The Girl's Got Secrets (Forbidden Men #7) (32 page)

“No, I mean, like a psychiatrist? Emotional help.”

With a snort, I sent him a get-real glance. “You think my uncle was willing to shell out extra cash for something like that? Yeah, think again.” Stan had thought he’d done his duty plenty by letting me live in his trailer. He hadn’t expended any more effort than that, except to occasionally ask if I needed money to buy my own things.

“You should’ve gotten some help for that directly after it happened. It’s not good to—”

“Sticks.” I held up a hand to shut him up. “It happened years ago. I think I’m past it. And I know you’d love for me to open up and share all my feelings and shit with you, but I’m going to go see my friend now and be
there
for
him
.”

Except when I glanced around the room, feeling totally lost and not sure what to do next, Remy clutched my arm. “I’ll drive you,” he said quietly.

I blew out a breath, feeling pathetic because I needed him. Pick’s news had affected me strongly. That surprised me. So I nodded at my friend’s offer and murmured, “’K. Thanks.”

Without making a big deal of my admitting I did indeed need him, he snagged his keys, wallet, and phone off the coffee table and motioned toward the door. Since my head was still messed up, I followed his directive without question.

But as soon as I opened the door, he hissed, “Shit. Food. We need food.”

I glanced back, frowning. “Huh?”

“You know.” He snapped his fingers and waved out his hand. “When the close loved one of someone you know dies, you bring them food, like casseroles and shit.”

I arched an eyebrow. “You’re whack if you think I even remotely know how to bake a casserole.”

Remy laughed. “It doesn’t have to be a casserole per se. Just...anything. Something helpful.” Then he brightened. “When Big T’s madre died, all these people poured in with different foods, but this one single old guy, Jorge, he brought paper plates and napkins, and plasticware, crap like that. It was the most used thing anyone brought over. And I always told myself, since I can’t cook either, that’s what I’d do if I ever visited the family member of someone who died.”

I blew out a breath. “All right then. We’ll stop by the store and pick up some paper plates and such along the way.”

Half an hour later, we knocked on Reese and Mason’s door. Eva answered, and her face brightened when she saw me.

“Asher.” She pulled me in for a tight hug, murmuring into my ear how much it was going to mean to Mason and Reese that I’d come. Then she noticed the guy behind me. “Oh! Hi, there.” I introduced her to Remy, and he waved a respectful hello before following us down the hall to a kitchen where Pick and Reese were hovering over a phone book, debating which funeral home to contact.

“Look who I found at the door,” Eva announced.

Reese looked up, and though her face was red and puffy from some obvious crying, she smiled when she saw me. “Asher. Thank you so much for coming.” She swept around the table toward me and pulled me in for a hug.

Afterward, I heaved the grocery bag at her.

She peeked inside and brightened. “Oh! Thank you. That was so thoughtful. This’ll probably come in handy more than anything else.”

I glanced back at Remy, ready to give him the credit, but he nudged my elbow and whispered, “Your line is
you’re welcome
.” So I dutifully turned back to Reese and shrugged.

“No problem. So...?”

I wasn’t sure what to ask. But Reese leaned in and quietly murmured, “She overdosed.”

Shock spread through me. “Mason’s mom? Shit. I wasn’t aware she...”

“She wasn’t. Not really. I guess she’d had a problem with prescription pills a long time ago. She used to filch some of Sarah’s medicine to handle...well, life, I guess. But she’d stopped long before I’d come along. Mason didn’t even tell me about it until after we’d moved here from Florida. But I guess, lately, these last few months...it became a problem again.” She shook her head as tears filled her eyes. “Sarah’s the one who found her. After she called us, she hasn’t spoken a word.”

“Shit,” I murmured, feeling for Mason’s poor sister.

“And Mason...my God.” More tears filled Reese’s eyes. “He’s been busy on the phone, calling lawyers and social workers, so hell-bent on making sure we can get custody of Sarah he hasn’t stopped to think about what really just happened. I don’t think he
wants
to think about it.”

