The Heart's Shrapnel (8 page)

Jane

I dreamed about him all night—flashes here and there of his eyes. Even in my dreams they paralyzed me. We were calling to each other and then pushing each other away. I wanted to get to him and I couldn’t.

“Summers!” my supervisor shouts.

I glance at Mandy whose facial expression matches my confusion.

On my way over, I think about things I possibly could have done wrong. I can’t think of anything, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t. Squaring my shoulders for confidence I don’t feel, I go to her.

“This way,” she orders.

Once again, I look at Mandy. If she’s concerned, I’m right to be worried.

We step into a small conference room. There’s a small white board, a mini fridge, table, and a television. The walls are a painted white brick, and the temperature is freezing. I stand until she orders me to sit.

“You’re probably wondering why I called you here.”

“Yes.” My voice comes out a little shaky, and I fold my hands together to stop the tremors.

“You’ve shown great strength here. Your leadership skills are impeccable, and you have proven you can operate in stressful situations so . . . ”

Where is she going with this?

“We would like to send you over to a mobile army hospital site where your skills are in serious need right now. It’s heavier than what you deal with currently. More demanding.”

I feel like crawling into myself. I’m not a coward, nor am I uncomfortable with what I do, but this sounds as if they will rely solely on me. And, when she says the action will be heavy, she means nonstop. But, can I do it?

“You’re saying you want me to pack up? Are the troops deploying?”

She comes over and takes a seat next to me, looking me in the eyes. “Yes. But that part is confidential until further notice. Now, I won’t sugarcoat this. It will be messy and probably disorganized from the lack of help, but I have high hopes you can do it. Being a surgeon, I’m sure you are used to all kinds of chaos.”

“Absolutely, but—”

“We’re offering you a great opportunity.”

“The building? You said it would be mobile?”

“I’m afraid it will be in a tent. The tent is rather large, but you’ll have all the equipment that you’ll need. Are you willing to go through with this?”

I could stay here, where I’m comfortable and have met many great people. On the other hand, I could go somewhere dangerous and take care of men that need urgent care where I know no one. The simple wiser choice would be the first one, but I’m always up for a challenge.

“Where will this be?”

I hold my breath. I believe I already know the answer.

“Afghanistan.”

Afghanistan. A true test of my abilities. My mother will be worried sick if I tell her. But, this is my job. People are relying on me. I can’t turn them down because of a little nerves.

“I’ll do it.”

I walk back into the main room where Mandy is eagerly waiting. Her hands are clasped together in front of her mouth.

“Well?” Mandy asks.

“I’ve been asked to leave and travel somewhere else that is in desperate need. I’d be in charge if I understood correctly.” Then it hits me exactly what I signed up to do. I pray I don’t regret it.

“Are you kidding me?” Mandy grabs my arm. “Do you know what you’ve signed up for? The big leagues!” She gets louder, drawing attention. “It’s Afghanistan, isn’t it?”

I look around. “Shh. I didn’t say where it is. Besides, I can’t tell you right now. Anyway, I said yes.”

She shakes her head. “Well, looks like you’ll have some explaining to do.”

I stare, bewildered. Why would I have to do any explaining?

She cocks her head toward the main entrance.

Phillip stands strong and confident, looking sexy as ever in his khaki-colored attire. But he looks like he’s on a mission.

“Mandy, I told you. We’re just friends,” I say while keeping my gaze on Phillip. “I don’t have to explain anything.” I stop when his eyes meet mine. Once he sees me, he narrows his eyes and storms in my direction, never deviating from me.

“What the hell?” Mandy whispers.

The nurses and patients in the room quiet as he enters. I vaguely hear some woman say how hot he is, and I couldn’t agree more, but I think I’m not going to like his reason for being here.

He stops in front of me, his toned body towering over my petite one.

I want to step back so I can breathe, but Mandy won’t budge.

What are you doing here?

“Where’s your supervisor? I need to speak with him or her.” He answers what everyone must be wondering, including me.

I’m stunned. We agreed to be friends, but I can’t even function around him. Clearing my throat, I find the courage to say, “She’s in the conference room, I think.”

He nods once slowly, and his eyes stray to my mouth. Then he moves in the direction of the conference room.

“Um, that doesn’t look or sound good,” Mandy utters.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“What do you think he wants?”

“I’m not sure.”

A while later he comes out. His expression hasn’t changed. If anything, it’s darker, but as always, he’s a master of hidden emotions.

To my surprise, he returns to me. This time, Mandy steps aside.

How very thoughtful of her.

He points at me. “You. Step outside with me for a moment,” he barks as he turns to leave.

My mouth hangs open. Did he just order me like one of his men?

Before I even know what I’m doing, I retort, “I think it’d be better for you to tell me in here . . . where there’s witnesses.” I cross my arms, trying my best to look defiant and in control.

He slowly turns to face me with hooded eyes.

“Oh no, you didn’t, girl,” Mandy whispers.

Funny, I was just saying this to myself.

He reaches me in two steps, his face just inches from mine. “Outside. Now.”

Okay, he’s serious. I look around the room and catch about a dozen people watching in fascination. To keep my professional demeanor, I decide to take this outside. Maybe I’ll have more courage in the open.

He stalks toward the main door. I follow him, stewing all the way and wondering what I could’ve possibly done to upset him.
Good grief! He went to my supervisor!
This is proving to be a very taxing day.

Once we’re outside, and the door is closed, he turns around.

“You’re not going to Afghanistan.”

His command takes me aback. He doesn’t own me. Who does he think he is? And how does he know?

