The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. and Death. (31 page)

biological weapons,
66

bitrochanteric lipodystrophy,
104
n

black stools,
176

blahs,
71

Blumenfield, Hal,
93

Boswell, James,
33

bowel problems,
65
,
130
,
170
-80

diarrhea,
175
-76

foreign objects as,
172
-74

irritable bowel syndrome,
144
,
175

stools and,
176
-77
see also
constipation; farting

brain,
87
,
91
-101

alcoholism and,
113

central herniation of,
73

central pontine myelinolysis of,
42

infections of,
79
,
100

intelligence and size of,
45

pineal gland of,
80

questions about,
99
-101

seizures and,
69
,
78

spongiform,
95
-96

worms in,
79

brain tumors,
64
,
71
,
78
,
79
,
92
-95,
99
,
108
,
167

déjà vu and,
69

lipstick on one's teeth and,
70
-71

optic nerve bulge as symptom of,
61

schwannoma,
67

sweating as symptom of,
60

yawning and,
73

breathing,
108
,
126
,
178
,
180

bronchiectasis,
106
,
108

Brooker, Philip,
16

burnt match, smell of,
92

Burr, Aaron,
45

Bush, George,
184

calculus,
86

cancer,
54
,
60
,
68
,
70
,
106
,
108
,
112
,
114
,
116
-23,
130
,
147
,
153
,
155
,
156
,
167
,
176
,
177
,
183
-85

alternative medicine for,
29

creepiest form of,
122

cures for,
49
,
53

diagnosis of,
120
-21

doctor's euphemisms for,
86

farting as cause of,
180

fig poultice for,
45

itching and,
68
-69

joke about,
118

metastatic,
118
,
122
,
140

silliest forms of,
121
-22

carcinoid syndrome,
70

carpal tunnel syndrome, test for,
24

Caruso, Enrico,
32

Cavett, Dick,
34

Cecil Textbook of Medicine, The
(Claude and Plum),
104

Cermak, Anton,
131

Chagas's disease,
177

Charles II, King of England,
43
n

Chinese restaurant syndrome,
81
-82

chloroma,
121

cholecystitis,
126
,
129

cholera,
50
-51,
175
-76

chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS),
29
n,
144

cirrhosis,
69
,
74
,
193

Cleveland, Grover,
76

clostridial myonecrosis (gas gangrene),
137

clubhing, fingertip,
105

colds,
34
-35,
191

dire explanations for,
66

neglected, death caused by,
57
-58

cold sores,
67
-68

conception, tranquillity at moment of,
45

confabulation,
78

conjunctivitis,
165
,
166

gonococcal,
163
-64

constipation,
130
,
155
,
175
,
177

arsenic treatment for,
45

of Japanese women,
170
-71

coronan' artery disease,
105

coronary bypass,
109
-10

cor pulmonale,
75

Cottage Physician, The
(Post et al.),
44
-45

coughs,
103
n

heroin treatment for,
45

crepitus,
139

Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease,
95
-96,
98

Crohn's disease (regional ileitis),
130
-31

Crosby, Norm,
93

cysticercosis,
79

Davis, Eric,
117

death,
45
-46,
59
,
73
,
92
,
113
,
140
,
143
,
155
,
156
,
157
,
175
,
176
,
177
,
181
-97

abdominal pain and,
129
,
130
,
131
,
132

afterlife and,
196
-97

as “bad result,”
90

from cancer,
116
,
117
,
120
,
153

as “cessation of vital signs,”
76

from heart attacks,
109
,
110
,
111

ironic,
58
n

last words at,
77
,
197

neglected colds as cause of,
57
-58

by pickles,
46

by suicide,
35
,
191

decapitation, consciousness after,
99

déjà vu,
69

dementia,
43
,
71
,
143

diabetes,
72
,
97
,
134
,
154

historical treatment of,
44

suddenly increased incidence of,
51
-52

diarrhea,
175
-76

diverticulitis,
127
,
130

diverticulosis,
177

doctors,
31
-32,
37
,
41
-46,
55
-59,
63
,
64
,
67
,
76
,
79
,
85
,
141
n

ancient Greek,
31

arrogance of,
43
-46

creative euphemisms of,
77
,
83
-90

family,
56
-58

gastroenterologists,
126
-28

goat as fee of,
47

harm done by,
42
,
88

Hippocratic oath of,
42

historical quackery of,
43
-46,
51

humor in,
160
n

laissez-faire attitude in,
56
-57

misdiagnosis by,
42
-43

mnemonic devices of,
99
n

obstetricians,
150
,
151
,
153

oncologists,
116
-18

on rounds,
85

surgical errors of,
50

Dukakis, Michael,
184

Duvall, Shelley,
99

dyspnea,
37

earlobes,
119

crease in,
105

ears, ringing in,
67

eclampsia,
155

edema, test for,
109

elephantiasis,
33

embryonal carcinoma,
153

emergency rooms,
75
,
111

screening tests in,
38
,
94
-95

encephalitis,
37
,
62
,
73
,
79
,
166
,
167

herpes simplex,
100

endocarditis,
104
,
106

enemas:

