The Impressionist (14 page)

For the next 20 minutes I paced the floor of our house, waiting. I finally gave up. Midway though a bowl of Captain Crunch Josh and I were having, my phone dinged indicating a message. I looked down thinking it was Paige, but it was Jim Ed.

“Meet me at the new McCafe at 6 pm,” he sent. “The one at the corner of 101st street and Memorial Boulevard.”

“Sounds great,” I replied. “See you there.”

I invited Josh to ride along with me to meet this painter dude and afterward get some pizza and hang out. I showed him the portrait that Jim Ed had done.

“Cool,” Josh replied.

A block or so from the McCafe was the Forest Green Cemetery. As we passed by, I saw Jim Ed’s truck weaving through the cemetery’s main driveway out to Memorial Boulevard. Apparently he was leaving to meet us. I’m sure he didn’t recognize us because he had never seen my vehicle before.

Josh and I pulled into the parking lot of McCafe and waited for Jim Ed. When he got out of the truck we walked to meet him in the parking lot.

“Jim Ed, this is my son, Josh,” I said.

Wearing a black, long-sleeved t-shirt, Josh nodded. Jim Ed looked at him with his warm, inviting eyes and stuck out his hand. A big smile broke across his face. “Name is James Edward Porter. Friends call me Jim Ed. Nice to meet you, Josh.”

Josh took his hand and shook it slightly. “I’m Josh.”

Jim Ed tipped his Saints cap. “Fine young man,” he said squeezing Josh’s hand firmly. “Yes sir. You’re bursting with intelligence and gifts. Can feel it.”

Josh didn’t speak, but his face lit up.

Jim Ed leaned in closer to Josh. “I see you, man,” he whispered in his ear. “You’re set apart for a divine purpose. God’s got big plans for you.”

As we walked in, I could tell Jim Ed was exhausted. He looked older and depleted, even more so than he had when we left the park.

After the three of us got our coffee and slid into our booth, Jim Ed turned to me and said, “So tell me about this strange and wonderful experience.”

“Something incredible happened, Jim Ed!” I exploded, hardly able to contain my excitement, but trying to tone it down some. “I had a dream, but it was more than a dream. It was like a vision. I was in the light and Jesus came to me. He spoke to me. It was real Jim Ed, and I’m the last person to put stock in such nonsense as dreams!”

Jim Ed and Josh listened carefully, hanging on my words as I went into great detail.

“Somehow I’m different. It’s hard to explain, but I feel it. I’m not the same person.”

“Or you are just now understanding who you really are,” added Jim Ed.

“Yes, I understand now,” I said. “It’s not about me, but Him.”

Jim Ed looked at Josh, who was nervously picking at his arm through his sleeve. “What do you think about that story, Josh?”

“I know something happened to my dad,” said Josh. “I believe him. He’s never acted like this before.”

“How ’bout another cup of coffee?” asked Jim Ed.

“Sounds good,” I said and we all three got up and walked to the counter for a refill.

“Did somebody you know die?” Josh asked Jim Ed while we were waiting. “We saw your truck coming out the cemetery.”

I shook my head, in an attempt to let Josh know we didn’t want to go there, but Jim Ed interrupted me.

“It’s fine,” he said. “Yes Josh, somebody did die. It was my Christina.”

“Who was Christina?”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” I told Jim Ed.

“We need to talk about it, Adam,” he said. “You need to hear it.”

We sat back down at the booth and Jim Ed began.

“Christina passed from cancer not long ago, Josh,” he said.

“How long?” Josh asked.

“Not quite eight months, but she was diagnosed a little over a year ago.” He was trying hard to smile, but it was too much of a struggle so he gave up. “She’d been complaining of pains in her side and was getting more tired than usual, so we went in for a checkup. I was thinking it was probably just her age. You know, find the problem, get some meds, soon this thing will be behind us. That’s what I was thinking. That’s when the bomb fell. After the doctor poked on her side, he ordered a CAT scan. He said the tests would probably come back negative, not to worry. Three days later the phone rang. Christina had a mass on her spleen. The doctor explained that she had lymphoma, a cancer that attacks the lymphatic system of which the spleen is the center. It was aggressive and they gave her only months to live.”

