The Healer's Kiss: Book Four of the Forced To Serve Series (3 page)

“Yes, but you are a warrior yourself. You do not
fear
her attempts to rule you,” Boca said sharply, immediately wanting to bite out her tongue for showing disrespect to the male who was supposed to be a spiritual teacher for her.

Dorian laughed. “Again I must point out you are trying too hard to deceive yourself. Of course I fear Gwen,” he said with a short laugh. “Have you not seen her angry? I am not spared from our Commander’s wrath just because I please her in bed. Other males have done that before me and not been spared either—as you very well know.”

Boca drew in a short breath of surprise, clamping down on her frustration, and the jealousy that was always a heartbeat away now since she shared the healing kiss with Chiang. The thought of him with another female was more than just physically painful. It also made her want to sharpen blades and use them on any female who dared approach him for bonding. Maybe sometimes she thought of Chiang as her property now. Fortunately, she had no problem pushing those ownership feelings away. But why was the Lieutenant bringing it up?

“Why torture me with a reminder of Chiang’s past relationship with your mate?” Boca demanded.

Dorian shrugged as he walked back to where he could turn and meet her glare face-on. “The Creators, in their wisdom, sent me someone to share my life who will never bow to my will without a fight to exert her own. She keeps me humble, which is an odd sensation for a fully trained Siren of Rylen, especially one from my mother’s house. Sarinnea’s line holds a preferred status in our society, and you could say I am well used to having my way with most creatures.”

“Yet you have not bound your mate to you irrevocably,” Boca challenged. “Sirens are capable of bending a mate’s will.”

“Given enough provocation, I could undoubtedly produce pheromones that would bend Gwen’s will to mine and perhaps prevent her from ever speaking harshly to me or anyone else again. I’m not even tempted to do so.”

Dorian stopped, folded his hands in front of him as he heard Boca sigh.

“I was not implying any insult to her character,” Boca said tightly.

“No, of course not. I just wanted to share with you that though I possess a Siren’s ability to alter the responsive nature of my mate, I would never do so. To do anything less than honor her true nature would destroy the very appealing physical side of what we share, as well as dishonor our spiritual connection. It would be like saying ‘no, thank you’ to the Creators for the mate they chose for me,” Dorian said.

“I do not see the point of our discussion concerning
your
mating. My arrangement with Chiang is of no importance to this mission. Or to you—no disrespect, Lieutenant. I am sure the Creators have much more important things to deal with as well.”

“On the contrary, the Creators affect the minutiae of our personal lives for greater purposes. And I think your relationship to Chiang is vastly important to this mission, which is to save someone who has devoted her life to doing the Creators’ work.” Dorian Lifted his chin to mirror Boca’s expression back to her. “Surely your instincts are insisting that you must overcome your fear of Chiang to be successful—even if you are choosing to ignore those guiding forces consciously.”

“Would you have me engage Chiang in physical battle to prove my warrior worth to him? Given the inequalities between us physically, I would be foolish to do so. Besides, this is simply not done on my planet. It would be considered impertinent of me to challenge a male that I have made even the smallest of mating commitments to,” Boca said, defending her actions. “Then there is also the concern that Chiang is my superior on the ship.”

“The latter is just an excuse, Ensign. My mate remains my superior. The situation will not change until she chooses to amend it. So far, her greater rank on the ship has not been an issue in our personal connection,” Dorian said lightly. “Perhaps it is helpful that we are both learning to concede control to each other during our private times together.”

“Does she routinely give you reasons to fear her, and do so on purpose?” Boca demanded.

Dorian bit the inside of his jaw to keep from laughing. Gwen filled him with agitation as often as she filled him with lust. It was not fear she generated, but their natural friction created strong emotions that he had to constrain at times. “I prefer to think of what I feel as frustration rather than fear.”

“Well, I feel both for Chiang the Greggor,” Boca declared. “And he does nothing to lessen either.”