I didn’t blame him. Before I could say anything, offer help—just anything she needed—two small children scampered into the room. “Mama, Dada,” they called, going to their parents.

Watching what I guessed were my niece and nephew now run to Eva and Pick for attention, I shook my head. They were so damn cute, and so damn lucky they had two parents who cared, who wouldn’t overdose and abandon them, who just...loved them.

From the hallway, more people appeared: Noel and his family, and Quinn and Zoey, toting a super-small baby.

As Reese went in to snatch baby J.B. from Zoey’s arms, saying she really needed a dose of cuteness right now, Brandt glanced around the suddenly cramped kitchen and asked, “Sarah’s here, right?”

Pain clouded Reese’s face as she jiggled the baby. “Yes, but I’m sorry, Brandt.” She shook her head. “She’s not talking to anyone right now. Mason can’t even get her to respond to him. She’s pretty upset.”

Determination glittered in Brandt’s eyes. “Can I go see her anyway?” I had a feeling he would’ve found a way, even if Reese denied him access.

But she nodded. “Of course. She’s lying down in Mason’s and my room.”

He took off, and hushed, respectful voices filled the kitchen as Aspen and Quinn handed food dishes off to Eva, who packed them away in the refrigerator. When Mason entered the room, looking pale, worn-out, and a bit shell-shocked, the ladies gathered around him for a round of hugs, while us guys stood back, giving him one of those sorry-for-your-loss nods.

Julian and Skylar kept trying to scream and run around the kitchen, so Pick gathered them both up under his arms, announcing, “I can take them home. Tink...go ahead and stay here as long as you need, be with your cousins. And call when you’re ready to come home.”

I about spoke up, and volunteered to take her home so he wouldn’t have to come back, thinking Remy had a car Eva could actually ride in, but then Remy lifted his hand. “Oh, hey. I can watch them. No problem. If you have an extra room here we could hang out in, you all could stay.”

Reese laid her hand on his arm. “Thank you so much, Sticks.” Then she glanced my way. “Could you show him where the office is? There are some kids’ DVDs and toys in there to occupy the kiddos.”

I nodded and helped Remy gather up Pick and Eva’s little heathens.

We started down another hall, but when we passed Mason and Reese’s room, Brandt’s murmured voice made me pause at the half opened door and glance inside.

“It’s going to be okay,” the kid murmured as he lay spooned up behind Sarah on the bed and stroked her hair. “Living with your big brother isn’t so bad. It’s actually been better for me since I have. You’ll see.”

Sarah grabbed hold of his shirt at his shoulder and squeezed it tight. “Please...don’t...leave me.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Brandt assured her. “I’m staying right here with you.”

Behind me, Remy nudged me on, silently telling me I was listening in on a private conversation, but as soon as we reached Mason and Reese’s office, he grinned and said, “Well, if that wasn’t the sweetest shit you’ve ever seen. I think I just fell in love with that kid.”

I grinned and shook my head. “Yeah, Brandt’s a good seed.” Then I glanced around the room that had obviously been set up to entertain Julian and Skylar. The two toddlers immediately sought their toys and began to play. “You sure you’re okay with watching them?”

“I grew up babysitting younger cousins. I got this.” He nudged me toward the door. “Now go be with your friends.”

I nodded and started away. “Thanks, Rem. You’re a true friend.”

So I hung out with little Julian and Skylar. Neither of them really watched the movie I put in; they just kind of played around me, occasionally climbing over my legs to get from one side of me to the other. Sometimes a loud or particularly active scene would catch their attention, but mostly, I was the only one glued to the actual plot.

By the time the final credits rolled, they were passed out asleep, each one resting a head on either of my thighs while tears poured down my face, some inside my mask, some trickling down the outside.

“Oh, God,” I sobbed, mopping at my cheeks with the backs of my fingers. “This shit is sad.”

“Yo, Rem.” Asher appeared in the doorway, grabbing onto the side of the frame so he could swing his upper body into the bedroom. “You ready to head out? I need to get to work. Aspen said she’d take over watching Skylar and Ju—” But upon seeing me, he stopped short, and blinked. “Are you crying?”

