The Heart of Christmas (19 page)

Although he couldn’t imagine she would.

“It wasn’t just his sister,” he said. “It was her two kids. She was divorced and struggling to make it on her own, no longer had a husband to look out for her, protect her.”

“And every woman needs a man.”

“Are you being sarcastic?”

She laughed. “Of course. These days most of us believe we can take care of ourselves. But your background puts that comment in perspective, so I guess I can’t hold it against you.”

“You think you could shoot a man?” he asked.

“Probably not,” she admitted. “But I don’t think most of the men I hang out with could, either. Anyway, what did Virgil do?”

“He cut a deal with the California Department of Corrections. Agreed to go undercover to help them bust up an even worse gang in a different prison if they’d put Laurel into Witness Protection.”

“So Laurel is Virgil’s sister,” she said, recognizing the name.

“That’s how I met her.”

“Makes sense.” She shifted on the bed. “But I’m shocked that they’d allow him to endanger himself like that.”

“A judge had just been killed by a member of this gang, so they figured it would save a lot of lives in the end. And no one was going to be more convincing than Virgil. He was tough. He had prison experience. He had gang experience, too. And he didn’t smell like a cop. They thought he was perfect for the job.”

“Was he able to do what they wanted him to—and get out alive?”

“Yes and no. There were things that went wrong. The Crew found his sister and nearly killed her and her kids. They would have, if I hadn’t been there to stop them.” He didn’t tell her that was the moment he’d had to make his own decision—between the path Virgil had taken and the one he was on and ultimately left behind. That day had changed everything.

Eve seemed wary. “How did you stop them?”

He slid open the drawer of the nightstand and her eyes widened with understanding when they landed on the gun. “I see. You shot someone.”

Was she going to ask him to leave when this was over? He wouldn’t blame her if she did. He knew how bad he must sound, especially to someone who lived in Whiskey Creek. “I had no choice, Eve. You should have seen what he was trying to do to her.”

Her throat worked as she swallowed. “And then?”

“After that we had no choice but to go into WitSec—all of us. Virgil had helped break up the Hell’s Fury at Pelican Bay—”

“Pelican Bay is a very notorious prison!”

“For good reason.”

“And he survived that.”

“Yes. But we barely managed to escape with our lives, hence the WitSec decision. Last thing we needed was for The Crew to come after us again.”

“They must have, or we wouldn’t be having this discussion.”

“Yes. They found us in D.C. We escaped a second time, just as narrowly. Then we left WitSec, thinking we might be safer on our own. That was when Laurel moved to Montana to start over without us.”

“Where did you go?”

“Farther up the east coast. I stayed to help Virgil reestablish the personal security company we’d opened in the D.C. area.”

“You weren’t with Laurel at the time?”

“Not anymore. We’d broken up. That was part of the reason she left.”

She smoothed the bedding before meeting his gaze again. “Why didn’t it work out between you? You obviously loved her very much.”

He wasn’t sure how honestly he wanted to answer that question. But he’d had enough of lies. “It was my fault,” he said. “I wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship we both wanted to have. When my mother died, I screwed up again, even though I’d promised her I wouldn’t.”

“Screwed up in what way?”

He noticed the subtle tension around her mouth and eyes. “Started using again.”

“You’re talking about drugs.”

“Yes.”

“What kind?”

“OxyContin. Prescription pain meds. That shit is so addictive. I fought it for a number of years.”

She hesitated for a moment. Then she said, “And now?”

“I’ve been clean for nearly four years. Can’t even remember the last time I was drunk—until Sexy Sadie’s.”

“You try to be careful about alcohol, too?”

“I watch for triggers. I don’t want to go back to that place.”

She folded her arms. “I see. So none of you were married when Laurel moved to Montana.”

“Just Virgil.” Revealing so much would probably change her feelings toward him, but Rex had to grin when he thought of Virgil’s no-nonsense wife. He’d always liked Peyton. “He married the deputy warden from Pelican Bay, met her while he was there under cover, if you can believe it.”

She gave a surprised laugh.
“What?”

