The Haunting Within (24 page)

73

She walked for hours. The night got darker and the animals quietened down, giving way to the nocturnal mammals. She didn’t care about the unfamiliar noises. None of them could scare her now. She was lost, wandering alone and cold along the wet lanes. The storm had passed but Lisa didn’t notice. She didn’t notice anything. She just kept walking. Her feet were beyond sore and had become numb. She saw nobody. From time to time she had to stop when the coughing started. Her throat felt like she had swallowed a cheese grater. As the sun began to rise in the distance she finally stopped and looked around her. She was surrounded by fields of yellow and green. The road was taking her nowhere. She was exhausted and dehydrated. Sagging to the ground she gave in and cried. She was alone, completely and utterly. Lying down her eyes closed and she drifted off into a blackness that numbed her.

Opening her eyes she saw only bright white. Was she dead? She remembered nothing after falling asleep. Perhaps she would never wake up again. At that moment she didn’t care. Recalling the events that had unfolded she decided being dead was fine by her. It was so peaceful but there was the heartache she felt like a physical pain in her chest and in her head. And throat. Actually, she seemed to hurt everywhere. Why did she hurt if she was dead? Then she heard the beeping. High pitched and becoming more rapid. She heard voices. Saw a figure standing above her. It took a while to focus but when she did she saw a friendly face smiling down at her.

“W…where…” She tried to speak but the words came out croaky and quiet.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. Don’t try to talk just now. You need to rest. You’re in hospital. There’s been an incident.”

In hospital? So was Aiden here too? Was he okay? She wanted so desperately to ask but her stupid throat would not allow the words to come. Giving up she closed her eyes again and fell into a deep sleep.

The next time she woke was to the carefully guarded faces of two police officers. They wanted to ask her some questions they said. The nurse told them she was having difficulty speaking so they handed her a notepad and pencil. She had to go through everything with them, even the most basic information such as her name. They questioned her for what seemed like hours. She told them everything she could remember but it was so difficult, reliving it all. She cried until she thought she could cry no more. They were very kind but relentless. She just wanted to sleep. Finally they told her they had all they needed for now and they would be in touch when they had some information on her mother and brother. Then they left her in peace.

74

Arriving at the sprawling manor house a uniformed policeman opened the unlocked front doors and quietly made his way inside. He could smell it as soon as he stepped over the threshold. Acrid and decaying, it clogged in his nose and made his eyes water. Beckoning silently to his colleagues to follow he made his way through the down stairs rooms. Nearing the kitchen the stench increased and he had to hold his nerve long enough to go in and confront what he already knew would be in there. Although he was expecting to find a body he had no idea how bad it would be. He had never had to deal with this sort of thing before. Their village was a sleepy one; the worst crime he had been out to was the mugging of a young woman. Pushing the door wide he saw the back-door and windows had not been opened and it was cloying and thick with the unmistakable odour of death and burned meat. The smell was in his hair, on his clothes. He would be able to smell the stench for days to come. The boys’ body lie on the floor, unrecognisable as a human being. Making their way out of the kitchen they passed the Scene of Crime Officers preparing to examine the remains. He did not envy them their job. Upstairs they stopped on the landing. They could hear child-like singing coming from somewhere close by. Reaching the first door he paused outside and listened. It was coming from inside the room. Not knowing what to expect he braced himself as he pushed open the door. The woman was sitting on the bed, her legs crossed beneath her like a child and she was singing to a doll.              

Looking up Debbie said “Oh, hello. Do I know you?”

The day of Aiden’s funeral was a beautiful day. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun shone down on the coffin as he was lowered into the ground. Lisa wept silently into Tom’s broad chest as he held her. She could feel the pitying looks of the other mourners and knew what they were all thinking. The poor girl who had lost her brother at the hands of their mother. Now she had no-one. Nobody moved to comfort her or to offer their condolences. It was like nobody knew what to say. It certainly wasn’t a funeral under any normal circumstances. Her father had tried to contact her. She didn’t know how he had found out but he had and he had tried to convince her he was as sad as she was and he wanted to come and see her. She told him no. She had never had a father and she sure as hell didn’t need one now. Aiden didn’t need his fake sympathy. She had a feeling when she said no to him that he was relieved. She guessed he only wanted to try to contact her to ease his guilt of abandoning them.