“It’s fucking sad,” I nearly bellowed, making Julian stir in his sleep so I had to pat his curly hair to soothe him back into deeper unconsciousness. “I mean, what the hell? It’s a
Disney
movie; I thought all Disney movies had happy endings.”

He laughed. The bastard actually laughed at my heartache. “Which one is it?” He let go of the door to step deeper into the room so he could see the screen.

“
Tinker Bell and the Neverbeast
, or something like that. Can’t remember. He’s never going to see her again,” I motioned to a picture of the beast as it flashed across the screen. “And that fairy Fawn, she
loves
him. They should get to stay together. This is just…it’s
so
wrong
.”

And God, it was so good.

Asher became entranced watching the credits. Finally, he asked, “What song is this?”

“It’s ‘1,000 Years’ by KT Tunstall and Bleu. Haven’t you ever heard it before?”

“No,” he murmured, his gaze stuck on the screen. “But I like it.”

It was perfect for this movie too. Dios, this sad, beautiful, amazing movie.

Easing the babies off my lap and shifting them so they were resting on nearby blankets, I patted their precious little heads, then pushed to my feet. My back was stiff and legs ached from sitting on the floor for so long, so I stretched them and dusted off my backside.

“You said you needed to go?” I asked Asher.

“Huh?” He glanced from the movie and blinked at me before shaking his head to clear it. “Oh yeah. It’s Saturday, karaoke night. So I need to get there early too. We’d better go.” Then he smiled toward the kids. “I guess they ended up liking you. Thanks again for watching them. Mason and Reese really needed Pick and Eva today.”

“No problem. They’re good kids…and cute as all get-out.” I followed him from the room, where the rest of the apartment was a lot quieter than it’d been in the bedroom with the kids and the movie playing.

Though I loved my spot in Non-Castrato, always having to dress up as Sticks, the male drummer, was wearing on me. I just really,
really
missed being a girl. I mean, I could still be me when I was home and when I had to go to work at Castañeda’s, but it seemed like other than that, I was stuck in my mask and forced to act manly almost around the clock.

I know, know. Why the heck was I whining? I’d gotten my own damn self into this predicament. I’d made my bed, and so forth.

Didn’t mean I didn’t have regrets though. I still probably would’ve tried out as a guy if I had to do it all over again. I loved being able to play with the band. And I loved this chance to get to know Asher. The verdict was still out on Gally and Heath. Heath might be okay, but it was hard to tell. Gally, I feared, was a straight-up irredeemable asshole.

I probably would’ve come clean to them sooner, though.

Now, I was just too chicken-shit and worried I’d destroy everything if I exposed my true identity. It would definitely upset Asher. And I’d do anything
not
to upset Asher, even continue to dress up as Sticks.

I’d never been the girliest girl on the planet, but three nights after I babysat Pick and Eva’s kids while Asher helped console Mason and Reese, I felt the need to indulge my feminine side. I took a long, hot bubble bath, gave myself an avocado facial, plopped two cucumber slices over my eyes and didn’t budge from the water until all my fingers and toes were pruned and colorless.

After that, I strolled barefoot around the apartment in a fuzzy terrycloth robe with a towel turban on my head as I raided the kitchen for ice cream, chocolate, and a mug of pumpkin spiced tea.

A mini pedicure followed along with fingernail painting and then eyebrow tweezing. By the time I was done with all that, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world again.

I didn’t plan on going out, but I slid on one of my favorite little black dresses and fixed up my face and hair—just because I could—before returning to the kitchen to, ugh...do the dishes.

It’d been a few days and they’d piled up. What was worse, the waffle maker I hadn’t used for over a week was still sitting on the counter, waiting to be scrubbed clean. I was sure both Jodi and I had done a round of dishes each since we’d used that damn waffle iron. But it was such a pain in the ass to wash, we’d both put it off.

I narrowed my eyes at it, wondering if it’d be wrong to just pitch it and buy another. It was kind of a cheapie brand. I could buy something nice and self-cleaning. Did waffle makers come in self-cleaning brands?

Well, they totally should.

