The Impossible Art of Falling (Impossible Art #1) (7 page)

Jena threw on a pair of jeans and a tank top, then went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and hair. She avoided looking in the mirror, as usual. She knew there would be dark circles underneath her sad, dull eyes, and a face that no longer smiled. She didn’t need to see her reflection to know that she had lost weight, too. Turning away, she tossed her hair up in a messy knot at the nape of her neck and walked down the hallway. The sound of his voice halted her at the foot of the stairs. She had nearly forgotten that he would be at breakfast with them. How would he handle what she had seen last night? Would he say something to her aunt and uncle? Perhaps they would be angry if they found out she had been on the roof. It would be easy to avoid the entire scene by just going back upstairs, yet it would be obvious to Luke that she was avoiding him if she didn’t show up. There would only be one way to find out what would happen and that was to go down to breakfast.

She took her seat at the table and reached for the eggs. Her aunt and uncle greeted her as she piled food on her plate. While grabbing a thick slice of bacon, she looked through veiled lashes in Luke’s direction. He was looking at her, but something in his face was softer today. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips, and he gave her a slight nod. A small acknowledgement before turning his attention back toward the conversation with her aunt and uncle, which reassured Jena that their chance meeting last night would not be breakfast conversation.

After breakfast, they separated. Meg and Jena went toward the small office, and Luke and Rob began saddling up the trail horses. She felt relieved to know that Kyle wasn’t working. It would be one less thing for her to worry about today.

From the window of the office, Jena could see the few horses that remained in the fields, including Gatsby. His dark bay coat shimmered in the early morning light. Suddenly, a noise off in the distance startled him. He tossed his head and cantered a few steps away. His nostrils flared and his tail flew out behind him. He was so majestic and for a moment, she was a horse-crazy six-year old. He was beautiful and all at once, she longed to be on his back. The thought took her back for a second, but she shook it away. She hadn’t thought about riding in months, but now she felt the ache of wanting to have the wind in her hair from the back of a horse.

“Jena?” Her aunt’s voice broke her from the spell. She turned toward Meg, but not before noticing Luke, who had slowed what he was doing and was casually watching her. She realized that one hand was on her heart and the other lay flat against the window pane. Her cheeks flushed and she turned away. He knew that she had felt the heat of his stare.

“Jena,” Meg began again, “will you file this stack of release forms?” Jena nodded and smiled. She glanced back out the window, but Luke was already gone.

Luke was realizing that Jena was becoming a presence that he couldn’t shake. At first it was in anger, then curiosity, and now, now he didn’t know why. He seemed to be able to feel her wherever she was. He often caught her gazing in his direction and found himself drawn toward her, as well. He grabbed the reins of the nearest horse and walked off toward the next customer, trying to pretend that she wasn’t affecting him.

The rest of the morning went by in a blur, just as the day before had. The office work allowed Jena to forget, at least for a time, all about why she was at the ranch in the first place. Luke tried to focus on the horses and the trail rides. Again, when they stopped for lunch, Meg and Jena went back to the house to make sandwiches, while Rob and Luke tended to the horses. Jena smiled to herself, as she and her aunt walked into the kitchen and wordlessly, to begin to make lunch. How quickly this life was becoming routine. Even mealtimes were becoming less awkward for her. She had yet to contribute to the conversation, but her silence no longer felt like something to hide behind, and more of a sign that she was thinking. A few times, she looked up and found herself caught in Luke’s gaze again. At one point, she reached for the vegetables at the same time he did, his fingers grazing her own, and she felt a heat rush up her arm and settle in her chest.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “You go ahead.” She smiled and nodded in thanks. Meg looked at Rob, who raised an eyebrow, having seen their interaction. Rob smiled to himself, realizing that things were indeed settling down. Perhaps his niece would find a life here after all. Meg looked at her full table. They were becoming an awkward sort of family, but it made her happy. Somehow, despite the fact that she and Rob were never able to have children of their own, they had two sitting at their table. She was sorry for the circumstances that had brought them both to her, but happy at the chance to help each of them heal. She watched now, as they ate in silence. If only they knew just how lost the other was. If only they would talk to each other. She was sure they would become friends…and both of them needed a friend right now.

Luke had lived with them for a little over a year, two years after the accident. He had had no place to go and no one to turn to, and despite what the town may have thought, she took him in. Townsend was a small town. The kind of place where everyone knew everything about everyone. Or at least
thought
they knew everything. Taking Luke in had been one of the best decisions she and Rob had ever made and now, with Jena here, Meg was starting to feel complete.

              After lunch, Luke and Rob went back to the stables, while Meg and Jena cleared the plates away. Meg hummed quietly to herself as she moved about the kitchen. Jena was silent while she helped with the dishes and couldn’t stop staring out the window in the direction of the horses.

              “Sweetie, if you want to go help in the stables, you can,” Meg said, as she turned to her after they finished. “I can handle the office duties if you would rather be with the horses.” Her smile was warm, and the comment was sincere. Many people had tried to force Jena back into horses. Meg offered it as a choice, and that was something Jena appreciated. Most would have told her she should go out and help with the horses, assuming that that is where she would rather be. She found that she had quickly grown tired of everyone telling her what she needed to do. This small kindness from her aunt meant more to Jena than Meg realized. Jena swallowed and licked her lips.

“Thank you. I’m okay here,” Jena squeaked out. If Meg was shocked to hear her speak, she didn’t show it, which gave Jena a bit more confidence. She had been silent for so long, she worried that if she spoke, it would become such a novelty, that those around her would cheer and clap or make it a big deal.

“Well, you just let me know, because you are more than welcome to go out there,” Meg replied. She patted Jena’s hand and smiled, before turning and walking back outside.

