The Hardest Fall (Roadmap to Your Heart Book 3) (16 page)

J
ust as I
was about to switch off the light on the bedside stand, there was a series of light raps at my door. I sat up straight in my bed, my pulse thrumming at my neck.

I rushed to pull on pajama bottoms and nearly stumbled over a pair of shoes as I made it to the door. My eye to the peephole, my heart tripped over itself at the sight of Tate, his bottom lip between his teeth, his hands resting stiffly at his sides as if he was unsure if he’d made the right decision. I clicked the lock before he changed his mind and thrust open the door.

Without even waiting for him to speak, my palm connected with his shoulder and I tugged him against me, wanting to smell him and feel his warmth.

“You’re here.” After I forced the door shut my forehead landed on his neck, my words muffled into his skin. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here.”

“Well when you get a guy painfully hard in a dingy club entryway,” he mumbled into my shoulder. His arms lifted and he finally returned the hug, circling around my waist.

I couldn’t help the laugh that reverberated through my chest. I kissed his cheek and pulled him deeper into my embrace.

His eyes sprang to mine, his body rigid as if nervous that he said the wrong thing. “I…I didn’t mean to just barge in like this. You didn’t exactly wait at the club, you just kind of stormed out.”

“I didn’t want to beg,” I said, my eyes darting down to the floor.

“I like when you beg,” he said, his fingers clamping on my jaw as he yanked my lips to his. I moaned into his mouth and rested my weight against him.

He hummed as my fingers grasped for purchase on his back, my nails digging into his skin, like I needed to make sure he was real.

His hands dragged down to my ass, pulling me against him. When our cocks ground against each other I was instantly aroused. It felt so fucking perfect to be touching him. I didn’t think it would happen again.

“God Tate, what in the hell are you doing to me?” I grunted into his neck.

“What am I doing to
you
?” He rumbled against my throat. “Jesus, hearing you say those things made me want you so bad but I was scared too. Or stubborn. I don’t know. I just knew I had to come. You make me want to…”

“Want to what?” I mumbled, my skin tingling from his gruff voice.

“I want to devour you,” he growled. “Take you apart in pieces, make you come all over my tongue. Make you want me as much as I want you.”

His words cut off with a groan as my fingers fumbled for the zipper on his jeans, and tugged it down. I would show him just how fucking much I wanted him as I sank to my knees and anchored his back against the door.

Lowering his pants from his waistline down his hips, I studied his cock as it bowed upward, tall and proud against his abdomen. My thumb swiped across the head, where a perfect bead of cum had escaped.

“Damn,” he whispered. “Sebastian, you don’t have to—”

“Did anyone ever tell you, you talk too damn much? If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t,” I said. “I’ve never done this before but I want to try.
Please
let me try.”

“Well fuck,” he said, shivering. “When you put it like that. Go for it.”

I waited for his eyes to settle on mine before I leaned forward to take my first taste. I licked along the slit and then circled the head. A hint of pre-come burst across my tongue. It was bitter and salty and for some reason my own cock jumped in my pants.

I had never gotten down on my knees for a man but I was so turned on, I only did what felt natural as I sucked gingerly on the crown, increasing the pressure as I became more comfortable. He didn’t seem to have any complaints as his forearms braced the door behind him.

“Mmmmm, I’ve dreamed about tasting you like this,” I said, before stuffing half of his shaft in my mouth and laving it with my tongue.

“Well, fuck, that’s just—” he mumbled, clutching onto my hair as my mouth adjusted to the weight of him and sucked earnestly. I wouldn’t tell him how many pornos I had watched imagining being able to please him like this.

I knew not to use my teeth except maybe for an extra kick at the end, the way it had been done to me by a couple of past lovers.

“I would lie in bed and think about you,” I said, licking his bulk lengthwise. “Think about your lips and your tongue. How it tasted in my mouth. How much I craved kissing you again.”

“Aren’t you just the talker now?” he grunted, as his cock began jerking in my hand. “Goddamn.”

I could taste more pre-come on my tongue and I reveled in the fact that I was turning him on. When I looked up to search his face, his eyes were slits and his nostrils were flaring as he breathed in steadily.

