The Ghost (42 page)

I shall never trust you again. If we ever have another child, I will chain you to your bed for the last weeks, so I won't end up delivering a baby by the side of the road somewhere. But he kissed her again as he said it, and let her rest for a while as they lay beneath the stars that had just come out, but it was getting chilly. Now, may I carry you home, Madame la Comtesse? Or would you like to sleep here? He didn't want the baby catching a chill there, and neither did Sarah.

You may carry me home, Monsieur le Comte, she said grandly, and he bundled her up carefully, and carried her the five minutes back to the house as she held the baby. It was not terribly comfortable for her, and she wanted to try to walk, but he wouldn't let her.

This is the kind of thing the Indians talk about, he said in an undertone as they reached their farmhouse, but I never believed really happened. But with that, the two boys had just seen them, and asked what had happened to Sarah. They thought she'd fallen or sprained her ankle, and hadn't realized she was carrying the baby. It was sleeping, exhausted by its hasty arrival. We found the baby in the field, Fran+oois explained with amusement. It's amazing, she looks just like her, he was laughing and the boys looked stunned.

Did she just have her like that, on the way to the waterfall? one of them asked incredulously.

Right on the way, he assured them. Never missed a step, she's very good at this, he said with a wink at his wife as they admired the baby.

Wait til I tell my mother, the younger of the two said, she always takes forever, and by the time the baby comes, my dad's so drunk he falls asleep, and then she gets mad at him because he can't see the baby.

Lucky devil, Fran+oois said as he carried his wife and daughter inside. The boys had been baby-sitting for Alexandre but he had fallen asleep before he could see his sister.

What'll we call her? Sarah asked as Francois lay beside her on their bed. She was looking more tired than she admitted.

I've always wanted a daughter called Eug+!nie, but it's not as pretty in English, he confessed.

What about Fran+ooise? Sarah asked, grateful to be on her bed again, she was feeling a little woozy. With the speed of the delivery, there had been a fair amount of bleeding.

It's not very original, he said, but he was touched, and finally agreed on it. They named her Francoise Eugenie Sarah de Pellerin. And she was christened in the little church in Shelburne along with her brother in August.

Their house was nearly ready by then, and Sarah had her hands full with her children, but she went there as often as she could to observe their progress. And by October, they were in it.

The entry in her journal that day sounded jubilant, as she talked about every detail of the house. It made Charlie smile to read it. The house had scarcely changed since she and Francois had built it, from the sound of it, and as he set the journal down, he felt wistful thinking about their children. How lucky Sarah and Francois had been. What a full life they had had. He wished he had been as wise and as fortunate as they were.

He was feeling slightly sorry for himself, as the phone rang, and he almost didn't answer it. But he wondered if it was Francesca, reporting on her first reading of the journal. And with a small smile, he picked the receiver up, and spoke into it.

Okay, Francesca, how is it? But it was Carole, and Charlie was shocked when he heard her.

Who's Francesca? she wanted to know.

A friend. Why? What's up? He was completely confused to hear her. What could she possibly want from him? She had already called to tell him that she and Simon were getting married. Their divorce wasn't final till late May. So she wasn't waiting any longer than she had to. Why are you calling? he asked, still embarrassed at having called her Francesca. It made him feel very foolish, and even more so when he wondered if it would make Carole jealous. That was just plain stupid.

There's something I want to tell you, she said sounding awkward, and he had a major case of d+!j+ vu.

Didn't we already have this conversation? We just went through this. He didn't sound overly pleased to hear from her, and she noticed it. But she still, had this obsession about being decent to him, which Simon told her was cra2y. He said she didn't owe Charlie anything anymore, but Carole knew better. You already told me you're getting married, he reminded her. Remember?

I know. But now there's something else I think I should tell you.

He couldn't imagine what it was, and he wasn't even sure he wanted to hear it. He didn't really want the intimate details of her life with Simon. Are you sick?

