THE GREAT BETRAYAL (25 page)

“I don’t expect you to understand why I can’t just let it go. Why I can’t just go on with my life and pretend she doesn’t exist—you weren’t abandoned by your birth mother.” Grace paused. “You could never understand the kind of feelings that well up inside of me. They push you; they gnaw at you until…” She faltered. “I wish I could just make them go away, Mom. But don’t you see? I
can’t
!”

Now, as she hung up the phone after the conversation with Leslie, Grace put her arms around her waist and hugged herself so tightly she could barely breathe. Slowly, she went to stand near her bedroom window. Winter was making an early entrance this season. The Memphis skies were heavy with imminent snow.

What was she going to do with all the pain? Why did it still hurt so much? When would it go away?

It’ll go away when I’m all that matters to her,
Grace thought as the hurt flared into anger, bubbling in her soul.
When she knows what she did to me
.
When she sees that I deserve to come first
!

West Palm Peach, Florida

“
Hi, Evelyn,” Kathryn said, entering the kitchen. She was dressed in low-rise Honey jeans and a nylon soft-mesh designer halter-top. The Calvin Klein wedge sandals she wore made her almost as tall as Leslie, who was sitting with Evelyn, planning Christmas dinner.

“Hello, sweetie,” Evelyn Tremaine replied, looking up from the recipe cards, her always pleasant voice filling the large kitchen. For a petite woman with small, delicate features, she had quite a commanding voice. “Going out tonight with your girlfriends?”

“Yeah, Lauren Samson’s dropping us off at the movies,” said Kate, grabbing a Diet Coke from the refrigerator. “We’re going to see the remake of
King Kong
. It’s supposed to be good.”

“Make sure your dad knows what time you plan on coming home,” Leslie said, regarding her coolly.

Kate didn’t miss a beat. “Already did,” she tossed over her shoulder, and sauntered from the kitchen.

“Damn,” said Leslie, shifting on her stool next to Evelyn. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her lately, but she’s become impossible to deal with. Anyway…back to Christmas dinner.” She flipped through a few of the cards. “Cinnamon rolls would be nice with breakfast in the morning, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, sure, I could do that,” said Evelyn excitedly. “It’d make the house smell just heavenly…but have you thought any more about dinner? Turkey or roast?”

“Roast,” Luke said, entering the kitchen with a smile. “Hi, Evie.”

“Hi, Mr. Cavanaugh.” She returned the smile. “So you’d prefer a roast?”

“Yeah. I’ve never been much for turkey.”

“Did Kate tell you she was going to the movies tonight?”

“Yeah, Lauren Samson’s picking her up. Nice lady, isn’t she?”

“Yes, very,” replied Evelyn. “She’s such a successful businesswoman—her salons are all over the place, and she does so much for the girls—spoils them rotten if you ask me—so naturally they just love helping her out in the shops! She’s all I ever hear them talk about.”

“How about this one, Evelyn,” Leslie said, eagerly showing her another card.

“Oh, yes…that one looks good. I remember my mother used to make it for us when we were little.”

“Where is your family, Evie?” asked Luke. “Do they live here in West Palm?”

“No, they live in Jersey. My brother and I are the only ones who couldn’t stand the hellacious winters anymore. Who needs
that
crap every year when you can live in a tropical paradise?”

“Amen to that,” Luke said, smiling.

It had been a while since Leslie had seen him smile like that. Such a carefree smile, free of all uncertainty. It was nice. She’d missed it.

“Do you have any other special requests for Evelyn, honey?” Leslie caught his eye, and she saw his smile falter as his eyes left Evelyn and looked toward her.

“Uh…” He began backing out of the kitchen, as if he’d forgotten something. “Not offhand…but if I think of anything, Evie, I’ll let you know.”

Leslie watched Luke stride from the kitchen.
Well, here we go again
, she thought. She’d told him earlier about Grace’s call.
Here we go again.

Evelyn was watching her. She forced a smile, saving face. “So…” she said, peering down at the recipe cards once again. “Where were we?”

That night when they went to bed, Luke put
It’s a Wonderful Life
in the DVD player and they lay watching it until Leslie heard faint snores coming from his side of the bed. He’d fallen asleep.

She stared at her husband’s face. It had been so long since things had been happy between them. And Luke seemed more determined than ever to sustain the pretenses that were choking the life from their marriage. Why?

On the television screen, a distressed George Bailey began venting his frustrations on his poor children as his wife, Mary, looked on in alarm.

Lowering the volume, Leslie reached over to touch Luke’s gorgeous face. She tenderly admired his finely chiseled features. Those eerily
familiar
features. Taking his hand, she began tracing each of his fingers, each nail bed. What did he want from her? Should she tell Grace not to come after all? Should she just give up on having a relationship with her? Was that the price she had to pay for hiding her daughter’s existence from him all those years?

Suddenly Luke’s eyes popped open, focused on her. The low hum of movie dialogue was the only sound in the room, as they held each other’s gaze.

She tried to read his expression, but couldn’t. What was he thinking? Where did he want them to go from here? Surely things couldn’t continue as they had been for the last five years.

Leaning down, she kissed him and laced their fingers. “I love you,” she whispered against his lips. Her eyes never left his. There was a plea in them:
Please stop letting my past nibble away at our marriage
.
Please accept my daughter
.

For a moment his eyes softened. His arms came around her and he pulled her on top of him. Leslie straddled him and felt him harden between her thighs.

“
Please stop,” she whispered. The words were out before she realized she’d spoken. They were forced out by feelings, overwhelming feelings. Fear. Confusion. Doubt. Mistrust. Luke was slipping away from her, growing more and more distant each day.