“I couldn’t get you out of my head, and I hated the thought of never talking to you again,” I said, taking a long, slow lick around his balls, which were expertly shaved, no doubt on a routine basis. I continued up and down each side of his shaft, around the base, and then circled the head.

“Damn. You sure you haven’t done this before?” he asked, his thumb brushing against my cheek.

“You’re my first,” I whispered and he moaned.

I relaxed my jaw as his fingers dug into my hair and my hands reached behind him to squeeze his cheeks. They were smooth and firm and I wanted to get my own look at his ass, but I’d have to wait for another time.

“Fuck, Sebastian.” When he whimpered, I could feel him tense. He was going to come. A shudder quaked through him, and as my fingers gripped his ass tightly against me, the tang hit my tongue.

I was taken aback by the amount of come gushing against my tongue and though I had every intention of swallowing, it was just too much of everything at once.

I shifted my head and allowed the rest of the come to dribble down my chin to my thighs, soaking into the cotton of my pajama bottoms.

“Sorry,” he rasped out. “Didn’t mean to—you don’t have to—”

Before he could finish his sentence, I bent forward again and licked around his crown, my tongue digging in his slit at the leftover come there. Tasting it a second time was different. Better even.

“Shit,” Tate ground out. “Holy fuck.” He grasped for my chin and tugged my mouth away from his sensitive cock before sliding down the door to my level.

“Come here.” His fingers connected with my nape and he hauled my lips to his mouth, his tongue digging deep and no doubt, tasting himself on me.

It felt more overwhelmingly intimate than anything ever had before. His fingers skated down my back to my waist and he tugged me forward so that I was straddling him. We stayed that way clinging and kissing and nuzzling until we were both limp and breathless.

“
W
ant
to feel you naked next to me,” Tate said when we finally made it off the floor.

My bottoms were messy from his come and felt like a restriction against my leaking cock, so I immediately pushed them down my hips. After Tate struggled out of his jeans and shirt, we stood staring at each other. My skin was darker, my chest and groin hairier, and as he looked me up and down, I watched his cock thicken again.

I reached for his hand and tugged him toward my bedroom. At my door, he released my fingers and slid behind me, groaning into my neck, and nudging his cock against my ass. “Damn you feel good.”

His fingers threaded through the hair on my chest and then slipped down to brush against the patch at my groin, making me shudder. “So sexy.”

He swiped his thumb across the tip of my leaking cock and then raised it to his lips.

“Fuck,” I whispered.
So hot.

As soon as I turned to watch him, his mouth latched onto mine, while his hands burrowed in my hair. Our tongues licked and tasted and battled, as our cocks aligned and slicked against one other. I nearly came right then and there so I dragged my mouth away to get some needed air, resting my forehead against his shoulder.

I might’ve been new at this but he didn’t make me feel like a novice, he just made me feel wanted. And that flicker of electricity brightened sharply in my chest, heightening my profound need for him in ways I had never imagined.

His fingers raked across my jaw as he sank his tongue in my mouth again. He shifted into the room and fell back on the bed, with me on top, and our cocks nestled together.

“Fuck, wait,” I said, pulling back and trembling with raw need. “I’m going to come right now if this continues.”

“Get over here,” he said as he clutched my hips and hauled me toward his chest.

“What are you…” Understanding dawned as he attempted to arrange me, my thighs straddling his chest, my length digging into his jaw. “Oh God.”

Tate tenderly kissed the crown as if worshipping it and I panted openly as he stared into my eyes. “I can’t wait to taste your come in my mouth,” he said as he flicked his tongue up and down my length and then dug it into the slit at the top.

My back arched attempting to keep myself together but it was no use because I was a shaky, trembling mess. I clutched my thighs and groaned loudly, trying not to ram my cock down his throat.

“Mmmmmm….” The noises he made as he devoured my cock made me squirm and moan.

His hands traveled to the back of my thighs and then palmed my ass, yanking me forward, encouraging me to fuck his mouth. “Oh shit…I can’t…this feels amazing.”

