The Grimm Diaries Prequels Volume 11- 14: Children of Hamlin, Jar of Hearts, Tooth & Nail & Fairy Tale, Ember in the Wind, Welcome to Sorrow, and Happy Valentine's Slay. (12 page)

“What makes you trust me with such a deal?” I wondered. “I could let you help us and never get you that fruit.”

“No, you can’t,” Yakkity Tak suddenly grew hands and a cigar. He lit it up and puffed. “You’re a good guy. Good guys keep their promises. It’s their weakness, wanting to bring justice to the world.”

“And you’re a bad seed, I assume,” I said. “You wouldn’t keep your promises. It’s
your
weakness. Am I getting this right?”

“Right on,” Yakkity Tak puffed smoke like a gangster in Hansel’s eyes—things were really getting bad for Hansel. “Only don’t you ever call me a bad seed.”

“Oh, I am sorry I offended you,” I rolled my eyes. “What do you want me to call you?”

“A bad
tooth
,” Yakkity Tak puffed smoke and laughed out loud. For the first time, since I met him, I admired his sense of senseless humor—I wondered how I had missed such a comeback.

Hansel, Gretel, and I laughed in response. Suddenly, we were one happy family. Happiness always struck me as a weird thing; you always find it where you least expected it, but still insisted to look for it where you expected it.

“That’s really flattering,” Wendy sneered, her hands on her waist. “I’m now friends with a witch, a thief, a fool, and a damn set chattering teeth that speaks.”

“Watch your mouth, young lady,” Yakkity Tak said. “Sorry. I meant watch your teeth!” he laughed hysterically again. That thing was proud of its jokes.

“May I ask why you would help us?” Gretel, the analyst, asked suspiciously. “Aren’t you afraid Mr. Sweeny Todd will punish you?”

“I’m in a lot of pain already,” Yakkity Tak said. “Damn him. He’s been taunting me for years. I can’t eat chocolate, candy, or sweeties. One time he put a steel rod in my mouth so I couldn’t close it or open it. And for what? All of this to serve and honor the name of evil? I am fed up. Look at my shiny teeth. They’re so boring. I want holes in my teeth; I want gum sticking to them; I want them to smell bad, I want to feel alive. Hell, I even want to be able to pull one out because it hurts. I miss all those feelings.”

We all stood astonished with open mouths. I had to lick my teeth with my tongue, reminding myself that I was blessed having some bad and some good ones. Perfection was certainly a curse for this Yakkity Tak.

“So let’s do something about it before your Mr. Sweeny finishes the girl and comes out to get one of us,” Wendy said. “How can we persuade the goblins to let us pass?”

“Let me do the talking,” Yakkity Tak said, tapping Hansel on the shoulder. “You will walk me out to them, boy.”

“Why does it have to be me?” Hansel panicked.

“Because you’re miserable,” Wendy replied. “That’s your role in life.”

Yakkity Tak laughed. “I hate this girl,” he said about Wendy. “But I love the way she talks. Now, come on,” he kicked Hansel in the neck, and made an enthusiastic takitytak sound.

Minutes later, they came back.

“The goblins want a golden coin,” Yakkity Tak said. “I tried to talk them into something else, but it turned out they have a weakness for gold.”

“How are we going to get a golden coin for them?” Wendy snapped again. “Even this thief here can’t steal a golden coin for us. This is a school, and there is nothing to steal here.”

“That’s why I don’t go to school,” I had to make my point again.

“So we’re doomed,” Hansel practiced his panicking hobby once more. “I’m sure I have a demon worm, and I might die being exorcised. I don’t want to die young. There is much in the world I haven’t tried.”

“You mean so much more food,” Yakkity Tak and Hansel completed each other.

It seemed like a dead end. There was no way we could give the goblins a golden coin.

“I know how to get a golden coin,” Gretel said reluctantly, holding her huge book to her chest.

“What?” Wendy said. “Speak up! You have one?”

“No,” Gretel said, shrugging. “But I know how to get one,” she lowered her head slowly, nodding at her huge book.

“Don’t tell me you know a spell that could make gold?” Wendy said. “That’s amazing.”

“If she did, we’d have been rich by now,” Hansel mumbled. “Of course she doesn’t know,” he yelled, causing Yakkity Tak to bounce.

“I don’t know how to make gold, but I know how we could get it, and it’s very dangerous,” Gretel said. It was obvious by now that the method involved dark magic from the book she was holding, and Gretel was insecure about her abilities as a witch.