As the words of the reverend drifted over her she looked out over the cemetery. Aiden didn’t belong here. How would she feel when it was time to go? Would she be able to leave him here all alone in the cold? She knew she didn’t have a choice in that. Looking to her right she saw Lucy standing a few feet away sobbing quietly into her tissue. This was just wrong. They should be starting their lives together; Lucy shouldn’t be mourning for her love at the age of seventeen. Lisa felt the ring in her coat pocket, heavy and obvious like a burden. She had purposely taken it from Aiden’s room to give to Lucy today. It was his last wish and she would fulfill it. There had been so much to deal with in the last few weeks. Many times she had wanted to curl up and block it all out. Her mother was lucky in that sense. She didn’t know what had happened. The police had tried explaining it to her but she refused to accept what she had done. She was oblivious to all the suffering and pain she had caused. She wasn’t here today, hadn’t wanted to come. She still thought the person she killed was her father. Lisa had not seen her since it had happened. She couldn’t face her just yet. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to face her again; to look into her eyes and to remember everything. She hated her for what she had done. But still, she was her mother and she loved her.

After the service Lisa found Lucy and took her to one side. Giving her the ring she told her what plans Aiden had had for them and the two young women cried in each other’s arms, their hearts aching for the same thing.

After what had been the hardest day of her life Lisa just wanted to be alone. She had been staying with Tom and his mum and dad who had very kindly took her in without a second thought and she was eternally grateful to them for that. But she needed to be on her own, to try and get her head sorted out. She told them she wanted to go home for the night. They tried to talk her out of it, Tom was incredibly worried about her but she assured them all she would be fine. She just needed some space. She and Tom had become a lot closer since the whole tragedy and that was another thing she needed to work through. It’s what she wanted and she still wanted it now, but to have a little bit of happiness in her life right now seemed wrong.

So that was how she found herself standing in the kitchen of their once cosy little home which now had an empty feel to it. It was cold inside, having had no-one living in it for such a long time. She had dropped her coat on the back of the sofa and left it there. Glancing around at all their belongings, everyday things that normally would hold no emotion for her but now made her feel achingly sad, she knew she would have to move. She couldn’t live in a place where so much of her brother was still alive. It would be like torture. Looking out of the window she let herself remember the times Aiden had initiated a water fight with her in the front garden, blind-siding her with a bowl of ice cold water. She smiled sadly. How had it come to this? She had this house which no longer felt like home and she had the manor house and all the money her grandfather had in the bank yet she would give it all away in a heartbeat if she could just have her family back. Her mother had been detained in a top security hospital indefinitely so she had inherited everything. But she didn’t want it. It came from someone who she despised.

Her thoughts came to a stop as she saw a timid looking woman approaching the front door. She looked embarrassed and unsure. Who was she? A second later came a small apologetic knock on the door. For want of having nothing else to do Lisa went and opened it. She found herself looking into the face of a woman of older years with laughter lines around her eyes and a soft figure.

“Hello?” Lisa enquired.

“Hello? I’m very sorry to bother you, but are you Lisa?” the woman asked, so obviously unsure of herself.

“Yes. Who are you?” asked Lisa suspiciously.

“Sorry dear. My name is Cathy and I know,
knew
your grandfather. I was wondering if I could talk to you?” she asked uncomfortably.

Lisa didn’t know what she wanted but she looked harmless so she stood aside and let her in the house.

75

With cups of tea in hand Lisa led the way through to the front room where they sat on the sofa. “I don’t mean to be rude, but what do you want?” asked Lisa without really caring about either what she wanted or if she had indeed sounded rude.

