The Goodbye Man (19 page)

“I’m going to see her,
leave us for a while and make sure the gnat stays away too,”
Caesar states. It was more like a goddamn command. Don’t worry, old man. Your whispers await you.

Jealousy currents through my body like the highest volts of electricity. Fuck if he thinks I will stay away. I can’t. She sings to a part of my heart that I didn’t know existed. I shoot Juan a warning glare as he works across the way. He looks down, knowing that what happened before will only get worse if he crosses me.

I wait a few minutes until I am certain Caesar has made his way up to her room. I want her. I want to be him. He shouldn’t love her, but I shouldn’t love her either. What the fuck is happening?

I make my way up to her room. I can’t say I am surprised. I knew the result would be this. Lettie knew that her whispers would bring him closer to her. They make the old man go mad. But the jealousy I don’t like squeezes me in a tight hug. Her moans for more echo loudly in the room and my body is moving to the beat of its own tempo. She is controlling it as my hand makes its way down my pants to graze my hard-as-fuck cock. Caesar’s ass flexes into her from behind and she pleads for more, for him not to leave her, but he will. He is going insane because she whispers to him, begging him to love her when he knows it is forbidden. He is clothed in black shame as he fucks her perfectly. But her heart will break and I will be the man that will pick up the pieces.

I jack my cock hard as her whispers drive him to the brink and envelop my heart with something I didn’t know I wanted.

Life.

When Caesar is done, he looks at me. We exchange our stares. He knows I was watching. He knows what needs to be done because what he did shouldn’t have been done. But I sent her there to do it to him. I want her as
mine
.

To feel love once is a dream, but to feel it twice is paradise.

I could feel him
step inside my room even when I was asleep. My body was programmed to. I wish it didn’t. I wish I didn’t love him, but I can’t help it. Loving him has made me crazy. He pulls me into his body, and I know what to do to make him come undone. I whisper to him. I tell him how badly I need to feel it to know that it is real.

The feeling of his rough fingertips on my skin makes me want to cry for joy. Something in my heart screams manipulation, knowing that this is his downfall. My voice and pleas for more cause him to grip me just a little harder than before. And I like it a little too much. I know once he is done, he will leave me. When he does, I will die. I have accepted my fate. I need to feel the goodness that only he can give me. No one has ever shown me love before. He is the only one that has cared enough to know that my heart beats; cared enough to show me with his body and to tell me with his words.

I swivel over onto my belly, pushing my ass willingly into the air as I drip with need. His large hand tickles my skin, dancing across until it rests at my pussy entrance. I need more, I need all of him. He sticks his fingers in between my parted thighs and I cry out softly, knowing that my moans for more are making their way into his fucked up mind. Mateo told me that my whispers would make him want me. He may want me now, but now is never forever. Forever doesn’t exist.

Pleasure rains over me as I feel myself explode inside with each flawless movement of his fingers.

I’ve never been given pleasure before and this is what I soak in. I revel in the way my body feels. Before, my body was merely a vessel for clients to get their pleasure. Now, it’s for mine. He takes my hips, positioning himself behind me. I feel his hard cock touch my pussy and I want more. I
need
more. I gasp aloud when he enters me, slow and fluid thrusts full of intent. Full of love.

As he grasps onto my hips, I understand that even though I am ruining him, I am facing the downfall of Svetlana. A girl that no one knows. Only the man that is making love to me in the most delicious way from behind. With each drive of his hips, I dig deeper into a place I never thought I could discover; contentment and peace. How ironic to be on the edge of insanity so unsteady, moments later being held still by your salvation?

I feel him spurt inside of me as I cry out one last time, grasping on for dear life. These past few weeks he has given me were the most I have lived in all my days. He pulls out of me and I fall onto my small bed. Caesar puts his arms around me. He’s warm. He’s home. He’s
familiar
.

“Come in here, boy,” Caesar’s lush voice rumbles through me.

His arms stay cocooned around me. I stay silent as I hear footsteps making their way into my living space. My heart starts to beat faster while Caesar rolls my nipple gently between his fingers. It is taking everything in my little body not to writhe out in pleasure and beg him to take me again.

“Take off your shoes and lie here, just feel what it’s like when they can feel too,” Caesar lulls to the other person in the room.

I look up between heavy lids to see Mateo. There is a fire burning deep inside of his eyes. I like it a little too much. I shouldn’t feel this way and I am getting more and more confused. Why would Caesar want him in here right now and even more so, why do I crave it? My pussy clenches just thinking about it.

Mateo kicks his shoes off with hesitation, but his eyes remain on mine. Caesar continues to play with my hard nipple. My mind is becoming too complicated for me to rationalize what is happening before me. Mateo steps toward me. I can’t tell if it is desire or hatred on his face. Whatever it is, he wears it well and he is handsome in the harshest fucking way. I find myself wanting to undress him with my eyes as I look to his twitching tattooed fingers to discover what kind of stories he has on his body.

He has a different kind of power than Caesar, but none the less intriguing as it pulls me in. He could destroy me too. I see it in the way he looks at me. His messy, untamed black hair frames his rustled, tired face. He wears stubbled cheeks like his uncle. God, this is wrong, so wrong. I shouldn’t look at him, but he has me trapped and I don’t want to escape.

“I said lie down, Mateo. Are you really that deaf?” Caesar barks as Mateo sits on the edge of the bed, gazing at me.

I can tell he is contemplating something serious, but I can’t understand what it may be. I don’t think I want to know. I am caught in the middle of something grim, and just as I try to make sense of it all, Caesar clutches onto my breast again while Mateo continues to fuck me with his eyes. Maybe he wants to kill me. Only I would be so lucky.

“Lie down and learn something from an old man,” Caesar orders.

