The History of Us (40 page)

Eloise laughed. “Sort of. In her way.”

“If you had lived here,” Theo said, “you don’t think you would have been happy?”

“I don’t know,” Eloise said. “Maybe. I mean, you’re yourself in every place, of course, but some places bring out a better version. Or maybe not better. Maybe just the version that feels right.”

“Why can’t you be happy in Cincinnati?”

Eloise held her breath a moment, then let it out in a rush. “I’m going to try,” she said. “Why can’t you be happy anywhere else?”

Theo glanced at her again, then turned away without answering. After a moment she said, “I wasn’t upset because your girlfriend was a girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Eloise said. “I know.”

“It was because I didn’t know.”

“I know,” Eloise said again. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m glad you have somebody.”

“I am, too,” Eloise said. “Assuming I still do.”

Theo nodded. “Assuming,” she said. “Always assuming.” She looked up at the sky and blew out a long breath. Then she returned her gaze to the valley. “There are a lot of places to live,” she said.

“That’s true.” Eloise wanted to say more but chose not to push it. Theo seemed almost to be talking to herself.

“You can always come back,” Theo said.

“I did,” Eloise said.

“I won’t fight you anymore about the house.”

“Oh,” Eloise said, surprised. “Thank you.”

Theo was silent for what seemed like a long time. Eloise stole glances at her profile, wondering what she was thinking. Maybe that Eloise was making her miserable, wanting to sell the house, pushing her to leave. Maybe that Eloise had failed. But when Theo spoke she said nothing of failure or misery. What she said surprised Eloise so much it took her a moment to register the meaning. “Were we worth it?” Theo asked, and Eloise stared at her without speaking, Theo’s long brown hair slipping out from
behind her ear, the severe and vulnerable line of her part. “Were we worth all the things you gave up?”

“What do you mean?” Eloise asked.

“Even though we’re fuckups?” Theo said. “Even though we’re twenty-somethings who still live at home? Even though we make bad romantic choices and wallow in self-pity despite our privileges and fail at our chosen pursuits?”

“Theo,” Eloise said. “I love you.”

“I know you love me,” Theo said. She turned and looked her aunt in the face. “I’m asking if I was worth everything you gave up. If I never finish my dissertation. If I never have a family. If I never succeed. Then you gave up your own successes so that I could fail.”

“Nothing I did or didn’t do is your fault,” Eloise said. “I don’t want you to feel like that.”

“I’m asking if
you
feel like that. I’m asking if we were worth it.”

Were they worth it? All the sleep she’d lost. All the
time
. All the vanished possibilities. The move home. The less prestigious job. Maybe not, if you took out emotion, if you made it a balance sheet. All those old-school feminists who warned against motherhood—they hadn’t exactly been wrong. But what about Claire’s childish delight in terrible jokes, the way she laughed so hard at them that Eloise laughed, too, though they weren’t the least bit funny? Claire’s little giggle. Claire’s serious expression as she struck an arabesque in recital. The first time Josh played her a song he’d written. The delight on his face when she took him to his first concert. The way he’d call from college, a supposedly selfish teenager, and ask with genuine interest how she was. And Theo. Theo’s heartbreaking efforts to always be good. Theo coming to her with a history book she’d read, wanting to discuss it.
The time when Theo, thirteen, had written her a note that said,
Thank you for taking care of us
.
I know sometimes it’s hard.
What about all of that? What about the sublime?

“Yes, you were worth it,” Eloise said. “Yes, for God’s sake. Yes, you absolutely were. Unless it could bring your parents back, I wouldn’t trade my time with you. I promise you. I wouldn’t change my life.”

It was what she had to say, of course, but she meant it. It was an enormous relief to find that she meant it, and that she could say it aloud.