“I’m so sorry to hear of your loss” replied Cathy and when Lisa just stared at her she went on “I worked for your grandfather. I was his cleaner for many, many years and we became friends. I was there years ago when you came to visit. I’m sure you won’t remember that though.”

But Lisa did remember. How could she forget?

“He told me all about you and your brother.
”
             

“I find that very hard to believe Cathy” said Lisa in a scornful tone. “He hated us.”

“No, he didn’t dear. That’s why I’m here.” Cathy looked at Lisa with tearful eyes. This young lady had missed out on so very much. “Your grandfather asked me, if anything were to happen to him could I find you and your brother and explain things to you. But of course, after what has happened I didn’t want to encroach…” There was that apologetic look again. “Your grandfather was a wonderful man.” She politely ignored Lisa derisive laugh. “I know you know nothing about him but what your mother told you. He and your mother had a difficult relationship.”

Tell me something I don’t know
thought Lisa.

“Your mother had problems. She had them from a very young age and your grandfather did everything he could to help her. She would have terrible mood swings and would break anything and everything she could get her hands on. She had many imaginary friends too, but they were not friends normal children would have. She saw evil people who did bad things and told her to do bad things. She would get violent and lash out at whoever was closest. My mother used to work for your grandfather too and she would often look after your mother. Your grandfather adored her and he adored your grandmother too. But she could not take how difficult life had become since having your mother. She had lost her first born, a son, and she believed Deborah was the way she was as some sort of punishment from God. She blamed herself for Robert’s death. He would have been your uncle. She suffered depression which just got worse after your mother was born. Nowadays it’s known as postnatal depression, but back then there was very little known about it.
”
She stopped to take a sip of her tea and to allow Lisa to collect her thoughts before continuing.

“Your grandmother took her own life when your mother was a child. She hung herself from a tree in the grounds. It was your mother who found her. It must have been torture for her young mind. Your mother would not accept it no matter what was said to her, no matter how many times it was explained to her. She pushed the truth away, one can only assume because it was too traumatising for her to deal with. Her already fragile mind could not cope. She blamed her father for everything. Why, nobody knows, maybe it was because it was easier for her to blame him. He was there for her, he took care of her on a daily basis and he was the closest person she had in her life. He loved her unconditionally and he believed that was why she behaved towards him like she did, because deep down she knew that no matter what, he would never stop loving her. She became very hostile towards him, telling anyone and everyone she could that he was cruel and abusive towards her, but all he did was try to help her. He never, ever stopped trying. But after a while she was too much for him. He told her she had to leave. It broke his heart seeing her the way she was. She left and met your father and went on to have you and your brother. He still looked out for her. He would write to her regularly and send her money. She seemed to thrive when she wasn’t in her childhood home or near him. He was happy because she was happy. But he badly wanted to meet you and your brother.” She had to pause to wipe her eyes. Lisa sat unmoving next to her.

“When your father left he worried about her so much it made him ill. He didn’t want her to go into a downward spiral again and he tried time and time again to get her to go home to him, to take you and Aiden with her. He would have looked after you all. But she wouldn’t go. He begged her at one point but she refused. He was so scared for her wellbeing and for yours and your brothers too. He decided to get someone else involved. He hired a private detective. He knew it was morally wrong but he needed to know you were all safe. It tore him up inside to admit he did not trust your mother, but where you and your brother were concerned he knew he had to protect you. So he had someone follow your mother around for a while, just to be sure you were safe. She found out what he had done and she went to see him. The only time he ever had the chance to be in the same house as you, actually.”

“But I don’t understand.” Lisa said as she stood up and started pacing. “The first time we went there was because my grandmother had passed away. That’s the only reason we went.”             

Cathy was smiling sympathetically as she shook her head. “No dear. That’s what your mother told you but she had passed away a long time before then. As I said, she took her own life when your mother was a small child.”

“So why did she tell us that? And why did she go there if she had no reason to?”

“I can’t tell you that love. I don’t think anyone but your mother would have the answer. Maybe to try to hurt your grandfather for having her followed?”             