When his pinky finger edged to the crease of my ass and touched my hole, I was a goner. I had never been so turned on in my entire life. I felt the heat traveling up my spine, lighting my entire body on fire and I threw my head back, stars exploding in front of my eyes. “Uhhhhhhhhh.”

As my come filled his mouth and slid down his throat, he groaned and sucked harder, attempting to taste every last drop. My chest heaved and I fell forward bracing my forearms against the sheets on either side of his head. “Nothing has ever felt like that before. Holy fuck.”

He kept my cock in his mouth and gentled his tongue circling the head until I whimpered and asked him to stop. I felt flayed open as I rolled over on the opposite side of the bed and he rose to his knees fisting his own leaking cock.

“Goddamn you’re sexy, Sebastian,” he rasped. “I need to come.”

He pumped on his length, his chest and neck flushed, as he looked down at me and his mouth hung open.

My fingers gripped his hip as I watched him. “So hot.”

His cock jerked in his hand spraying hot seed over my stomach and hip. I looked down at the pattern in awe and swiped my finger along my skin, where his come had left a jagged trail.

When my tongue flicked out to get another taste of him, he hummed and fell back against the pillow, his arm above his head and his leg bent at the knee.

Panting beside him, I felt the need to still be connected with him in some way. I reached out with my fingers and traced over his toes around to his heel and then up the back of his muscled calf, feeling the soft downy hair.

He chuckled breathlessly at the ticklish sensation and captured my hand in his. He lifted it to his mouth and kissed my fingers before loosely interlacing our hands and bringing them to rest across his chest.

My breath hitched in my throat at the intimate action and when our eyes met again I leaned forward and lazily kissed his jaw and then his lips.

He reached for the tissue on the nightstand and swiped off my stomach and thighs, and then gently kissed my mouth, his fingers at my temples, his tongue rubbing tenderly against mine.

He drew away, his thumbs brushing beneath my eyes as if to trace the shadows I knew were always there. “You haven’t been sleeping very well.”

It was a statement, not a question, so I kept my mouth closed as I stared down at him.

With his face scrubbed clean of makeup, I was able to study the angles and contours of his face. His eyelashes curled upward and his cheekbones were prominent all on their own. His lips were a bit swollen from our kissing and my thumb brushed against his mouth.

I wanted to cherish him, make him mine, but I didn’t even know where we stood at this point. Sure, we had given into our passion for one another but that didn’t mean he was ready for me to be in his life.

“Tate,” I murmured against his ear, kissing and nuzzling his neck. “I missed you. I don’t know…”

“Shhhhh,” he said, rubbing his fingers along my nape. “Just lay down.”

I easily sank into his warmth so that he could pull me against him. Feathering his fingers through my hair, he kissed the top of my head in another tender gesture that made my chest feel strangely funny.

“Stay with me,” I whispered, almost to myself as he continued to trace his fingernails over my scalp and neck and back until I went slack in his arms.

After another minute, I felt his slow and steady breaths against my cheek and I didn’t want to shut my eyes for dread this was all a dream and he didn’t come to my place in the middle of the night.

I feared I’d never again feel his lithe body in my arms, or his toned legs entwined with mine. Eventually I shut my eyes, reveling in how fucking perfect it felt to have him in my bed.

But just like my worst nightmare, the sheets beside me were empty the following morning.

S
ebastian had been sleeping so soundly
that he hadn’t heard me climb out of bed. So I walked around the corner to get us breakfast. I remembered Annie talking about it that time at the diner, how Sebastian always brought them coffee and bagels from Murray’s. Since Sebastian was possibly resting peacefully for the first time in a long while, I decided to do something nice. I didn’t know why, except maybe that he just brought it out in me. By now I would’ve been long gone, not out and about getting sustenance for my lover.

Lover.
Is that what he was?

Sebastian was certainly voracious. Had even turned over in bed sometime before dawn, grasped for my jaw and we started making out again. He sank on top and we rubbed our cocks together until we shot our loads one after the other. I fell back to sleep after he used his T-shirt from the floor, the shirt I made him, to clean us up. When I scoffed, he laughed and said he would think of me even more now when he wore it.