B
etween Sewanee and Cincinnati there were six hours and three
hundred and sixty miles, flat, unvarying interstate punctuated by Murfreesboro and Nashville, Bowling Green and Louisville. Plenty of time to talk, plenty of time to fall silent and let the car fill with the whoosh of rapid driving, or the music Josh approved. Josh pictured his grandmother’s solitary figure, waving goodbye, and imagined, rightly or wrongly, that she was lonely, that she sometimes regretted choosing solitude over company. Theo thought of Francine’s reproofs and Eloise’s reassurances. She’d resolved, sitting on the edge of the mountain, to give up on the house, to pursue a job in earnest, to try to win back Wes, and part of her wished she could have stayed there in that spot, where those actions were just valiant resolutions, beautifully unrealized. Eloise thought of her long and tangled history with her mother, her stored-up resentment, her anger over the house, which they’d left undiscussed. To her surprise, Francine had moved, on parting, from her usual one-armed back-patting hug into a full embrace. She’d said in Eloise’s ear, “Come visit me sometime on your own,” and their history—that resentment, that anger, that fear of giving in to the child’s longing for her mother and then
finding that longing betrayed—made Eloise pull from her embrace with a quick and insincere “Sure,” even as she battled the urge to cry.

Come visit me,
Eloise thought now, shaking her head in bemusement. She glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Claire in the back, looking out the window, twisting a strand of hair around her finger. What would happen to her? They all, off and on, were wondering that. She said she was sorry she’d given up her spot in the company, but would they take her back? Would someone else take her? How much would she have to suffer for her mistake? They didn’t ask, no one feeling the need to punish her, now that they had her back.

CINCINNATI, 100 MILES
, a green sign said. They had so much to do at home. Apartments to find. Apologies and confessions to make. Jobs to apply for. Songs to write. Arguments to have. Josh would go see Adelaide when he got home, Eloise would go see Heather, and, after three days of screwing up her courage, Theo would go see Wes. But, in the car, they still didn’t know what would happen, whether Heather and Wes and Adelaide would take them back, whether, if they did, they’d stay together, who would end up living where and with whom.

CINCINNATI, 7 MILES
, and Eloise remembered that she hadn’t paid the electric bill. She hoped when they got back the lights would still turn on. She thought of the thousand things to do in the workweek ahead, and how all she wanted was to put her arms around Heather, and how many difficult conversations might be necessary before that wish was granted. Josh, too, was thinking about work now, and Theo about her job applications, and the endless list of tasks and duties thrummed through all their heads as they drew closer and closer, these things that you could forget
when you went away but rushed back in when you returned, like a swarm after you, like a normal, difficult life.

Then: The skyline. The turns they always made. The house. The front door swinging wide. Their feet on the creaky stairs. Their toothbrushes returned to their places in the bathrooms. Their own beds. They were home.

I’m enormously grateful to the people who took the time to explain their professions to me: Wendy Kline, Isaac Campos-Costero, Sylvia Sellers-Garcia, Jeremy O’Keefe, Nathaniel O’Keefe, and Sarah Hairston. Any errors are wholly mine. My thanks to my editor, Sally Kim, and my agent, Gail Hochman, who always make my books better, and to Allegra Ben-Amotz and the other good people at Touchstone. Thanks also to UC’s Taft Research Center for their support and to two of my former students who helped make this book possible: Julianne Lynch, who offered invaluable edits, and Liv Stratman, who provided invaluable child care. My love and gratitude, once again and always, to my husband, Matt O’Keefe, and to the rest of my family, especially my assorted siblings: my brother Gordon Stewart and his wife, Alexis Yee-Garcia; my brothers-in-law Jeremy and Nathaniel O’Keefe; and my sister-friend, Dana O’Keefe.

Touchstone Reading Group Guide

The History of Us
By Leah Stewart

Nearly two decades have passed since Eloise Hempel gave up her dream job teaching at Harvard University to return to her hometown of Cincinnati to care for her orphaned nieces and nephew. Now, with Theo, Josh, and Claire grown, she dreams of selling the family house, perhaps even returning to the life she left behind. But when her mother decides not to let Eloise sell the house—and instead promises it to the family member “who needs it most”—unforeseen consequences and revelations threaten to unravel their makeshift family.

For Discussion

1. Why did Eloise return to Cincinnati rather than have Theo, Josh, and Claire move to Boston? Do you think she made the right decision? Why or why not? What would you have done if you were in Eloise’s position?