“I’m finding all this very hard to believe. Sorry if I sound rude but none of it makes any sense. You’re telling me that everything I thought I knew wasn’t real. That my mum wasn’t who I thought she was. Why should I believe you?”

“I understand things sound impossible and far-fetched. You don’t even have to believe me; I am just carrying out a wish of your grandfathers. He wanted you to know the truth, that he loved you with all his heart and would have done anything for you. He said you may not believe it but he also said he didn’t mind. As long as you had been told. He wanted you to know he wished he knew you.”             

Sitting back heavily next to Cathy, Lisa said “But when we went there, he was so awful to us.”

“Was he?” asked Cathy. “Can you remember that day?”

“Course I can remember it! I won’t ever forget it!” exclaimed Lisa.             

“Just think then. What did he say to you that was so awful? What did he do to you?” Cathy gently encouraged.

“He locked us in a cupboard!” answered Lisa feeling in the verge of tears. “Is that awful enough for you?”

“Did your grandfather lock you in it?” asked Cathy gently.

“Yes! Well, no, mum put us in there but she said…”             

“She said what?”

“She said…that he told her we had to be punished…”Lisa looked doubtful now. “But no, why would mum lock us in there if she didn’t have to?”

“Your mother was very troubled sweetheart. She had medication but she sometimes would stop taking it, telling your grandfather she no longer needed it. That’s when she would go downhill.” The older lady looked so sympathetic that Lisa almost burst into tears.             

“But I heard him. Aiden… Aiden heard him” at the uttering of his name she felt a pain in her heart. “He was shouting at mum. Telling her to get us out. Telling her he was keeping us there.”

“Protecting you.” Cathy said with such certainty that Lisa was forced to admit what she was saying could be the truth. “I was there dear. I was on the other side of that door to you and I saw and heard everything. After you had left, your grandfather was utterly devastated. He felt he should have done more to keep you there with him, but what could he do?”

“But why did he treat her so horribly when she was a little girl?” Lisa pleaded.

“He didn’t dear. Your mother told you that because it was what she truly believed. She isn’t a bad person, she’s just damaged and that’s why your grandfather would never give up on her. He believed right until the end that one day she would be alright. He treated your mother like a princess. He bought her everything she wanted but she ended up smashing it and breaking it in a fit of rage. He never raised a hand to her, even when she lashed out at him. When she was expelled from school because of her behaviour he made sure a tutor taught her from home. Your mum blamed him for her mother committing suicide.”

“But what about my grandmother? Mum said he used to hit her all the time. That he went crazy.”

“He wasn’t the one who was crazy. He would of never have hit your grandmother.”

“So why did he never see us? Why didn’t he help us with money when mum had to work two jobs?” Lisa was aware now that she was clutching at straws. She had always wanted to hear that her grandfather had loved her but did she really want to hear it at the expense of having to come to terms with the fact that her mum had lied to them all their lives? That she had always been mentally unstable?

“Your grandfather tried often to see you. He would come here but she always denied him access to you both. He was not allowed to see you here or anywhere else. He still tried though. He would go to your school to try and get a glimpse of you both. It devastated him to not be in your lives but he was always afraid of pushing your mother over the edge and putting you both in danger so he never took things any further. As long as he saw you were happy and healthy then he was always happy to only catch glimpses of you through a fence. He sent your mum money regularly for you all, what she did with it I don’t know, but he wanted to make sure you were all okay.”

“Why did he have his practice closed down?” asked Lisa, sure that there was no nice way of explaining he murdered his patients.

“He chose to close it so he could care full time for your mother. He couldn’t come to terms with having to divide his time between his career and her. He wanted to give her everything and that included his time and his expertise. He was never closed down. For him there was never a choice.” The simplicity of the reason was profound.

Lisa was drained. So much was playing on her mind and she couldn’t take anymore. So she politely but firmly asked Cathy if they could leave it there because she needed to sleep. Cathy graciously accepted and took her leave. But before she left she handed Lisa a piece of paper with her phone number on it in case Lisa wanted to get in touch for any reason. Lisa thanked her and closed the door behind her.

