The Importance of Being Married
Read The Importance of Being Married Online
Authors: Gemma Townley
Contents
TO ATTICUS: THE BEST BABY IN THE WORLD
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many thanks as always to my agent, Dorie Simmonds, and my editor, Laura Ford, for their unstinting enthusiasm and patience when pregnancy and baby got in the way of deadlines. Thanks also to Val Hoskins for all her input, to Mark for making numerous cups of tea, to Oscar Wilde for inspiration, and to Atticus for sleeping three times a day when I really needed him to….
Chapter 1
PROJECT: MARRIAGE
The product:
Jessica Wild
I’m a product now?
Look, either we do this my way, or we don’t do it at all.
Fine. I’m a product. Whatever…
Project mission:
To rebrand product in order to make it irresistible to target audience, prompting target audience to declare its undying love for product and to propose marriage.
Timescale:
50 days
Target audience:
Anthony Milton (product’s boss and gorgeous-looking advertising world A-lister)
Objectives for new brand:
1. To be attractive to Anthony Milton.
2. So attractive that he asks product out.
3. And then asks product to marry him.
4. Oh, and this all has to happen in 50 days. Including the wedding.
5. This is the most stupid project I’ve ever worked on.
And the most lucrative. Remember, we’re talking about £4m here.
That’s not to be sniffed at.
I’m not sniffing. I’m just planning what I’m going to do when it all goes wrong.
It won’t go wrong.
Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who has to do any of this.
Key features of product (positive):
Um…
Small waist. Nice legs. Bit too serious, sometimes. And seriously crap when it comes to men
.Thanks.
You’re welcome.
Barriers to rebrand/issues to tackle:
1. Target audience has so far shown no interest in product.
2. Product not remotely interested in target audience, either.
The gorgeous Anthony Milton? Come on, you must be slightly interested.
Not even a little bit. He’s not my type.
You have a type? You never go on dates. How can you have a type?
I don’t have a type; I just know who
isn’t
my type.That’ll be men in general, then…
This is a bad idea. Maybe we should rethink…
Oh no you don’t. You agreed to do this. You can’t back out now.
Yes I can.
No, you can’t. Anyway, you don’t have a choice in the matter. We’ve already gone over the alternatives and they don’t exist.
Thanks for the reminder.
Strategies:
Could I delegate this? Hire a supermodel to marry Anthony instead?
Kind of defeats the point, doesn’t it? Look, it’s not that hard. You just need a haircut. Some new clothes. To learn to smile properly. And a bit of training in the art of seduction.
I like my clothes. And my smile. And I’m not interested in the art of seduction.
You will be when I’ve finished with you.
You’re finishing with me? Is that a promise?