Gripping the bag, I let myself back inside, attempting to be quiet and allowing him to sleep. Except, I had startled him. His back had been to me in the kitchen where he only wore a pair of grey sweat pants that hung loosely on his hips. “Fuck, Tate, what the hell?”

“Sorry,” I said, confused as to why he was so surprised. “I got us some bagels and coffee from your favorite shop.”

“You what?” He whirled on me and I saw an assembly of emotions on his face. From anger to relief to happiness.

“You thought I left,” I said, placing the bag and drink carrier on his counter.

“No, I...” he sighed and sagged into the counter. “Yeah, I did. I would’ve deserved it.”

“Hey,” I said, stepping into his space. I wanted nothing more than to wipe that frown off his mouth. “Let’s not keep rehashing it. I’m here because I want to be. But let’s get one thing squared away: I forgive you.”

“You do?” he asked, and the gratitude on his face made my chest feel tight as a fist.

“You’re not a calculating person,” I said, touching his skin, my fingers skating up and down his chest where a patch of dark hair was velvety soft. He was a beautiful man. “I know you didn’t mean everything that happened.”

“I can’t help thinking in some twisted way, Alan brought us together.” He sighed resting his head against my shoulder. “I wouldn’t have gotten to know you otherwise.”

“Let’s not drag that bastard’s name into every conversation,” I said, feeling my gut stiffen in anger again. “Please.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he said, taking a step away. “I’m just a person who likes to understand things. How people respond to shit that happened in their lives. How it leads them on a certain path and makes them who they are. It’s the social worker in me.”

“I get that,” I said, reaching for his fingers. “But we’ve got so much else working against us, so I’d rather not—”

“Like what?” he asked, his eyebrows knitting together. “What else is working against us?”

“For starters,” I said, handing him his coffee and then taking a sip of my own, “you’ve never been with a guy before.”

“Yes I have. Just last night I was with this really sexy man,” he said, sipping his coffee, his fingers trailing delicately over my wrist. “In fact I had his cock in my mouth and I loved every second of it.”

“Is that right?” When his fingers seductively dragged up my arm to my neck, I pulled him into a scorching embrace. The kiss was slow and deep and I felt myself melting into him as his tongue worked its magic on my mouth. My fingers glided down the smooth planes of his back to the waistband of his pants. They curved and slipped beneath the material to his ass as he groaned.

“Not sure I’ve ever wanted somebody like this before,” he said, kissing my neck.

“That’s just because it’s new for you,” I said, trying to ignore how his words made me feel. I wasn’t sure if I could trust myself just yet. Trust this feeling.

“No,” Sebastian said, pushing from my grasp. “Stop saying that. I know what I want.
Who
I want.”

“You haven’t even given it time.”

“Seriously?” he said, sitting at the kitchen island and roughly grabbing for the bag that contained our bagels. “Aren’t you the one who told me not to diminish my feelings the other night when we…?”

“Yes, I did…but—”

“I am not that person,” he said, taking an irritated chomp out of his bagel. I hated that I had stuck my foot in my mouth. Again. “I only date one individual at a time,” he said after he swallowed. “If I want to be with somebody, then it’s just them, nobody else.”

“Date?” I said, as if astonished. As if I didn’t already know that this would be Sebastian’s style. Loyal and decent and monogamous. I’d admit it did something to me, to the very center of me. That he would even honor me with such a title. Still, I fought against it, like I did every dating situation that crossed my path, as if from muscle memory.

“I’m taking a shower.” He stood up, shaking his head, and there was something so sexy about him when he was confident and outraged and cocky. “I’ve got the day off and I’m not sure what your schedule is, but I’d love to spend some time with you.”

He stared at me for a long minute as if memorizing me, just in case. “If you want to try this out, just you and me, then maybe you’ll still be here when I’m done.”

I watched him walk down the short hallway to the bathroom, his back muscles flexing, his ass perfectly toned in those sweatpants and I resisted the urge to follow him and jump him in the shower. I simply stood there reeling as my phone rang.

“Hey Mom,” I mumbled as I heard the bathroom door shut behind Sebastian.