76

Upstairs Lisa lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. There were so many thoughts’ swimming through her mind it was difficult to stop her mind from drifting. How had it all come to this? They were just a normal family and now look at them. There was only really her left. What Cathy had told her disturbed her immensely. Could she be believed? Lisa didn’t know. If she had been telling the truth then that would cause a whole load of new heartache for her. To think that all her life she had believed her grandfather to be a tyrant and a cruel man and all he wanted to make sure they were safe. Safe from their own mum at that. She couldn’t deny that Cathy, and her grandfather if she believed what she said, had been right about her mum having psychological problems, that much had been clear since that fateful visit. But then again, it had been in the papers. She could just be a nut who had dug up some information on them. Maybe she preyed on the bereaved. Whatever it was that Lisa believed she had to see if she could find answers. There was no way she was getting to sleep so she may as well do something useful.

Pushing herself up on her elbows she took a moment to get her balance. She realised she hadn’t eaten a thing since the day before. Her stomach grumbled now as if in protest. Making her way to the kitchen she opened the fridge to see what there was. Not much she was disappointed to find. Boiling up a pan of water she set it on the hob, shivering as she saw the flame flicker to life. As she waited for some pasta to boil she made herself a cup of tea and leafed through the unopened post as she stifled a yawn. There was one addressed to her mum and Lisa wondered if it would be rude for her to open it. Under the circumstances she thought not. After all, if she didn’t open it, who would
?
             

Unfolding the letter she saw an annual bank statement from a savings account. Her eyes widened in disbelief at the total. This couldn’t be right could it? Over a quarter of a million pounds? Surely it was a mistake. Looking back through the statement she saw regular payments into the account. Each time the amount was the same, one thousand pounds, always from the same account number. None had been taken out. What the hell was her mum doing with all that money? She pondered on it as she forced down her pasta with cheese sauce, feeling it slowly slide down her throat making her feel sick but she kept on eating. There was no explanation except…except that Cathy had indeed been telling the truth and this was money her grandfather had sent.

Not even bothering to clear away after herself Lisa headed for her mums bedroom. She never came in here. Even before. They were a family who respected each other’s privacy and although there had been times when her mum had invited her in, she had never gone in at any other time. So now being in there felt strange like she was invading. She had to remember though that her mum wasn’t here anymore. She would have to come in here and go through everything at some point. She had been putting it off for the last eight weeks but now she wanted answers.

Not knowing where to start she opened the drawers, searching for something that would shed light on the lies she had been told. She found nothing. Next, she went to the wardrobe rifled through the clothes on the hangers. She heard a rattling noise from a coat and delved in the pockets. She pulled out a medicine bottle addressed to her mum. The name of the tablets was chlorpromazine. She had never heard of them before so she took her mobile out and typed the name into the search bar. Seconds later she pulled up a site all about the drug and what it was used to treat; schizophrenia and other forms of psychosis. That was the main use of the drug. What had Cathy said? Her mum had problems. Well she would say that schizophrenia was a problem. But how could she of not known? But then it looked like her mum went to extremes to hide it from them. Putting them in a coat pocket in her wardrobe. That was a bit over the top. But then, maybe not. She had just read on the website about feelings or paranoia. She was deeply shocked at finding out her mum had had a mental illness, especially one as serious as schizophrenia. She had never noticed any signs. Did it make her a bad daughter for not knowing? Probably. She already felt like a terrible sister and from the way things were headed she was going to find out she had been a lousy granddaughter. The tablets went back into the pocket and she knelt down and pulled out everything at the bottom of the wardrobe. There was a shoe box beneath piles of folded jumpers which Lisa took over to the bed and removed the lid. Inside were lots of letters, some recent ones and some older ones judging by the yellowed envelopes that contained them. All were bound together with elastic bands and all of them were written in the same, small, neat handwriting. Pulling them out Lisa opened one of the older ones and read…