The Good Sister: Part One (20 page)

“We are family,” Breeze said. “What else is there but to love your family, flaws, secrets and all?”

“Come,” Amelia said, taking my hand, “we have a workout to complete then we are going to work on our poise and posture.”

“Is my posture bad?” I glanced down and took note of my body.

Ambre laughed. “It is uniquely American.”

Breeze stopped Amelia and I. “Amelia, I would like to speak with Trinity in private. I will escort her to the gym.” Amelia let go of my hand, smiled then nodded. “You need to know last night was the last time I will allow Reid access to my body. Jacqueline wanted you to know the truth and now you know.” Breeze smiled tenderly. “But you also need to know, none of your sisters, including me, will ever lie with Reid again because you love him and wish to have him.” Breeze hesitated for a moment. “Even in knowing the truth you have not changed your mind about him, have you?”

“No.”

“I told Jacqueline you would not change your mind about him.”
“And what did Jacqueline say when you told her?”

“I said, ‘I know my sister.’”

“Breeze…” I hesitated then decided to ask. “Did Reid hurt you?”

“Not how you believe. I allowed everything he did to my body because I crave a harder edge to my loving. There is a particular rush I seek. Having a man take me in such a way fills me. I may climax several times having sex in this way versus not at all if I have sex softly.”

“So could I learn to enjoy the type of thing Reid requires?”

“I believe you could learn to enjoy many aspects, however, I am unsure of just how far you would be willing to go. This type of pleasure is an acquired taste. You are untouched, Trinity, and in many ways fragile, are you not?”

“Yes. I suppose so.”

“If Reid would touch you in such a way it could harm you, cause you pain, give you the opposite of pleasure and taint how you see and accept yourself, and skew your thoughts on the art of loving. Reid knew this. He did not want to hurt you. He was not sure he could be gentle with you. This is why he turned you down or at least one of the reasons.”

“What do you mean one of the reasons?”

“My sister, Reid is a complicated man with many strong desires. I do not wish to hurt you, but Reid may never be the kind of man who could be content with one woman. I cannot tell you all the reasons Reid had for turning you down, but I know there were many. I am sure in his mind he felt he was doing right by you, by not taking you. There still may be many obstacles in your pursuit of Reid.”

“So you don’t believe it is possible for Reid to love me?”

“Maybe not in the way in which you require to be loved. Love is more than physical. It is important to find out what you want, what you need, what you desire then you will better be able to know if you truly desire Reid. You talk about pleasing him, but what if he cannot please you?”

“Reid did please me. He just stopped, not allowing himself to continue. He told me ‘he doesn’t make love, he fucks.’”

“Trinity, you need to ask yourself some hard questions. What if Reid decides he wants you, he will do whatever he can to have you, including holding back his base desires to dominate, and he does. He accomplishes that. But then he finds he needs other women to fulfill those darker desires. Can you live with loving him while he loves not only your body but the bodies of others?”

“I don’t know.”

“Exactly, my sister. You need to find yourself, your needs. Understand your desires, what you can and cannot accept. This is what I am talking about. Once you know yourself, your body, your desires, you will better know if Reid is right for you.”

“So are you saying I should sleep with other men?”

“I’m saying you need to experience yourself. If sleeping with one man or ten men is what it takes then you need to explore that.”

“And Jacqueline believes Lord Archer is someone I should explore my needs with, doesn’t she?”

“Trinity, have you had a man place his penis into your mouth?”

“No.”

“Nor inside of your vagina or inside of your anus, correct?”

“Correct.”

“You have seen Reid’s needs.”

“Yes.”

“Lord Archer would not be harsh with you. Jacqueline knows this. You are a virgin. The first time your body accepts a man is something that can either be a memorable moment for all the right reasons or a horrible memory. Even with a loving man the first time can hurt. You are also a small woman and you don’t want someone to rip into you. You want someone who will take his time, love and worship your body, prepare your body to accept him. All of us will help you, help you obtain what you want, even if what you want is Reid Addison,” Breeze assured, “but in the end you and only you can make the choice in who you allow to touch your body and how you will allow them to touch you. In the end, only you can answer the question of what am I willing to accept in order to maintain a relationship.”

When Breeze and I left the kitchen, Alec awaited in the foyer, holding a giant bouquet of deep red roses with a large grin etched across his face.

“My beautiful, Trinity. These just arrived for you,” he announced as he held out the bouquet.

“For me?”

“Yes. Do you find it odd for a beautiful creature such as yourself to receive flowers from an admirer?”

“Well … actually, yes. I’ve never received flowers in my life.”

“That is one crime which shall never happen again. If I were you, I would prepare for an onslaught of flowers,” he said, handing me the bouquet.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent before I studied the bouquet in more detail. It had more than three dozen perfect red roses along with sprigs of snow-white freesia. There was a silk white ribbon tying the stems together, and tucked within, a golden note card. I pulled the note card from place. Immediately, I knew who the flowers were from. It said, “My Dove.” I shook my head in disbelief. I’d always wondered what it would be like to receive flowers from a man. I turned the note card over to read…

I am looking forward to your visit, my dove,

and I assure you I can think upon nothing

else until I gaze upon your beauty once

again.

Lord Archer

“Trinity, we should place your flowers into a vase,” Alec suggested.

“Yes,” I agreed. I followed Alec into the kitchen.

Jacqueline came into the kitchen. “From Lord Archer?” she asked, eyeing the flowers.

“Yes,” I said.

“Tomorrow after your morning workout, I want you to come visit me. I have blocked aside some private time, just the two of us.”

I tried to hide my anxiety, and the need to swallow hard. “Okay, Jacqueline.”

