The Hollow (23 page)

Wow.
Today was turning out to be the most fantastic day
ever.

"Thanks, Dad," I gushed. "You have no idea what that means to me. I thought you and Mom would totally flip out when I told you. Thanks for being so cool about it."

He looked slightly uncomfortable, but he patted my hand again. "Well, I don't know how your mother will react, but I'll break the news to her gently. After all, you are right about it being your decision, and we both want you to be happy. And if this means you'll be staying closer to home, then I'm sure she won't mind that."

I beamed at him. This talk was going
very
well.

"I'll tell you what else I'll do," he said abruptly. "If you finish your business plan, say by the end of the school year, then I'll give you three thousand dollars as seed money to help you get started. Deal?"

He stuck out his hand, and I quickly shook it. "Deal."

Like I even had to think about that one. Three grand just to finish my business plan? I was so there.

Dad looked pretty pleased with himself, and I was feeling pretty happy too. I smiled at him and jumped up to give him a spontaneous half hug. He was surprised, but returned the sentiment, and I grinned like a fool, feeling absurdly happy for the moment.

Then he cleared his throat gruffly and set me to the side.

"You know, you've seemed happier lately. Even with Kristen's death. Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Let's see
…

I was in love for the first time. I hadn't gotten in trouble for having a boy over to the house when I was there alone. Tomorrow I was going to start a sweet job that paid really well. And I'd just gotten offered a bunch of money to write a business document.

Is there anything I want to tell him?

"Nope," I said with a grin.

"Are you sure?" he asked me, with a wickedly teasing glint in his eyes. "There's no one special in the picture? A boy you haven't told us about?"

I tried very, very hard not to blush, but I felt my cheeks go red. "Aw, Dad," I played it off. "You know us girls. We always have a crush on some boy or another. It's just a silly thing."

He chuckled and pushed his chair back from the table. "I know, I know. But be sure to introduce us to anyone special. Your mother and I will want to meet that young man."

"Okay, Dad."
Yeah, right

He started gathering up the dishes, and I moved fast to help him. "Why don't we go bowling now?" I asked, trying to change the subject. "Then we can stop for Chinese food on the way back."

Still chuckling, he gave me a quick wink. "Okay. We'll leavethe dishes here, and I'll take care of them when we get back. Race you out to the car."

I piled up the dishes and headed to the sink, letting him have a head start, while telling myself that this was all for a good cause. Anything I had to do to stay on his good side was completely worth it. Even if it was bowling… with Dad… in public.

Bowling went surprisingly well. There was only one other person in the far left lane, so we pretty much had the run of the place. We ended up playing three games, and Dad happily gloated about how he'd won two out of the three games, but graciously offered me a rematch.

Much Chinese food was had, and enjoyed by both of us after that, and we decided to go back for a couple more rounds. It was almost six o'clock by the time we got home. I was pleasantly surprised at how cool Dad ended up being. It was actually a fun day. Not that I'd ever admit that to anyone, though.

Mom was home, and had dinner waiting for us as we stepped in. I hungrily slurped down several bowls of steaming clam chowder and ate half a loaf of French bread along with it. I fell into bed a little later that night exhausted, but warm and full. It was a great feeling.

* * *

The next morning, however, did not feel as great, since it was still freezing out, and I had to force myself out of a cozy bed once again. It was Saturday, and I had a job to do.

I yawned and rubbed my bleary eyes while Mom kept saying how she had things to do on the weekends too and they didn't involve being my personal taxicab, as she drove me to Uncle Bob's shop. But she changed her tune when I gladly reminded her that I could go get my license at anytime and drive myself around. Then she quickly agreed to drive me each weekend.

I knew the license thing would work.

Mom pulled up to Uncle Bob's with an abrupt stop and told me she'd be back to pick me up at five. I was dumped rather unceremoniously at the front door, and she drove off. I could have sworn I heard her tires squeal.

Turning to face the shop, I pushed my way through the glass doors. Bells jingled softly overhead as I called out for Uncle Bob.

