The Girl Who Wasn't (27 page)

“
Titus promoted me,” he
says.

This is not what I expect him to say.
“What?”

“
Interim head of security.
Until someone else can be appointed—or I prove myself worthy. I
forgot to tell you before.”

“
You’re in
charge?”

“
Looks like. I wonder if
this means I get to know all the secrets now.” He shakes his head.
“I knew there was more going on, that I was being lied to, but I
never imagined … This is huge. Monstrous, government-crumbling
stuff. I can’t believe he’s kept it a secret for so long. And with
Gus and you right here in front of me …” He pauses, as if
remembering I can provide an answer if only he can formulate the
question. “How does he keep it a secret?”

I make a decision. After this, there’s
no going back. But I’ve been past the point of no return where
Linc’s concerned since that first night on the rooftop. And I know
my choice isn’t just between telling him the truth or holding onto
it. It’s more about choosing to risk for something more important
than my life. I’m choosing something most Imitations would never
dream of doing. I’m choosing to feel. And to maybe let someone else
feel something for me.

I lead Linc into a corner of the room
and pull him down onto the floor next to me. I am careful to keep
my voice low but I no longer hold back, picking and choosing what
to admit. I tell him everything. About Twig City. About how an
Imitation is created to serve his or her Authentic in life and in
death—but mostly death. About Lonnie and Ida and how much I love
them despite being told it is an emotion I am not capable
of.

“
I knew Ida was special to
you by the way you spoke of her,” he says. His expression clouds.
“Wait, you almost called Obadiah by her name that night on the
terrace.”

“
He is her
Authentic.”

His confusion deepens. “How
…?”

“
I don’t know,” I admit,
“but they are definitely a match.”

“
Do you think he
knows?”

“
I doubt it.”

“
Are you going to tell
him?”

“
It would get him killed,
Linc.”

He is silent then.

I tell him about notes from Marla and
how they are a written trigger for the end of an existence. Or at
least as far as residence in Twig City. My sudden departure. Anna
in the bathroom. Melanie.

Daniel.

Linc doesn’t interrupt
again.

Through it all, my voice is nothing
more than a hushed whisper. Even so, I am certain that any second
someone—probably Titus—will burst in and drag me away. But no one
comes.

When I am finished, we are both quiet
so long, I hear a hum coming from some electronic device I can’t
see. It makes me think of the pipes. Something giving life to
something else.

I can’t take it any longer. “Say
something,” I whisper.

“
It’s … unbelievable.” There
is malice in his tone that wasn’t there before. A lump the size of
his rejection forms in my stomach.

“
I want to hate him,” he
continues. “I mean, I do hate him. For being a tyrant and a
dictator and for dangling you like he did. But for the rest, he’s
sort of a genius, which kind of makes me hate him more. He creates
… people.”

“
I’m not a person,” I say.
“I was manufactured.”

Something in my words gets his
attention because he looks up at me sharply. His jaw is set. He’s
daring me to argue when he says, “No, you’re an angel. Titus Rogen
is in the business of manufacturing angels.”

I open my mouth to say
something, though I have no idea what, but he rushes on. “I’ve been
fighting this ever since you were hit on the head. No, ever since I
met you—I realize that now. I knew you were different. Not just
from the amnesia and it didn’t make sense. The old you—or her, I
should say—is nothing like
this
you. Ugh, I don’t even know if this makes sense.
My point is, I’ve been trying so hard not to feel this way and all
it’s done is made my feelings bigger and harder to fight. I’m not
going to do that anymore. I’m not going to fight it.”

“
What are you going to do?”
I ask.

“
This.”

And then he is leaning
forward and I feel his breath hit my mouth just before his lips do
and the combination is by far the sweetest thing I have ever
tasted. It’s different than his other kisses. This time, he’s
kissing
me
. No
pretenses. No lies.

His hands roam my body, gripping my
hips, sliding over my abdomen, cupping my breasts. I press tighter
against him, desperate to eliminate every pocket of space that
separates us. He pulls me closer, his fingers tangling in my
hair.

A strange feeling rises inside me. It
grows larger inside my chest and creates a lump in my throat. Tears
spring to my eyes. I squeeze them shut to hide it, determined to
enjoy the physical sensations Linc’s hands stir up, but the feeling
won’t be ignored. It’s an emotion heavier than I knew existed, more
intense than I could ever anticipate myself capable of.

There’s nothing I can do to stop the
noise that follows. It is surprise—for experiencing a feeling I
never thought I had the right to want—and pure happiness that
manifests in a quiet whimper. Linc’s response is to pull me closer
and hang on tighter. I do the same.

Our kiss is sweet and full of passion.
A tiny tear escapes the corner of my eye. It is the first and only
time I’ve ever shed a tear of joy.

When our lips part, Linc regards me
with a smile and even though I feel the urge to smile back, I
don’t. There is one more thing left to be said. One more reason why
he and I shouldn’t even be here together, solidifying our feelings.
Sealing them with kisses.

“
I need to say something,” I
say.

“
What is it?”

Saying it out loud is hard because it
makes it more real, but I have to make him understand. “Catching
Daniel tonight … especially if he gives up Melanie … Titus may
decide I’m not needed anymore.”

He is silent for a moment and I can see
him working it out, trying to understand where this is going.
Sadness claws at me but I don’t give in. I refuse to let it ruin
things just yet. “I see. You’re afraid you’ll be sent back to
…?”

“
Twig City,” I finish for
him. “And no. That’s not a possibility.”

“
What then?”

“
When Titus is finished with
me—any time an Imitation’s mission is considered complete—they are
terminated.”