“Excellent,” Jacqueline replied before blowing a kiss to Alec.

****

I spent a restless night, dreaming of gray open spaces. I woke to find I was not home in California but I was actually in France. Everything about the last few days seemed like such a dream, unreal in so many ways. Reid flickered through my thoughts, and lingered in my dreams. Within my dreams I didn’t see his beautiful face. I saw anger, violence, and it melted into the grayness of my nightmares. I tossed and turned, trying hard to put the bad memories away. I tried to erase the scene of Reid and Breeze. I thought I’d tucked them deep into that closed off corner of my mind, only to find them popping back out at me like a specter, waking me again and again.

I smacked my pillow with my fists, “Ahh…” I grumbled. “I need to sleep.” I flung myself backward, allowing my head to pummel the pillow. After a few moments, I drifted…

I woke to several of my sisters tugging me out of bed, much to my protest. Time for the daily workout.
A new day.
I knew for once, this day would not be spent in solitude or in boredom. My new sisters were hell bent to torture me to death with stomach crunches, leg lunges, and bending my spine into proper posture.

By midmorning, I made my way to Jacqueline’s suite. I stood outside Jacqueline’s door for a minute, in an attempt to catch my breath. This need for breath was not due to a panic attack, but could be blamed on the sprint I took up the stairs, once I noticed the time.

I knocked on Jacqueline’s door.

“Come in, my petit,” I heard Jacqueline call out.

The coolness of the knob rested against my sweaty palm. I quickly rubbed my hands down my thighs, grabbed the crystal knob, and opened the door.

There was an outer sitting room, impeccably decorated with fine furnishings. Jacqueline took me on a tour. Everything, the furniture, the bed, the walls, was covered in expensive materials within differing shades of pale blue and cream. Silks and long billowing swags of material formed a canopy overtop Jacqueline’s oversized bed.

“This is a beautiful room,” I commented.

“Thank you, my petit,” Jacqueline said. She led me to a long couch that was covered in expensive damask, and prompted me to sit. “There are many things we must discuss, oui?

“Yes,” I replied, really unsure of everything that must be discussed.

“Tell me, my beautiful Trinity. I must know. Have you changed your mind about your Reid?” I glanced down at my hands, resting in my lap. “Do not look down. There is nothing we cannot discuss, and nothing we cannot say to each other.”

“I love Reid,” I admitted. “Maybe I shouldn’t love him, but that has not changed.”

“Ah … then we shall continue until he burns for you.”

“Jacqueline, I’m not sure I can be what Reid needs.”

“And what do you need, my sister?”

“I have no idea.”

“Then we shall work at finding out what it is that you need first.”

“I don’t understand, Jacqueline. What do you mean?”

“You need to understand your body, how it works, what you find pleasurable, what you find distasteful. You need to see yourself for who and what you are.”

“What am I?”

Jacqueline stood up, took my hand, and led me over to a dressing mirror. Placing a chair in front of the mirror Jacqueline instructed, “Sit, my petit.” I took a seat, facing the mirror.

“I don’t like mirrors.”

Jacqueline pulled the clip out of my curls.
“Trinity, some of what we need to do may be difficult for you. You may face your fears; you may find pain in some of what you face. Do you still wish to continue?”

“Yes,” I assured, but closed my eyes.

“Look,” Jacqueline said, “open your eyes, and look.”

I opened my eyes. Seeing Jacqueline standing like a goddess behind me, I was plain. My pale image filled me with sadness. Jacqueline stroked my cheek, my neck, my shoulders then my hair.

“What do you want me to see, Jacqueline?”

“What do you see, Trinity? A scared little girl or a strong beautiful woman?”

This was too hard. I wanted to close my eyes and tuck my chin, but Jacqueline held my gaze within the mirror. I looked into the reflection of Jacqueline’s autumn eyes, and for the first time, I knew there was no need to hide any longer.

“A scared little girl,” I admitted. “I see flaws. I see those big bottle-cap glasses. I see wild unruly curls. I see no one of interest, a ghost.”

“Look,” Jacqueline said. She ran a fingertip over the arch of my brow. “The arch of your brow, the shape of your eyes, do you see?”

“Yes.”

“Your eyes hold power, Trinity. They are the windows to the soul. The gateway to desire. The flame of the body that can burn a man. Your eyes, in particular, hold great power. The cat-like shape giving way to sexuality, temptation, seduction. And the color symbolizes life and fertility. Your eyes hold your life-force, your desire, your true nature. Look at your eyes, Trinity.”

It was difficult, but I focused upon my own eyes. The shape, the color…

“Did you know the emerald color of your eyes is sacred?” Jacqueline asked.

“No,” I admitted.

“Emerald green has been the color of beauty and constant love. This tells you who you are, Trinity. Within the culture of ancient Rome, green was the color of Venus, the goddess of beauty and love.”

“Venus?”

“Yes, my petit. You are a goddess.” Jacqueline smiled. “Look at your hair. The beauty of each long curl. The color. The shimmer. Each strand holds on to the essence of gold.”

“Gold?”

“Yes, my petit. Gold is much more than monetary. It too is associated with the gods. The Tibetan Buddhist believes in five sacred stones, gold being one of them. Gold symbolizes the golden ray of the sun, and is linked with divinity and those gods associated with the sun.”

“So…”

“You encapsulate the sun, beauty, love, life, desire, temptation, sexuality. You, Trinity, are a sensual being who holds great power. All you need to do is come to understand, learn, and to harness and use the power within you, my petit.”

“How do I do that?”

“Stand up,” Jacqueline instructed. I complied. “You need to understand your body. Not be frightened of it. Take off your clothes.”

“My clothes?”

“Yes, remove them.”

“But—”