The Girlfriend Project (13 page)
"Being a guy is hard work," Lonnie says.
"Tell me about it," I mumble.
"Well, at least we don't have to wear pantyhose."
"Or mascara," I say.
"We don't get periods."
"Or PMS," I add.
We're in my room discussing the questions I put on the site. Lonnie's and my both having a sister definitely gives us a bigger
window into girlhood than most guys have. Not that it's done much for me. Or, surprisingly,
him.
"You'd think I'd be better at this," Lonnie says.
"I don't get it, Lonnie," I say. 'All I hear from you lately is how bad you are at this."
He pauses for a second, then replies, "It's all just an act. Reed. Don't you know that?"
Well, yeah, I knew that. "But why are you admitting it now? After all this time? Why all of a sudden?"
"I don't know," he murmurs, then turns to me. "Maybe because of you.
The Girlfriend Project.
Comparing myself."
"Comparing yourself? To me?"
"Yup."
"Me?"
"Reed, enough already. You're
good.
And you did it without an act. You didn't change. Well, maybe, a little. But you never pretended."
I don't know what to say to this. "I don't know who I am at all," I stammer. "I just found out people might think I'm stuck
up. I'm trying to figure it out too."
"Join the club, dude."
"I feel like I wasted the last four years," I go on.
He shrugs. "Maybe you did, Reed, but you're catching up quick."
"Maybe . . . It's sort of like that contest," I venture.
"What contest?"
"You know, the state motto contest. New Jersey: We Have an Image Problem and, Thanks, We Know That."
Lonnie grins. "NewJersey: Jersey Guys May Be Messed Up but They're Hot."
'And They're Great Kissers Even Though They Don't Know What They're Doing Half the Time," I reply.
'And They're Hot."
'And They're Sensitive Guys."
'And They're Hot."
'And They Love Big Hair."
'And They're Hot."
We both crack up. Lonnie checks his watch. "Hey, we better get going."
We're going on a double date. Lonnie and Deena, Ronnie and me.
I'm still not sure how to act around Lonnie with Ronnie. It's stranger than I thought it would be, and sometimes I wonder
. . . But then I remind myself that Ronnie and I are perfect for each other.
We go to this cool restaurant in Red Bank called the Melting Pot, where you order food and dip it into a collective fondue
pot on your table. Ronnie keeps feeding me chunks of Italian bread dipped in cheese sauce, and I keep staring at Lonnie to
make sure he's not freaked about it.
"You two are so cute it makes me want to hurl," Deena says cheerfully. She turns to Lonnie. 'Are we that cute?"
"You're the cutest of them all," he replies—wisely.
She giggles. Then she looks at us again.
"So, you guys were best friends your whole lives, and now you're together. That is so cool. Can boys and girls stay friends
or will they always get together in the end?"
"Survey question," Ronnie and I say together.
Deena laughs. "Yeah, what's happened with your site, Reed, is unbelievable. Everybody knows you. Everybody loves you."
I've actually been thinking about this. "They don't really know me," I say. "They like me because I'm famous. You shouldn't
like someone just because they're famous. That's why people like celebrities. It's messed up."
"Yeah," Deena says listlessly.
"It's like when Floyd Flavin got arrested," I go on, undeterred. "I mean, the guy got arrested! Isn't that supposed to be
a bad thing? Instead, it made him the most popular guy in school." I shove a hunk of cheese-soaked bread into my mouth and
tell myself to shut up. My pious Boy Scout virtues are showing. It's okay for me to say these things when I'm with Ronnie
and Lonnie. They understand me. But Deena isn't exactly safe territory.
"I don't know," Deena mutters.
I look at her and think, Man, this girl is an
airhead.
Then I scold myself for my meanness. But it's true. Deena Winters is so beautiful she belongs on the cover of a magazine.
But she's a few enchiladas short of a combination platter, if you know what I mean. And yet, Lonnie's not an airhead at all.
What does he see in her except the obvious? I guess that's enough for him.
