The Girl's Got Secrets (Forbidden Men #7) (40 page)

Well, I’d found her. And I wished I hadn’t.

My phone alerted me to a text message from Pick, but I couldn’t answer it right now. Cursing aloud, I kicked my wall and then slapped all the things off my kitchen table, one of them being the gift bag that had once held the handcuffs I used with—

“Motherfucker,” I roared. Then I spotted my notebook of lyrics and had to fling that across the room too. The song I’d written with her suddenly felt like one big joke.

Acid coated my tongue. I couldn’t believe she’d deceived me so completely.

I sneered at the Call of Duty box on my coffee table and wanted to shred it with my bare hands. Snatching it up, I flung it across the room until it hit Mozart’s cage, clanging against the metal wire.

“Shit. Sorry, Mozart,” I said.

But when I checked on my pet, I frowned. Mozart wasn’t in his cage. And the door to free him hung wide open. I blinked, knowing I hadn’t let him out. With everything I’d been doing with Elisa these past few days, I hadn’t had the time to let him run free since probably Monday.

“Mozart?” I said. Even though I knew he wouldn’t be in there, I checked every inch of all his cages. Then I whirled to the bed, his favorite hidey-hole. “Mozart,” I called, getting down on my hands and knees to look under the mattress. The only thing under there was a few stored nuts.

I damn near tore the place apart, but the only thing I knew for sure after an hour of searching was that my squirrel was gone.

Shattered is a mild word for what I’d felt after Asher walked out of my room. I’d been defeated before, cheated on and betrayed by a man I was going to marry, crushed when my mother lost her mind and abandoned me, left to feel like an outsider at most every family reunion I attended because I wasn’t exactly like them. I was used to not getting what I wanted.

Yet somehow this felt worse, because this time I knew I deserved it. I had one hundred percent caused this, and every decision I’d made in the last month had led to this very moment. It sucked that my one stint in a band had ended this way, but what hurt the most had been watching the pained expression on Asher’s face as he became increasingly aware of just how much I’d lied to him.

I don’t think I’d ever hurt anyone like that before.

It killed me.

Jodi tried to console me.

Didn’t help.

Then she tried her buck-up, stop-whining-and-get-back-on-that-horse approach.

That didn’t work either.

I wasn’t even interested in the ice cream she tried to hand-feed me.

Finally, she gave up completely and left me alone to mope in my bed, under the covers, with a handful of tissues that I went through in, like, two minutes.

I don’t think anyone in life started a story, thinking they were going to come out the villain. They just knew they had a goal to conquer and they tried to reach it. I didn’t even have a worthy goal, though. No one’s life to save, no struggle for justice or freedom. I’d just been plain selfish, wanting to feel as if I had a place in a band. And yet, when I’d done anything and everything to reach that dream, I’d ended up trampling all over another dream I wasn’t even aware was so much better...until it was too late.

At some point, Asher must’ve alerted Heath and Gally to the fact that we would not be playing at Forbidden the next night, and why, because the texts started pouring in around midnight.

Most were from Gally.

You’re a fucking chick? What the fuck?

Way to break up the band, bitch.

Just wanted to be the next Yoko Ono, didn’t you?

And the last one:
Hey, if you’re hot, wanna hook up?

The only one I received from Heath said,
THIS was why it was a bad reason to have a girl in the band
.

So I cried a little more because I’d ruined things for all the guys. At some point, I slept, but only to wake up a few hours later and return to my pity party before passing out again. My head throbbed and my eyes felt nearly swollen shut when I stumbled out of bed the next morning. Pulling my hair into a sloppy mess on the top of my head with stray dark strands dangling everywhere, I padded barefoot into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a sleep top and shorts under a quickly yanked-on half-robe.

I wasn’t hungry, wasn’t even really thirsty, but I was tired of being in my room, so I made myself a hot chocolate. As I was sipping it and exiting the kitchen, the door to Jodi’s room opened down the hall and footsteps approached.

Expecting to see my roommate, I opened my mouth to give her a halfhearted greeting, but she wasn’t the person who exited the hall. Eyes flaring wide, I yelped, “What the hell?”

Gally snickered at me, his gaze going to my bare exposed legs. “So you’re the real Sticks, huh? Looks like you need to put your mask back on, sweetheart.” Then he strolled out, all smug and disgusting.

His words still stung, so my hand flew self-consciously to my face, knowing I must look like hell after the night I’d had.

When Jodi’s bedroom door opened again, I gritted my teeth. “I can’t believe you brought that asshole here into
our
apartment last night. He’s such a—
Heath
?”

As yet another member of Non-Castrato exited the hallway, my mouth dropped open. If my jaw hadn’t been attached, it would’ve fallen so far it bounced off the floor. “Wha...how...huh?” I sputtered.

He flushed a bright crimson, but then nodded respectfully to me before hurrying toward the door and fleeing.

I gaped after him, totally not understanding.

Moments later, Jodi wandered into the front room, groaning over sore muscles and stretching as she let out a big, satisfied yawn. “Mmm...morning.”

I could only stare at her as she passed by me and entered the kitchen. Turning, I followed. “Jodi?” I finally said in a low voice as I watched her brew her own steaming cup.

“Yeah?” she asked, her back to me as she worked. “You finally ready to let me cheer you up?”

“What? No. Uh... I’d rather it if you explained why both Gally
and
Heath just came strolling out of your bedroom?”

