seventh-grade coordinator, Mr. Smith, walked in, followed by a girl.

“Ms. Pria,” Mr. Smith said, “this is your
new student, Emily Wong. Class, be sure to make Emily feel welcome.”

For some reason I locked eyes with Emily.

Immediately I knew this girl would be trouble.

Ms. Pria told Emily to sit with me and Tanya. Our desk was big enough for three.

Emily pulled up a chair beside me and took out an exercise book. I noticed she had painted her fingernails black and white on one hand, and multicolored with glitter on the other. I took pity on the new girl and decided to offer her some free advice.

“You should wipe off your nail polish when you get home.”

Emily scoffed. “Why?”

The poor thing. She really had no clue. “Because you’ll just attract attention to yourself. It looks weird.”

I went back to my copying. I’d hit the nail
on the head and was sure Emily would be asking the principal for nail polish remover at lunchtime.

But she just stretched out her hands and looked at her fingers. “Well, in that case, I’ll keep the nail polish on a little longer.”

I gasped. “I don’t think you get what I’m saying,” I said with a frown. Maybe she needed things explained several times. “You’ll probably be teased.”

“Because of my nail polish?”

I looked Emily up and down. “Well, now that you mention it, you shouldn’t wear a Dora hair tie; that’s for toddlers. And you shouldn’t wear dolphin earrings; they’re just so
girly
.”

I was confident she would understand my wisdom. After all, my Fashion Rules were the most requested topic at my recess seminars.

“My cousin made me promise I’d wear her Dora hair tie on my first day of school,” Emily said without a hint of embarrassment. “She’s four. She said a fairy had given it to her
as a good luck charm and that I had to wear it. Cute, huh? So I promised her. And I like dolphins, so I couldn’t care less what people think about my earrings.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I tried to think straight. Promises to four-year-olds? Cartoon-inspired dress choices in seventh grade? Dolphins? This was without a doubt the worst case of RFP (Reputation Faux Pas) I’d ever come across.

Not to mention that I’d never,
ever
been challenged before. I was the school’s official Friendship Matchmaker. My word was law. People from all over the playground came looking for me, begging for a few words of wisdom. And when Harry Potter’s publishers agreed to publish my Manual (it was nearly finished, just a few more chapters left), I’d be famous in schools all around the world. After all, being teased in an American playground was no different from being teased in a playground in England, China, or Norway.

So what screws were loose in Emily’s head?

I was so annoyed that I looked at Tanya and snatched the pink highlighter out of her hand.

“Get a tissue and wipe your nose,” I snapped. “It’s covered in pink.”

1. Tell your mom to stop packing leftovers. They might taste like heaven but they’re a RECIPE for disaster.

2. NO reading alone. But if you HAVE to, read next to somebody so you look like an LBC, not a TL. You do NOT want to be called a nerd. That label sticks like gum.

3. NO hanging out with the teacher on duty in the cafeteria, or the librarian, or any other grown-up. Trust me on this one. There’s no turning back from a reputation as the teacher’s pet.

4. Playing sports with boys (if you’re a girl) or with girls (if you’re a boy) is fine as long as you’re not the only boy/girl. Possible names
you will be called: tomboy and sissy. Again, those labels stick forever.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

At recess I held my FIMS between Marisol and Rachel in the small courtyard near the vending machines. There was an audience of loyal kids who had all benefited from my help matching them with other kids. Marisol and Rachel said they didn’t mind.

I sat in the middle of a bench, clipboard in my hand, my Manual safely stored in my bag. Marisol sat on one side of me, Rachel on the other.

“Okay, Marisol, how about you start, since you’re upset. Rachel, please don’t interrupt until Marisol has finished. What happened?”

Marisol looked shyly at her audience, who
were munching on their chips and apples and cookies and watching Marisol like people at the movies.

“Well, Rachel was my best friend last year. We promised we’d be best friends forever, but we said if one of us went to another school or another state it was okay to get a new best friend. But if we stayed here then we had to be best friends forever and ever.”