I tell myself to stop thinking unkind thoughts about other people. Who am I to make judgments like that? Maybe Deena Winters
saved somebody's life once. Maybe she rescues animals. Maybe she volunteers at a children's hospital every Sunday. Maybe she
doesn't step on worms when they come out after it rains. I want to apologize to her for my rudeness, but at least I didn't
insult her out loud.
Instead, I gaze appreciatively at Ronnie. She's beautiful and sweet and smart. I lean forward and kiss her softly, unable
to help myself, and she smiles at me. Then I automatically look at Lonnie for his approval.
He's studying me with an expression I recognize.
It shocks me.
He's jealous.
. . .
All my life I wished I could be more like Lonnie.
But now, I realize, it's
hard
for Lonnie to be Lonnie. It's much harder for him than I ever knew.
When our double date's over and we're back in my room, Lonnie asks me, "Is this what you meant all along, Reed?"
I'm sitting in a chair by the window and Ronnie's down the hall in the bathroom.
"Yeah," I say, knowing exactly what he's asking. "This is it."
"I'm jealous."
"I know."
"So, this is what you meant by 'love' coming into the picture," he says, falling backward onto my bed.
"You shouldn't be jealous of me, Lonnie," I say. "I'm still a dork and I always will be. You're
It."
"You're not a dork," he says. "And, even if you are, at least you're a happy one. You figured it out. I'm a restless caveman.
I kiss anything that breathes."
I chuckle. "Well, you do have your reputation."
He gives me a small smile. "You got the better deal, buddy."
"Doesn't mean you can't get it too."
He rubs his face. "Can you write it up for me in a tip list?"
I laugh, and he does too.
He suddenly sits up. "New Jersey," he says, "Pass the Pepperoni and Quit Worrying About What Other People Think."
"New Jersey," I say, "We May Have Our Problems, but Get Out of Our Face."
"New Jersey," Ronnie says, entering the room, "Jersey Guys Are the Hottest and the Coolest."
'And They're Fantastic Kissers," I add with a grin.
'And They're the Hottest," Lonnie puts in.
"And They're the Coolest," Ronnie finishes.
. . .
1. Has anyone ever laughed at you after you asked them out? If yes, did you
not
ask out anybody else because you were so hurt? How long did your hurt last?
Mighty viking:
yea
3
yrs
Babe Hunter:
it hurts worse than being kicked u-know-where
Loner Wolf:
ya ya 2 yrs & counting
FlavorOfTheMonth:
i askd out a guy once, it was so hard, i can c why guys get freaked abut it
wicked:
who needs the aggravation? i'm better off playin
war craft
Hot Stud:
i was majorly bummd 4 a month. Thanks 4 bringing up a painful memory 4 me reed
Dirty Girl:
such a sad question 2TM!
RBJ:
she laughed so hard it was Ik i told a joke, i guess i was the joke.
all start:
OMG! i laughed at someone by accident! i didn't mean it! now i feel horrible! what should i do?
el sexy:
i still haven't asked out anyone else
sykotic:
no one laughs, maybe i'm lucky
The Duke:
she didn't laugh but she hung up
Grrl:
i asked out a guy and he said no. i'm not doing it again
2. Have
you
ever rejected anyone? How did that feel?
Flavor Of The Month:
not fun at all
Babe Hunter:
some guys think its kewl but they're sick puppies
sk8erboy:
it sucked
Soldier Of Fortune:
hurts less than me being rejected
all star:
the guys u Ik r the 1s who reject u & the guys u don't Ik are the ones u reject, why?
el
sexy: i think i would like it!
flowering garlic:
be careful who u reject, the "dork" of today cud be the hunk of tomorrow. & dont think he'll forget what u did to him.
chief cool:
i felt Ik dog turd the drippy mushy kind.
3. How important are looks to you?
Mobster Mo:
very but not proud of it
el sexy:
shallow but still important
flowering garlic:
don't judge a book by its cover
Mighty viking:
that's the way things are even in those tribes in the amazon rain forest
Babe Hunter:
guys r no better than chimps
sk8erboy:
it's biology, my dad is a biologist, it's chemistry
green frog:
2 bad wen ur fat or ugly
all star:
girls r more into guys having hot cars or $$$$ or both
Flavor Of The Month:
if girls like bad boys it's all about hotness
Dirty Girl:
it's more important to have a good personality and sense of humor
Hot Stud:
ofc looks r important, what do you think nose jobs and wonderbras and zit concealer r for?
