The Heart of Revenge (19 page)

“You want bet? Bet Dr. Reid have to come in
here come do the operation right now. Just watch.” I stormed
off.

“PINKY!”

“Mi not standing over any bedside and watch
my brother dying, and the doctor and medicine is here, you must be
sick in your head. After Dr. Reid don't want dead in here
today.”

Dad caught up with me, grabbed both my hands.
I wrestled hard to get loose. All that was on my mind was to wring
Dr. Reid’s neck till mi hear ‘POP!’. If mi have to haul Dr. Reid by
his tongue to get the operation done on my brother before him dead,
well, by all means, the pleasure is mine. Vance getting that
operation today.

Mi talk on top of my voice so that even the
dead at the hospital think mi too loud.

“Let mi tell all of you this.” I raised my
voice and my face gesticulated the wrath I was in. “Anyhow ... My
brother ... Dead in here today.” mi pat my chest three times hard
as when mi cursing, “Me personally killing everybody who work in
here.” Mi sweep my hand infront me from one side to the next to
gesture the everybody, “Everybody in here! After mi done murder the
one Dr. Reid.”

Dad shook me and my weave became a mess. Mi
tussle, twist and turn in his hand.

“Let mi go Daddy. None of them don't have no
respect for life. All of you in here sell your souls and you don’t
even know it. Before you work to save a life, you rather watch
people dead if them don’t have the money. Money! ... PAPER! ALL OF
YOU SELL OUT YOUR DIRTY SOUL. To be poor really is a fucking crime
in Jamaica.”

“Pinky! Settle! Control your temper.”

All were staring at me as if I got out the
insanity ward and I was the dangerous type. The nurses’ white hats
that were moving about and the ones that were at the patients’ bed
all faced me, and the patients who couldn’t sit up, merely turned
their heads slowly in pain to face me.

“Lost something? Is what all of you looking
for? Which part Dr. Reid? Him mi want find.”

The nurses who were with the patients behind
the green curtains, drew their curtains a tad and peeped their
heads out. Whenever I looked their direction they would try to hide
their faces so I wouldn’t see them.

A security was marching towards me in
seriousness, taking militant strides. Mi yell out,

“Ooooiie, Rambo, where you going?” He kept
coming to me as if I were issuing out free U.S. visa and greencard.
“Please just touch mi. Please, mi beg you.”

Dad used one hand to put up a stop sign to
the security, him stop and observe from which part him did stop.
But God know mi did want one of them just touch mi. Daddy shook me
for about a minute straight.

“Just control you temper little girl and make
we try to save Vance life, not try go jail ... Time’s running.”

Mi draw out mi asthma pump out my handbag,
take two puffs, two more puffs, one more. Settled down against my
will, still mapping the premises to see if Dr. Reid was
insight.

“Your mother alright?”

“Don't ask mi anything ’bout Aubrea.”

Daddy stared at me and was just looking like
him lost something in my face. Everybody was returning to what they
were doing, the look of excitement left the nurses’ face, and a
look of tiredness took back their seats in their faces. The sick
patients returned to being sick.

“You bought the coconut water for her right?”
I didn't answer.

“She get it?” Daddy snapped tightening his
big jawbone

“No.”

“What you do with it then?”

"Mi leave it in the fridge at the
receptionist on her ward, the nurse said I should just leave it
there since Aubrea still sleeping. She will let Aubrea get it when
she wake up.”

“Then from the time you gone, what take you
so long to come back?”

“Mi go pee-pee —-”

“Pee-pee so long? Is what you pissing out
so?”

“Listen nuh, you never make mi finish. And
then mi was trying to get a light.”

“You won’t stop smoke weed?”

“You won’t stop go rum bar?”

“Everywhere you go, you have weed hitch up
between your breasts.”

Mi push down the weed deeper in mi bosom,
hissed my teeth, ’cause mi not seeing him, ’bout stop walk with
weed.

“You know how much time my weed save mi out
of trouble on the road?”

“Stop chat foolishness. What kind of trouble?
Hsst!”

“All type.”

Daddy hissed his teeth again. “Anybody
answering my phone?”

“No. Look like them take out the chip.”

“Call it again.”

“Them take out the chip already, it just
going straight to voice mail when mi call. Look like them take up
you little piece of Nokia and gone with it.”