She paused and I gently coaxed her, saying, “Go on.”

Rachel wriggled a bit.

“Well, on the first day of summer my mom said I could invite Rachel over to my house and so she called Rachel’s mom who wasn’t there so she spoke to Rachel’s sister and asked her but her sister said Rachel had gone to the movies with their neighbor. So Mom said okay, what about that night? And Rachel’s sister said Rachel was …”

The crowd leaned in. I moved closer. “Don’t be nervous.”

Marisol’s voice was a whisper. “Sleeping over at her neighbor’s place …”

The crowd immediately started muttering and making angry noises.

“A
sleepover
?” I asked.

Marisol nodded and then sniffed.

Ouch. The situation was worse than I first thought.

“Hmm, okay, and then what happened?”

“I didn’t see Rachel for the rest of the summer. Every time we called to invite her over she was busy or out with Kelly, her neighbor. I don’t know what I did wrong …”

“Okay, thanks for that, Marisol.” I turned to face Rachel. “Rachel, what would you like to say?”

“I’m still Marisol’s best friend! But my mom and dad were working, and my sister, who is mean, wouldn’t drop me off anywhere. I got so sick of staying home all day that I played with Kelly next door.”

Marisol sat up straight, listening intently.

“And the sleepover?” I asked grimly.

“It was Mom and Dad’s anniversary and they were going out and my sister was going out and my aunt couldn’t babysit, so Mom
and Dad let me stay at Kelly’s house. It was only the one time and it wasn’t even fun. I mean, Marisol, you wouldn’t believe it but Kelly doesn’t even like drawing. She just wanted to watch TV.”

“She doesn’t like drawing?” Marisol repeated, looking horrified.

“Nope.
And
she fell asleep at nine o’clock.”

“Nine?” Marisol shook her head in astonishment. “What a baby!”

“Yeah. Our sleepovers are
so
much better.”

I interrupted. “Marisol, why didn’t you ask to speak to Rachel? You could have explained how you felt and worked it out.”

Marisol shrugged. “Because I thought she had a new best friend, so there was no point.”

I turned to Rachel. “Why didn’t you call Marisol during the summer?”

“I tried a couple of times but the machine picked up. I figured she was out having fun, so I didn’t call again.”

“Well, can you see that it was just a misunderstanding and that you’re still best friends?”

They both nodded eagerly and stood up
to give each other a quick hug. The crowd cheered.

I uncrossed my legs and sat up straight.

“Okay, everybody. The lessons from today’s FIMS are, first, when you’re upset with your friend, talk about your feelings—that way things won’t seem so confusing. Two, if you have a horrible sister or brother, find their diary or look up the text messages on their cell phone and blackmail them so they do what you say. Session dismissed.”

Marisol and Rachel skipped off. I stood up, feeling happy that I’d saved another friendship from disaster. As I slung my backpack on my shoulder I noticed Emily Wong standing at the edge of the courtyard looking over my way.

I wondered why she had a grin on her face.

1. If you take the same bus to and from school every day you’re probably stuck with the same people. They might not be in your class and you might ignore one another when you cross paths at school. But that’s cool because you’re Bus Only Best Friends.

2. Always prepare interesting conversation topics for your BOBF: “Did you see what happened last night on (insert mutually favorite TV show here)?”

3. Bring props like an iPod, if you have one, with earphones to share, Nintendo DS, or magazines.

4. Pack quality junk food (don’t be tempted to eat it at recess or lunch). Everyone’s
starving after school, so no healthy stuff UNLESS your buddy is a health nut, in which case offering junk food is a BTFP (Bus Trip Faux Pas).

5. And, above all, always be ON GUARD! Keeping a friend is harder than making one. Remember the Make and Keep Rules (see later chapters for more details).

I usually sit alone on the school bus. But when a TL needs a spot I’m okay with them sitting next to me as long as they don’t expect me to become their best buddy.

