The Hallowed Ones (30 page)

Waiting for the end of everything.

***

We may have been dead.

But I was determined to live.

I had gone to bed without
Nachtesse,
wrapping myself in a bundle of quilts. My mother attempted to speak to me about Elijah, about how he meant well. I just shook my head at her until she retreated back to the kitchen. Ginger sat in the falling darkness, staring at the wall, while I pretended to sleep.

I didn’t move as Sarah climbed into bed beside me.

Through slit eyes, I watched the light below our bedroom door move, then become extinguished as my parents went to bed. I heard the murmur of their voices beyond, but I could not make out what they were saying. I think that they were arguing, but I was not sure. Eventually, their voices faded. I heard the creak of bedsprings as one of them turned around to present their back to the other.

I stared out the window, waiting for the moon to rise and paint silvery light inside the room.

I looked at Ginger. She had not moved, was still sitting upright. I climbed out of bed, padded toward her.

“Ginger?” I whispered.

She didn’t respond. I didn’t know if she
could.
Tenderly, I pushed her back down on the bed, facing the ceiling. I pulled the quilt up around her neck. I could see the glassiness of her open eyes shining in the dimness, though her pupils didn’t seem to follow me as I snatched my dress from the laundry. I reached inside the pocket to reassure myself that the
Himmelsbrief
was still there, but I left my apron and bonnet behind.

I slipped down the stairs, through the dark kitchen. I grabbed my shoes, opened the back door . . .

And plunged into darkness.

The day had rendered this place gold, but the night was cool and silvery. I ran past the pumpkin patch, through the tall grass. Overhead, I could see the Milky Way, the trail of the dead, as I swam through the tall fields and heard crickets singing.

I scanned the silvery darkness for the vampires, but I was not afraid. Not like before. I had been terrified of the violence. But now I had already seen what there was to see. I knew that they could not harm me as they harmed the others. I had the Hexenmeister’s power, however long it lasted.

Even so, I sensed that my time was measured. I wanted to wring every last experience out of it like juice from an orange, to feel, to touch, and to taste the juice as it ran down my chin. I did not want to lie down and wait for death like Ginger and the others, with their veil of ignorance drawn around them and surrendering their will to live to others.

I wanted my life to matter.

And I wanted to choose how it mattered.

I shoved the heavy kennel door open. Idly, I wondered if the vampires had discovered this place, if they had circled it in the dark. I knew that Alex was without light, without warmth, without any way to call for help. I wondered if that was part of the reason why he was leaving the settlement.

And I wondered if the other part was me.

“Bonnet? Is that you?”

I spied movement in the back. The moonlight illuminated him walking toward me, barefoot, shirtless, one trouser leg wadded up around his shin. His tattoos seemed to absorb the light, black and squirming against his pale flesh. Relief that he was still here flushed through my skin.

“
Ja,
it’s me.” I turned to haul the door shut, blotting out the light.

“What the hell are you doing, wandering around at night?” I could hear the spark of anger in his voice.

The door bounced a little against the frame, opening an inch and letting the moonlight stream in. I could hear his breath behind me, felt as it disturbed the loose hair on the back of my neck.

His hand rested on the door beside my head. His voice was softer: “Bonnet.”

I turned to face him, bumping up against his chest.

“What are you doing here?”

I reached up with both my hands, lowered his stubbly face to my mouth, and kissed him. His lips were frozen, still, under mine. At first, I was afraid that he would reject me, tell me to go home—or worse, send me back to sleep with Sunny and Copper.

But then he sighed against my lips, kissed me back. He didn’t kiss me like Elijah did, with that persistent fumbling I was accustomed to. Alex kissed me with his whole body, not just his mouth. His hands on the door, framing my face, inexorably pulled in and tangled in my hair. He leaned against me, the warmth of his lanky frame against mine, his tongue pressing past my lips.

My hands slipped down to his bare chest, timidly, to the ankh burned over his heart, circled behind him to finger the Djed column along his spine. I expected the skin there to feel different. Hotter. But it was as evenly warm as the rest of him.

