The Honeymoon Sisters (18 page)

‘I already saw that message she sent telling
you
to meet her at the bus station,’ I said. ‘Tell me the truth, Sadie. Are you going with them?’

Sadie sighed. ‘I’m thinking about it. Look, you can’t tell anyone,
OK
? She only asked me last week. She’s almost eighteen now, and Joe’s a year older, so she says they’ll be able to look after me and we can tell everybody I’m her sister.’

‘But that’s stupid!’ I protested. ‘Social services will look for you and you’ll all get into loads of trouble.’

‘Alison says they won’t find us. She says only Joe’s brother knows where they’re going and he won’t tell anyone.’ She paused. ‘And it’s not like anyone’s going to bust a gut searching for me, is it? Not with Dad in prison.’

‘What are you talking about?
Mum
will bust a gut!’

‘Will she? She’ll probably think I’m behaving exactly like my mother. And she didn’t go after
her
, did she?’

‘That wasn’t the same! Your mum was an adult when she ran off … Oh, and by the way, I know Mum didn’t steal you when you were little. She wanted to have you live with us but your dad wouldn’t let her. I don’t know what your dad told you, but mine says that your dad got scared because he thought Mum was trying to take you away from him. That’s why he stopped us seeing you.’

‘You
told
your dad what I said?’

‘You never said not to. You just said I couldn’t tell Mum!’ I paused. ‘You made that kidnapping story up, didn’t you? Your dad didn’t tell you that at all!’

She swallowed, looking a bit guilty. ‘So does Aunt Kathy know?’

‘What you said about her? Shouldn’t think so, since Dad and her never speak to each other. But Sadie, you’re wrong about Mum not looking for you if you ran away! Mum thinks you belong with
us
now. She thinks she’s been given this amazing second chance to look after you. She told me she sees you as a gift.’

‘A
gift
?’ Sadie gave a dry little laugh. ‘Well, that makes a change from feeling like some piece of old junk that nobody wants.’ She was speaking in a jokey voice as if she didn’t care, but she didn’t fool me. I felt like she was showing me her true feelings without even realising it.

I wanted to quash those feelings with all my might, but the trouble was, I couldn’t think of a single appropriate thing to say. So I made do with something that sounded utterly daft even as it came out of my mouth. ‘You know, you’re a bit like something in a charity shop. One person throws you out because they don’t want you any more, but another person comes along and buys you and thinks you’re absolutely brilliant!’

Sadie snorted. ‘Thanks for that example, Poppy. I feel so much better!’

‘I know that probably didn’t come out right, but I just meant –’

‘You meant I’m like that awful loo roll cover your mum thinks is so wonderful, right?’

‘
NO
! Well, only in the sense that –’

‘Poppy, just shut up,
OK
?’

‘
OK
.’ But I think maybe it did help a tiny bit because she seemed pretty relaxed as we walked the rest of the way home.

Mum opened the front door before we’d even reached it.

‘Mum, I’m sorry,’ I blurted out as she hugged me tightly.

She quickly pulled back and held me at arm’s length. ‘Poppy, I’ve been so worried.’

I vaguely registered the fact that she wasn’t even trying to hug Sadie as I continued, ‘I know I shouldn’t have gone off like that but it’s not like we weren’t planning to come back. Sadie left you that note. I should have left you one too. I’m sorry.’

‘I just assumed the note was from both of you,’ Mum said. ‘I thought Sadie must have persuaded you to go with her.’

Something about the way she said it made me turn to look at Sadie, who glanced at me as if to say, ‘Told you so.
You’re
the one she cares about.’

‘Sadie didn’t know I was following her,’ I said. ‘I wanted to see where she was going. Then I … I … I guess I lost track of the time.’ That bit sounded false even to me.

Mum suddenly turned to Sadie. ‘I found your rucksack under the bed,’ she said coolly.

Sadie looked uncomfortable. ‘I wasn’t … I mean, I’m not … It was more of a just-in-case thing … not a definite plan.’

‘Really?’ Mum was giving her a long, hard stare. Then she snapped, ‘Go up to your rooms now, both of you.’

As soon as we got upstairs I followed Sadie into her bedroom and shut the door behind me. I had to talk to
her. ‘I thought you said you hadn’t decided yet whether or not to go with Alison?’