“I’m sorry,” said Josh. “You can stop if you want.”

Jim Ed just continued, dropping his head, talking into his coffee. “We hugged. We cried. Cried out to God. I felt emptiness and despair rising up inside me like cream in the milk bin back at our old dairy farm. The thought of going through even one day in this world without my Christina was more than I could handle. At home that night, after Christina was in bed asleep, I walked in the back yard and fell against a tree, gripping my face. My insides screamed. When I prayed, it seemed like God was slapping me down with a rod of silence. Where was God anyway? How could He allow this? Anger took root in me again, boiling up. I knew I was headed for another defining moment just like that day back in the truck when I was set on putting a bullet through Lewis’ skull.”

Josh’s eyes about popped out of his head. “Putting a bullet through Lewis’ skull?”

Jim Ed nodded, “Was I going to give in to despair and unbelief, let hate and anger rule me…or was I going to rise up and be a warrior for Christina during her time of greatest need? Maybe I was born for just such a time. This was not only Christina’s greatest test, but mine too.”

Her immune system down from the chemo, Christina had her worst week ever. For several nights, she lay in bed shivering violently for hours at a time with temperatures hovering at  degrees. A mere skeleton, she’ d fall asleep then woke up enough to choke down a few swallows of Ensure, and then throw it up. It was horrible. Weak and frail, Christina was in pain almost continuously, even with pain killers. It was crushing Jim Ed to watch her. By then, Christina was too weak to pray out loud. She barely even talked. When she did it was only a faint whisper. Jim Ed, their son Will, and a plethora of friends had prayed for months believing God for a miracle healing or for the medical treatment to cure her, but things had only worsened. It appeared on the surface that God had taken a sabbatical.

“We can’t give up,” Jim Ed whispered into Christina’s ear. “We have to draw strength from Him and keep going. He’s here baby, He’s here.”

Sometimes he would encourage her by saying, “Christina, you’re here on this bed doing the greatest work you’ve ever done for the kingdom of God. What you’re doing now is as important as all the Bible studies you’ve taught, all the worship you’ve led, all the praying and witnessing you ever did. It’s bringing together everything. This is your greatest work!”

Christina would nod weakly.

“By acknowledging God’s goodness right here, in this situation, we’re exalting Him and choosing to declare His glory before all of His enemies—before all His servants and all His creation! God is alive, Christina. You know that. You showed me that!”

She would nod in agreement.

“Christina because of your steadfast trust in our God, angels are bending low with furrowed brows. They’re curious about you. And when they see your declaration of God’s truth and faithfulness, they gaze in wonder and awe. All of God’s enemies are watching us and gritting their teeth in frustration that they’re not able to get us to doubt our God. They’re looking in awe at you, Christina, and saying, ‘Oh, what a great God she must serve if He was able to subdue her with the force of His love. What a wonder He must be.’”

In the hospital, during her worst stages—the urgency, the weariness, and the sheer awfulness of her lying there drove Jim Ed to a place of desperation he had never been to before. He made regular visits down to the hospital chapel to pour himself out privately to God.

“God, I feel so helpless!” he often cried. “Please, not Christina, God. Why her and not me? She’s been so faithful to you! She loves you more than anyone I know!”

One night, disappointed and horror-struck, right there in that chapel, Jim Ed fell prostrate on the floor and wept until he had nothing left inside him but dry heaves and hoarseness. He didn’t understand why God allowed Christina to suffer; and just when he felt he couldn’t go on, God came down and met him there. He made a choice to stand by faith despite what the circumstances were screaming. He knew God was alive and he would trust Him. He would fight the good fight of faith.

Jim Ed didn’t want to just grit his teeth and endure till it was over, so he determined to gather up everything that was good in the middle of the pain. God was preparing both he and Christina for something great in eternity. Yes, he wanted his Christina healed and for the pain to stop, but he didn’t want to miss the work God was doing in the situation by being bowled over with what he hated. Jim Ed knew that cancer was evil and God didn’t cause that hideous sickness, yet he also knew that God was working in the midst of it, in spite of it.

Late one night, Christina was in dire pain and he didn’t know if she was going to live or die. They’ d had a steady stream of visitors, and now Will and his family were gone. Jim Ed was pacing around the room, crying to God, “Lord, I praise You! We praise You! Christina, God’s good. He’s giving us grace and strength. Our Lord is right here with us.”