His kiss slipped from my mouth, trailed along my jaw to my neck. One hand cradled my head while the other circled my waist, pushing my breasts against his chest.

“What did you come for?” he murmured.

“For you.”

He reached up to brush a strand of hair from my eyes. “Are you sure that this is what you want?”

I nodded. I slipped my hands up over his bare shoulder blades.

“I’ve still gotta leave . . . I can’t stay.” He was being honest.

I appreciated that. “I know.”

“But—”

I laid my finger to his mouth. I knew that he wanted me, too. I could hear it in the rough sound of his voice, feel it in the hard press of his body against my thigh.

“Just be gentle,” I said. I was afraid. But this was what I wanted. Him.

He murmured against my finger. “I will.”

Tenderly, he took my hand in his, turned it to kiss my palm.

I let him draw me down to the straw of the floor, down to darkness.

I did not believe much of anything that anyone else told me anymore.

But I believed him.

***

I slept fitfully. I woke often, unaccustomed to having a man’s arms around me. I stared into the darkness, listened to his breathing, plucked bits of straw out of my mouth.

I think it was because I wanted to savor each instant, knowing that it had to end. As the dark softened and the light grayed, I dozed. Once or twice, I sensed something was watching us, and I heard a scuff at the door. I froze.

Alex held me close. “If it’s the vampires,” he whispered, “don’t move.”

The footsteps seemed to go away, and I was able to relax against him, lulled into dreams by warmth. It was a beautiful spell. For a moment, I felt as if I were truly in control of my world, of my own destiny.

The spell broke after sunrise.

I woke to a rusty sound, the sound of the door being reeled back.

I jolted upright, clutching the blanket to my chest. I shaded my eyes from the bright sunlight with my hand. I could make out silhouettes at the door.

“There they are,” said a voice, cold and bitter.

I blinked. It was Elijah. And the Elders.

I felt Alex behind me rising to fight, as I scrambled for my dress.

“Don’t move,” the Bishop said, aiming a rifle at Alex.

I closed my eyes.

My little dream was over.

The Elders let us dress, then marched us back through the fields to my house. I glared murderously at Elijah’s back the whole way. How dare he . . . how dare he destroy the last little bit of a dream I had for myself?

I knew then that I hated him.

Hated him more than Ruth. More than the vampires, even.

I would never forgive him. Though “never” was shaping up to be a very short time for me.

My father marched down the steps, shock on his face. My mother was fast behind him, wiping her hands on a dishrag. It was clear to me that they were just as surprised as Alex and I.

“What’s happened?” my father demanded.

Elijah was the first to answer. “I came by to see if Katie was home. She wasn’t. You said that she was likely looking after the new puppies, so I thought to go look for her there.”

“
Ja,
I remember. You woke us up.” My father’s tone was harsh. I couldn’t tell if it was for me or directed at Elijah.

I traded glances with Alex. The “vampires” we’d heard at dawn . . . it must have been Elijah. Spying.

“I thought she was up to no good. I peered in between the slats of the wall . . . saw
her
”—he cast a contemptuous glare at me, then pointed to Alex—“lying with
him.
”

My father’s angry gaze landed on me. I lifted my chin in defiance.

“Is this true?”

I stubbornly refused to answer. But my father took in my disheveled appearance, my unbound hair, and drew his own conclusions.

He turned back to Elijah. “Why did you not come to me? I am her father. This is none of the concern of the Elders.”

The Bishop raised his voice. “It is our concern when she lies with an Outsider.” He grabbed Alex’s wrist, yanked up his sleeve to show his tattoo. “The Outsider we ordered to be left beyond the field.”

I opened my mouth to issue a scathing protest, but Alex interrupted me.

“It’s true. She came to me to bring me water in the field that day. And I forced her to take me to shelter.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“I told her that I’d kill her family if she didn’t obey. That I’d kill all of you if she didn’t bring me food. I even threatened to kill the pregnant dog with her puppies.” His jaw jutted out, and his voice was harsh. “She’s a good little obedient girl, that one. Does what she’s told.”

“That’s not true.” Tears sprang to my eyes. I knew what he was trying to do.