"Back here," was his booming response, somewhere from the general vicinity of the office area. "I'm glad you came. Are you sure this is going to work for you? I know how you young kids want to spend time with your boyfriends and girlfriends on the weekends. I mean, that is, if you have a boyfriend. Do you… doyou have one of… those?"

I rolled my eyes as I walked back to meet him. I was almost afraid to answer. God only knew where
that
would lead me. How could I explain my on-again, off-again relationship with Caspian? "No, Uncle Bob," I called back. "I don't have one of those."

On Wednesday afternoon I found myself sitting cross-legged under the bridge, staring aimlessly into the water. Christmas was only two weeks away, and I didn't know what to get for Caspian.

The crunch of gravel caught my attention, but I didn't have to look up. I knew who it was. A second later Caspian came over and sat down next to me, nodding his head in silent greeting. I nodded back. He didn't say anything, and I turned back to the water and my thoughts.

He had a sketchpad in one hand and something skinny and black in the other, and I watched out of the corner of my eye as he started drawing on one of the pages.

Frowning, he stopped drawing, shook his head, and rubbed a finger repeatedly over the page, causing a dark smear to bloom. He looked at it for a moment longer, then flipped to a new, fresh page and set his charcoal to work again.

I abandoned all previous thinking and angled my body to watch him more closely, now completely caught up in what he was doing. It didn't take long for a tree, then a riverbank, and finally the wateritself to start taking form on the paper.

His lean fingers flew across the page, and I watched in amazement as short, bold strokes took up residence next to long, smooth ones. Creating a scene that ebbed and flowed together, mirroring its true-life counterparts. It was beautiful to watch.

"How did your first weekend at your new job go?" he asked me softly, never looking up from the paper. I couldn't stop staring at his hands. They were moving so fast, yet he never faltered. I wondered if the next time he touched me, would it be with confidence, or hesitance?

"It went great," I said, trying to force my thoughts elsewhere. "All I did so far was open and sort all of my uncle's mail, but he had a ton of it. This weekend I'm going to set up a new filing system for him and show him how to use it." His hands kept moving. Shading now. Blending the edges of one harsh line into another.

"Then the weekend after that I'll start compiling all his invoices and vendor information and make a database for them. He told me that eventually he wants me to completely take over the office end of his business. I sort of can't believe it."

"I told you that you'd be great at it," he replied. "So, will your uncle be paying you with ice cream? Because I'm totally available if he wants to hire a second employee."

I snorted. "No, he won't be paying me in ice cream, but I doget all the free samples I want. One of the perks of working there."

I turned a delighted grin toward him, catching his eye for a brief second when he looked up. "And you know what else is cool? I spent Friday with my dad, talking some things over. Like school and stuff, and I told him about my plans for the shop. Get this: He actually took it well, and thought it was a great idea. He even offered to give me some start-up money if I finish my business plan!"

He smiled. "See? I was completely right."

"Yeah," I laughed. "Yeah, you were.
^,r

Caspian resumed his sketching, and I turned back to the water. "You know," I said quietly, "it's actually kind of nice to be working at Uncle Bob's. Kristen and I had planned to get after-school jobs together this year, and I think she'd like the fact that I'm working there." Out of the corner of my eye I could see him nod his head.

Then he asked, "Have you learned anything new about Kristen's secret boyfriend?"

I picked up a small handful of pebbles, slowly shifting them from side to side in my palms. The unexpected thought of Kristen's diaries made me twitchy, and angry, and I needed something to distract myself with. "No, I haven't." I readjusted my legs and then tossed the pebbles into the water.

"Tell me what I should do, Caspian," I said suddenly,desperately. Surprising even myself. "I don't know what to do. There's no one to ask, no way to get any answers. I don't know who this guy was, or how involved he might have been with what happened. What if he was there with her at the river that night? What if he could have saved her? What if he stood her up and she did something stupid and desperate? I'm not even sure that I
want
to know what happened anymore."

I put my hands to the ground and pushed myself up to my feet. "But I
need
to know, Caspian. I need to know the answers to these questions."