“It’s alright,” I patted her. “Tell us what you can do. Is it in this book?” I pulled her gripping fingers away from it, one by one until I took it and held it in my hands. Boy, the book was heavy. “A Midsummer’s Night Scream?” I read the title on the cover, frowning.

“What does it mean?” Wendy asked.

“By Julian Shakespeare,” I continued. Frankly, I hadn’t read the book or heard of the author before. Since I couldn’t read properly, I was proud of myself, reading the title on my first try without mistakes.

“What’s that book?” Wendy asked.

“An incantation book,” Gretel explained.

“Isn’t his name William Shakespeare, not Julian?” Wendy asked. “Isn’t that the guy they insist we have to study in school?”

“It says Julian right here,” I said.

“It’s a misprint,” Gretel admitted. “That’s why I got the book cheaper.”

“What?” I wondered. Something you better know about Sorrow: when things get really wacky, don’t argue, just move one.

“Who the hell is William Shakespeare?” Hansel wondered.

“Obviously a wizard,” Yakkity Tak announced. “It’s a book of incantations. Use your brains.”

“I was afraid he was a dentist,’ Hansel said.

“He’s a wizard. The first English speaking wizard,” Gretel nodded. “The rest were Greeks and Romans. His language looks like simple old English on the surface while it’s embedded and riddled with incantations.”

“Enough with the education,” Wendy said. “How can this Shake—what was his name again?”

“Speare,” Yakkity Tak said. “Shakespeare, young lady.”

“Yeah, yeah. How can his book help us?” Wendy continued.

“There is an incantation here,” Gretel flipped through the sticky pages while I lent her a hand to hold the heavy book from the bottom. I tried not to think about the small spider that just sprung out of a page, hanging like a yoyo downward. “It summons the Tooth Fairy,” Gretel raised her eyes from the book and watched our reactions.

“Why would we want to summon the Tooth Fairy?” Hansel said.

“As if such a thing exists!” Wendy rolled her eyes.

“I think I have an idea why the Tooth Fairy could help,” Yakkity Tak said. “We give her a tooth and she gives us a golden coin under our pillow, right?”

Gretel nodded speechlessly. I think she was silent because as much as she wished we’d use her method, she was worried about performing the incantation herself.

“That’s a crazy idea,” I scratched my temples. “So we simply cast the spell, call the Tooth Fairy, get our coin, give it to the goblins, and get out of here.”

“All that, you have to do before Sweeny Todd opens his door and calls his next victim,” Yakkity Tak said. “I’m assuming the girl inside isn’t going to make it out alive.”

“So?” Gretel’s eyes scanned us eagerly.

“How do we get the tooth?” Wendy sighed, part of her wanting to get over this long night and part unable to believe this was the solution.

“That’s not the right question to ask,” Yakkity Tak said. “The question is where do we get the tooth?”

“We could get one of your shiny teeth,” I said to Yakkity Tak.

“Funny, but not funny,” Yakkity Tak said. “The Tooth Fairy needs a milk tooth or a baby tooth, which I guess one of you still have.”

“So?” Hansel wondered. “I’m not going to give one of my teeth. They’re just fine.”

“So we get a tooth from Sweeny’s office,” Gretel suggested. “Maybe the one he one he just pulled out of the poor girl.”

“Her name is Cinderella by the way,” Hansel said. “She is the girl who cleans the school for extra money, the one who lives downhill with the mad, snobbish, and arrogant family. She’s adopted.”

“Too bad she will be gone with the Tooth,” Yakkity Tak said. “She’s got a beautiful name, though.”

“Why was she the first to enter, though, if she just cleaned the school for extra money, and didn’t even attend the school?” I asked.

“It’s a long story,” Gretel said. “She’s helpless. She’s not used to saying no—I think someone has enchanted her into obedience, probably her adopted mother. I guess Sweeny Todd thought she’d make a perfect first victim.”

“Anyway, it’s not a good idea to try to steal a tooth from Sweeny,” Yakkity Tak said. “For one, I have to stop you. It’s my job.”

“What?” I snapped. I didn’t like trickery. Stealing? Yes. Trickery? No. “I thought you were on our side?”

“I’m on the Goblin’s Fruit side. It deserves that I help you get out, but not steal teeth; they are important to us, and don’t ask me why. Do I have gum in my teeth, by the way? This goblin I talked to by the door was a spitter.”

“Shut up,” I waved him away.

“You didn’t ask me about two. I said I have two reasons,” Yakkity Tak said. “The patient’s chair inside Sweeny’s office, the one the hopeless Cinderella is sitting in—probably dead—, was once an enchanted barber chair. Now, it has become so much more. It’s a turtle, posing as a chair, and it’s a vicious turtle. It will kill you on the spot if you try to steal one tooth.”