He stepped forward, raising his voice. “Shut up, you dumb bitch. And, yeah, I raped her. I forced her when she came to check on the dogs this morning.”

My mother choked back a sob and pressed the dishtowel to her face.

“She fought hard, but . . . how could any of you resist a piece of ass like that?” He gestured contemptuously at me, then Elijah. “How about you?”

Elijah slugged him. Alex didn’t fight back, didn’t fall, just turned his cheek and stared at him.

The Bishop stared at me. “Is this true?”

I shook. I knew that Alex was trying to save me, that he was as good as dead. But he was trying to buy me a little time. Tears blurred my vision, and my mother came to me and wrapped her arms around me.

“How could you ask such a thing?” she snarled at the Bishop.

“It’s not true,” I said. I lifted my chin. “He’s lying. I took him in willingly. He was injured, and none of you would help.”

Alex sneered at me. “See? I’ve got her wrapped around my little finger.”

My father shoved him in the chest.
“Enough.”

I swallowed hard. I had never seen him get violent with anyone before.

“I went to him willingly,” I cried. “I went to him willingly then, as I did last night.”

My mother sobbed behind her fingers. “Katie, please . . .”

Alex closed his eyes.

Rage stained my hot cheeks. “And I went to him the night before when he helped the Hexenmeister and I keep the contagion from spreading, when we kept the Hersbergers from becoming monsters . . . from becoming vampires. What the Englishwoman said is right. There are vampires among us.”

I stabbed my finger at the Elders, aware that my voice was shrill and hysterical. “I have seen them. And the Hexenmeister, with his
Himmelsbriefen,
is the only one who can save us. But you have silenced him, so he cannot help us.”

My voice echoed in my ears, full of tears and rage. It felt useless, against the black wall of the Elders. But at least I had spoken the truth.

The Bishop looked from Alex to me, nodded to the Elder holding the rifle. “Take them both Outside.”

“No.” My father stood between him and me. This was the first note of defiance I’d ever seen in him. “My daughter is a victim.”

“Your daughter has let an Outsider inside. He is likely the one to blame for all the other—”

“No!”
I shouted.
“He didn’t do it. It was the vampires. Ask the Hexenmeister.”

My mother flinched. The Bishop cast a murderous gaze on me. “She goes with him. She is now under the
Bann.
”

“She may be too trusting,” my father said. “She’s been abused, and we will take care of her.”

“She is still under the
Bann.
”

“You cannot do that,” my father protested. “You can throw the Outsider beyond the gate. He is not one of us. But you cannot place an unbaptized person under the
Bann.
”

The Bishop’s pale eyes narrowed.

“You cannot,” my father said, his voice shaking in anger. I saw in that moment how truly strong he was. “It’s against the Ordnung. She has not formally accepted the church. If you place her under the
Bann,
you must place every child in this settlement with a pair of blue jeans in his closet or a radio in her dresser under the
Bann.
The Ordnung cannot be suspended in times of crisis. The Ordnung is law, and we will continue to follow it.”

A heavy silence hung over the yard. I’d never seen anyone challenge the Elders, argue with them on a point of law. My father was correct. He’d called the Bishop out on his selective interpretation of the Ordnung.

But what remained to be seen was whether or not the Bishop would acquiesce. Whether he would try to save face or fight.

After a long moment, the Bishop grudgingly nodded in my direction. “Get her under control. We will decide about her later.”

Another Elder entered the yard leading the white horse on a bridle.

My heart sank to see the horse captured. They must have found him at Herr Stoltz’s house with the black mare. And they must have known that he did not belong to any of us. Or else Herr Stoltz had been forced to tell them.

The Bishop nodded at the horse. “Tie the Englisher to the horse. Turn them loose beyond the gate.”

“No!” I shouted, remembering the single bloody boot I’d found in the horse’s saddle. “That’s certain death. The vampires will devour him. You’re a murderer, just the same as if you shot him the day you found him!”

My mother clapped her hand over my mouth. Elijah grabbed my wrists, and they began to pull me back into my house.

I kicked and fought against them, biting my mother on the hand. I saw the Elders turn and march Alex away before the door slammed and cut me off from the world.