The Guarded Widow (15 page)

Olivia ignored his comment, but watched out of the corner of her eye as he threw open kitchen cabinet doors searching, almost frantically, for a coffee mug.

“Oh! I’ll help you in a second,” she snapped as she zipped the last lunch bag closed and then reached for the corner cabinet door at the exact time he did.

Gavin’s hand landed solidly overtop of hers, his touch sparking an arc of heat which blazed up her arm, sending her stomach into uncontrollable, delightful quivers. Anxiously ripping her hand away she whirled around to face him, his body so close her nose was practically hitting his chest. Unable to control herself, she breathed deeply and took in his clean, distinctive scent. Slowly, she lifted her eyes to meet his, already knowing what she would see when their gazes collided.

And oh, was she was right.

Consumed by heat and desire, his disarming deep blue eyes seemed to entrap her, paralyze her. They stood staring at each other for nearly a full minute before multiple sets of scurrying footsteps broke the brief, mind numbing encounter.

“You need to give me some space,” Olivia demanded. “The boys are coming downstairs.”

Gavin waited for her to move around him and then stepped forward to pour a mug of coffee.

“Wow!” Michael said, bounding into the kitchen. With a huge smile, he asked Gavin, “Did you sleep over?”

Tommy rounded the kitchen corner and stopped short, narrowing his eyes as he assessed the situation.

Feeling flustered and unprepared to answer their questions, Olivia stammered as she answered Michael. “No, Yes.”

Then she glanced at Tommy, who was old enough to get the wrong idea. Why hadn’t she prepared for these questions instead of collapsing into bed? As a mother she hated to feel unprepared, always sought to make her children her first priority.

“Look, I need to explain to all of you why Gavin’s here and why he’ll remain here for a few weeks.”

But before she could finish, James and Michael ran in and tackled Gavin, leaving their mother grateful for a few extra seconds to gather her thoughts.

“Yeah! A sleep over!” James and Luke were continually chanting, over and over again, as they rough housed.

Tommy angrily glanced at Gavin, and then glared directly at his mother. With contempt in his eyes, he accusingly asked, “Are you letting him sleep with you?”

Gavin abruptly stepped forward, gently shaking James and Luke to the floor. Olivia walked and immediately wrapped protective arms around her eldest son while directing a firm stare at Gavin over the top of Tommy’s head.

“Tommy, Gavin’s staying in our guest room. We are not married so I would never allow him to sleep in my bed. He’s here on a temporary basis because of some disturbing events that recently occurred. He’s here to protect us, all of us,” she softly stated in a resolute tone of voice.

By now the other three boys stood by, with wide eyes, listening silently as their mother put their older brother in his place.

“Now, I understand why you asked me that question, Tommy. However, I do not appreciate your accusing tone or insinuations.” She turned to address her other sons. “We are going to treat Gavin as our guest, with the utmost manners and respect.”

With that final declaration, meaning the discussion had ended, she set about making sure her kids were fed and ready to catch the school bus on time.

After returning from the bus stop, she came into the house through the garage and upon entering the kitchen was shocked to find Gavin bent over the dishwasher, loading the dirty breakfast dishes.

“What are you doing?” Olivia asked, enunciating each word.

He glanced up at her.

“I’m loading the dishwasher,” he curtly replied. “I’m certainly not going to sit around here, doing nothing. I don’t expect for you to wait on me or clean up after me.” Then he gave her a cocky grin. “Even though, I am your house guest.”

Olivia exhaled, audibly.

There he was standing at her kitchen sink, scrubbing out the pan she’d used to cook the scrambled eggs. No matter how good he looks washing dishes, I can’t soften toward him, she told herself, firmly.

“Gavin, we need to talk. I need to establish some house rules,” she informed him, trying her best to ignore his boyish grin.

“Yes Ma’am,” he drawled.

“I’m serious, Gavin.”

Olivia pulled out a kitchen chair and gestured for him to sit down.

“I need to share something very personal with you. I don’t expect for you to understand. Maddy never did or shall I say, never has.”

Gavin recognized her tone of voice, since it was same one she’d used on Tommy earlier, and gave her his full attention. Olivia took a deep calming breath, and then launched into an aspect of her life she rarely shares with anyone.

“Let me preface this by saying, I’m very attracted to you, Gavin. I truly am. But I didn’t initiate this, whatever this is, between us. That being said, I feel like I need to backtrack a bit. Before Tom even died I was struggling, struggling with the stress of raising four young children and with the surmounting knowledge of a failing marriage. I was drowning. On that snowy night when you came to the house, I‘d anxiously been anticipating Tom’s arrival home. You see, he’d recently promised me he wanted to renew our relationship and he’d been showing a genuine interest in the kids and me again. Needless to say, I was thrilled. Throughout the years, I had single-handedly shouldered the burden of our dissolving marriage and I desperately wanted to have my husband back. I had loved Tom. By the time he died, I’d realized my mistake in our relationship. I had considered my role to be more of a mom, than a wife, and I had neglected him. His death was devastating to me because now I could never have a chance to be a better wife to him. At first, I didn’t allow myself to grieve because my boys needed me. Tom’s death was horrible for them. They cried for their Daddy, every day for months. It was excruciating to stand back and watch their hearts break, knowing there was nothing I could do to ease their pain. Then, as they gradually started to move through their grief, I hit rock bottom. Maddy tried to talk to me. My Dad stayed here for a few weeks and tried to help me, but to no avail. Eventually I sought the help of a grief counselor. Initially, I can remember thinking to myself that this woman was completely nuts. She had decided to become a grief counselor after losing her own husband and daughter in a car accident. She’d lived through such an unimaginable tragedy and so I would tell myself that I could too. She had such a joy about her, Gavin, an unexplainable joy. Then one day I finally just broke down. I hadn’t eaten or slept in days, I was a total wreck. So I finally asked her where her joy came from. I’d watched her and spoken with her for many weeks and I wanted what she had. I needed it. Do you know what her response was? She said it was God.”

