The Impact of You (20 page)

She nods. “Thanks, Jase.”

“Anytime, Whistle.”

Confusion crosses her face at hearing the nickname I haven’t used in a while. She’s wondering the same thing I am – about us. About where we stand now.

She sits up on the bed, completely disentangling herself from me. The loss of warmth from her body next to mine is unwelcome, but I resist the urge to tug her back to me.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” she says.

Her face is red, her chest splotchy and her hair is a tangled, matted mess
--the strands framing her face slightly damp from her tears. “Yeah, okay.” The warm water will soothe her some, I hope. “I’ll go out and pick us up dinner. We can eat here in bed if you’re okay with that, and watch TV.”

She climbs from the bed. “
Yeah, low key sounds great.”

I
didn’t figure she’d be up for going out someplace. I take the keys from the bedside table and watch as Avery disappears into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. When I hear the water turn on, I have to fight the urge to go in after her.

I return a little while later with bags of Chinese takeout
. Dressed in a white tank and pink cotton pants, Avery sits cross-legged in the center of the bed. “Hi,” she says.

Her smile is back, so I can only assume the shower helped. Her hair is still damp, b
ut combed neatly and secured in a braid across her shoulder. It makes her look younger. Beautiful. Food is suddenly the last thing on my mind.

“What’d you get us? It smells good.”

I set the bag on the bedside table and begin unloading the paper cartons. “Chinese. Hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, that’s perfect.”

We eat spicy noodles, spring rolls and almond chicken while watching a mindless comedy on cable. By the time we’re full, Avery is openly laughing at the movie. I throw the leftovers away in my adjoining room and close the door. I’m hopeful we’ll share a bed tonight. Even if nothing else happens, I just want to be near her. And I figure we won’t want to breathe in the smell of old Chinese food all night.

Avery has stacked all the pillows from my bed and hers up against the headboard and
is lounging against them when I return from brushing my teeth. “You’re looking quite comfortable there.”

She crosses her legs at the ankle and smiles, like a princess perched on her throne.
Now that we’re done eating, the room is too quiet, too full of her. Suddenly I don’t know what to do with myself. Avery just continues watching me with wide green eyes.

I hesitate at the end of the bed,
and rub the back of my neck, waiting for her to give me some indication she wants me to stay. Although she’s commandeered all my pillows so…. “You’re holding my pillows hostage… does that mean you want me here?”

“Maybe I just really like pillows…” She wiggles against the mountain
behind her, making herself comfortable. “Kidding. Of course you’re staying.” She pats the bed beside her “You being here means a lot.”

I wish I knew what she
’s thinking. I cross the room to sit beside her on the bed. “You doing better?” I ask, though I can see she is.

The glow in her cheeks is
back, her eyes are bright and happy. Whatever she has worked through in the last couple of hours, I can only hope has been helped by my presence. The feeling is addicting. I just like being near her, and I’m not going anywhere as long as she wants me here.

Avery scoots over, making room for me on the bed, and
moves closer to sink against the pillows. We’re half-sitting, half-lying side by side.

“Should we talk about my past … indiscretions?”
she asks, staring at the ceiling.

I hate how she’s had to live with so much on her shoulders. But she’s right. We do need to talk about that.
I wonder if she’s going to start, because I have no clue what to say. She grips her hands in front of her looking nervous.

I take
a deep breath and start. “Listen, Avery, I can get over the pictures. We’ve all made stupid mistakes. But I don’t like feeling lied to.” She doesn’t say anything, just keeps looking straight up at the ceiling, her expression neutral. “The main thing holding me back is that you’re not who I thought you were. I can’t escape the feeling like I’ve been fooled by you. Do I even know the real Avery? Was it all a carefully constructed cover up, or did I see the real you?”

Her shoulders straighten, and she seems to draw some inner strength. “You saw the real me. The messy, scared shitless me trying to figure out a way to move past it.”

“When I first met you, you were running and I just wanted to help. Seeing you crouched behind that dumpster…shit, Avery.” I take a deep breath, letting it creep out of my lungs slowly.

“
It’s fine, Jase. You don’t need to explain. You needed a little project to distract you from the issues with your mom – fine. Mission accomplished. But guess what? I don’t want to be someone’s project. I’m done being broken. And I’m done hiding from my past. I’ve made mistakes. I’m not perfect. I need someone who can deal with that.” 

“You were never a project, and we both know it. I wasn’t involved with you for some noble purpose. I loved watching your eyes light up, seeing you let go, making you blush when I made dirty comments.
I made it my mission to see you smile.”

“Well
, I’m officially done hiding. It didn’t do me any good anyway. And when I dated Brent, I wasn’t the same girl that I am now. He was my first crush; I wanted to impress him, to fit in and be a little reckless…obviously you can see how well that worked out for me. It was a stupid mistake that I can’t take back, Jase.”

“Fuck your past. It won’t own us
. I can’t think straight without you. I miss you. I want you back, babe.”

I
’m sorry about all she had to endure. I’m sorry about her fucktard ex. I’m sorry she’d taken those pictures. But I can push it all aside. I want this girl. I want her for my own. End of story. The world can fuck off for all I care. She’s mine.

“Whistle
, I’m going to kiss you now.”

The tightness across my shoulders lessens for the first time in weeks. I lean in and kiss her, soft and tenderly, my lips skimming across hers. I nip at her bottom lip, drawing it into
my mouth, and she lets out a soft exhale at the sudden contact. I’m torn…I want her, have wanted her for so long, and now she’s mine and we’re alone together in a hotel, but I don’t want to rush her.