“It’s true. They have two kids and are happy—really happy, which does my heart good. Except that they have to watch their backs just like I have to watch mine.”

“Where do they live?”

“Not in California.”

She studied him. “That’s an interesting answer.”

He thought of Mona, but decided not to burden her with that part of the story. “It’s better if you don’t know certain things.”

“You think I’d tell?”

“The Crew would torture you if they ever got a hold of you and believed you could provide any useful information. I’m trying to protect you as much as Virgil.”

The color drained from her face. “What you’re talking about...it’s all so foreign to me. I mean...the biggest problem I’ve faced is how to meet the right man so I could start a family.”

He couldn’t help it; he glanced at her belly. “And how’s that family thing going?”

“If you’re asking if I’m pregnant, I haven’t taken the test. When I do, I want to be sure that it’s accurate.”

“You told me it’d be accurate in a week. So it should be accurate now.”

She nodded. “I bought one a few days ago. I’ll take it soon.”

The silence stretched for a minute or two. Realizing she must be freaked out, he finally broke it in an attempt to reassure her. “So now you know why I lied, why I left and why I have to leave again. I don’t want my past to catch up with me, especially here. I don’t want you hurt.”

She stood and began to pace. “They can’t
still
be looking for you. You’ve been out of prison for what...five years?”

“Eight.”

“That’s crazy!” She stopped to face him. “Surely they’ve forgotten about you by now.”

He chuckled bitterly. “They haven’t forgotten, Eve. I doubt they ever will.”

“Why? Why do they care so much?”

“You have to understand what’s important in their world. There’s a lot of street cred in taking Virgil and me out. We killed several of their leaders, and we walked away. They can’t let that go unpunished. The banger who puts a bullet in us will be a hero, and that gives every asshole in the club incentive to try. After what happened before, Virgil and I are like...like two giant bucks that several hunters have seen but none have been able to bag. They talk about us, daydream about us, make plans for how they’ll be the ones to claim the prize....”

She started pacing again. “Still. How do you know they’ve found you again—”

“They shot up my house and my car last night, Eve. That’s how I know.”

Her hand covered her mouth. “No.”

“Yes.”

“Where were you when it happened?”

“At a friend’s down the street.” He didn’t see any reason to let her believe he might’ve been having sex with someone else by mentioning that “friend” was the recently divorced woman who lived next door.

“So your car was at your house.”

“Yes. That, the late hour and the fact that the lights were on is what made them think I was home. They probably wouldn’t have busted in and shot up the place otherwise. You should’ve seen what they did to my bed—and everything else once they realized they were wrong and I wasn’t home.”

“Better your car and your house than you! What if your car hadn’t been there? They would’ve waited for you to come home, right?”

“Probably.”

“You don’t seem very relieved that they didn’t kill you,” she complained.

“It’s all getting old, Eve. I’m tired of it, don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting this battle.”

She pivoted at the foot of the bed. “You have no choice!”

“I
do
have a choice. It’s just not a choice most people would expect me to make.”

She rubbed her arms as if he’d given her goose bumps. “That sounds suicidal.”

“I’m
not
suicidal. I want to live as much as anyone. But the longer I run, the longer they’re going to chase me.” He shrugged. “Problem is...I’ve tried standing and fighting. That doesn’t get me anywhere, either. The more of them I kill, the more they’ll send.”

“Kill...” she repeated.

He said nothing.

“Did you call the police?”

“Someone did. But I didn’t stick around to talk to them. There’s nothing they can do for me, Eve. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“They
have
to be able to help!” she insisted. “I mean...there has to be
someone
you can turn to.”

“Not unless I go back into WitSec and, at this point, I doubt the government would even be willing to spend the money. We walked away from the program last time. I’m not interested in returning, anyway.”

“So what happens next?”

