The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (25 page)

The man said, ‘Of course Muffin's not dead. You do know cats have nine lives, don't you?' When Pheen said yes, she had heard of that before, the man said, ‘Well, I happen to know your Muffin was only on her third life, so she has six lives left.' Pheen asked how he knew. He said he just did, He Always Knew—it was a gift he'd been born with. He didn't know how or why it happened, but cats would often appear in his mind and chat with him. Well, not in words, of course, but in pictures.

He sat down in the road beside her and told her to keep still—very still. He would see if Muffin wanted to visit him. They sat in silence for several minutes, when suddenly the man grabbed Pheen's hand!

‘Ah—yes! There she is! She's being born this minute! In a mansion—no, a castle. I think she's in France—yes, she's in France. There's a little boy petting her, stroking her fur. He loves her already, and he's going to call her—how strange, he's going to call her Solange. That's a strange name for a cat, but still. She is going to have a long, venturesome life. This Solange has great spirit, great verve—I can tell already!'

Granny Pheen told Isola that she was so rapt by Muffin's new fate that she stopped crying. But she told the man she would still miss Muffin very much. The man lifted her to her feet and said of course she would—she
should
mourn such a
fine cat as Muffin had been, and she would grieve for some time yet. However, he said, he would visit Solange every so often and find out how she was faring and what she was up to. He asked for Granny Pheen's name and the name of the farm where she lived. He wrote the answers down in a small notebook with a silver pencil, told her she'd be hearing from him, kissed her hand, got back into the carriage, and left.

Absurd as all this sounds, Sidney, Granny Pheen did receive letters. Eight long letters over a year—all about Muffin's life as the French cat Solange. She was, apparently, something of a feline musketeer. She was no idle cat, lolling about on cushions, lapping up cream—she lived through one wild adventure after another—the only cat ever to be awarded the red rosette of the Legion of Honour.

What a story this man made up for Pheen—lively, witty, full of drama and suspense. I can only tell you the effect it had on me—on all of us. We sat enchanted—even Will was left speechless. But here, at last, is why I need your sane head and sober counsel. When the reading was over (and much applauded), I asked Isola if I could see the letters, and she handed them to me.

Sidney, the writer had signed his letters with a grand flourish:

VERY TRULY YOURS,
O. F. O'F. W. W.

Sidney, do you suppose … could it possibly be that Isola has inherited eight letters written by Oscar Wilde? Oh God, I am beside myself. I believe it because I
want
to believe it, but is it recorded anywhere that Oscar Wilde ever set foot on Guernsey? Oh, bless Speranza, for giving her son such a preposterous name as Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde.

In haste and love and please advise at once—I'm having difficulty breathing.

Juliet

Night Letter from Sidney to Juliet
13th August 1946

Let's believe it! Billee did some research and discovered that Oscar Wilde visited Jersey for a week in 1893, so it's possible he went to Guernsey then. The noted graphologist Sir William Otis will arrive on Friday, armed with some borrowed letters of Oscar Wilde's from his university's collection. I've booked rooms for him at the Royal Hotel. He's a very dignified sort, and I doubt that he'd want Zenobia on his shoulder.

If Will Thisbee finds the Holy Grail in his junk yard, don't tell me. My heart can't take much more.

Love to you and Kit and Isola,

Sidney

From Isola to Sidney
14th August 1946

Dear Sidney,

Juliet says you're sending a handwriting fellow to look at Granny Pheen's letters and decide if Mr Oscar Wilde wrote them. I bet he did, and even if he didn't, I think you will admire Solange's story. I did, Kit did, and I know Granny Pheen did. She would twirl, happy in her grave, to have so many others know about that nice man and his funny ideas.

Juliet told me that if Mr Wilde did write the letters, many teachers and schools and libraries would want to own them and would offer me sums of money for them. They would be sure to keep them in a safe, dry, properly cooled place. I say no to that! They are safe and dry and chilly now. Granny kept them in her biscuit tin, and in her biscuit tin they'll stay. Of course anyone who wants to come to see them can visit me here, and I'll let them have a look. Juliet said lots of scholars would probably come, which would be nice for me and Zenobia as we like company.