“Ensign Ador, your spiritual life will not grow from hiding out in my meditation room paralyzed by inaction. You should be asking yourself why the non-committal Greggor is trying so hard to bind himself to you. Why would the Creators move him to mate you when it is well known Chiang has made a habit of avoiding all other such commitments? His current celibacy is a trial to his nature, and yet he persists in it for fear you will reject him if he seeks relief from other females. Now I am not saying his ease is your responsibility—” Dorian stopped, laughed, and reconsidered. “Well, actually I am saying it’s your responsibility. You can ease each other without a full mating. Sirens are not the only ones who can do this. But you must learn to think more clearly about your situation to see the truth in it.”

“Chiang will not stop at partial bonding,” Boca choked out. “I have sensed it. I cannot take the risk of permanently binding myself to another controlling male. You might as well give the controller back to my Lotharian owner as ask me to even partially mate with Chiang.”

“The Greggor will not control you if you don’t let him,” Dorian said easily. “No male can unless you go along with it.”

Boca pulled herself up until she was stiff as a board. “What do you suggest I do then?”

“Come to an agreement between you and insist he honor it,” Dorian advised. “Then end his celibacy and yours. Give yourselves some physical peace at least. But I warn you that if you are true mates, vibrational sharing will only soothe a short while. You will both need the full physical connection to find a real release from your constant torment.”

“What if I cannot bring myself to bond with him at all?” Boca asked. “I neither want to nor feel it to be critical.”

“Then I believe you will fail on this mission. Ensign Karr is not experienced enough to handle himself among Lotharian males who view females as objects they own. Chiang has worn the Xendrin collar. He knows what it is like to be on both sides,” Dorian reminded her.

“How can I trust him, Lieutenant?” Boca said. “Males say whatever is needed to get what they want. No male has treated me differently.”

“If you cannot face the Greggor’s affectionate ownership bravely, you will not succeed in facing the Lotharians more sinister ownership again. Fear of conceding to Chiang is merely a mirror of your fear of being an unwilling captive again. And I suspect your fear of Chiang is a reflection of your previous mating as well,” Dorian said. “I don’t think Lotharius was the first time you were treated as a sexual slave. What say you to that charge, Ensign?”

“My Sumerian mate exercised his rights. My concession was his due. However, I concede Chiang is not Rogan,” Boca denied. “This I have seen. He is much more considerate in bonding.”

“Well, at least you have one good thing to say about him. The Greggor fairly sings your praises to whoever will listen. He even bargained with the demon to stop trying to seduce you,” Dorian said.

“I cannot be seduced. Malachi jests with him,” Boca said, unconcerned about the demon’s interest in her.

“You left the meeting in too much of a hurry and missed the big news. Malachi has taken a job under Chiang as a medic,” Dorian said, turning away to keep from laughing as she gasped in shock.

“Why would the captain agree to such an arrangement? The demon cannot be trusted,” Boca declared.

Dorian turned back to her. “Perhaps that is true, but Synar has already sanctioned it. Tomorrow Malachi travels alone with me to the Paladin. It is a test for Malachi I think.”

“
Slaggika
,” Boca declared.

“I agree with your sentiment about the demon, but swearing in Rylen would just be redundant,” Dorian said, allowing himself a moment of sarcasm. “I think we’re done for the day, Ensign. Go settle your personal affairs with the Greggor and then come back to meditation tomorrow. Clear your energy—or don’t return.”

***

Later that day, Boca bit back the groan as she climbed to her feet. She tried not to weave as she stood, but in the end could not stop herself. Having lost count of the number of times her fellow ensigns had thrown her to the floor, now she could only acknowledge the pain in all parts of her body.

“
Enough
,” Gwen called, stopping the next attack before Ensign Karr went after Boca again. “That’s all for today. Boca, stay. The rest of you—
go
.”

Her male sparring partners bowed their heads to their commander and then left. Boca remained where she was, afraid to move for fear she’d fall on her face at Commander Jet’s feet.

“Boca, this isn’t going to work,” Gwen said. “I’m going to talk to Synar about another alternative. You’re not coming along fast enough. It’s been three days, and you haven’t gained any ground. The ensigns still overpower you each time.”

“Bring them back. I can handle another hour of fighting,” Boca said.

