The Game Changer (45 page)

“It’s going to be alright... You’re going to get through this... calm down... You’re a good person. Everyone, including Jesse, knows that. You need to know that... What happened was an accident, not intentional,” he whispers as he pats my arm and I slowly begin to drift off to sleep, or lose consciousness because of the alcohol consumption, I’m not sure which. I am drifting in and out of what feels like a nightmare. I hear my mom ask my dad if I’m alright. “He’s okay, Maria. Go back to bed,” he responds.

Later, I hear Mikey’s voice, “Get some sleep, Lucca. I’ll watch him.”

Morning comes and I’m still feeling sick from the night before. I have to turn myself in by ten. I shower and head down the steps, the smell of breakfast makes me feel worse. Everyone is sitting in the kitchen when I walk down and the talking stops. Last night feels like a nightmare, worse than anything I could ever imagine. JJ isn’t here, I hurt her… bad. A reminder that the nightmare is real and a sign that she hates me for sure. I feel like I’m about to hurl once again.

“I made you breakfast,” my mom says nervously, twisting her fingers with her eyes swollen from crying.

“Sorry, Mom. I’m not feelin’ too good. I’ll just grab some toast.” I grab a few pieces of toast from the table and turn to my dad. “Are you ready, I want to get goin’?” I can’t bear to stay here another minute, looking at all of their sleepless, worried faces.

“You have some time, sit for a while,” he says.

“No, I want to go now,” I say, looking at Mikey to bail me out.

He jumps up and grabs his keys. “Let’s go,” he says, knowing I need to get out now, before I lose it. He hesitates. “Give me a minute, I’ll be right in.” He darts out the door, it’s odd. I follow behind him and see that his car is in JJ’s driveway. I instantly feel a stab going through my heart. I figure he didn’t want me to be reminded of last night. He must have brought her home. He pulls the car up in our driveway. He doesn’t look at me.

My dad comes out of the house, followed by my mom and De. They both have tears streaming down their faces as they hug me tightly. I hug them back, still unable to look at them. I apologize and tell them I love them.

I climb in the backseat and waving goodbye to my mom and De. I try to keep it together. I glance over at JJ’s bedroom window, wanting more than anything to go to her one last time, wanting to kiss her lips, touch her skin, and smell her hair, one last
time. I can’t. Not after last night. She will never forgive me. Maybe it’s better this way. She deserves better than me. I look up in the rearview mirror to catch Mikey watching me through the same mirror. I know the look, he doesn’t have to ask. He will stop the car in a second so that I can see her one last time. I quickly glance away, ignoring the question in his eyes. It has to be this way.

(Luke)

As we walk into police headquarters, I give my name at the desk and tell them the reason I’m here. The officer doing the processing knows of Mikey and me from the media. He’s cool with us and treats my dad with respect, which makes me feel somewhat better, considering what a loser I have become. He sympathetically explains to my dad that I will be held here until I’m transferred to the state facility. I take a seat while my father and the officer finish the process.

“We knew he was coming today. Most of the guys here at the station are local guys. We’ve all read up on the case. The kid got a raw deal. I shouldn’t be saying this, but they made an example of this kid. I don’t think there’s one person that knew him that didn’t say what a good kid he is,” I overhear the officer whispering to my dad.

“Thank you. He is a great kid. We’re proud of him. It was a terrible accident,” he replies, which really makes me feel worse. I let everyone down.

He leaves the room, too emotional to continue. Mikey, sensing that I probably am hearing all of this, sits down with the officer and asks a few questions regarding the procedure once I’m transferred. Questions, I, myself, am curious about. They sit two desks away from me, but I overhear as they whisper.

The officer explains that although it’s nothing like here, I should be okay. “He’ll have access to the pay phone each night. He’ll have to wait in line to use it, just like everyone else. He’ll be able to have visitors once a week. He’ll want to get a job, it’ll keep him busy. He should be able to get something right away.” He continues on with a list of things I may want to do to make the time go by.

“What are the chances of him getting an early release?” Mikey asks.

“What did he get… four to seven?” the officer asks.

Mikey nods in agreement.

“I’d say a year and half… two tops as long as he does everything right and keeps himself out of trouble. He could probably get out on a work release program about a year and half in.”

“That’s what his lawyer said. We’re counting on it. A lot of people are pulling for him. He’s got a huge support system,” Mikey adds. At that point, my dad enters the room once again and Mikey fills him in on the details, while I sit alone and pretend I can’t hear them.

At this point, I’m ready to just get on with it. I’m hoping my dad and Mikey will leave, but I think they are going to end up staying for lunch. They all seem pretty damn chummy. I think it is a little tacky that the officers ask Mikey and me for autographs, but, hell, who am I to judge. I should be thankful that someone’s actually still asking for my autograph in the first place. Honestly, I’m still really sick from last night and just want to climb into my hole and sleep for the next few years.

“Yo, bud, don’t you have a game in a couple of hours? What are you going to do, move in with me?” I call out to Mikey.

I know what they are doing. They figure if they butter them up, they will treat me better. Mikey, knowing I’m on to them, finally is able to convince my dad to leave. We say our goodbyes. I tell Mikey I will get in touch with him in a few days. I reassure them that I’m fine as I watch them leave the station.

They bring me downstairs to the holding cell. They collect my shoelaces and ask if I’m wearing a belt. I guess they didn’t want me to hang myself and take the easy way out. Suffering through the next few years is part of the punishment. I look around the room, unable to wake myself from this nightmare. Still in shock that this is now my life. At least there is no one else here with me and it is pretty clean, I guess. The officer says, normally, it’s quiet, but since it’s summer, they do get the drunks from the bars occasionally during the night. They are nice enough to tell me they’ll try to let me keep this cell to myself. They’ll put the drunks in the cell across from me.
Oh good… I can’t wait
, I think to myself.