She sensed the change in him almost immediately. His breathing changed and his touch lost its tenderness. Then, out of nowhere, he began to sing: “Love me tender…Love me sweet…Never let me go. You ha—”

Leslie recoiled, as if she’d been slapped.

And in many ways, she had. She burst into tears before she could so much as think to check them. She couldn’t handle it. It was too real. This time he was going too far.

What was he trying to do to her?

Jumping from the bed, she grabbed her silk robe and left the room. And that night, for the first time in their marriage, Leslie slept in one of the guest rooms.

Luke slammed is head into the pillow when the door closed behind Leslie. “
Fuck
.”

Looking up at the plasma screen, he saw Jimmy Stewart preparing to jump over the bridge. “That’s just about how I feel right now, too, Jim.”

He felt awful. Just awful.

Why was he constantly testing her? Especially when, deep down, he knew she would always fail. Big-time.

She did not love him.

Chapter 45

On the morning of the twenty-third, Leslie arrived at Starbucks and took a seat near the front window. As she waited for Grace to arrive, she ordered a Caffé Verona and watched the passersby strolling along the sidewalk out front. Christmas cheer was everywhere. Wreaths adorned the front grilles of almost every car in the parking lot.

They’d had a cold front breeze through the night before, and its lingering effects had forced many people to grab their sweaters before leaving the house.

As she sat quietly, taking it all in, Leslie’s cell phone rang. Looking at the display, she saw that it was Kathryn. What did she want? Leslie had invited Kate to accompany her to meet Grace but, of course, Kate had declined.

“Hello?” Leslie said curiously.

“Hi, Mom. I forgot to ask you…” She hesitated. “Did you want something special for Christmas?”

“Aren’t you cutting it rather close, Kate? Only one more shopping day left.”

“
Mom,” she whined. “Do you want something or not?”

Just then a car pulled up and parked directly beside Leslie’s Lexus. It was Grace in a rental car. She’d come directly from the airport.

“
Katie. Do you really want to know what I’d love more than anything else?”

“
What, Mom?”

“
You.”

“
Huh?”

“
I want my daughter back. I want
you
. I want us to get our closeness back, honey. Like when you were younger. I’ve missed that. Don’t you miss that?”

Just then Grace walked in and waved. She signaled that she was going to the counter to place an order. She was dressed casually, in a red top and blue jeans, but carried herself with such poise. Leslie marveled at how much of herself she saw in Grace.

Kate was silent for a while. Then she said, “Yeah. I do, Mom. I really, really do. But it feels like everybody’s in their own little world at our house…and it’s hard to know what you’re thinking half the time.”

“
I’m thinking that I love you and want what’s best for you and for our family, Katie.” Leslie hesitated. She wanted to make the most of this moment. She couldn’t remember the last time she and Kathryn had had a civilized conversation. “Will you at least
try
to get to know Grace better? Just a little?”

“
Oh, here we go.” An exaggerated sigh and grunt came. Leslie could imagine the eyes rolling as Kate said, “Grace. I should’ve known a discussion about me and you would end up being about your
princess
Grace!”

Leslie’s heart sank.

It was no use.

She took a deep, disappointed breath. “Good-bye, Kathryn.”

“
See? That’s how I know you don’t really care about me anymore, Mom! The minute I say something you don’t like to hear, you’re ready to drop the subject and end our conversation. You don’t even care enough to yell at me anymore!”

With that, the line went dead.

Closing her eyes, Leslie counted to ten. A headache threatened. When Grace got to the table with a peppermint mocha, Leslie told her about the call.

“
Listen, Leslie…I really feel so bad about all this. But things can always get worse, so…” Leslie had been e-mailing her about some of Luke’s behaviors. Grace and Dawn had become the only two people in the world she could talk to. Confide in. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come. Maybe it’s going to take a little
more
time before they can accept me.”

“
It’s been five years, Grace. Things cannot continue this way. They just can’t.”

Grace sipped her drink, deep in thought. “It feels like from the day I was born, I’ve been a thorn in your side.”

“
Please don’t say things like that, honey. I’m so very sorry things have turned out this way. None of this is your fault. Please don’t ever believe otherwise.”

It was then that Leslie noticed the flesh-colored, square bandage covering Grace’s left arm, near the shoulder. It peeked out from beneath her sleeve.

“
What happened there?” she asked, instinctively reaching out to touch it.

“
What?” Grace pulled back slightly, with a nervous laugh. “This? Oh, it’s nothing. My stupid brother got me with the scissors by accident, no big deal.”

A motorcycle roared to life outside, the noise loud and intrusive. Leslie’s gaze shifted out the window, toward the street.

“
Maybe I should just spend this Christmas with Dawn and her family. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind…”

Leslie looked shocked. “Absolutely not, Grace. You came to spend the holidays with me, and nothing’s going to get in the way of that.”

Grace didn’t look convinced. “I know…but I get the feeling none of us are going to be very comfortable, Leslie. They
really
don’t want me here. And practically everyone in Luke’s family will be at your house. I have to admit that I’m not exactly looking forward to it.” She stirred her mocha. “I really thought things would’ve been better by now, you know? That we all would enjoy this Christmas and spent the time getting to know one another better. But I guess the fact that they still don’t even want me staying at the house should’ve been a clue.”

“
Well, it’s not that anyone told me you couldn’t stay with us. Like last time, I just thought it best under the circumstances. If you think Christmas dinner will be uncomfortable, can you imagine staying at our house the entire time you’re here?”