The Goodbye Man (30 page)

We made it through
customs without a hitch and I have my first stamp on my made-up passport. Mexico City isn’t much different than New York City from what I have seen from high above from a plane window. We merely traded one hell for another. It’s chilly in New York City, and now in Mexico City, it’s around eighty and a tad humid. It’s what summertime in the city back home feels like. There’s a stench of trash thick in the air, just like what I am used to, and it’s crowded with a wide variety of Spanish people.

There are people everywhere; taxis flying by as well as buses. Poor people begging for money are on the side of the street. I’m not sure that’s what they are asking for since I don’t understand Spanish, but their jingling cans and skinny frames tell a story that translation isn’t needed for. My eyes know that story all too well, too. I wish I could grab some money from my trouser pockets, but Mateo is keeping all the cash. He says this city isn’t safe. Kidnapping and mugging are the norm and I am to never let go of his hand. He even was adamant about not taking a particular taxi service because of express kidnappings that they are notorious for. The cabbie drivers are part of the operation, tipping off the kidnappers once they get into the taxi. Then, they come in, take the person for a day or two from ATM to ATM, demanding them to take cash from each stop. If they are lucky, they are let go. If not, they are killed. Many times, victims become prey more than once in their lives.

The thought of getting into a wrong car makes me shudder, only to be taken in a place where I don’t understand their words or ways. The only familiarity of this poverty-stricken place is the eyes that beg for food and money. Mateo’s sweaty palm sticks to mine and I feel safe, when weeks ago I was not sure whether he would kill me or not.

The sticky, Mexican air coats my skin and my hair is a mess from the humidity. I never found myself craving things I never had pleasure in getting, like a shower and a bed, but all I want is a bath and proper sleep now. Mateo continues pulling me behind him as we leave the Aeropuerto Internacional Benito Juárez
until a rusted up four door car comes to a screeching halt, causing taxi drivers and others to swerve to miss him. I thought New York City drivers were crazy; they were a walk in the park.

“Come,” Mateo demands, tugging on me harder while he adjusts our bags with his other hand. I gulp hard as I stare at his rippling muscles and perfect ass. Damn, why am I thinking like this now? Does the Mexican heat and humidity cause girls to go crazy? A short, Mexican man with a thick black mustache and wrinkled face emerges from the parked car with a gold-toothed grin. His eyes immediately set on me.

“Niña-,” the man starts, with his arms out like he wants to taste me for dinner.

“Ella se queda conmigo, Esteban!” Mateo shouts, dropping the bags to put his arm around me.

I don’t have a fucking clue what he said, but it does delicious things to my insides when he talks in Spanish. The man’s smile quickly fades and he grabs our bags, opening the door for us to enter. Mateo slides in, never letting go of me, then tugging me in beside him. He puts his arm around me and I let myself lean into him. The overwhelming heat is almost too much, but this is a soft moment I don’t want to forget. You know, it’s like the times when something hurts but you make yourself do it because you know it will be worth it.

I put my lips to his ear, “What did you say to him?”

The car sputters to life and we are immersed further into another city enveloped by crime and corruption.

“The girl stays with me.”

He places a kiss on my temple and rests my head in the perfect place over his heart as it thuds erratically under my touch, something still foreign. My eyes grow tired and I succumb to sleep.

“Lettie doll. Wake up
. We are home.”

I hear shouting in the distance, children playing and yelling.
Is that a gunshot?
Where the fuck am I?
The sweetness he had before isn’t present as the annoyance in his eyes grows when mine meet his.

“Now. To safety, Lettie,” he sneers, yanking on my arm.

Still half asleep and jet lagged, I seep out of the rusted car into an unknown land, greeted by graffiti-painted brick walls and children running around amuck and dirty. Trash litters the street and I can’t help but be jolted awake by eyes that stare at me like a meaty piece of flesh they can’t wait to bite into. Spanish chants boom loudly my way.

“Faster,” Mateo barks, swinging the bags over his shoulder and throwing money at the driver. He grabs my hand again with his other and pulls me into a dark alleyway.

My fears will always have the upper hand. I thought I said goodbye to that part of me, but the venomous ways of my past will always come back to haunt me, making me distorted and gross. I want to claw at myself as I see my twelve-year-old self being fucked by a man that was supposed to love me all because I was officially a woman.
No, no
. I cannot disappoint Mateo. He is my king. I bow down to no one, including the truths from my past.

I blink back tears and bite my teeth together painfully so, trying to make my demons hide back under the surface. It’s just a matter of time before they won’t fade back into the dimness, setting me aflame from the mess that was made by the dysfunctional kingdom paved for me.

Mateo takes a key out, unlocking a metal door in the alleyway and the creaking hinges bring me out of my stupor. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but when he flicks the switch of the lights on, my eyes deceive me. I did not expect to see a fully furnished living area in the middle of an impoverished part of town. I scan the room, noting a decent sized bed, couch, table, fridge, and door.
Is there a real bathroom here?

“I’ve wanted to tear into you since we got to 20,000 feet. Get naked.”

And everything is forgotten as my tiny body is pinned up against the cold metal door.
I bow down to you, King. I will be your dirty princess.

I have tasted the sweetness of her, now I cannot go back to the salt of my past.

The thing about having
something for the first time is you cannot compare it to what came before. Before Lettie, no woman had moved beneath me. I had never felt how intense their orgasms were. No, before her I had nothing and now I cannot compare her to anything, nor do I want to. When she moved her sweet broken body against mine, I came alive for the first time ever. Sex will never be what it was, now I am addicted to a new high and I want more. I want to take her every time I look at her. I want to feel her, consume her, and be consumed by her. I know that she will never leave me. Caesar always said I would find a woman who could fix me. The cure to my disease was the thing that exacerbated his. She was the one thing that could crack his hard shell. I am still hoping against hope that he will be in Mexico when we arrive.

