The Heartless City (19 page)

Iris moved her mouth but, for a moment, no sound came out. “I―I suppose I thought that maybe you’d be… repulsed.”

She’d intended the comment to be a joke, poking fun at his reaction to
her
discovery, but once the words had passed her lips, she realized they were true. The thought of him being repelled by her was nothing less than crushing, and until that moment, she hadn’t realized how much she truly feared it.

“Iris,” he said. “This morning, when I thought that you were dead…”

His jaw twitched, and Iris quit breathing, lost in the storm of his eyes. She wanted to tell him that he was one of the reasons she wanted to stay, that he shouldn’t be, that she’d tried to make him not be, but he was. She could slow her heart or speed it up, but she couldn’t stop it from wanting this boy who saw inside her soul, this boy who, with or without his gift, was filled with audacious compassion, who was brave enough and strong enough to trust her and tell her the truth. She trusted him, too, with abandon that was insane and electrifying, and suddenly, she found herself reaching up to touch his face. The moment she did, however, he sucked in breath and clenched his fists, and she dropped her hand and backed away.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean to feel… I mean, to try and touch… I know it’s hard for you to―”

But she didn’t get to finish, because Elliot threw his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, so tightly she could feel the strain of his muscles beneath his coat. A startled breath escaped her, and she collapsed and melted against him, clinging to him and burying her face against his neck. His breath hitched, and he shuddered against her but didn’t let up or let go, and she trembled, too, as if she were both on fire and under water, aching with heat but also strangely soothed and satiated. She lifted her head and looked up at his face, but the moment their eyes locked, something even stranger happened. A feeling shot through her veins, another bolt of fire and water, but there was something
other
about it.

As if it weren’t her own.

She gasped and backed away, and Elliot’s face burst into flames.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done that―”

“No! No, that’s not it!” She paused and pressed her hands to her mouth, staring up at him. “Elliot, since becoming an empath, have you ever… shared
your
feelings with someone else?”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever tried to see if you can not only feel the feelings of others, but
give
your feelings to them?”

He furrowed his brow. “Of course not. Why?”

“Because,” she said, lowering her hands. “I think you just did.”

“What?”

“Just now, when we looked at each other, I felt something that wasn’t
mine
. It was like a copy of what I was feeling myself, but not the same thing. It was… foreign somehow.”

Elliot’s lips parted. “That’s a bit what it feels like for me. When I feel the feelings of others.”

She nodded, her breath growing shallow. “And what’s more, I think I’ve felt it before. This morning, in the moments just before I woke up at the palace, I remember feeling something bracing and powerful.” She took a step toward him. “Elliot, I think it was you. I think you gave your feelings to me, and they were what revived me.”

“What? That’s impossible! I wasn’t even trying―”

“Some of the things I can do I discovered without really trying, either. Here―take my hand and see if you can do it now.”

He laughed and backed away. “Do what?
Give
my feelings to you?”

“Yes.”

“I wouldn’t have the first idea how to―”

“Here. I’ll guide you through it.” She took his hand, and he flinched at the touch but didn’t pull away. “Maybe you can do it the same way I talk to my body. Close your eyes and calm your mind―imagine something peaceful.”

He shook his head and laughed again as if she had lost her mind, but eventually he relented, closed his eyes, and took a breath. They stood together in silence, and for a while, nothing happened, but then, gradually, she felt his breathing begin to deepen. Soon, his face was smooth and relaxed, as if he were falling asleep, and his pulse took on a slow and even beat beneath her fingers.

“What are you thinking of?” she murmured, unable to help herself.

His face flushed, but he swallowed and answered, “Painting with my mother.”

Iris swallowed as well and slowed her heart so it wouldn’t disturb him. “All right,” she said. “Now, imagine letting your feelings leave your body. Think about them flowing out of you and into me.”

Elliot took another breath and slowly began to exhale, and when he did, she felt the same invasion of something foreign, but this time the feeling was warm and bright, like a steadily burning candle. It pulsed inside her, filling her body with light and hope and joy, and she gasped and squeezed his hand.

“You did it, Elliot! I felt it!”

Unfortunately, her exclamation jolted his concentration, and he jumped and dropped her hand, causing the feeling to dissolve.

“What did you feel?” he asked, blinking and opening his eyes.

“Peaceful and safe. Confident and alive. Like I was… home.” She beamed at him, still glowing from the warmth. “It was beautiful.”

“I can’t believe it,” he said, expelling a disbelieving breath. “I think I felt it, too. I felt something spreading from me to you.”

“You see?” she said. “I was right. It was you who brought me back.”

“Now wait, we don’t necessarily know―”

“It was you. I’m certain.” She moved toward him and gripped his hand again. “You saved my life.”

His skin warmed beneath hers, and he steadied himself with a breath. “If I were Cam,” he said, clearing his throat, “I’d make some kind of joke about how we’re even now.”

She smiled and reached up to touch his face. “I’m glad you’re not.”

“Elliot, I never knew you were such a ladies man. A new girl arrives and you’re inside her room in less than an hour.”

Iris dropped her hand and spun around to face the door, where a girl in a lavish blue and ivory dress stood with her arms folded. She was small and slight, as if barely old enough for the corset she wore, but her eyes were keen as a cat’s, and her lips were curled in a knowing grin.

“Philomena?” Elliot cried, stepping away form Iris. “How did you get in here?”