“I beg your pardon? Who told you—”

“Lucky guess. It’s too dangerous and I won’t have it.”

“Wait a minute. You came here just to find out if I am being transferred? What business is it of yours?”

“It just is.”

He sure knows how to push my buttons. I tense and clench my hands at my sides. “Look, I know you’re a sergeant, but I’m not under your command. There are women everywhere in situations worse than where I’ll be! It’s my life, my decision.” I point to my chest.

He takes a step closer, causing me to back up until I’m flush against the wall. He’s so close I can’t see anything but him.

His voice drops to a deep, thick tone. “Afghanistan is not a place for someone like you. I want you to stay here with your friends.”

“Did something happen between last night and this morning to make you think you have control over my life? Did God personally extend that invitation, because you act as if you have that power and authority to do so. But, you don’t. Is this how you think friends act?”

He presses his mouth into a thin line. He looks as if he wants to cuss at me but wisely doesn’t. “Yes. This is me trying to be a friend,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Bull! You can’t tell me—”

He crashes his mouth onto mine in a heated frenzy. I let out a surprised gasp and follow his lead. His hands are in my hair, keeping me where he wants me. My hands caress his strong biceps as I melt into him.

I don’t know what’s happening, and I don’t care. What were we even arguing about? I can’t recall because right now there’s just us.

He breaks off the kiss and leans his forehead on mine and our breathing calms. He closes his eyes. “Please, don’t go,” he pleads. “Don’t make me worry about you more than I already do.”

My anger dissipates and concern replaces it. I stare at him and will him to open his eyes. When he does, I see sadness I’ve never known a man to possess.

“Phillip.” I sigh.

“Please,” he implores once again.

His earnest desire to keep me from going has me wondering what went on in that conference room. Was I not given the full story? Whatever it is has me more curious than ever. But, as I stare into his face, I can’t find the strength to tell him it’s none of his business—that it’s not his call to make.

“Okay.”

He lets out a sigh of relief and hugs me tightly. God, it feels so good to hold and be held by him.

I’m still wondering what just happened. I think every time I’ve seen him that has been my main thought.

“I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t stop talking, and I didn’t know what else to do.” His voice flutters against my neck.

I let out a laugh. “So you kissed me? Is that your usual response to women who don’t shut up?”

“No, just you . . . just this once. I promise.” He lightly caresses the side of my face.

“Because we are just friends,” I remind him.

“Just friends.”

“So, you worry about me?”

He steps out of my arms, and I immediately feel a void. I smile as best I can to disguise the loss. He winks.

“Every now and again.”

I think I stop breathing. When did this happen, his feelings for me?

“I better head back. The guys will be wondering where I am. See you soon?”

“See you soon.”

He starts to turn but stops. “I mean it, Jane.”

I raise my brow in question.

“Don’t take that assignment.”

“Okay.”

Once I reenter the hospital, I’m immediately summoned to the conference room again.

Oh, Phillip. What did you do?

I don’t even get to sit before my supervisor asks, “Boyfriend of yours?”

What? “No, um . . . just a really good friend.” I pick my nails.

“Well, this ‘really good friend’ of yours almost had me calling security. Rushed all the way here to see what staff would be needed for the mission. He almost went ballistic when he found out you were on the list for deployment.”

I look at the floor. “I know. I’m not sure why he did that.”

“Seems like he cares for you.”

I look up quickly.

She smirks.

“No, we barely know each other. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I—”

“I certainly hope not, because we still need you to go.”

***

It’s around seven when I finish unpacking some of the basics in my new house. I feel restless and a little uneasy. I call Mandy and ask her to come over for dinner and to bring Lily. I need their company and support.

“Ooh, what are you making?” Her excitement sounds through the speaker.

“Lasagna. It’s easy.”

“I bet it’s not as easy as me,” she teases.

I laugh. “The things that come out of your mouth.”

“Yeah, but Ryan seems to dig it. Hey!” She shouts as if she’s had an epiphany. “Can I invite him? Oh please, oh please.”

I cross one hand over my arm and hold the phone with the other. It’s not that I don’t want Ryan to come over, but Ryan will want to invite Phillip. I’m not sure inviting Phillip sends the right message. Not to mention, I reneged on my promise to stay in Germany. And, I didn’t tell her about our kiss.

“Hello?”

“I’m here.”

“If you didn’t make enough—”

“No, no that’s not it. I made plenty. Yes, go ahead and invite him. Dylan, too. I’m sure Lily would like that.” I pop the lasagna in the oven and set the timer.

“Awesome. I’ll bring a salad and have Lily bring some drinks. Maybe I can get the guys to bring some beer.” Mandy waits a few seconds as if waiting for me to respond, but I don’t. “You sure there’s not a certain someone you’d like to invite? You know, a certain friend of Dylan’s and Ryan’s?”

I can hear the smile in her voice, and I grin despite myself. “Nah, that’s okay. He’s probably tired.”

Mandy huffs into the phone. “Yeah, I’ll see if he wants to come.”

We hang up and I look down at my attire. I still haven’t changed from work, and I could use a shower. I reek.

Showering, I do all my essentials—wash my hair, shave, and oil my skin. The demands of this new job can be draining, and I know it will only get tougher.

Once I’m out of the shower, I blow dry my hair and style it in a messy bun. I opt for a pair of yoga pants and a long T-shirt that hangs off my shoulder. I don’t even mess with any makeup. It’s probably best I don’t look as if I’m trying too hard. Or at all. A little moisturizer and some lip gloss should be enough.