Bluck, okay. I’d clean the stupid thing.

I had the soap and every possible scrubber on hand, working at it, when I heard Jodi come in, home early from her Tuesday night class. I called a greeting and went back to the waffle iron as I sang “Anaconda.” I had my hips swaying and booty popping as I rapped out the Nicki Minaj part, because hell, isn’t that what you were supposed to do when you got down with Nicki?

I’d just gotten to the verse when someone laughed from behind me. Yelping out my surprise, I whirled around, the suds clinging to my hands flinging everywhere.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” The girl leaning against the doorjamb of the kitchen and holding her stomach with one arm as she continued to laugh held up a hand. “I just heard the singing and had to check it out.”

I gaped at her, blinking and unable to believe my eyes...because I knew her.

“What the hell are
you
doing here?” I blurted out, shaking my head in confusion. As soon as I realized how rude that had sounded, I slapped my hand over my mouth. “I mean...sorry. I just...I wasn’t expecting anyone. I thought my roommate had just come home and—”

“You mean Jodi? Oh, she did.” The blonde hooked a thumb over her shoulder, motioning out of the kitchen and toward the rest of the apartment. “I take Theatrical Design class with her, and when we got out early tonight, we decided to go somewhere to eat, but she wanted to stop by her place first to change, so voilà. That’s why I’m here, waiting on her. I’m Caroline, by the way.”

“Re—” I automatically started to answer before I caught myself, wondering if I should give her my real name. She was friends with Asher, married to his coworker. How safe was I in getting to know her as a girl? Then I decided, screw it. I didn’t feel like lying for the rest of the evening, so I smiled and said, “Remy.”

She smiled back as if pleased with my answer. I wondered if she knew the truth. Her husband knew; but had he told her?

“So do you want to get something to eat with us?” she asked, looking eager as if she really wanted me to go along.

“Uh...” I glanced toward the dishes, which I really didn’t want to finish. But spending too much time with Asher’s friend might get me caught up in some lie I didn’t want to tell.

Before I could regretfully decline, though, Jodi burst into the kitchen, saying, “Yes! Of course, you do. It feels as if I haven’t seen you in forever. You’re always busy, spending time with—”

“Sure,” I butted in before she could say Asher’s name or his band’s name. “I’ll tag along, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Caroline answered brightly.

“Great.” My smile was forced and my heart was pounding with stress. “Let me just go change into something a little more suitable.”

“Oh, hell no.” Jodi grabbed my arm, stopping me. “It’s been ages since I’ve seen you looking so nice. You are totally wearing that.” Then she crinkled her eyebrows into a confused frown. “Actually, why
are
you wearing that to do the dishes?”

I flushed hard as I shrugged. “Just, you know...sometimes you want to feel pretty when you’re slaving away at menial tasks.”

Caroline laughed at my answer. “I think I’m going to like you.”

I sent her a small, sick smile.
Swell
. I’d probably have to lie and deceive the girl all night, but she liked me. Nothing else for me to feel guilty about there.

No, not at all.

“You know, your singing reminds me of one of my friends. He’s always singing to himself when he’s absorbed in things like cleaning.”

“Hmm,” I murmured, trying not to act interested in such a coincidence because I had a feeling I knew exactly which friend she was referring to. “So, if I’m not allowed to change, should we go now?”
Get this night over with already
.

It ended up that I actually really liked Caroline, even though I tried not to so I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty about my deception. But she was just so personable and friendly, and she kept involving me in everything she and Jodi discussed.

Once we made it to the restaurant and were seated, I ordered a piña colada as soon as the waiter approached our table and before he could even ask for drink requests.

What?
It’d been way too long since I’d been able to indulge in one.

Jodi laughed, while Caroline just sent me a curious glance. As soon as the waiter was gone again, Jodi asked, “Missing the girl life, huh?”

I nudged her under the table with the tips of my high heels.

But Caroline had already lasered in like a heat-seeking missile. “Girl life?”

I waved a hand and shook my head as if it were no big deal, but Jodi immediately started explaining, “Remy’s the girl I’ve been dressing up as a guy.”