Not exactly, she said, and he was suddenly worried. What if something terrible had happened to her? He was sure Simon wouldn't take care of her the way he would. I'm pregnant, she continued, and knocked the wind right out of him. He was stunned into silence. And I'm sick as a dog. But that's beside the point. And I thought you should know, Charlie. I didn't know how you'd feel about it. And it's going to show before the wedding. He wasn't sure if he hated her or loved her for telling him, a little bit of both, but he was really shocked, and it really hurt him.

Why Simon? he said, sounding unhappy. Why not me during all those years? You never wanted kids, and suddenly zap, you get yourself a sixty-one-year-old boyfriend, and you're pregnant. Maybe I'm sterile, he said, and she laughed gently.

Hardly, she said. She'd had one abortion before they were married. I don't know, Charlie. I just turned forty, and I'm scared the opportunity will never come again. I don't know what to tell you, except this time I know I want it. Maybe if it had happened to us, I would have felt that way too. It just never did, that's all. But it was more than that and she knew it. In the last few years, Charlie hadn't been right for her. She wasn't happy with him. He was a relic from her youth, and Simon wasn't. He was the man she wanted to marry, and have children with. He was everything Charlie wasn't. I didn't call you to hurt you, Charlie. I just thought you should know. Even if it was awkward to tell him.

Thanks, he said, trying to absorb what she had said to him, and thinking about the future. Maybe if it had happened to us, we'd still be married. It was impossible not to think that.

Maybe, she said honestly, or maybe not. Maybe this all happened for a reason. I just don't know.

Are you happy about it? he asked, suddenly thinking about Sarah, and her babies with Francois. Maybe there was a Sarah out there, waiting for him. It was a nice fairy tale, but he didn't really believe it.

Teiah, I guess I am happy, Carole said, honest with him again. I wish I didn't feel so sick. It's really rotten. But the idea of a baby is kind of exciting. Something about the way she said it moved him deeply. He could tell it was important to her, and for an instant, she sounded like a different person.

Take care of yourself, he said, worried about her. What does Simon think about all this? He must feel a little elderly to be folding diapers again, or does it make him feel youthful? It was a mean thing to say, but Charlie couldn't resist. He was jealous of the guy. He had walked off with his wife, and now they were having a baby. It was a little hard to stomach.

He's over the moon,' as he says, Carole said with a smile, and then winced at a wave of nausea. I'd better get off, but I just wanted to let you know, in case you hear it via the grapevine. In some ways, London was a small town, and so was New York, but he was in neither of those places anymore. He'd been banished.

The grapevine doesn't reach Shelburne Falls, he informed her. I probably wouldn't have heard it till I got back to London.

When is that going to be?

I don't know yet. He sounded vague, but he had nothing else to say to her. She had dropped her news on him and now he needed to digest it. Take care of yourself, Carole. I'll call you one of these days. But he wasn't so sure he would now. There was nothing left to argue about, or to say. She was getting married, she was having a kid. And he had his own life to get on with. It was the, first time he had really felt that, and when he hung up, he realized that it had a lot to do with Sarah. In an odd, subtle way, reading the journals had really changed him. And he was still thinking about that, when the phone rang again, and he figured it was Carole.

Hi, Carole, he said. What now? Twins? He didn't sound overly thrilled as he answered, but the voice was not the one he expected.

It's me. Francesca. Am I interrupting something? She sounded puzzled and he groaned.

I'm batting a thousand tonight. My ex-wife just called, and when I answered the phone I said Hi, Francesca.' Now you called, and I thought it was Carole calling back. Anyway, she just called me with another news flash. He sounded strangely unemotional about it, which surprised him. It wasn't at all like his reaction when she called to tell him she was getting married, and he had sat and talked to Francesca.

Is she leaving her boyfriend? Francesca asked him with interest.

No, quite the contrary. They're having a baby. Apparently she'll be six months pregnant when they get married. Very modern.

How do you feel about that? she asked kindly, and he thought about it.

I think it's hell finding a wedding dress in a case like that, and it's better if you do it a little sooner. Maybe even before you get knocked up, just to be old-fashioned. He wa-o teasing her a little bit, and she wasn't sure if he was hysterical or indifferent to what Carole had told him. And he wasn't entirely sure either.