marshmallow,
44

turpentine and stinkweed,
44
-45

epididymis,
119

epidural injections,
151

episiotomies,
151

erythema multiforme (Stevens-Johnson syndrome),
71

esoneuroblastoma,
74

esophagus,
106
,
112
,
147

eyelid tics,
22
-23,
91
,
113

eyes,
61
,
127
,
158
-69,
171

diagnostic tests for,
164
-65,
168

disorders of,
56
-57,
161
-67,
168

floaters in,
60
-61,
164
,
166

medical books about,
163
-64

eyes
(continued)

objects causing blindness of,
159
-60

questions about,
168
-69

structure of,
160
-61

surgery for,
162
-63

fallopian tubes,
50
,
156

farsightedness,
161
,
164

fart-absorbing seat cushion,
178

farting,
139
,
177
-80

breathing and,
178
,
180

cancer caused by,
180

through penis,
122
n

sulfur gases in,
179
-80

fat, body,
48
,
104
n,
134
-37

fatal familial insomnia,
65
-66

fetal monsters,
157

fever blisters,
67
-68

fibromyalgia,
143
-46

diagnostic pressure points in,
144
-46

fig poultices,
45
,
51

Fixx, Jim, ironic death of,
58
n

flesh-eating bacteria,
52
-53

floaters, eye,
60
-61,
164
,
166

floating stools,
177

“Floating Stools: Flatus vs. Fat” (Levitt),
178

flushed face,
70

Fox, Henry,
117
-18

Freud, Sigmund,
100

frog in stomach,
32

gallbladder disease,
86
,
126
,
127
,
129
,
176
-77

gargantuan stools,
177

gas gangrene,
137

George Washington University Medical Center,
111

giggle incontinence,
66

glaucoma,
165

God, notable mistakes by,
151
n

gonococcal conjunctivitis,
163
-64

Greeks, ancient,
31

groin, pain in,
58
-59

Guillain-Barré syndrome,
68
,
81

Hadrian, Emperor,
105

hair loss,
44

hallucinations,
92
-94

Hanot's cirrhosis,
69

Harding, Warren,
43

headaches,
61
,
62
,
77
-82,
121

crudest,
82

environmental causes of,
78
-79

stupid medical names for,
81
-82

symptom chart for,
79
-81

headline, funniest,
157

heart,
106

cancer of,
122
-23

mitral valve prolapse of,
103
-5

heart attacks,
49
,
64
,
72
,
75
,
86
,
109
-11,
126
,
147

heart disease,
75
,
102
-11,
112
,
134
,
154
,
155

diagnostic tests for,
24
,
105
-6,
108
-9

ischemic,
110

neglected colds and,
57
-58

surgery for,
109
-10

thumbs lost to,
104
,
105

heel-shin test,
98

Helen Keller Eye Research Foundation,
159

hemochromatosis,
131
-33

hepatitis,
129
,
155
,
186
-87

hepatitis C,
186
,
187
-97

interferon treatment of,
190
-92,
193

hernias,
103

herpes simplex virus,
67
-68,
100

herpes zoster ophthalmicus,
56
-57

hiccups,
64
-65

Hippocratic oath,
42

hoarseness,
70

Hodgkin's disease,
68
,
129

alcohol consumption and,
121

Hogg, Thomas,
33

hog slop, blindness caused by,
159

home pregnancy tests,
152
-53

homosexuality,
38
,
194
-96

humerus,
160
n

Huntington's chorea,
91
n

hyperemesis gravidarum,
155

hypernatremia,
42

hyperorality,
100

hypochondria,
21
-40

books for,
27
-29

control desired in,
59

cure for,
24
,
55
,
105
,
185

family crises and,
61
-62

famous people afflicted by,
32
-35

increased incidence of,
47
-53

irresistible diseases in,
96

knowledge sought in,
59
-60