“I’ll have to disappear, reestablish myself somewhere else. And that starts with getting a new computer this afternoon and some clothes. I lost everything.” Fortunately, he had the money to pay for those items. He’d pulled all his money out of the bank when he returned to San Francisco, and The Crew hadn’t found it. They hadn’t been looking for money; they’d only been looking to do as much damage as possible. So once they took off, he’d gone in and retrieved it. He probably could’ve salvaged some of his clothes and other belongings while he was there, but he’d heard the sirens and knew he had to get out as soon as possible. He couldn’t afford to be delayed answering questions when answering those questions wouldn’t help, anyway.

“What about your business?”

This was another difficult subject. All About Security was the one thing he had. It had given him focus, a measure of success—success he’d established independent of Virgil—a sense of importance. And that had pulled him through. He’d have to say goodbye to all his bodyguards and Marilyn, never talk to them again. He’d been careful not to get too close to anyone, in case it came down to this, but it was impossible not to connect on some level. “I need to sell it, cut ties.”

Her sympathetic expression suggested she understood what starting over would cost him. “Cutting those kinds of ties won’t happen overnight.”

“I can only hope I’ll be able to make the arrangements in a short amount of time, which means I’ll have to sell cheap.”

She rubbed her forehead as she walked back toward him. “How long can you stay here?”

“They won’t be able to follow me right away,” he said. “There’s nothing at my home or office that leads to Whiskey Creek. My administrative assistant knows I was here before, but I was in other towns, too. And I left a message for her this morning saying I was going to Arizona. I don’t think she’ll expect me to return to Gold Country, not without notifying her.” Why would she? As far as she knew, this place had been nothing more than a stopover, a dot on the map, where he’d found shelter for a few days. She didn’t know that he’d gotten involved with Eve, didn’t know how much he liked the town, because it hadn’t meant all that much to him when she’d come out to have him sign those checks.

He was glad of that now, or he wouldn’t even be able to allow himself this reprieve before the inevitable new name, new place, new business.

“At least now I understand,” she said.

“I’m sorry the truth is so ugly.”

“I can’t say you didn’t try to warn me.” She managed a forgiving smile, but seemed a bit shell-shocked and tentative, as if she’d just learned that the cat she’d been petting for days had rabies. “Let’s eat,” she said, beckoning him toward the kitchen. “I have to get back to work.”

He would rather have had her climb into bed with him, rather have had the chance to hold her. Maybe they had no future, but they had today.

Or was he just thrashing around, trying to find something or someone to hang on to? That would be a natural reaction. No one felt comfortable being cast out or isolated, even by circumstance. He’d been wandering in that wilderness long enough to know how lonely it could get. But he didn’t want to be the kind of bastard who’d drag a woman down with him—especially Eve. “Yeah, let’s eat.”

22

“S
o he’s at your place
now?
” Cheyenne had arrived at work twenty minutes earlier—she was only on the schedule for four hours on Tuesdays—but they’d spent every one of those twenty minutes talking about Rex.

“If he hasn’t left.” Eve rearranged the items on her desk while Cheyenne finally removed her coat and scarf. “He was there when I took him some lunch, but he could be gone by dinner. I don’t know what I can rely on—and I was afraid to ask. After what he confessed, I wasn’t sure which answer I wanted to hear.”

“That’s understandable.” Cheyenne used her desk to support her as she leaned over to drape her coat and scarf across the filing cabinet.

“I can hardly believe all the things he told me,” Eve said. “I know that lately I’ve been anxious—maybe overanxious—to meet someone. And hooking up wasn’t the best way to do that, but—”

“A man like Rex would make any woman do a double take,” Cheyenne said.

“For me, it’s not just his appearance, Chey. There’s something about him—something about how he talks and moves and looks at me. When he touches me, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.” Eve took some lip balm out of her drawer and smoothed it on. “Do you think it’s karma for trying to force what I want? For lowering my standards enough to bring home a complete stranger?”

“No. Not at all. Think of the good things you do—and have always done. That should bring you
good
karma, not bad.”

“But my luck couldn’t get any worse. Last year I fell for a guy who was in love with someone else, and now I’ve humiliated myself in front of our entire group of friends—in front of the whole town.”

“That’s not true,” Cheyenne said.

“Yes, it is. And Noelle reminds me if I ever start to forget.”