“Sure.” She whirled around with a bright smile, before cringing and saying, “Oh, puta. You look like hell. You really need to shower and do something with your face.”

Clenching my teeth, I muttered, “Focus, woman. Gally and Heath.”

“Oh, right. Well, they kept fighting over me, so...” She shrugged. “I just taught them how to share.”

The few sips of hot chocolate I’d just drunk swirled evilly in my stomach, threatening to come back up. “Eww,” I said, trying not to picture the image she’d shoved into my head, and yet unable to
not
picture it.

Dumping my hot chocolate into the sink, I retreated to my room to cry some more. Not sure why seeing my roommate with two guys I didn’t even want for myself spurred more tears in me, but I felt wretched and selfish enough that when Jodi stopped by to check on me a few minutes later, I was unresponsive and bitter because she hadn’t halted anything in her life to be there for me, despite how she’d tried to do just that.

She sighed over my pathetic state and then was gone again, leaving me alone in the apartment, and I couldn’t help but think how Asher wouldn’t have given up on Sticks so easily if he’d been this depressed. He would’ve stuck around no matter what.

Which made me cry...again because I’d lost the best friend I could’ve ever had.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed after that, but I was half out of it when someone knocked on my front door.

Thinking it might be Asher, I lurched out of bed, then almost passed out when the blood rushed so fast to my head. Taking a second to catch my bearings, I patted my face and hair, then thought
screw it
and raced to the door, flinging it open.

“Holy shit,” Ten gasped, pulling back. “Is
that
what you look like as a woman?”

“Hey, give her a break,” Caroline scolded, appearing from behind him. “No one could look presentable after the night she must’ve had. How’re you doing, honey?”

I shook my head, squinting, trying to figure out why I was seeing them. Finally, I had the wherewithal to ask, “What’re you two doing here?”

“Oren kind of fucked up with Asher last night too, so we’re here to pow-wow with you and figure out how to get the both of you back into his good graces again.”

I sniffed, wiped at my face and glanced at Ten. “So you messed up too, huh?”

He blew out a disgusted sigh before admitting, “Yep. I had to go and bring up an old issue that doesn’t even bother me anymore...just because I could.”

“Is that why you have a black eye?”

Nodding, he repeated, “Yep.”

“Boys,” Caroline muttered, taking my shoulders and getting a good look at my face. “They think hitting each other solves everything.”

“Well, it usually does,” Ten argued from behind her.

His wife ignored him as she clucked her tongue and said, “First things first, we’re getting you cleaned up. You won’t be able to think straight until you feel human again.”

“Fuck yeah.” Ten rubbed his hands together greedily as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “My woman getting into a shower with another chick; this is going to be awesome to watch.”

“You’ll be staying out here,” Caroline warned him with an arch of her eyebrows. “And besides, I’m sure she’ll be able to wash herself.” Then she turned to me and bit her lip. “Won’t you?”

When I nodded, Ten mumbled a curse and called us the dirty equivalent of party poopers before plopping onto the couch and picking up the remote.

Caroline ushered me back to the bathroom and then gathered some clothes for me to change into before she started the shower and left me to finish by myself.

On autopilot, I washed, and surprisingly, I did feel a little better when I was done. I wiped a little lotion onto my face, combed out my hair and stepped from the bathroom, human once more.

The married couple looked up when I stepped into the front room. Ten’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “Well, holy shit, what a difference a little shower makes.”

“Oh, stop it.” Caroline slugged him in the arm before popping to her feet and coming to me. “Do you feel better?”

I shrugged.

Cooing out her sympathy, she took my hand and led me back to the couch so I could sit between her and her man. I kind of thought I was supposed to be mad at her for the way she’d shoved me and Asher together on Tuesday night. But then...Jodi had said it right. Caroline hadn’t been the one to shove his penis inside me. I could’ve stopped it myself at any point.

“So,” she started, turning to face me as she tucked one leg under her. “We’re both here to help you get Asher back. Me because I feel like pushing you two together at the restaurant the other night only made things worse, and Oren because...well—”

“Because I’ll have a better chance of being forgiven for being an ass to him if he’s getting some from you.”

I blinked at his crude summation, but basically understood where he was coming from regardless. Then I shook my head. “No...we’re not...Asher’s not going to forgive me for this. I don’t stand a chance in hell with him.”

“Nonsense.” Ten waved out a hand as if my predicament were no big deal. “Just sex him up good enough, and he’ll forgive you anything.”

“
Sex
,” I snarled, scowling at him, “is how I got myself into this mess in the first place. If I’d just been able to keep my damn hands
off
him, I might’ve actually, maybe,
eventually
gotten him to forgive me.” But no, I just couldn’t keep my legs together, could I?

“Whatever.” Ten snorted. “Sex solves everything with a guy.”

“I don’t know,” Caroline murmured, chewing on her lip thoughtfully. “This is Asher we’re talking about. Not you.”

With a groan, her husband relented. “You’re right. Hart’s not normal.” Then he flopped back deeper into the couch as if he had no more ideas.

“I know!” Caroline suddenly cried, sitting up straighter. She whirled to me and grasped my hands. “How did you draw his attention in the first place?”

I furrowed my brow, thinking about the day I’d auditioned as Sticks, but Caroline answered her own question, saying, “Your voice. When you sang on stage that first karaoke night.”

I looked at her and suddenly knew exactly what she had in mind.