I'm serious, Charlie. How are you?

How am I? He thought about it for a long time and then sighed. Kind of pissed off, kind of disappointed. I wish we'd had a kid, but we didn't. And if I were going to be honest about it, I'd admit we didn't want to. I really didn't want kids with her, and she really didn't want them with me. Maybe it was our own way of acknowledging that something was wrong even before she found Simon. I guess in a funny way, I feel free now. It's definitely over and I know it. She's not coming back. She's his now. I kind of hurt and I kind of don't. And after reading Sarah's journals, I really want a kid of my own now ' or maybe Monique did that. But that's what I feel. And you know what else? He sounded fairly chipper, and she liked what he was saying.

What else? she asked softly. It was late, and Monique was sleeping.

I miss you. I was hoping it was you when Carole called. I was dying to know what you thought of Sarah's journals.

That's why I called you. I've been sitting here crying my eyes out all night reading about what Edward did to her, and all those babies that died. How did the poor woman stand it?

I told you, he said proudly, she was gutsy. So are you. So am I. We can make it. We've all been through a lot of stuff but this is only the beginning. After reading Sarah's journals, he really felt that. Where are you now? he asked, remembering each step of the way he had come. He envied her the fact that she was just starting. But he could imagine reading them all over again one day, a long time after he finished, and after he'd given them to Gladys Palmer.

She's on the ship.

It only gets better. It was like a secret club they shared, and she was so grateful to him for letting her read them. But he'd had another idea. He'd been thinking about it ever since he saw her. But he wasn't sure if she was ready. How about a real date one of these days? A real dinner, just the two of us. I'll pay for the sitter.

You don't have to do that. She smiled, and she felt she owed him something for letting her read Sarah's journals. I'd love to.

Saturday? He sounded ecstatic and surprised. He didn't think she would accept it.

Saturday, she said.

I'll pick you up at eight. Happy reading. And they hung up then. It had been a long day, a long night. Sarah had had two babies. Carole was having another. And he had a date with Francesca. He wanted to kick his heels up and laugh when he thought about it.

Chapter 22

CHARLIE PICKED FRANCESCA up at eight on Saturday, and she looked beautiful. She was wearing a plain black dress with a string of pearls, and her hair hung straight and sleek to her shoulders. It was a great look for her, and Charlie's heart gave a little leap when Monique gave him a woeful look, sitting in her bedroom with the sitter. She wasn't happy not to be included. But her mother had explained very nicely to her that sometimes grown-ups just need to be together. Monique said she thought it was a stupid rule, and she hoped they never did it again. Besides, the baby-sitter was ugly. But she seemed to be managing, playing Monopoly and watching TV when her mother and Charlie left for dinner.

He took her to Andiamo in Bernardston, and after dinner they went dancing. It was definitely a real date, and for the first time since he had known Francesca she didn't act as though she were going to run out the door every five minutes when they were alone. And he couldn't help wondering what had happened.

I don't know. I'm growing up, I guess, she said when he commented on it. Sometimes I even get a little tired of my war wounds. Wearing scars around like jewelry gets a little boring, she said, and he was impressed. He wondered if the journals had done it, or simply time. Maybe she was healing. And then she surprised him by saying she was going to Paris that week. Her lawyer had called, and she and Pierre were selling their last piece of property and she had to sign all the papers.

Can't they send them to you? Charlie said, looking surprised. It seems like a long way to go just to sign some papers.

They want me to do it in person. Pierre doesn't want me to be able to claim that he forced me, or there was fraud involved, or I didn't understand, not that I would. I guess he figures that if we do it face-to-face there won't be any misunderstanding.

I hope he's paying for the trip, Charlie said bluntly, but she smiled.

It'll come out of my profits. I'm not so worried about that. I'm more worried about seeing him, and the little mother. It used to make me sick just seeing them, now I'm not so sure. Maybe it'll be a good test. Maybe I don't care as much as I used to think I did. Sometimes I wonder. She looked pensive as she looked at him. Just in the short time they had known each other, he could tell that she was changing.