Everybody knew that I was too busy sorting out other people’s friendships to have time for friends of my own. (What they didn’t know was what had led to me becoming the Friendship Matchmaker, but the reasons for this are too disturbing to talk about just yet.)

On my way to school the following week I sat next to Fred Dudley, grade six, whose usual BOBF (Bus Only Best Friend) was sick. He didn’t have a backup so he needed me.

Fred was happy to read his book while
I worked on my Manual, putting my glossary in alphabetical order, which I thought would impress Harry Potter’s publishers.

It had been a week since school started and I couldn’t get Emily Wong out of my head. I’d noticed her at lunch on her first day, already breaking three Rules.

She’d been alone.

She’d been eating home-cooked leftovers.

And she’d been reading a book (and it wasn’t even about fairies or vampires, which might have made it okay).

I really did pity her. Everybody knew that you didn’t spend the first recess of your first day at your new school by yourself, eating smelly food and reading a book. There were so many options for the bullies. It would be brutal.

And then there was the horrible scene outside class. We had to all line up in front of the classroom and Emily had been singing along with her iPod—to the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song, in fact.

And the more people laughed, the louder she sang.

How could Emily possibly recover from that? Who would be her friend now? I tell you, I had a duty. Emily had so damaged her chances of social success that even the school counselor couldn’t help her now. I was the only person qualified to fix this before it was too late.

So out of the goodness of my golden heart I decided then and there that I’d ignore Emily’s obvious mental problems and offer her a double-session induction seminar. I checked my calendar and shuffled my appointments. Adam, Edward, John, and Todd’s lunchtime FIMS would have to move to tomorrow. (The foursome had stopped talking after a fiery basketball game. Which, incidentally, was strange because they’d all been on the same team.)

The bus stopped at the next house. Toby, from fifth grade, hopped on. He approached a seat but another boy moved over, blocking him from sitting down. Toby looked like he was going to cry.

I noticed Fred’s book,
A Complete Guide to Ponds
. I remembered Toby liked frogs. So
I stood up and told him to sit in my spot next to Fred.

It was moments like these that I understood why I was put on this earth.

Sitting behind Fred and Toby, by the time the bus arrived at school, I thought I’d heard everything I ever needed to know about ponds and frog spawn. I raced over to the seventh-grade corridor. I couldn’t wait to meet Emily and tell her the good news before the bell rang for assembly.

But when I arrived I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was surrounded by two girls, Claire and Jemma.

They were all laughing.

With
Emily.

Not
at
her.

Then they linked arms and went off to the assembly area.

I was crushed.

Never had this happened before.

New kids needed me.

New kids with Dora hair clips who read alone at lunchtime and sang the SpongeBob
SquarePants theme song did not make friends by themselves.

They needed an induction session with me first.

They needed to have the Rules explained to them.

They needed to be trained and prepared for battle.

They did not, within days of school starting, find two friends all by themselves.

I sat on the floor in the corner of the locker area.

Horrible thoughts began to fill my head. What if Emily started a trend? What if others caught on? What if … I was no longer needed?

The bell rang. My stomach felt funny. I walked slowly to assembly.

I just couldn’t understand Emily. Maybe finding two friends by herself was a fluke. I watched her carefully during assembly.

She was wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a Barbie doll stuffing her face with a massive piece of cake and the words: “Get real, Barbie.”

Dora one day, Barbie the next.

Also, she stood still and listened to the principal talking at assembly while Claire and Jemma whispered to each other. This was another mistake. It was a basic Rule of friendship groups: Never distance yourself from your friends, even when they are talking about something boring. You have to pretend to enjoy the conversation or you’ll be kicked out of the group.

My head hurt from how obvious these Rules were! Only a TL would choose to ignore them.

Later, at recess, I overheard Emily tell Claire and Jemma that she’d “catch up with them later” because she was “dying to finish her book.”