“Noelle’s jealous. You deserve to find a great guy. I hate to be mean, but she’d drive any decent person to drink. Kyle can tell you all about that.”

Eve raised one hand to let Cheyenne know she hadn’t meant to send them off on a tangent. “Noelle will probably be on her second marriage before I have a first.”

“With her track record, she’ll probably be divorced in no time, too.”

“At least she hasn’t fallen for some guy who has armed gangbangers trying to kill him. That sounds like something on TV—
Sons of Anarchy
or...or
Breaking Bad.
”

Cheyenne chuckled. “That guy on
Sons of Anarchy
is hot, too.”

“But that sort of thing shouldn’t happen in real life,” Eve argued. “Not to me. And not here.”

“Things happen here, too. If you were thinking clearly you’d remember some of them. Anyway, I feel bad that Rex is in this mess. I liked him when I met him at your parents’, I really did. But you can’t allow what’s destroying his life to destroy yours, too.”

“You’re saying I have to let him move on.”

“You have any choice?”

“What about
him?
” she asked, coming to her feet.

“What about him?” Chey repeated, frowning up at her. “I don’t want to play judge, but...there are people who’d say he put himself in this situation.”

Eve rested her hands on her hips. “When he was a teenager, Chey! How many of us haven’t made
some
stupid mistake when we were young?”

“You. That’s why you deserve better. And we’re talking about more than a stupid mistake, Eve. He dealt drugs. He got busted. He went to prison. He joined a gang. He had to kill to get out of it, and because they won’t let him go, there could be other...repercussions. That’s all very serious!”

But something had started all this, something he did as a teenager, that had affected him so profoundly he wouldn’t even share it.

“Are you listening to me?” Cheyenne asked. “You can’t have the life you want with a man like that.”

Eve picked up a pen she’d dropped earlier. “What if I’m pregnant?”

Cheyenne rocked back in her chair. “I assumed, if you were pregnant, you would have said something by now.”

“You haven’t asked.”

“I’ve been afraid to!”

“So you were hoping it wasn’t an issue.”

“I’m still hoping that. I can only imagine how a baby would complicate an already complicated situation.”

“I haven’t done the test yet,” she said. “I figured it might be smarter to hold off, to know for sure whether he’s going to be out of my life for good before I deal with the consequences of having met him and...and behaving the way I did.”

Cheyenne gripped the arms of her chair as she leaned forward, suddenly intense. After everything she’d suffered growing up, she hated to put anyone down. That was one of the things Eve loved about her. So she knew Chey was really worried when she weighed in against Rex. “How can there be any question? He told you himself he has to start over somewhere else.”

“I can’t write him off that easily, just let him become a victim of his past mistakes. If I were him, I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me.” She used a higher, mocking pitch.
“This is your own fault. See ya!”

Cheyenne tilted her head. “But you don’t have any control over his situation, and neither does he. That’s the problem.”

“It doesn’t mean he’s not worth fighting for.”

“You mean
risking your life
for?”

Eve considered what Rex had told her about his friend Virgil. “The other guy, the one who was exonerated, is married. Has kids, too.”

“Do you want to take on the same problems
his
wife has?”

Eve couldn’t say with certainty what sacrifices she was willing to make. She didn’t know Rex well enough to decide. But she refused to let the threats he faced stop them from being able to explore what they were both feeling. “To be honest, I don’t know. I would do a lot for love.”

Cheyenne grimaced. “Don’t use that word quite yet. It’s only been a couple of weeks.”

Maybe it
was
too soon for “love.” But what she felt was compelling enough to make her want to be with him in spite of everything. She’d been miserable since he left. And she couldn’t bring herself to turn him away when he’d shown up at the door last night. That would’ve been the time to do it. “I don’t want him to walk out of my life.”

Cheyenne sighed. “I understand. For some couples there’s just an undeniable...spark, and it happens quickly.”

“It was like that for you and Dylan, wasn’t it?”

“Sort of.”

“I guess he was right about Brent. About his past.”

“Dyl’s not going to say ‘I told you so.’”

It wasn’t Dylan she was worried about. “I’m just glad Ted’s out of town.”