THEY HAD SOME TIME before the trail rides started back up and Jena would be needed back in the office. Rob and Meg ran a pretty low-key operation. They didn’t believe in running their horses constantly. They had a pretty good rotation and only used about thirty horses a day. With rides only happening every other hour, there was plenty of time for the horses to rest and get water. There were other stables which made more money because they used more horses and offered more rides; this had always been a summer hobby for Meg and Rob. They made enough money off of breeding and selling the babies, despite their small operation. Jena respected them for their commitment to the well-being of their horses. It also helped that they got a break during the hottest part of the day.

Jena went up to her room, which was where she sometimes spent her afternoons. Today, she looked around at the sparse room and felt the four walls closing in around her. Feeling the need for fresh air, she grabbed a book off of her shelf and walked back down to the porch to take a seat on the swing. Luke and Rob were refilling the water trough for the horses, who were wandering around in a small shaded paddock. When they were done, they came onto the porch and Meg appeared with big glasses of sweet tea and set the tray down on the table. The foursome sat in silence, drinking their tea and enjoying the shade and the mountain breeze that cooled them off.

Jena smiled to herself at the simplicity. She couldn’t help but notice the lack of demands on her, or anyone else. The farm ran smoothly. Each of them seemed to know their job and did it effortlessly. The whinny of a horse drew her attention to the field, where Gatsby stood under a shade tree, flicking his tail every so often at a fly. He must have been asleep and dreaming because every once and awhile, he would wiggle his head or pop his lips together — a horse smile. Even he was enjoying this new life. In the calm of the moment, Jena leaned her head back against the swing and let go, if only for a brief moment and felt peace.

chapter 8

T
HAT NIGHT, ONCE AGAIN, JENA lay awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling. An ache flowed through her limbs and settled deep in her chest. It was a heaviness that demanded to be noticed. It was her longing to be with the horses again. The last few days had awoken something in her. Even though she had been with her aunt in the office, watching the others climb on and head out on the trail had made her miss riding again. They signed their waivers and grabbed their helmets. They mounted the horses with their new boots and jeans. She envied the looks on their faces, as the horses lined up and began to go. Horses were powerful creatures. They could make people discover and feel things about themselves that they, themselves, didn’t know existed. Jena remembered that feeling, and watching all of those people had only reaffirmed that. And now, all she could think about was the tall, dark, four-legged boy in the pasture. The one she hadn’t paid any attention to for months.

She got up and walked over to the open window. The cool breeze caressed her cheeks. Jena closed her eyes and breathed in the night air and again, listened to the night. Her emotions fought within her, but there was only one place in the world she wanted to be right now, and it was time to admit it, at least to herself. With a determined sigh, Jena turned from the window, pulled on some jeans, and grabbed her boots before quietly heading down the stairs and out the door.

The cool night air slashed through the thin t-shirt, and she wished she had grabbed a sweatshirt, too. The barn glowed in the moonlight, and the sky above was clear. She stood at the fence and peered out, looking for her horse, but there was nothing. He must be in the barn tonight. She walked toward the barn door and reached out to slide it open, then stopped — her hand hovering just above the cool, smooth metal in hesitation. The air smelled of hay, horses, and the mountains. She held her breath and pinched her eyes closed, embracing the feelings drawing her in. She hated that there was this need to go see him. She had been fighting it since she came, but when she woke up in the middle of the night after her dark dreams, her horse was all she could think about.

The door slid easily, its track well maintained. She reached for the light and then dropped her hand, remembering that Luke was here somewhere. She didn’t want her presence to be known. This was something she needed to do alone. There was a shuffling of hooves, the soft nighttime noises of the stable, and instantly, she was calmed. Gatsby’s stall was at the end of the row, and Jena could see his dark head peeking over the top. She walked slowly, listening to the sound of her boots on the concrete aisle and making sure she hadn’t been followed out of the house.  Gatsby nickered in recognition, and her hand rose to his soft muzzle. She then ran her hand over his face and onto his cheek. He leaned into her, and she closed her eyes. His soft breath played across her hair as she leaned back. 

"Oh, my beautiful boy. I'm so sorry," she quietly whispered. Her voice was harsh and caught in her throat as her lips struggled to form words. Tears began to stream down her face as the words that had been lost inside of her for months came out. Slowly, her voice became stronger, and the words came easier. Maybe it was because he couldn’t talk back. He couldn’t question her actions. He couldn’t blame her for what she had done or didn’t do. She felt the lump rising in her throat again, and she swallowed it back down. She didn't realize how much she had missed him. It had been months of watching from a distance. Months of staying away, afraid of what she might feel. She had been ignoring him even back at her own house, not wanting to come near him. Jena wrapped her arms around the big animal and buried her face into his mane. The horse swung his head around and nuzzled her hip, as if he were enveloping her in an embrace. Perhaps he was forgiving her for everything, and this only made her cry harder.

They stood like this for some time. A girl and her horse, who after months of hiding, mourned for a lost life.

LUKE JERKED AWAKE. THE nightmare had woken him again. The blinding light, the crunch of metal, her face flashing before his eyes. He sat up with a start, his breath coming in heavy, short wisps. He pounded his fist lightly against his head. Why couldn’t he forget? Why couldn’t he move on? He lay back and crossed his arms behind his head and listened to the sounds of the horses from his place in the barn. He was happy, once again, to have found his place here at the Grayson Ranch. Taking him in had been a huge leap of faith, when everyone else had walked away. He closed his eyes to squeeze out the thought. Rob and Meg were the only ones who had been willing to give him a new start. He would find it difficult to leave them in the fall.