“Call it again nuh Pinky.”

“For what? It gone Daddy, just call that
George.” Dad shook his head in regret as he came to grips with
reality that his little old piece of Nokia 3310 that him love so
much really gone. He stilled his head and sped out the
question,

“Get through to Leelia yet?”

“No. Mi not getting she either.” I didn’t
even look over at Vance on the bed, I dialled Lee, praying to God
she just answer her damn phone this time. It’s not like Lee to
leave her phone anywhere. Time was ticking away. I stared at Vance
as I put the phone to my ear.

(((Rrring. Rrring.)))

by: Leelia Lexings

Honestly, I don't think I’ll even get my
stuff from Qwan’s house. I’ll stay here by Gloe till I get
somewhere to rent, definitely not going back to the ghetto by Mom.
The only problem is how will I pay my school fee? Where will I get
that money to finish up UWI? Where? My clear blue sky was turning
gray to black to shit. The more I thought, the more my inside
tightened. I felt like my whole inside was getting smaller. The
tears stormed down my face. I pulled my thumb out my mouth, wiped
more tears with the tissue.

(((Rrring. Rrring)))

I picked up my phone. Pinky again. I didn’t
have the courage or stamina to deal with Pinky and her bombastic
drama right now. All she was calling for was to curse and
exaggerate everything. Or maybe to blame me. Whatever was her drama
I didn’t want to hear. Pinky didn’t understand what I was going
through and she’s only going to blast things even worse. I wanted
to hug Mom, I want to lock myself into Gloe’s room forever. I never
wanted to see anyone again. Jump off a cliff. Kill myself. My
crying got loud, and breathing was like an asthma attack.

“Vance ... Oh Vance.” I sniffed, wiped,
patted my nose. The flints off the tissue aggravated my sinus.

I was gonna make it up to Qwan. That’s the
only way out. What would I have to do for him to ever forgive me,
and forgive me soon. He would never forgive me. He never would.
What in the world could be worse for a bride to do to her groom on
his wedding day? Fuck seven cameramen? I must have given him the
worst day of his life. The only way he would forgive me, the only
way I could think of, was his father, Micheal Douglas. Yeah, that
was it. Mr. Douglas owes me that much to be quiet. He must. Or
else, I would tell everyone about what he did. A man who was so
proud of the reputation he had spent years building would do
anything to keep me hushed and having me publicized what’s hidden
in his closet. I knew he didn’t want that. No way. That’s the
plan.

(((Rrring. Rrring)))

I looked at the phone’s caller ID, it’s sis.
I can’t manage you now Pinky, my head was in too much of a shamble.
Ajrien. With everything tumbling down around me with this marriage,
I thought about what’s real love. I was stupid to have been keeping
my feelings for Ajrien closeted up. Should I let him know I still
think of him a lot? Or do I even have the courage to let him know?
What the hell, I’ve been keeping it buried forever. What’s wrong
with a little harmless text to a childhood friend? I texted him a
message with only two words in the text.
‘Miss
you’
. I didn’t want to say too much. I hoped it was enough to
let him know that though I hadn’t spoken to him in years, I had his
number, would never lose it and I still thought of him.

(((Rrring. Rrring)))

(((Rrring. Rrring)))

I shut my phone off.

No more calls. I just wanted to breathe,
clear the noisy confusion out my head. I fell myself backward, flat
on my back on the bed, spread my arms wide, staring up into the
zinc roof and thought why didn’t Danielle at least made it
concrete. It was the least she could do to upgrade the place and
make it a little more neat and presentable. It looked so messy, and
it’s not like she wasn’t making good money. My feet hung from the
bed and was almost touching the brown wood of the old dresser
infront the bed. I kicked off my heels. Shut the world out. Alone.
I just want to be alone. No calls.

No world.

Just alone.

No calls.

by: Pinky & Leelia Lexings

“Get her yet?” Daddy asked mi.

“No. She lock off her phone on mi.” Dad shook
his head.

“Can’t believe she turn off her phone at a
time like this, when her mother and brother in hospital one
time.”

“Remember she don't know Daddy.”

“How you know she don’t know? Somebody must
call and tell her.”

“Well mi don't know ’cause mi never get to
talk to her, so mi can’t judge and say nothing.”