“You’re not going to tell him what you told me?”

“Heck, no! And neither are you. Don’t you
dare
tell a single soul.”

“But Ted knows something is up. It’s not like you’ll really be hiding anything.”

Eve shook her head. “It would be too hard to put up with his disapproval.”

“I didn’t even realize he was gone,” Chey said. “Where’d he go?”

“South Carolina to chase down a lead on Mary’s murder.”

“When did he leave?”

“A couple of days ago.”

“Lucky timing—except, if he was here, you know he only wants what’s best for you.”

Eve couldn’t argue with that. In spite of her brief romantic entanglement with Ted, and the disappointment that had resulted, he’d always been her champion. He was a good example of the point she’d been trying to make earlier:
everyone
made mistakes. Even the great Ted Dixon had, in his desperation not to fall for the wrong woman, managed to hurt her when she would otherwise have remained an innocent bystander. “Maybe what’s best for me isn’t what it seems,” she mused.

Cheyenne bit her lip. “Wishful thinking?”

That wasn’t the answer she’d been looking for. “Perhaps, but regardless of what you think, you can’t tell anyone about Rex’s situation, okay? He can’t be subjected to the kind of gossip we get here, can’t risk that some word of where he is will get out. It might leak back to his old gang, or someone who knows someone who knows someone in The Crew, which is why he didn’t tell me the truth in the first place. He wasn’t expecting us to get so...involved.”

“Did he say that?”

“Basically.”

Cheyenne seemed pleased to hear that he felt some concern for Eve. “Of course. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. But none of our friends would give him away.”

Rex’s comment about The Crew’s methods of extracting information came to mind. That had shaken her so much she decided against repeating it. “It’s just better if no one else knows.”

“Except for Dylan, I won’t say a word. I swear.” Cheyenne placed her arms on her swollen stomach. “But I want you to do something for me.”

“What’s that?”

“Find out.”

“About...”

“Whether there’s a baby!”

An anxious tingle raced through Eve. She wasn’t sure if it was excitement or dread. She’d been putting off the moment of truth.

What if she
was
pregnant? If, by some miracle, Rex stayed in Whiskey Creek, would she eventually have to send him away for the sake of their child? What if The Crew showed up, without warning? What if she and Rex had to move again and again?

Eve wouldn’t want to keep uprooting a child, any more than she’d want to give up associating with her family and friends—everyone who was now a part of her life. How would her parents feel about finally having a grandson or granddaughter and never even seeing the child? And it could come to that. Rex had indicated that he’d had to start over many times. Did she want to be put in a position of choosing a man over everyone else she loved?

“Don’t you think there’s enough going on in my life?” she asked Cheyenne.

“I think a child should figure into any decision you make, don’t you?”

Grudgingly, Eve nodded.

“So...”

“I’ll take the test tonight,” she promised.

Cheyenne levered herself out of her chair and grabbed the coat she’d taken off. “I’ll go down to the drugstore and get what you need right now.”

“No.” Eve gestured at her friend’s very obvious condition. “Look at you. Anyone who saw you would know you’re not buying it for yourself. And with the rumors about me and Rex, and considering how close you and I have always been, the truth will be obvious.”

“If you’re pregnant you won’t be able to hide it, Eve. Not for long.”

“But if I’m
not
pregnant, there’s no need to give people any more reason to talk. These past couple of weeks, I’ve been featured prominently enough.”

“Hold on!” Cheyenne said. “I have one at my house. I have several, actually, from before, when I was testing so often. I’ll double-check the expiration dates, but I’m fairly certain they last for quite a while.”

“I have one, too—at the bungalow,” Eve said. “I might as well wait and use that.”

“And if Rex is there when you get home?” Cheyenne challenged.

Eve couldn’t help hoping he would be—but she wouldn’t want to take a pregnancy test while he was. If she was carrying his baby, she’d have to look at everything through different eyes, and she knew that would probably include denying herself what she wanted most.

“Okay,” she said. “Go get one from your place and—” she swallowed hard “—we’ll see what the future holds.”