Something lingering in my mind makes me think he won’t be, I think I just inherited the family business. Greedy people with money will always refuse to die if they can buy life; we will need to get up and running quickly.

This city is filthy with crime, the perfect place for my empire to start over. Kidnappers, money launderers, human traffickers and drug cartels run the city. We will fit in perfectly, but we are also at risk from those very criminals. Lettie could be stolen from me so easily. I cannot let her out of my sight.

With her body pinned against the locked door of our home,
our home,
I want her more than ever. I wanted her on the plane in the air. I was ready to fuck her in the taxi on the way here. Now I am impatient and needy, my cock is aching to feel her. My mind though it still was with me, wishes she wasn’t so alive. She has found something inside her, the way she sneered at me earlier was almost feral, and she is learning to fight.
My Lettie Doll might just be able to survive me.
She bucks beneath me now wanting me, needing me. When my hands slide into her pants and find the underwear I made her put on, I instantly regret it. I step back and the space between us hurts me physically, it pains me to let her go at all.

“Go to the bathroom and undress, Lettie Doll. I need you.” I growl the words as I shove her towards the bathroom door and start to unbuckle my belt. Her eyes are twinkling with raw lust as she looks back over her shoulder at me. I know there is no window in there, no way to escape or leave so I feel safe letting her go alone. I usually follow her to the bathroom. I let out a breath as I slide my jeans to the floor. I hate change, the chaos it brings with it unsettles me. The door behind me creaks open as I pull my sweaty shirt over my head. This place is muggy and hot. I feel her walk into the room, she is magnetic and I am the lump of metal being pulled to her with unbearable force. I freeze on the spot as her hands touch my back. Her skin against mine is still something I am not used to. The feeling of her breasts against my hot body makes me shiver as she presses into me while her arms snake around me and pull me further into her. My heart beats faster… the pounding in my temples hurts as her touches remind me of just how alive she is. Maybe it is time to embrace life instead of glorifying death so much. Her warm breath on my skin and her fingertips whispering over me turn my mind against me and I want to kill her, make her still and unmoving. Her touch is welcomed but it is unwanted too, it tears me apart and helps me at the same time.

“Lie down, Mateo. Let me show you.” I don’t want her too. I want to take her and use her to satisfy this burning in me, but I cannot stop my body from listening to her. I walk the few steps to the bed. She stays stuck to me the whole way there, forcing my body to move where she wants it to go. With her lips pressed to my back she says words that break me. “This is what I am good at, Mateo. Let me show you what love can feel like. What real sex can be like.” Her little hands shove me and I stumble onto the bed face first. She was made to tempt men, to pleasure them. She has done this to many others before me. The rage starts as a small fire in the pit of my stomach and a switch goes off inside me I cannot listen to her anymore. She is mine and I need to teach her that right now. Pulling her down to the bed, I lose my control and my hands throttle her small neck as I move her to the top of the bed we are going to share. “No, Lettie Doll. Let me show
you
. You are
mine
.” An evil smile toys at her lips and a little monster is born in those dark eyes. She goes limp beneath me, not from my hands stealing her air. No, my little doll submits to me and lies there still and quiet so that I can take what I need from her body. I kiss her lips and she lets me without kissing back, I touch her and she stays deathly still. The only thing moving is her chest with the breaths she struggles to take as I strangle the life from her body.
I force myself to let go when I know she is going to do what I need her to do. Oh, my Lettie Doll, so fucking perfectly broken.
I am too needy to wait, to let her enjoy it. I slide in between her thighs, the space made just for me to fit. Her eyes have glassed over and they don’t meet mine, my doll has gone away somewhere in her mind. When I slam my cock into her there is no resistance, her body is wet and waiting for me. My dolly cannot stop the way she wants me even when she plays dead, her pussy tightens around me as I fuck her harder - angry that she is still alive in there. As my mind and body fuck her, I am slowly pushed under the water of my own madness, her body only moves with the force of my thrusts. A new feeling bursts through me as I wish for Lettie to return, the empty eyes and stillness cannot satisfy me even when it is all that I desired only minutes ago.

“Come alive for me, Lettie,” I whisper in her ear as I pull her body to mine, slowing the pace of my cock in her. She lets her eyes meet mine. The confusion in them stabs me with the same pain I would feel from a butcher’s knife to the chest. “Love me, my sweet doll.” I kiss her softly now, the anger evaporating from me as she kisses back, her arms pulling my body even closer to hers. Why have I run from life for so long? Hidden away behind lovers that could give me nothing like this. Her body begins to move with mine, a slow rhythm that is pleasure and torture all in one. My hair is pulled as her fingers run through it forcing me to kiss her harder. Sex with Lettie is a life-changing act. Every single time I am with her a part of me dies and is reborn. I never had this; teenage encounters where you learn this the hard way, I simply had a need and countless corpses to satisfy it. There were no kisses, or finding first base. Until now, I never knew the pleasure of feeling a woman want me. As I empty myself inside her, I find the sweetest release as her orgasm shakes through her.
She wants you, Mateo. Someone actually wants you, useless boy.

A warm feeling fills me at that thought, no one wanted me before. Caesar tolerated me because he had a responsibility to his sisters. I was never wanted, not even my own mother wanted me. I am sure she would have killed me many times over.

“Did you feel that, my doll? I have never had that before you; your pleasure is mine from now on. All fucking mine.” She holds onto me, her body still coming down from the high we created together.

“I will give you everything, Mateo,” she breathes out as I roll myself off of her. “Can I go clean up?” Her voice is weary as she asks me; usually I won’t let her leave my sight.

“No.” I pull her close and let sleep steal us away, we need to recover from our flight and get to work.