Olivia watched Gavin narrow his eyes and shift uncomfortably. She understood his reaction because she knew in the past she would have responded the exact same way to this topic.

“I can tell you’re uncomfortable with this conversation. Maddy is too, we don’t talk about this subject. And I promise you after today, I’ll never speak of it again. But, it is necessary for you to understand the reason I won’t be sleeping with you, at all,” she said slowly, placing an emphasis on the last two words.

Gavin simply stared at her.

“In desperation, I gave my heart to God that day and I believe He helped carry me out of the depression I was drowning in. Now, I admit that I’m a terrible example most of the time, but because of Him I won’t sleep with you. Ever since that time period in my life, it now feels wrong for
me
. It’s not that I don’t want too. Believe me, I am a flesh and blood thirty five year old woman. But I can’t verbally teach this ideal to my sons, and then not set a good example for them. Gavin, I really am sorry to disappoint you.”

Once Olivia finished explaining, she began feeling very uncomfortable. She watched him look from her face to the floor and back again. Mentally, she chastised herself and fought against the need to physically squirm in her chair.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Gavin broke the uncomfortable silence.

“I honestly don’t know what to say,” he replied. “Although, it certainly explains Tommy’s reaction in the kitchen this morning, to be honest I had intended to discuss the topic, of us, with you prior to this conversation. So now seems like it’s the best time, since we’re reviewing the house rules,” he said with a friendly smile.

Without warning his expression became solemn, his eyes grave.

“I promise you, Olivia, as long as I’m in this house, I will not lay a hand on you, not even to kiss you. My reasoning was actually based on your boys. I think it would be confusing for them.”

He paused for a few moments and studied her face before asking in a serious tone. “So then a man has to marry you, in order to sleep with you?”

Embarrassment reddened Olivia’s face, making her want to crawl beneath the kitchen table as she had when she’d misbehaved as a small child.

“Yes, Gavin,” she answered, making sure to avoid all eye contact with him.

Then his voice lowered into a deeper, huskier tone and he stated, rather then asked,

“You haven’t been with another man since your husband.”

Deeply embarrassed, Olivia avoided his gaze. Never in her life had she had such a humiliating conversation with a man.

Summoning the courage to finally look up at him, she was stunned by the intense, fiery heat sparking in his eyes as he awaited her answer.

“No, I haven’t,” she murmured, noting a triumphant glitter before he excusing himself from their conversation.

Gavin had gone upstairs to place a call into the precinct, wanting to discuss the investigation into her attack. When Olivia heard him reach the second floor, she breathed a sigh of relief, and in a desperate attempt to forget their recent conversation, got up to study the calendar hanging on the kitchen wall.

How have I managed to lose track of time these last few weeks? Wasn’t it just yesterday the boys and I celebrated Thanksgiving at Maddy’s? A few days later I received the letter from Viccerroy, on the same day of my wedding anniversary, and now all of the sudden here it was the second week of December, so many events had transpired in such a short period of time.

The letter from Viccerroy, I need to find that letter and give it to Gavin.

Her mind, always trying to organize, began to go off on another tangent.

I also need to decorate the house and finish preparing for the Christmas. But first, I need to get the letter for Gavin.

Olivia went upstairs and started toward her bedroom. She paused before passing by the guest room door. Inside, she could hear Gavin’s deep voice.

“Captain, I’ve got eight weeks of vacation available. I’d like to use two weeks, starting tomorrow.”

Feeling bad because she’d purposely eavesdropped on his conversation, she crept on by the partially ajar door.

She walked in to her bedroom and pulled open the top drawer of her dresser, wondering, why he was compelled to waste vacation time on her. She found the letter and walked back toward the guest room.

Olivia paused at the doorway, but this time instead of feeling guilty for listening again, shock and anger began raging through her as she overheard the context of Gavin’s telephone conversation.

This call was now in reference to her job.

“The man has gone too far,” Olivia declared aloud as she placed both hands firmly upon the guest room door.

Blinded by anger, she shoved with all her might. The door rocketed open, slamming hard against the wall.

Gavin had just finished thanking Olivia’s boss for understanding her need to take a two week leave of absence, when the guest room door burst open.

“How dare you?” she growled, marching over to him.

He sat down on the bed watching her through narrowed eyes as she angrily poked a finger into his chest.

“I do not want or need for you to meddle in my life.”

Gavin lowered his voice, responding in a low threatening tone.

“Olivia, I need to be able to keep an eye on you. Your boss was very understanding. This is a small town and he’d already heard about what’s been happening, in your life. Not that you would ever think to tell him. He said it’s not a problem and they would call in a temp.” He stood up then and towered over her. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you or your children, Olivia. If I have to tick you off a few times in order to accomplish that, then fine. I’m more than willing to face your wrath.”

He began to walk toward her until he backed her up against the closet door.

Lifting her chin, she eyed him coolly.

“You promised you wouldn’t touch me, Gavin.”

Placing one hand on either side of her head, he boxed her in, never touching her.

“Yes,” he muttered, standing before her. “I certainly did make that promise to you.”

Studying her intently, he allowed himself the pleasure of watching her eyes change from anger to arousal and then dropped his gaze down to her partially open lips. Leaning down, he placed his mouth so close to her ear, she felt his words as he spoke them. “Don’t ever come into this room again, Olivia. I’m only a man and I have a limited amount of self control when it comes to you.”