If you'd like the letters for a book, you can have them, though I hope you will let me write what Juliet calls the preface. I'd like to tell about Granny Pheen, and I have a picture of her and Muffin by the pump. Juliet told me about royalties: I could buy me a motorcycle with a sidecar—there is a red one, second-hand, down at Lenoux's Garage.

Your friend,

Isola Pribby

From Juliet to Sidney
18th August 1946

Dear Sidney,

Sir William has come and gone. Isola invited me to be present for the inspection, and of course I jumped at the chance. Promptly at nine, Sir William appeared on the kitchen steps; I panicked at the sight of him in his sober black suit—what if Granny Pheen's letters were merely the work of some fanciful farmer? What would Sir William do to us—and you—for wasting his time?

He settled solemnly among Isola's hemlock and hyssop, dusted his fingers with a snowy handkerchief, fitted a little glass into one eye, and slowly removed the first letter from the biscuit tin. A long silence followed. Isola and I looked at one another. Sir William took another letter from the biscuit tin. Isola and I held our breath. Sir William sighed. We twitched. ‘Hmmmm,' he murmured. We nodded at him encouragingly, but it was no good—there was another silence. This one lasted several weeks.

Then he looked at us and nodded.

‘Yes?' I said, hardly daring to breathe.

‘I'm pleased to confirm that you are in possession of eight letters written by Oscar Wilde, madam,' he said to Isola with a little bow.

‘GLORY BE!' Isola bellowed, and she reached over the table and clutched Sir William into a hug. He looked somewhat startled at first, but then he smiled and patted her cautiously on the back.

He took one page back with him to get the corroboration of another Wilde scholar, but he told me that was purely for ‘show'. He was certain he was correct.

He may not tell you that Isola took him for a test drive of Mr Lenoux's motorcycle—Isola at the wheel, he in the sidecar, Zenobia on his shoulder. They received a fine for reckless driving, which Sir William assured Isola he would be ‘privileged to pay'. As Isola says, for a noted graphologist, he's a good sport.

But he's no substitute for you. When are you going to come and see the letters—and, incidentally, me—for yourself. Kit will do a tap dance in your honour and I will stand on my head. I still can, you know.

Just to torment you, I won't tell you any news. You'll have to come and find out for yourself.

Love,

Juliet

Telegram from Billee Bee to Juliet
20th August 1946

Dear Mr Stark called suddenly to Rome
STOP
Asked me to come and collect letters this Thursday
STOP
Please send a telegram if this suits
STOP
Longing for petite vacance on darling island
STOP
Billee Bee Jones

Telegram from Juliet to Billee Bee
20th August 1946

I'd be delighted
STOP
Please let me know arrival time and I'll meet you
STOP
Juliet

From Juliet to Sophie
22nd August 1946

Dear Sophie,

Your brother is becoming altogether too august for my taste—he has sent an emissary to retrieve Oscar Wilde's letters for him! Billee Bee arrived on the morning mail boat. It was a very rough voyage so she was shaky-legged and green-faced—but game! She couldn't manage lunch, but she rallied for dinner and made a lively guest at tonight's Literary Society meeting.

One awkward moment—Kit doesn't seem to like her. She backed away and said, ‘I don't kiss,' when Billee attempted one. What do you do when Dominic is rude—chastise him on the spot, which seems embarrassing for everyone, or wait until later for privacy? Billee Bee covered it up beautifully, but that shows her good manners, not Kit's. I waited, but I'd like your opinion.

Ever since I discovered that Elizabeth was dead and Kit was an orphan, I've been worried about her future—and about my own future without her. I think it would be unbearable. I'm going to make an appointment with Mr Dilwyn when he and Mrs Dilwyn return from their holiday. He is her legal guardian, and I want to discuss my possible guardianship/adoption/foster-parenting of Kit. Of course, I want to adopt her, but I'm not sure Mr Dilwyn would consider a spinster of flexible income and no fixed abode a desirable parent.