She’ d nodded and whispered a moan of agreement.

Christina had been getting a special medication for her blood that helped ease her discomfort. Unfortunately, the negative side effect was loss of eyesight. When Christina sensed that time was short, she refused the medication so her eyesight could be restored before she passed.

Day by day, hour by hour, Christina was weakening. The family knew the time was near. Her eyes were closed and Jim Ed, Will, and his family, and some close friends were gathered around her bed. Then, as if an angel cued them, they all began singing in unison. “Ama…zing grace how sweet the sound,” their voices flowed out the hospital room and down through the hall, “that saved a wretch like meeeee. I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I seeeee.” When they finished the chorus, everyone in the room, even the RN and nurse’s aid, had wetness in their eyes.

At the end of the song, Christina’s eyes barely slipped open. She turned her head, and holding her son Will’s hand, she said, “I see you, son. I see you.”

One by one those in the room kissed her forehead and said their goodbyes. When they were finished, she slowly turned to Jim Ed and lifted a trembling hand to caress his hair. “I see you, my love,” she said.

With tears streaming down his cheeks, Jim Ed gently kissed her cheek and whispered into her ear, “It’s okay, just let go and fly sweetheart. Go on and see Jesus and your Mama and Papa and Tallah. They’re waiting. I’ll be following shortly. And what a time it will be when we’re all together again.”

Jim Ed had crawled into bed with her and pulled himself up next to her back, helping her to stay warm. While holding her in his arms, he could tell her breathing was getting shallower and shallower. They both knew in their spirits it was time.

“Jim Ed,” Christina said, mustering all of her strength, her voice crackly and faint, “Turn me around so I can see your face, I want to look into your eyes one last time.” Her husband of nearly sixty years ever so carefully positioned her body to where she was facing him. They lay there facing each other.

Christina reached up her quivering hand and ran her fingers across Jim Ed’s face while looking directly into his eyes. “I’m so glad that truck hit you that day, you old fool,” she said barely above a whisper. “You’re a good man, Jim Ed, and you’ve been a good husband. Thank you for standing by my side and being strong through all the hard times. And we sure had some good times too. Didn’t we?” She smiled softly even though she was in pain. “If I could do it all over, I’ d spend my life with you again. I love you so much.” She wiped the tears from his eyes and then closed hers.

“I love you too, Christina,” Jim Ed whispered back, gently stroking her silver hair. “You were the best wife a man could ever ask for. You made me a better man and filled my life with joy and richness. Thanks for loving me too.”

Christina closed her eyes and laid her head back on the pillow. For the next several hours Jim Ed continued to hold Christina’s hand as her heartbeat weakened. Will had moved to the bedside while his wife was asleep in the chair. Around  am, to their utter amazement, Christina’s eyes popped wide open. She raised her head upright while gazing in wonder at something in the upper corner ceiling of the hospital room. A great smile filled her face. “It’s time?” she asked. Then she closed her eyes, dropped her head back on the pillow, and breathed her last.

“I know she saw an angel or Tallah or her papa,” said Jim Ed. “There’s no other explanation. No way a person could be in that room and not trust God. Christina eyes opened because something called her. She opened them and looked straight up. She didn’t even notice us.”

“Or Jesus,” said Josh, wiping tears from his eyes with his shirt sleeve. “Maybe she saw Jesus?”

“Yes, maybe she saw Jesus,” said Jim Ed. “I know one thing for sure. God is real, Josh. Never forget that. He can break your addiction and help you achieve your purpose in life. If you give your life to Him, it won’t be easy, but He will do great and wonderful things through you. I promise. You have so many special gifts to be developed. Don’t let the enemy destroy you. But it takes courage to stand up against all the lies and deception that your generation is throwing at you.”

“Yes sir. Thank you,” said Josh.

“Know this,” Jim Ed said turning his attention toward me again. “There’s nothing more difficult than reaching over to Christina’s side of the bed and realizing that no one is there. It hurts. I’d give anything to hold her in my arms just one more time. Those who love much, grieve much. But it’s worth it, Adam. It’s worth the fight. Your family’s worth the fight.”