“As much as it might astound you, I’m quite adept at opening doors.” She marched to Iris and held out her hand. “I’m Philomena Blackwell.”

“Um, hello,” she replied, taking her hand. “I’m―”

“Iris Faye. I know.” She dropped her hand and turned to Elliot. “Now run along. Iris and I are going to have a chat.”

Elliot looked at Philomena as if he wanted to kill her, and Iris couldn’t help but feel the same. “All right,” he finally said. “I’ll see you both at dinner tonight.” He glanced at Iris again and then turned and left the room, emitting a heavy sigh as he closed the door behind him.

“Now,” Philomena said, taking her hand. “Let’s begin.” She guided her to the bed, hopped up, and patted the spot beside her, and after a moment of stunned silence, Iris sat as well. “The first thing you should know,” Philomena continued, “is I know everything. Who you are, what you can do, and why you’re really here.”

“What?”

“I was listening outside the door while you were in the Green Drawing Room. I have a footman who’s loyal to me and lets me know whenever anything happens in the palace. After you tore through the Marble Hall this morning, he came and found me. I just thought you should know straight away that I know all about you.”

“A-all right,” Iris stammered. “So… is that why you’re here?”

“You mean because you can heal yourself and all that? I couldn’t care less. I’m here because you’ve lived in the city and worked in a music hall.”

Iris blinked, sure she hadn’t heard right. “Hold on a minute. You know I have the power to
heal
, and you’re here because you’re interested in hearing about music halls?”

“Partly,” she said, entirely matter-of-fact. “It
is
my dream to perform, but what I really want to know are the basics of city life.”

“Why?”

Philomena took a breath and set her dainty jaw. “I know you’ll probably think I’m a spoiled, ungrateful brat for saying this, but I want more than anything to leave the palace forever.”

Iris didn’t say anything, because Philomena was right: The statement sounded not only spoiled and thankless but also insane.

“Let me ask you this,” Philomena said, reading her face. “I’ve lived in this palace since I was two―that’s thirteen years now―in all that time, how often do you think I’ve left the grounds?”

Iris shrugged, so Philomena answered.

“Zero times. I haven’t left this palace once since I was two years old.”

This gave Iris pause. As grand and safe as the palace was, the thought of spending her whole life trapped inside it was suffocating.

“I will escape,” Philomena continued. “And if the quarantine’s ever lifted, I’ll leave London, too. But as it stands, I need to make a plan to live in the city. That’s why I need you―to tell me what I need to know.” She took a breath, her fierce, serious face hardening further. “It’s truly a gift that you came here now, because I don’t have much longer. I need to get out of this palace by the end of the coming season.”

“Why?”

She shifted, looking uncomfortable for the first time since she came in. “Because my parents are planning to have me married by the fall.”

Iris’s eyes widened. “But you’re only fifteen years old.”

“They’ve said for years they would marry me off as soon as my courses came, and in early September, they did. I managed to keep it hidden until a few days after Christmas, when my mother discovered a stash of bloody rags I had yet to clean.”

A wave of pity swarmed Iris’s heart. When her courses came, she and her mother actually celebrated, spending their extra coins on two vanilla and almond meringues. “Why on earth would they want you married so soon?”

“Because they’re frightened. They think I’m wild and dangerous, like a rabid dog or an unbroken horse, and only a man and a passel of brats will tame me and save them from shame.”

Iris looked at Philomena. She may have begun her courses, but her body was still a child’s. If she conceived that year, would she even survive the birth? She raised her head and saw the fear that had sharpened on Philomena’s face, and she knew she wasn’t the only one of the two of them to think it.

“I won’t let it happen,” Philomena said. “I will get out.”

“How do you plan on escaping?”

“That’s actually the easy part. Albert―my footman―has already consented to smuggle me out. The hard part is what happens after, how to stay hidden and make a life for myself out in the city. That’s why I need you.”

Iris bit her lip as an idea took hold in her mind. “The footman―you trust him completely?”

“With my life. He’ll never betray me.”

“How can you be sure?”

Philomena sighed. “I suppose it makes me a terrible person for using him like I do, but he had a sister who died last year, and I remind him of her. He’s lied for me, spied for me, and looked out for me at night when I’ve gotten restless and wanted to roam. He’s had countless opportunities to betray me and never has.”

Iris searched Philomena’s face. She’d only just met this girl and didn’t know the footman at all, but it might be safer to contact her mother through someone she
didn’t
know, someone with no reason to ask any questions or dig any deeper.

“Do you think if I gave you a letter,” she asked, “and you gave it to him to deliver, he could be trusted not to read it or tell anyone where he took it?”

Philomena met her gaze with the same fierce and unabashed frankness with which she entered the room. “Alby wouldn’t do anything if I told him not to do it.”

Iris let out a breath and scooted closer to Philomena. “Then we have a deal,” she said. “What would you like me to tell you first?”

lliot had been nervous at the previous night’s formal dinner, but not nearly as nervous as he was at eight that evening. He’d combed his hair until he thought it might fall out of his head, and even though his eveningwear was clean, he was sweating beneath it. Once again, he was standing against the wall in the State Dining Room, but this time he had refused the glass of champagne a footman offered. He shoved his hands in his pockets and searched the room, looking for Iris, but then he saw Cam walking toward him and wearing a playful grin.