Sadie let out a sigh. ‘I haven’t. I only packed my rucksack last night because I was feeling so angry. It’s not completely packed. My toothbrush is still in the bathroom and I haven’t even packed Bugsy.’

‘Bugsy?’

She felt under her pillow and pulled out a small scruffy toy rabbit I hadn’t seen before. ‘Dad gave him to me when I was little.’

‘You know if you go with Alison your dad’s going to be really upset,’ I said on an impulse, watching how she absent-mindedly cuddled the grubby toy against her chest.

I didn’t expect the reaction I got.

‘Good! He should be upset! How could he be so stupid?’ she exploded, letting the toy rabbit drop out of her hand on to the bed. Then she just sat down, as if all the energy had gone out of her. ‘He isn’t even
DANGEROUS
! The lawyer said he wouldn’t go to prison. They’ve got no
RIGHT
to shut him up inside some horrid little prison cell, treating him like he’s some … some …’

‘
Animal?
’ I ventured softly.

She looked at me and I saw tears come to her eyes.

We sat in silence for quite a long time after that. I understood then how mixed up her feelings were about her dad and how she felt both angry with him and sorry for him at the same time. And I saw that even though he’d let her down in a really big way she still loved him. Finally she said, ‘You know, in his last letter he said he was hoping to get moved to an open prison soon … what do you think
they’re
like?’

I shrugged. ‘I don’t know, but it sounds better. More like a safari park than a zoo, maybe?’ It was a bit of a risky joke but to my relief she smiled.

Then I had an idea. ‘I know. Let’s go online and find out.’

So that afternoon while Mum stayed downstairs, too angry to speak to either of us, Sadie and I stayed in her room with our eyes glued to our phones as we researched all we could about open prisons. And I have to say Sadie looked much happier when we were done.

Intermittently throughout the afternoon Sadie got texts from Alison, and gradually she told me a bit more about her. She said that in the past she had always looked up to her – idolised her even – but that their relationship was
changing. More recently she had started to question her a lot more, and it sounded like Alison had been finding that difficult to cope with. ‘She keeps telling me I’m getting way too cocky and she’s started smacking me if I contradict her in front of the others. It’s like she’s trying to be my mum, sorting me out with a clip round the ear. Joe thinks it’s comical – calls it Alison “going all maternal” on me.’

‘That’s not maternal!’ I protested. ‘Mum would
never
hit you!’

‘You sure about that? Cos just now she looked fit to flatten both of us,’ Sadie pointed out with a grin. ‘In fact, maybe you’d better go to your own room before she catches you in here and thinks I’ve led you astray again.’

‘Hitting you isn’t right, Sadie.’

Just as I said that we heard Mum out on the landing. I jumped up off the bed but it was too late to escape.

As Mum opened the door I was about to speak, but Sadie beat me to it. ‘Aunt Kathy, I really am sorry for going off like that. I used to do it all the time when I lived with Dad. I know I shouldn’t do it here though.’

‘And the rucksack?’ Mum asked sharply.

‘It’s like I said – I only packed that last night cos I was angry. I really don’t want to leave.’

‘Yes, Mum, remember how Amy used to pack that little rucksack and threaten to run away every time she got unhappy?’ I said.

‘It’s hardly the same thing, Poppy!’

‘
Why
isn’t it? You always said Amy wasn’t really planning to leave. You said she didn’t have anywhere else to go. You said she just needed to know that
we
wouldn’t let her go.’

Mum sighed. ‘I’m sure Sadie must have worked out by now that I don’t want her to run away.’

‘I don’t want her to either,’ I added swiftly.

That surprised Mum, I could tell. ‘Well, that’s good to hear, Poppy, but the trouble is, it might not matter what
we
want any more.’

‘How come?’

‘Social services have to decide what to do after I tell them what happened today. And yes, I
do
have to tell them! You simply can’t wander off whenever you feel like it without telling me where you’re going. Now go back to your own room, Poppy. Tomorrow you’re both grounded.’ She gave us a stern glare as she left us.

But I still didn’t go back to my room.

As another text came in on Sadie’s phone I said, ‘You
have
to tell Alison you’re not going with her.’