I haven't said a word about this to anyone here, or to Sidney. There is so much to worry about. What would Amelia say? Would Kit like the idea? Is she old enough to decide? Where would we live? Can I take her away from the place she loves to London? A restricted city life instead of going about in boats and playing tag in churchyards? Kit would have you, me, and Sidney in England, but what about Dawsey and Amelia and all the family she has here? It would be impossible to replace them. Can you imagine a London schoolteacher with Isola's flair? Of course not.

I argue myself all the way to one end of the question and back again several times a day. One thing I am sure of, though, is that I want to look after Kit for ever.

Love,

Juliet

P.S. If Mr Dilwyn says no, not possible, I might just whisk Kit away and come and hide in your barn.

From Juliet to Sidney
23rd August 1946

Dear Sidney,

Called suddenly to Rome, were you? Have you been elected Pope? It had better be something at least as pressing, to excuse your sending Billee Bee to collect the letters in your place. And I don't know why copies won't do; Billee says that you insist on seeing the originals. Isola would not countenance such a request from any other person on earth, but for you, she'll do it. Please do be awfully careful with them, Sidney—they are the pride of her heart. And see that you return them
in person
.

Not that we don't like Billee Bee. She's a very enthusiastic guest—she's outside sketching wild flowers as I write. I can see her little cap among the grasses. She thoroughly enjoyed her introduction to the Literary Society last night. She made a little speech at the end of the meeting and even asked Will Thisbee for the recipe for his delicious Rhubarb Puff. This may have been carrying good manners too far—all we could see was a blob of pastry that wasn't cooked, covering a reddish substance in the middle.

I'm sorry you weren't in attendance, for the evening's speaker was Augustus Sarre, and he spoke on your favourite book,
The Canterbury Tales
. He chose to read ‘The Parson's Tale' first because he knew what a parson did for a living—unlike those other fellows in the book: a Reeve, a Franklin, or a Summoner. ‘The Parson's Tale' disgusted him so much he could read no more.

Fortunately for you, I made careful mental notes, so I can give you the gist of his remarks. To wit: Augustus would never let a child of his read Chaucer; it would turn him against Life in general and God in particular. To hear the Parson tell it, life was a
cesspool
, where a man must wade through the muck as best he could; evil ever seeking him out, and evil ever finding him. (Don't you think Augustus has a touch of the poet about him? I do.) Poor old man must forever be doing penance or atoning or fasting or lashing himself with knotted ropes. All because he was Born in Sin—and there he'd stay until the last minute of his life, when he would receive God's Mercy.

‘Think of it, friends,' Augustus said, ‘a lifetime of misery with God not letting you draw one easy breath. Then in your last few minutes—POOF! you'd get Mercy. Thanks for nothing, I say.

‘That's not all, friends: man must never think well of himself—that is called the sin of Pride. Friends, show me a man who hates himself, and I'll show you a man who hates his neighbours more! He'd have to—you wouldn't grant anyone else something you can't have for yourself—no love, no kindness, no respect! So I say, shame on the Parson! Shame on Chaucer!' Augustus sat down with a thump.

Two hours of lively discussion on Original Sin and Predestination followed. At last, Remy stood up to speak—she'd never done so before, and the room fell silent. She said softly, ‘If there is Predestination, then God is the devil.' No one could argue with that—what kind of God would create Ravensbrück?

Isola is having several of us to supper tonight. Billee Bee will be guest of honour. Isola said that though she doesn't like rifling through a stranger's hair, she will read Billee Bee's bumps, as a favour to her dear friend Sidney.

Love,

Juliet

Telegram from Susan Scott to Juliet
24th August 1946

Dear Juliet am appalled Billee Bee in Guernsey to collect letters
STOP
Do not I repeat DO NOT trust her
STOP
DO NOT give her anything
STOP
Ivor our new sub-editor saw Billee Bee and Gilly Gilbert (he of
The London Hue and Cry
and late victim of your teapot-throwing) exchanging long loose-lipped kisses in the park
STOP
The two of them together bodes ill
STOP
Send her packing without the Wilde letters
STOP
Love Susan