“Hi honey,” she said, a little breathless, and I was going to guess that she was on her morning walk up and around Second Avenue from her penthouse apartment. “Haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, just checking to make sure all was okay.”

My mom was that way. Always needing to hear my voice but then going about her business as a woman about town. If she knew what I had been through with Alan she would’ve lost her shit. Thankfully, she did not socialize in the same circles as his wife, Denise.

“Tori told me you were making YouTube videos,” she said and I mentally cringed. I’d kill Tori if she mentioned anything about my recent moodiness. The other day at Sunday brunch I had sworn Tori to secrecy.

“What else did blabbermouth tell you?” I mumbled, not really wanting to know, but figuring I’d hear about it sooner or later.

“That maybe there’s a handsome man you’re smitten with…” she said this with a huge grin on her face, I could tell from the way she said it.

“Seriously?” I asked, sitting back down at Sebastian’s kitchen island and reaching for my coffee. I was glad to hear the shower water still running.

“You know what they say...” she began. Mom was always quoting some person or another and usually giving the wrong person credit for saying it. “The higher they climb, the harder they fall.”

I nearly choked on the bagel I had just taken a bite of. “Um Mom, I think the saying is the
bigger they are
…it’s an old boxing reference.”

“Well whatever,” she said, like she normally did, trying to twist things to fit her advice. “Mine sounds better. What I was trying to say was that you’ve come a long way and have made me proud. Now that you’re standing tall, it’s time to date somebody really great.”

“I don’t know, Mom,” I said, folding the wrapping back over my bagel. “The way Sebastian and I met wasn’t ideal.”

“Oooh, is that his name? Lovely,” she said in an excited tone. “Honey, there will always be something that is not ideal. In every relationship. The important part is how they treat you, how they make you feel.”

When I got off the phone I immediately texted Tori.

Just talked to my mom, thanks a lot.

You like to sabotage your relationships, so I needed reinforcement.

Thankfully the iPhone now had the middle finger emoji.

“You stayed.” I was so preoccupied that I hadn’t even heard Sebastian finish his shower. But had I wanted to leave I would’ve been out the door long ago.

“I did,” I said, placing my phone on the counter.

He approached me warily as if he wasn’t sure if I was still going to bolt. “Come here.”

Sebastian was in a clean set of sweats and when I stepped into his embrace he smelled so damn good.

“I can’t say I won’t be overwhelmed again or try to run,” I said into his neck. “Tori tells me I’m good at that. But I haven’t met anybody in a long time that I want to stick around for.”

“Thank you,” he whispered in my ear and then kissed me breathless.

After I jumped in the shower, we just did normal things. The farmer’s market at Union Square, dry cleaning, a pasta dinner that he prepared using the fresh zucchini we had just purchased, and then a Netflix movie. It felt so good simply to be with him.

And later that night it turned out that straight boys could teach you new tricks.

We lay naked on Sebastian’s bed simply exploring each other’s skin without touching our cocks.

“I want to sample every inch of you,” Sebastian said and I didn’t know how this man didn’t have every single lady in a one mile radius fawning over him. And maybe he did, but I also knew how closed off he could be. And the fact that he was opening himself up to me was something I didn’t take lightly.

He took his sweet old time kissing, licking, and sucking my neck and ears and collarbone. My elbows and nipples and knees. I was taut as a guitar string by the time his mouth headed downward toward my dick, which was leaking pretty consistently.

I was on the edge of exploding as his forehead continued bumping up against my shaft while he stuck his nose in the trim patch of hair at my groin, and sniffed lazily.

Finally, when I was about to orgasm without my cock ever being touched, he twisted his head, stuck out his tongue and lapped at me like a Popsicle. I came almost instantaneously.

Come shot out of me, hitting Sebastian in the face. It dripped from his chin, over his fingers and down his neck. I fucking loved it. It was probably the most sensual experience of my life, especially if you considered that all I normally did with other men was get down to fucking.

There was something about being with Sebastian that was special and not only because he was seeing the world through new eyes. Everything he did and said seemed important and profound and that was heady for me. I figured the feeling would go away soon enough. But for now I wanted to stay right here rooted in his world.