I seal my lips closed as tight as they can be, sure that I will bust at the seams with the symphonies from Caesar’s mouth along with Mateo’s stare and intimidating and sexy as hell stance. Mateo lays down next to us. This is too much for me to bear.

“Have you ever made a woman come Mateo?” Caesar questions.

I want to put my hand over my mouth as I think back to how Caesar fucked me from behind, but Mateo is staring at me. How wrong of me to think what it would be like if he loved me like Caesar did. You can’t love more than one person. It isn’t right.

“Dead girls can’t squeeze your dick with their pussies,” Caesar bites. He is pushing all of Mateo’s buttons as he continues his glorious assault on my breast with his rough hands that I love. Keeping it in is too much. I let myself gasp out loud. I remember the day I discovered Mateo fucking one of the unconscious girls in the waiting bay. Normal girls don’t think what it would be like to be his first responsive lover.

No, I am not normal.

Mateo looks conflicted, like he is battling against the man that pleasured me and something much deeper than that. I don’t think I want to know what that means. The look on his face frightens me, but it also turns me on thinking that I could be the warm body that shows him love.

“You ever kiss a living girl? Feel her tongue roll against yours, taste her sweetness as she sucks against you?” Caesar pushes more.

Mateo’s eyes grow black. My eyes dart to his pants. He is hard. Is he hard for me or the thought of taking a ragged, dead girl? I hope for me. No, no, you cannot love two people. You can only have one. Moments of kindness that Mateo has shown me dash before me as he came to me and he tucked me in bed after I had been banging against the door, begging for mercy. Caesar wasn’t there. He didn’t rescue me then. Instead, he left me to rot in my own misery and personal hell. I clench my jaw, remembering how badly that a broken heart physically felt.

“Take your clothes off, boy,” Caesar demands.

My belly is turning in so many delightful, disgusting ways and there isn’t a thing that I can do to stop it. Mateo strips himself from his clothes, and part of his past, and lays down next to me. Caesar grabs my hand and places it on his heart. It is beating faster and faster, and he slightly winces beneath my touch and tries to pull away, but my bed is small. If he moved any more he would fall off. I want to comfort him, but fear still has the upper hand. I am the puppet for both of them. Their wicked games are being played full force before me.

“She wants to be loved, Mateo. It’s not hard to do, boy. You do it with corpses and coma patients every day.”

There is too much truth to what Caesar just said. I want to be loved. Is he doing this because he doesn’t love me? He is doing this because he lied? Because he can’t love me? Whatever the reason, my stare is stuck on Mateo, so tortured I feel my heart breaking for him. I want to pick up his pieces. I want to be the warmth for his cold and the reason he doesn’t need it anymore.

“If I love her, she will leave me,” Mateo admits.

He sags into himself like the weight of the world has been lifted off of his shoulders. Caesar’s grip tightens on my breast. It’s as if there is a tug-of-war between them. Push, pull, fight…

“No, niño. If you love her, she will stay forever,” Caesar coos, tugging on my nipples.

“Won’t you, mi amor? Would you stay forever if someone loved you?”

I want to answer truthfully, but there isn’t such a thing as forever. No one has given me a reason to believe it. My heart can’t take much more torment, from anyone including the turmoil I feel myself.

“Kiss her, boy.”

Mateo stays stuck like a statue, unmoving. I want to reach out and pull him into me, but I don’t want to be unwelcome. I want him to want me. To crave my warm lips on his. I know begging to Mateo with my words will make Caesar crazy, but I need something, anything. A love from somewhere that will stay.

“Kiss me please.”

I lean closer into him, eyeing his quivering lips. So pink. So alive. I push mine to his and he snakes his hand around my neck. I open my mouth for him, the burning need I had for him exploding as I prepare to say goodbye to a love that saved me. Each movement of his tongue moves against mine, needier than the last. Caesar pulls me closer into him, reminding me that he loved me first while Mateo continues to kiss me, leaving me breathless. Mateo’s hands roam every part of my body, grasping at my hardened nipples. I moan into his mouth while urging my hips forward for more. More of him. More of love.

His fingers find my warm pussy and he sighs into my mouth, finding me alive and so ready for him. I push myself further into him, craving more moments like the one before.

Undo me.

I break our kiss away, feeling light-headed. His eyes meet mine. I want him to see what he does to me. I need him to feel it. To watch me as I come apart at the seams. He does this to me. I am drunk and weightless and I teeter on the edge of coming again at the hands of paradise. I need him inside of me. I have to feel it.

I reach for his hard cock, “What are you doing?” he bites at my grabbing hands, pulling them away.

I fight back. Fuck that. I will make him understand what love feels like. I will make him see that I won’t leave him. He won’t recognize it unless he feels it. His jaw tightens, then he relents, allowing me to stroke his hard cock. He lets out a throaty groan while allowing me to show him what goodness and pleasure are all about. What love is all about. I look at him through pleading eyes, wanting him to make love to me, to know that it’s real; for both me and him. I want the pain for both of us to be gone forever.

I guide him inside of me as our gazes remain stuck on one another. I see that he wants it more than death. To be able feel something real is a dream. Caesar lets go of me, turning around to face the wall. Memories of the man that rescued me drift out of my mind, but not
completely
. He has always been in my dreams. Mateo continues to rock himself inside of me in the most glorious of ways until I come apart again. I scream out, clutching onto him to make sure that he won’t leave me. I need to know that this kind of love is going to stay.

Faint cries from Caesar boom in my ears while Mateo chases a release he so desperately deserves. One of mutual love and affection. He bends down and presses his lips onto mine, sweeping his tongue alongside mine over and over again. He parts his lips from mine, making his way down to my ear.

“I love you, Lettie. Please don’t leave me,” Mateo whispers.

It was both a threat and a plea.