2. Describe Eloise’s individual relationships with Theo, Josh, and Claire. What makes each relationship unique? What are the specific strains on each relationship? Do you think Eloise treats her adopted nieces and nephew differently? Did any of these relationships remind you of relationships in your own life?

3. Eloise
“tried without success to break Theo of her fondness for their hometown.”
Why is Eloise adamant that Theo leave Cincinnati? Why does Theo believe that Josh, but not she herself,
“should be in a bigger city”
and
“leading a bigger life”
?

4. What were Josh’s motivations for quitting his band and returning to Cincinnati? In what ways did Josh’s tempestuous situation with Sabrina affect his relationship with Theo? Did you understand his reasons for not telling Adelaide about Blind Robots?

5. How is Claire’s departure a turning point for Eloise, Theo, and Josh? Why does Claire not tell her family about her change of plans? Do you think Theo, Josh, and Eloise were more upset by her decision to quit ballet or by her deception?

6. What does the house
“on Clifton Avenue near the intersection with Lafayette”
symbolize to each character? Do you think Eloise’s desire to be “unburdened” (. 76) by it due more to financial or emotional considerations? Have you ever felt a similar, conflicted connection to a certain place or city?

7. 
“It’s like she wants to sell our childhood”
, Theo says about Eloise’s desire to sell the house. Did you empathize more with Eloise or with Theo? Was Eloise justified in kicking Theo and Josh out of the house? Why or why not?

8. Discuss Francine’s character. What were your initial reactions to her? How did she change over the course of the novel? What were her motivations for creating a “competition” for the house? Why does Eloise ultimately come to sympathize her mother?

9. Why does Eloise insist on keeping her relationship with Heather a secret from her family and her colleagues? Is she ashamed of being in a romantic relationship with a woman, as Heather claims?

10. 
“These children are not mine, she thought. This fact, which at times had come with a pang of sorrow, now brought her comfort. She was just their aunt. If the world had turned as it should, she’d be nothing but a voice on the phone.”
Discuss your reactions to this passage. Do you understand Eloise’s resentment? What is your perception of Eloise as a parent, especially considering the circumstances of how she came into the role?

11. In what ways is Eloise’s trip to Chicago a pivotal moment for her? Why does she ultimately decide to stay in Cincinnati? Do you think she makes this choice for Heather, for her family, or for herself?

12. In what ways are each of the characters at a crossroads in their lives—both regarding their careers and romantic relationships? How does the loss of their parents continue to affect Theo, Josh, and Claire in adulthood and influence the decisions they make?

13. Theo wonders:
“Why was it so hard to tell the difference between what you thought you wanted, and what you wanted?”
What do you think she actually wants in life? Does she figure it out in the end? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

14. What kind of responsibility, if any, do parents have for their adult children? Are Eloise’s responsibilities for her grown-up nieces and nephew less since, as she says, she “inherited” them? What are your thoughts about Eloise’s assertion that Theo feels entitled to the house
“because, these days in America, not until children have children of their own do they feel any gratitude to the people who raised them”?

15. Discuss the way Cincinnati is described and portrayed in the novel. Have you ever visited or lived in Cincinnati? Did you think the descriptions were accurate? Discuss the connection between identity and place. How does the place where you live define you as a person? How has your setting affected your life?

16. 
The History of Us
concludes with some significant issues in the characters’ lives left unresolved. What do you think the future holds for Eloise, Theo, Josh, and Claire? Do you think
The History of Us
is an accurate portrayal of family relationships?

Enhance Your Book Club

1. Theo meets up with Noah at the Cincinnati History Museum, where they explore a model of the city. To take a virtual tour through the nation’s largest full-motion urban layout, visit
www.cincymuseum.org/history/motion
.

2. Bake some brown sugar cookies, like Heather does for Eloise and her family, to bring to your book club meeting. For a recipe, visit
www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Brown-Sugar-Cookies-367569
.

3. Watch video, browse through rehearsal pictures, and learn more about the Cincinnati Ballet company by visiting
http://www.cballet.org/explore/watch
. Consider going to a performance by your city’s local ballet or dance company with your book club members. To find performances in your area, visit
http://www.seedance.com/listing/
.