He just sat there. Working on his page.

"Caspian?" Still no answer.

I snapped my fingers as I called his name again. "Caspian! Tell me what I should do… please."

He finally looked up. "I don't think you want me to tell you that," he said slowly.

I waited impatiently, eyebrows raised, for him to continue. "Why not?" I prompted.

"Because," he said, in that same slow tone, "you won't like it."

"Please, tell me," I begged. "If I didn't want your advice, then I wouldn't have asked for it."

His fingers stilled, and he looked at me. I could see a storm gathering in his eyes. "Do we have to do this, Abbey?" he asked fiercely. "Do you really want to go there? Why don't you just let itdrop, and we'll pretend this never happened. Just go back to the way things were, before we talked about any of this. I never should have brought it up." He trailed off, and it sounded like he was getting angry.

Where the hell did that come from?
I didn't think. The words just started flying out of my mouth. "Oh, no," I said very calmly, stewing in my anger. "Let's go there. Let's
definitely
go there. I'm a big girl. I can handle it. So tell me what it is you think I should do. Go on, tell me," I goaded.

With a shake of his head he put the pad and piece of charcoal on the ground. "I don't want to do this, Abbey. I don't want to fight with you. Tell me what to say to make it all go away, and I will. Tell me what to do to make it better."

I started pacing; I thought I'd wear a hole in the ground. I didn't want to do this either, but something was wrong with me. Some perverse part of my mind delighted in torturing myself. There was no turning back now. "Just tell me what you were going to say. Simple as that and this will all be over."

He shook his head again and heaved a large sigh. His eyes found mine and locked into place as he stood up too. We faced each other, drawn to the heat of the moment. Our anger was large and deadly. Something that should not have been between us.

"Okay, you win," he said simply. "You'll always win, Abbey. I didn't want to tell you what to do because I think that you shouldjust let it go. Allow Kristen to keep her secrets. Everyone has secrets, Abbey, even you, and some need to be protected more than others. Maybe this is one of those. Maybe your questions will never
be
answered, but I think you should let it stay that way. Are you happy now?" His shoulders sagged and he turned from me to face the river.

I felt like I'd just been punched in the chest.

"Let it go? You think I should just let it go? I can't do that, Caspian. She was my best friend, and I have a right to know. What if this secret boyfriend was involved? I can't just let that go, and you have no right to ask me to."

I was breathing fast now, rage building up inside of me. And yet even as I said those bitter angry words, I wanted to take them back. To say "I'm sorry" and beg his forgiveness. To make him understand that it was Kristen, and myself, I was really mad at. Not him.

But I didn't say those things, and the ugly words hung between us. I never was any good at small talk, or apologies.

"I'm sorry, Abbey, but that's not your choice to make," he said. "You don't know if this guy is responsible for any of those things, and Kristen isn't here to tell you any differently. They were her secrets to tell… or keep. And she made her choice."

My hands were shaking and I fought off the urge to cry. They weren't tears of sadness but tears of anger, and frustration. I hatedthe fact that if I gave in, it would make me look like a blubbering baby. "So first you want me to find out why Kristen went to the river, but then when I do, you tell me to let it go? I
thought
that you would support me in this, not go all…" Words failed me, and I didn't know what to say. "Well, like how you went. All non-supportive."

I hated to finish that weakly, but I was too blindsided, too overwhelmed, to finish eloquently. I held up my hands to stop him from answering. "You know what?" I said tiredly. "Just don't. Don't answer that. Don't give me your opinion. Don't 'go there.' I can't deal with any more of this right now. I have to go. I'll-I'll see you later."

I didn't give him a chance to speak, but I saw the sad look in his eyes. Turning away, I jammed my hands deep into my pockets. A small rock must have been left behind from when I'd picked them up, because as I shoved my fists into my jeans, I felt the sudden slice of a pebble's rough edge against my palm. Oddly, I didn't mind the dull ache. It was a welcome distraction from what I was leaving behind.