4. Have you ever liked someone and not told them? For how long?
monster 11:
a whole yr
wicked:
i told her after 2 yrs & she told me 2 get lost
sk8erboy:
i had a crush on my statistics teacher for the longest time but i never told him
el
sexy:
i Ik this girl at the video store but she has a stupid gorilla-bf
flowering garlic:
i know boys who secretly like a girl for years and never tell her! what's the point? just tell her! maybe she likes u too!
cranial tornado 45:
so much wasted luv
green frog:
my best friend likes this guy in gym & i don't think she'll ever tell him
all star:
i liked a guy at summer camp but didn't tell him till the last day and he liked me too and that was really stupid because
we could have been together
Hot Stud:
if i like a girl i tell her. why deprive her of the best time of her life?
5. Are you afraid of the opposite sex?
wrsssatty:
OFC
Dirty Girl:
guys are terrified of girls which is really sad. why are the questions so sad this time?
chief cool:
girls are man-eating blood-sucking fang-toothed cobra-headed monsters who toy w/guys for sport!
Babe Hunter:
they play games w/ur mind
el sexy:
i'm afraid of poisonous snakes, any connection?
flowering garlic:
boys and girls misunderstand each other too much, we don't speak the same language sometimes
all star:
i feel afraid when i'm around a guy. my heart beats fast and my stomach gets crampd
Hot Stud:
what's to be afraid of? girls adore me. girls worship me. I'm their god. why should i be afraid of adoration &worship & godliness?
And in the comments section
flowering garlic:
gr8 questions reed, luv ur site
Soldier Of Fortune:
I'm not only guy traumatized
sk8erboy:
ur Ik a teacher reed, this is Ik class only it's fun and no homework!
Dirty Girl:
even tho the questions were sad they were important
green frog:
wow it takes guys yrs 2 recover from rejection
el sexy:
i'm goin 2 think abut it be4 i reject peeps from now on
The posts are amazing this time. They're much longer than usual, and there are more of them. They're thoughtful and almost.
. . poignant. I really feel for these people. Some of them have been through a lot. And I'm struck again by flowering garlic's
insights. The dork of today? The hunk of tomorrow? Who 15 she?
"Wow," Ronnie says.
It's her fourth "wow." We're sitting together in front of my laptop reading everything.
"Fantastic questions, Reed," she says. "People really got into it." She scrolls up the screen. "I had no idea guys had feelings."
"Huh?" I ask. "What was that again?"
"I had no idea guys had feelings," she repeats.
I snort. 'As hard as it is to accept it, Ronnie, we're human beings too."
"Sometimes I'm not so sure," she retorts.
"Don't you think I have feelings?" I ask.
"Yeah, but you're my best friend, Reed."
"I'm a guy," I say.
'And a majorly hot one," she says, kissing my cheek.
I let out a laugh. "Just because guys don't
express
their feelings doesn't mean they don't have them."
I've been reading some of my parents' books. I'm becoming a dating expert after all.
Ronnie frowns. "But Reed, guys don't seem to care."
"They care, Ronnie. They just don't show it."
"Why?"
"They're scared."
Her frown deepens. I take her hand and put it on my chest.
"Hear that? I have a heart just like you do."
"I know
you
do, Reed, but. . . what about somebody like Lonnie?"
"Are you kidding? Lonnie cried for an hour after Deena dumped him yesterday."
"He did?" Her eyes are huge.
I wonder if I should've told her that. But she seems to sense I've shared something sensitive with her.
She sighs. "It's just. . . Guys call the shots."
I throw up my hands.
<
e
Girls
call the shots, Ronnie. Girls can reject a guy every step of the way. When he asks her out. When he tries holding her hand.
When he tries kissing her. When he asks her out for the second time . . ."
She pouts. "But, Reed, girls have to wait for guys to call."
"Guys have to wait for the green light for everything!" I point to the screen. "These guys got shot down and it's years later
and they're still messed up!"