Avery, having not gotten the memo about my decision to take things slow
, pushes her hands under my shirt and rubs them along my chest and stomach. Even the simplest of touches from her are amazing. Finding her courage, she climbs onto my lap and straddles me. I grip her waist and continue kissing her, not wanting to rush things, but also not willing to give up this moment. Her hands stop at the waistband of my jeans, and with trembling fingers, she begins working at the button. It takes every ounce of self-control I possess to find her hands and stop her.

“Avery
.” I breathe against her mouth and she pulls back just a fraction, her eyes searching mine. I hate that just when she finds herself and initiates physical contact between us, I have to stop her.

I press my palms to her cheeks, give her a firm kiss on the forehead and
remove her from my lap. Her eyes betray her confusion and hurt.

“A
s badly as I want this, I want to do things right with you. I’ve never even taken you out on a proper date.”

“Are you turning me down?”
She pouts.

I question myself for the briefest of moments. Especially since my pants have grown considerably tighter. “I will possess you baby, and when I do, it’ll be worth the wait.”

She chuckles softly, a faint blush coloring her chest. “This is quite the role reversal. I’m ready for sex, and now you’re not.”

I groan and adjust my erection. “Behave.
” I move the pillows into place and pull her down against me so we’re lying side by side, looking at each other. I don’t even want to turn off the light to sleep, so I can just watch her, but I know I should. Once we’re plunged into darkness, her hand slides into mine, and she lets out a soft sigh.

The journey
we’re on together is rocky, but I think it’s led us to the right place. Avery is stronger, more sure, and I’m not the guy I was. The partying scene, meaningless hookups – I’d wanted more all along and now I’ve found it. Avery is my
more
. I want to be better for her, be her everything. A twinge of regret pinches inside me as I realize I’ll have to find a way to tell Avery that I was with Stacia when she and I weren’t seeing each other. But I’ll worry about that later’ for now I just hold her.

Avery

“Break a leg!” I squeeze Madison and
Noah one last time before they slip out of our dorm room. They have to be to the theater early for all the opening night preparations, which leaves me plenty of time to get ready for my date tonight. Jase has made reservations at an upscale restaurant, but first we’re going to watch the play Madison and Noah are in. I grab my shower stuff and shuffle off to the communal bathrooms.

An hour later, I’m squeaky clean, shaved, made up and dressed. I sit down at my laptop to type a quick response to the email I got earlier from Jessica. It’s been a month since we met face to face,
and we’ve emailed back and forth several times. Our relationship has evolved into long emails full of random thoughts, deep-seated feelings and life happenings. It’s nice. Even my dads are really cool about encouraging my relationship with her. I check the time, stuff my phone into the back pocket of my jeans, add some lip gloss and slip into my bright pink ballet flats.

I’m
waiting on the sidewalk outside my dorm just as Jase pulls up in his sleek black car. He stops and his face breaks into a smile when he climbs from the car to greet me.

“Beautiful…” He leans down and whispers, his lips brushing past the skin
near my ear. It sends a tingle down the back of my neck, settling at the base of my spine. As hard as this past month has been resisting giving into the physical with Jase, I think it is exactly what we need. It gives us the chance to actually just date and get to know each other better without sex complicating things. Things between us are great, though. Complete open and honesty, which feels really good. But the slow build between us physically has reached epic proportions. He will be mine tonight. Period.

Our dinner reservations are at an upscale sushi restaurant that
has recently opened and has been getting good reviews. Jase assures me that jeans will be fine, but I’d paired them with a dressy cream-colored top trimmed in lace.

Jase’s
eyes slip from mine, dropping lower to survey me from head to toe. I squirm under his gaze and clamp my thighs together, praying that I’ll make it through the play and dinner without trying to rip his clothes off. Or my own. Hmm, that could work. We have thirty minutes before the play starts…

“Avery?” he asks, pulling m
y mind from the gutter it has gleefully dived into.

Keeping my thoughts from wandering to later and
the little scrap of black lace panties he’ll discover is becoming increasingly difficult. “Yes?”

He smirks, shaking his head as though he
’s reading my mind the entire time. Jase is sex on a stick in a pair of fitted dark jeans and a navy blue button up shirt that brings out the deep blue of his eyes. His hair is an absolute disaster, just the way I like it – a perfect mess. My fingers could roam to their heart’s content and it wouldn’t make the least bit of difference.

Crossing the distance between us, Jase pull
s me tight against him and drops a sweet kiss to my mouth. “Ready?” He smiles down at me, sparkling eyes playful and hungry. I’m ready to skip dinner and get onto desert, but I merely nod. We have a play to go to first, and I can’t stand Madison and Noah up. They’ve adopted Jase into our circle over the past month and so of course we’ll be there at their opening show.

We
arrive at the theater in plenty of time to grab seats near the front. Watching Madison and Noah in the school’s flirty reproduction of Grease is so fun, the two hours pass quickly. Noah as Rizzo is over-the-top-goodness, and I can’t wait to hug him for not only winning the role, but for owning it. At the end, Jase stands and cheers for them along with me, and we fight our way backstage through the throngs of people to give them both a hug.

Jase has taken his mission of bringing me out on proper dates seriously, and after the play, we’re hand in hand,
heading across town to make the dinner reservations.

The restaurant
is sleek and stylish and the sushi is divine, but sitting across from Jase at an intimate table for two, and feeling his eyes move across me is too much. Using my uncooperative chopsticks, I’ve tried as delicately as possible to wrestle pieces of sushi into my mouth in the most ladylike way possible.

Jase pops another piece of the spicy tuna roll into his mouth, c
hewing thoughtfully as he watches me. He’s in no hurry, and I wonder if he’s feeling any of the same fire I am. But I know he is. Intensity lights his eyes as he watches me. He finishes chewing and places his chopsticks beside his plate. “Dessert?”