‘I can’t. Not yet. I know how badly she wants me to go, and, well … she’s been like family to me for such a long time …’

‘But she
hits
you and … and …’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ she said firmly. ‘I know if I’m ever in real trouble, I can call her and she’ll come straight away.’

‘But Mum will do that too if you give her a chance!’

She sighed. ‘But what if social services don’t let me stay here? You heard what your mum said.’

‘They
will
let you if you quit running off the whole time!’

‘I don’t know … it’s true I don’t need Alison as much any more, but I’ve never thought before about how she might still need
me
…’

‘Why don’t you just tell Mum all this?’ I suggested. ‘She might be able to help Alison too.’

But Sadie shook her head. ‘Alison will be eighteen in a few months. She wants a fresh start without any adults interfering. We can’t tell your mum anything, Poppy!’

Chapter Twenty-Six

Sunday was a weird day, and Sadie and I stayed in our rooms for the first half of it. I knew Sadie was still trying to decide what to do about Alison.

In the afternoon Mum started sorting out some photos of Amy to put in an album and she asked if I wanted to come downstairs and help. All being well, Mum and I were due to visit Amy in her new home next weekend.

‘Mum, do
you
think Amy’s parents are going to let us keep seeing her?’ I couldn’t stop myself asking for the zillionth time. We still hadn’t received an answer and Lenny had recently reported back to us that they were still undecided.

Mum sighed. ‘I honestly don’t know what to think, Poppy. And before you ask, I don’t know why they’re taking so long to decide either. Perhaps they’re waiting to see how our visit goes first.’

‘I can’t bear the thought of never seeing her again, Mum.’

She sighed again. ‘I know, darling.’

As I picked up a photo of Amy and me in the park (taken only a few weeks ago) I asked, ‘Is it really bad of me to wish that the Wilsons
hadn’t
come along when they did?’

Mum didn’t say anything straight away. Then she said softly, ‘Of course not. It’s important to be honest about how you feel.’ She stopped at that, which surprised me a bit. I knew I was being selfish to wish away Amy’s perfect new family, and I’d expected Mum to tell me so. Even if it was in her softly-softly, round-the-houses sort of way.

So I felt encouraged to continue as tears sprang to my eyes. ‘Mum, I don’t want you to get mad if I ask you this but … I’ve been wondering … How come you care so much about Sadie when you’ve only known her – this time round, I mean – for a couple of
weeks
… and yet Amy was here for almost a whole
year
and you just … well …
let her go
?’

Mum gazed at me. ‘
Let her go?
’

‘You could have tried to adopt her.’

‘Poppy, you always knew we weren’t going to be her forever family.’

‘Yes, but we
could
have been. You even said “we’ll see” that time when I asked you about adopting her!’

‘Oh, Poppy …’ I had her full attention now. ‘Yes, she was the first child … first
foster-child
,’ she corrected herself quickly, ‘that I’ve even
considered
adopting. But then the Wilsons came along and I immediately knew it would be better for Amy to go to them. It just felt … well …
right
.’

‘Cos they’re black and we’re not, I suppose!’ I snapped before I could stop myself.

Mum frowned. ‘Come on, Poppy. It’s not just because they
look
like they could be her birth family! They have much more to offer her than we do in every respect.’

‘Well, if they’re so perfect, why can’t they see how important it is for us to keep in touch with her?’ I demanded.

‘Poppy, whatever they decide it will be because they think it’s the best thing for
Amy.
’

‘Letting us keep in touch
is
the best thing for Amy! How can anyone not see that?’

Mum sounded tired as she continued, ‘It’s been a more difficult loss for you this time, Poppy … I’m sorry about that … That’s one of the reasons I think it might work well if Sadie lived with us …’

‘We’d have to stop our other fostering, you mean?’

‘Yes. Actually I think I’m going to take a break from it for a while, irrespective of what social services decide about Sadie.’

‘But you do still really
want
Sadie to live with us, don’t you?’

‘I’d like to offer her a home until her father gets out of prison, yes,’ Mum said. ‘If we can manage her behaviour, I mean.’ She paused. ‘But I don’t want our house turned into a battleground. It all depends on whether you two girls are willing to give each other a chance.’

After that I thought really hard about everything: about Amy and me; about Sadie and me; about Sadie and Alison.