Gwen shook her head. “No, you can’t. I admire your perseverance. It shows you’re a natural survivor. This isn’t about your physical strength giving out, even though I know damn well you’re ready to collapse. Stop trying to fool me because it isn’t happening. This is not about acting like a warrior, but rather about truly being one.”

“What must I do then?” Boca demanded. “Give me a task to improve myself. I intend to go to Lotharius. I am capable.”

“What would happen if Chiang walked in here right now and yelled at you?” Gwen demanded.

Boca’s gaze went immediately to the door. When she moved it back to Gwen, the female was shaking her head.

“That reaction is exactly what I mean. There are all kinds of fear,” Gwen told her. “And we both know just how bad it hurts to be strapped to the wiring table while they poke wires through you and listen to your screams of pain.”

Boca nodded and looked away.

Gwen hardened her resolve at her urge to immediately offer sympathy. That wasn’t what was needed. She was supposed to be training Boca to fight, not fixing her fear of being captured again.

“Yeah, the wires hurt, but they weren’t half as bad as not being able to stop them from removing Zade’s mating energy from me. It was the mental and emotional violation that caused the most damage. All I have left physically from the wiring torture is a scar on each thigh, but I hold a clear memory of myself weeping over Zade.”

“But they did not break you. You were cursing the doctor when we rescued you,” Boca declared. “I heard you.”

“I guess that depends on your definition of broken. They broke me mentally because I wasn’t strong enough to deal. I wept over Zade, full of regret because I was still in damn denial over our mating when they captured me,” Gwen explained. “The Lotharians will destroy you because you have nothing inside you strong enough to survive that process again. If you have to endure having Chiang’s energy removed from you, you’d go right back to being the victim you were when first captured.”

“With all due respect, I must disagree with your assessment,” Boca said, hoping her voice didn’t sound as unsure to Gwen as it did to her. “I survived the removal of Rogan’s energy. I would survive losing Chiang’s, especially since I don’t want his anyway. It would be easier this time, not harder.”

“I think that’s a bunch of Klageldon dung. I also think Chiang is the reason you can’t fight. You better show me something different tomorrow and prove I’m wrong,” Gwen informed her. “If you don’t, I’m damn well asking Synar to send Ambassador Onin on the mission instead, no matter how much I detest her.”

“But Commander. . .” Boca began, only to stop when Gwen held up her hand.

“Our discussion is over, Ensign,” Gwen said firmly. “Fix your energy before you return to my mat. Dismissed. Now get out of here while I work off some steam of my own.”

Boca ground her teeth together to keep from screaming as she marched off the mat and out the door. Her time of running had obviously reached an end, but she was still resentful about being pushed into confronting Chiang.

Chapter 3

Chiang closed the door of his new quarters, frowning as he looked around at the space. This room was neither sanctuary nor peaceful retreat. Despite its spaciousness compared to his old quarters, his new domicile was only a reminder of his greater obligations on the ship now.

Between the unfriendly space and Boca’s continued avoidance of him, sleep was nearly impossible lately. Even Greggors had to close down for a few uninterrupted hours now and again in order to avoid sleep deprivation. One way or the other, he needed to do so tonight. Were anything to happen requiring his attention in Medical, he would be of little use in his current state.

Huffing out a frustrated breath, Chiang pulled off his shirt and tossed it on his unmade bed. He would grab a cleansing and then take a sleep aid. Decision made, he headed to the bathing area in the main room, which was large enough to accommodate two.

A large bathing area was about the only solace at the moment in the entire unfriendly space.

***

Boca stood outside Chiang’s quarters chewing her lip, disgusted with herself for acting like a worried female instead of a warrior. When she felt her hands tremble and her dread of confronting him rise, she lifted her hand to knock before she could lose what was left of her nerve.

Time ticked by as she grew more apprehensive, but apprehension changed to irritation when there was no answer. Despite the flutters of nervousness inside, she lifted her hand and knocked again. She waited another short period of time before going to Medical. There she touched the com port, which she hated because she had to stand on her toes to reach it.