“
What do you …? Oh.” I see
the moment my words hit him. His lips part. He searches my face,
perhaps looking for an alternative answer. But there isn’t one.
“How can he do that?”

I hold up my arm and gesture to the
seemingly undisturbed skin. “I have a GPS implanted inside
me.”

“
I know that. It’s how we’re
able to monitor you. It’s how I knew where to find you on that
rooftop,” he admits.

“
There’s also a kill switch.
Titus can use it whenever he decides I’ve become
unnecessary.”

“
And you’re worried that
after tonight, you’re no longer necessary,” he finishes.

“
Aren’t I?”

He reaches up and places his hands on
my cheeks, drawing my nose to his and staring with an intensity
that seems to burn through me. “Titus isn’t going to touch you.
I’ve protected you this long and I’m not going to stop now. Nothing
is going to happen to you. I won’t let it.”

I blink and feel myself tear up again
at the enormity of what he’s promising.

“
Do you trust me?” he
asks.

My voice is thick with emotion when I
respond with a quiet, “Yes.”

“
Good.” He presses his lips
to my forehead and then draws me close, holding me against his
chest. I can feel his chin propped gently on the top of my head. I
cannot remember ever feeling so safe when I had such reason to be
scared. We sit that way for a while and I don’t ask what he’s
thinking because I’m tired of talking about death.

When I sit up, the intensity is still
there. If anything, he is more determined, more set on his
course.

When he speaks again, I don’t doubt his
promise for a single second. “No one is ever going to hurt you,
Ven. Not while I have breath.”

Chapter Fifteen

The next morning, my breakfast is cut
short by a phone call.

“
You can take it in the
library,” Maria says, gesturing that I should follow the security
guard standing in the doorway.

I get up and walk out, too surprised to
care about my unfinished meal. During my time at Rogen Tower, I’ve
never once received a phone call. My stomach bounces along, feeling
like it’s three steps ahead of me as I walk to the study where the
landline waits. I barely ate more than a bite of toast but it’s
threatening to make a reappearance.

I’ve heard not a word from Titus since
he left to interrogate Daniel last night. I have no idea what his
plans are for me. Even with Linc in charge and all the promises he
made, I don’t feel safe here. Not yet. The uncertainty of Titus’s
intention hangs over me like a wet curtain, dripping, dripping,
until it inevitably splashes down and soaks through.

Josephine came earlier this morning,
offering pain meds. Again, I turned her down. I can’t afford to be
loopy right now. My throat aches but it’s nothing I can’t handle.
The yellowing bruises below my eyes are barely visible through the
layer of cover-up. And it’s nothing compared to the pain of the
other attacks I’ve endured. I resolved to swallow delicately and
waved her away.

In the absence of the numbing drugs, my
mind is crystal clear—and full of worry. The phone call is only
added anxiety.

“
Who is it?” I ask the
security guard waiting in the open doorway. But like the one who
led me here, he only shakes his head.

I sit in the rolling chair in front of
the desk and hold the receiver to my ear. I guess at the button
that will connect me by pressing the one next to the blinking red
light. A buzz of background noise fills the speaker.

“
Hello?”

“
Raven? Is that you? Gawd,
finally,” says the voice on the other end. And it is so
feminine-yet-decidedly-male that I know immediately.

“
Obadiah,” I say. Relief for
a worry I didn’t even realize washes over me. “How are you? How’s
your head?”

I haven’t spoken to him since the night
of the party when Titus came and dragged me away before I could
make anything worse by telling the truth. My exit was hasty but not
before witnessing the sizable lump on Obadiah’s skull.

“
What? My head?” He sounds
momentarily baffled and when he answers, I can almost see him
waving an impatient hand at me. “Oh, that. I’m fine. Nothing a good
pain pill couldn’t cure. Listen, I have some
information.”

“
What sort of
information?”

His voice drops to a stage whisper.
“The … secret agent kind of information.”

“
Okayyy. What is
it?”

“
Not on the phone, are you
crazy?” He pauses and then adds, “I can’t believe you’re even
talking to me.”

“
What does that
mean?”

“
I call you all the time.
You’re never available.” The way he says it sounds like an
impression of someone who has given him that same line over and
over.

“
What do you mean ‘all the
time’?”

“
I mean, twice yesterday,
twice the day before … all the time.”

It shouldn’t surprise me that Titus has
vetoed phone calls but I wonder who else has tried contacting me or
why Obadiah’s call was put through now. And then I know. Linc has
allowed it. Linc is giving me my freedom. What little there is to
be had in this place. It makes me want to kiss him
again.

“
Raven, are you
there?”

“
I’m here.”

“
What I need to tell you
involves a certain mutual acquaintance,” he says. “A bathroom
acquaintance. We should talk in person.”

Anna.

After last night, I’d almost given up
on seeing her again. Surely Daniel will give up what he knows.
Titus will find her and any others Daniel’s hiding, GPS or not, and
do … what he will. I don’t allow myself to think about the
possibilities if Titus finds all of his missing Imitations. It
doesn’t matter that he thinks of them as products. That he calls it
“termination.” As far as I’m concerned, it will be
genocide.

And though I am not sure I could bring
myself to do it, the thought of having my GPS removed, of being
free, is exhilarating. I want to ask Anna how it’s
possible.

If there is any chance at all of
getting to them before Titus does, I have to do it. Even the
thought of Melanie being at Titus’s mercy brings a small amount of
compassion.

What Obadiah’s asking won’t be easy,
today most of all. Despite that, I say, “I can meet
you.”