I lie down on the crappy cot, my mind swirling, replaying the last couple of weeks over and over... What if? What if? What if? I try to sleep, but the nightmares won’t stop. Still feeling sick from all of the alcohol I had consumed, not to mention, how I have left things with JJ, all I want to do is sleep and hopefully not wake up for a few years. Maybe I have alcohol poisoning and will slip into a coma.

(Jesse)

In the week following Luke’s departure, I can’t breathe. My heart feels as if it has literally stopped beating. The pain I’m feeling is unbearable. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. All of the heartbreak I have felt from my past comes rushing back. I’m that same, lost, fifteen-year-old girl all over again.

This time, I have Deanna by my side. She stays with me every night, never mentioning
his
name. My poor dad sits helplessly close by, watching me once again slip away.

It isn’t until a little more than a week later, I dream of my mom. I’m lying in my bed, curled up. She sits beside me, stroking my hair, like she used to do when I was a little girl. “JJ, you need to get up and move on. You will find peace and happiness again. It may not be the same as before, but you will find a new way to feel happy again, just as you have before,” she whispers quietly as I turn to talk to her, I notice she has tears in her eyes.

I reach for her, but before I can touch her, I awaken. She’s gone. I don’t want her to be sad. I want her to be happy and I want her to be proud of me.

“It seems as though she comes to me when I’m at the lowest points in my life, it makes me feel as if she really is watching over me,” I say to Deanna as I relay my dream to her in the morning.

I know then what I need to do. I have to leave Bay Point, make a new start. It’s convincing my dad that I have to leave that is going to be a hard sell.

“Hey, Dad,” I say as he sips his morning coffee, reading the paper. I grab a cup for myself and sit across from him.

He folds his newspaper, analyzing me. He spent the last week watching me rolled up in a ball in my bed. Not eating, not socializing. Now here I am standing before him doing a complete turnaround. I know he is secretly thinking, “I’m going to have to send this girl to the looney bin,” but he waits patiently for me to continue.

“I had a dream of Mommy last night... I haven’t had one in a really long time. She was angry that I was feeling sorry for myself.”

He looks at me intently, trying to process if I have completely lost my mind. I ignore the look and begin to state my case about leaving for USF. My classes are to begin in a couple of weeks and I have a dorm waiting for me. I try convincing him that I need the extra time to get adjusted before classes begin.

My dad thought USF was out of the picture at this point. After all, the main reason I chose the school was to be closer to Luke. Since the incident, my dad and I haven’t even discussed school, so I know this is really taking him by surprise. He rattles off the other schools that I have been accepted to that are closer to home, like the University of the Arts in Philly. He wants me close, where he can keep an eye on me. I argue that I’m already accepted into a really good school with an excellent Art program in Tampa, not to mention, I have a scholarship and my tuition has been paid. “Besides, I already have a dorm room waiting for me. Good thing you forced me into that,” I joke. He sits there, staring at me for a while. “Pleeassse,” I beg.

“Where is all of this coming from, JJ? You can’t run away from your problems all of the time, Sweetie.”

“Sure you can... We did it the last time and it worked... for a little while anyway.” I smile and I continue pleading my case. “Daddy, please… I need this. I just want to focus on my art right now. I can’t concentrate here... everything here reminds me...
of him.
”

I pull out the big guns, knowing the mention of
him
will get me the sympathy vote. He sits quietly, thinking and drinking his coffee. I try to impress him by helping myself to a huge plate of the omelet he’s made, along with a bagel. I know he’s been worried about me all week. Afraid of me relapsing, like when I lost my mom. I had practically starved myself to death. I have to make him believe that I will be okay.

“Well?” I ask with a mouth full of food.

“I’m worried about you being out there, not knowing anyone,” he replies.

“Mikey’s there... and… I’ll have a roommate. The campus is really safe. I promise I’ll take good care of myself.”

After a long time of wearing him down, he finally gives in.

***

Explaining to De that I’m leaving so soon is harder than I thought.

“But we still have a couple of more weeks together. You’re going to leave me?” she asks, sounding like a little girl with eyes that well up as soon as the words come out.

“I have to go. I can’t stay here and lay in bed all the time... You’ll be out to visit as much as you can. We’ll talk every night,” I reassure her, but knowing that it won’t be the same as having her right beside me when I need her.

“I should have gone to Florida with you. Why did I choose Phoenix anyway?” she asks.

“You wanted to try somewhere different… far away, remember?”

“Is it too late to change my mind?”

“I think so,” I answer, hugging her.

***

Later that week, I sit quietly beside my dad as I stare out the small window, watching the small houses with swimming pools come into view.

“Please fasten your seat belts at this time as we begin our departure to Tampa International. We should touch down at approximately 11:05.
Temperature in Tampa is currently at ninety-six degrees. Thank you for flying with Spirit Airlines,” the pilot states.

“Well, kiddo, we’re here,” my dad says.

“Yep, I’m excited. This is going to be great,” I reply, squeezing his hand to reassure him that everything will be okay.

I watch the runway come into view as the plane touches down, trying hard to stop the tear that escapes my eye; I quickly wipe it away, not wanting to worry my dad. I need to start over and forget about Luke.

He broke his promise. He said he would never hurt me, he said he would never leave. Against my better judgment, he made me believe in forever again...
until now.