“Stop you noise Pinky, big rawtid mix-up like
this and she don’t hear. Have sense nuh. If Thomas can call you
from England ’bout it, how on God’s green earth Leelia don't hear
yet and it’s her wedding it happen?”

“That don’t mean she hear. Thomas hitch up on
Munchy twitter, so him must hear and see everything the way how
Munchy was taking picture and posting them on twitter. But you
don't see Leelia phone lock off? How she going to hear
nothing?”

“Mi don’t understand this twitta or twippa
thing whatever it name.”

Well Munchy was broadcasting every piece of
mix-up that took place at the wedding and posted over thirty
pictures. Now it’s spreading faster than when Lisa Hype sex pics
when them did just bust out. A concern came to my head. I put one
hand in the air at Dad, trying to break the conversation.

“No, wait ... wait.” Mi scroll through my
phone for a number.

"Mi Gone call Gloe. Is must over her Leelia
gone. Let mi call and check.”

Mi get Gloe on the second ring. Gloe said,
Leelia was locked up in her room. Mi tell Gloe it’s a life and
death matters we dealing with. She must tell Leelia that. Let her
know that she must call back immediately.

Mi did have to hang up in Gloe ears when she
was blowing me kisses through the phone. Mi eagerly wait on Lee to
call back.

Adele. That’s what I would love to soothe my
mind, and a bottle of Apple Vodka to drown my problems. Escape this
mess. On the battered nightstand to the side of the bed was a small
silver radio and stacked infront the radio was a messy pile of
CD’s, some in cases, some not, none of them in original album
cases. On the face of the CD’s were the ugliest and most untidy
crab-toe handwriting, some written with black marker and some with
red. Gosh, this could never be my stuff so unorganised and untidy.
I breathe out a puffy breath as my mind thought about what I would
love to listen.

Let me see. I got up. Tried my luck, knowing
pretty well my chances are slim to find any good music in this
pile, Gloe and her girlfriend, Danielle, we call her Danni, that
she lived in with, listened to the same type of crappy music like
Pinky. Gloe and Pinky were such close friends. I couldn’t
understand why Pinky had avoided Gloe so much. Ever since Gloe
became open with the fact that she was a lesbian and moved in with
Danielle. It’s not like Gloe still wasn’t the good person she was.
Nothing about her had changed. But you couldn’t tell Pinky that.
Pinky discriminated and stayed away from her ex-bestfriend, like
she had the bird-flu. I grew to become close to Gloe. She was more
than my bestfriend, she was my rock of Gibraltar.

Qwan hated Gloe and insisted that she
shouldn’t come to our wedding. He despised gays so much that he
idiotically and most annoyingly called his e-mails,
she-females.

I skipped through the pile one by one,
nothing with sense, pure boogie-yagga, boogo-yagga. Not one Adele,
no Katy Perry, no Pink, just Busy Signal, Kartel, Mavado and DJ
Kenny mixes. God, I wished I had my ipod right now. I neatly
organised all the CD’s, the way they ought to be. The ones with no
case at the top, the ones in thin cases next, then the ones in the
thicker cases final. I placed the pile in a more orderly position
beside the radio instead of infront it.

I lay back down thinking, Danielle must be
allergic to anything original. She made good money from whipping up
fake passports, visas, CXC certificates, driver’s licence, death
certificates, you name it, she could cook it up, trust me, she’s
the best at it. Gosh. Only heavens know why I didn’t just say ‘I
do.’ It wasn’t like I didn't love Qwan. He and Mom were the only
persons on earth who understood me the closest enough to Ajrien,
but with Vance’s situation in the picture and knowing that that was
why I had proposed to him so soon, it just felt like the marriage
was not about the love. It felt wrong. I didn't want to do him any
wrong. I was sure if Vance wasn’t dying I wouldn’t be marrying at
nineteen. Maybe Ajrien would be a bigger part of my life since I
wouldn’t necessarily be needing to be with a rich guy. Not saying
having a rich guy is a bad thing though, cause I really don’t mind,
and Mommy always warned me against talking to anyone without money.
Was just saying that I could be with the one person I loved for who
he was, Ajrien. I didn’t want to use Qwan, but Christ, I wanted to
save my brother. Tears formed in my eyes.