“Turtles are slow, you dumb-talking-freak!” Wendy said.

“This one is fast, darling,” Yakkity Tak said. “It’s the one that fooled the hare and won the race, if you’ve ever heard about it. And it’s damn deadly. Paw, paw deadly.”

“So what now?” Hansel said. “We need a tooth.”

“Does it not say how to get a tooth in your stupid book?” Wendy asked Gretel who started flipping through pages for an answer.

“No, I can’t find it,” she said. “All I know is the incantation, and that the tooth has to be laid under a pillow in a bed, then we have to close the door and wait for the Tooth Fairy.”

“Cinderella’s room has a bed and a pillow. It’s where she slept sometimes,” Hansel said. “It’s full of cinder and ashes though but I don’t think the Tooth Fairy is picky about it being a clean room.”

“So now, where do we get the tooth? It has to be a good tooth, it says here,” Gretel says.

“What’s a good tooth?” I said.

“It means Hansel is out. We can’t use his because his teeth are infested with demon worms,” Yakkity Tak said. “See? I’m on your side here,” he chomped his teeth twice at Hansel. “How about you, Jack? You’re the one who brought the goblins. Lend us a tooth.”

“I’m not lending my tooth. I’m twelve and I’m the eldest.” I said. “How about Wendy? She doesn’t do anything but hurt everyone with her words. We should take her tooth.”

“Wendy?” Yakkity Tak said.

“In your dreams,” she said. “I have amazing teeth. I wouldn’t trade one for the gold of the world.”

Suddenly, the office door creaked open. We all hid under the desk, listening to the footsteps of Sweeny Todd rapping on the floor. He was a huge man with big, heavy legs, but we couldn’t see his face from under the table. All we saw was his big hammer, dangling from his fleshy—and scarred—hand, which was also tattooed. The man looked like a butcher. I could almost imagine him with his toothless victims on his shoulder, digging a grave for them. Sweeny Todd was my absolute vision of a dentist.

His stomach made a growling sound like he needed to go to the bathroom. What did bog monster dentists like him eat? What was his story, looking for the demon worm in student’s teeth? Did the demon worms kill his love?

Yakkity Tak started chattering his teeth next to me, scared of him. I had to shut his teeth together with my hands. Now that I remember this scene, I just noticed Yakkity Tak would make a unique paper clip.

Sweating, we watched Sweeny Todd stop nearby, probably looking around. He wore a long, white jacket that trickled blood—poor Cinderella, what has he done to your teeth? He also wore long boots with the logo of a hammer nailing a child’s tooth.

We were shaking under the table when he made disgusting sounds with his mouth and spit on the floor. Whatever he fired like a shotgun came rolling down in front of our eyes. It rolled; once, twice, and thrice until it stopped before us like a cracked dice. It was a tooth, and for the first time we saw one of the demon worms sliding itself out of it as if getting out of a narrow bed. I have to admit, even the dead waking up from their graves would have been a lovelier scene. The demon worm was tiny, extremely small, but with red eyes and attitude. It had six hands—which were also legs—and it was very scary.

The worm looked at us, and I thought I saw a smirk on its tiny face. “Food,” it said, standing straight and rubbing its many hands.

“Food?” Hansel whispered.

“It means our teeth are food for it,” Gretel whispered back, and I was worried Sweeny Todd had heard us.

The worm lifted its body, and it started screaming, probably to rat us out to Sweeny, pointing four tiny arms at us while standing on two.

“Shut up, demon,” Sweeny yelled at it, and flashed a big cross at the worm. “I command you to go back to hell where you came from. I redeem you of your sins back to the darkest pit of hell.”

The scene was too creepy—and weirdly laughable—for my taste, but it was real. There was a whole world of dark demon worms sent from hell to the Kingdom of Sorrow to destroy children’s teeth. And the big question was why. It had to do something with fangs and vampires, but what?

Surprisingly, the worm turned to dust and withered by the power of the cross—or the power of Sweeny’s awful, spiteful, yelling. The man spattered saliva like rain.

We all wanted to blow out sighs but held our breath instead until Sweeny left to the bathroom.

Getting up from under the table, we debated whether to save Cinderella and get a tooth from the office or find another way. Yakkity Tak insisted that turtle chair was going to kill us immediately. It was difficult for my brain to fathom the number of deadly monsters around today who were capable of killing us; demon worms, dentists, and even a turtle. My childhood was being destroyed.