The Inn at Rose Harbor (9 page)

“What do you want now?” Richard demanded. His voice was gruff and weak, as if he’d wanted to shout but didn’t have the strength or the breath to manage it.

“Just a couple of things that belonged to my mother,” Josh said, keeping his voice level and calm.

“Like what?”

“Her cameo.” His mother had worn it nearly every day. She’d loved the small broach that had been passed down to her from her mother.

Richard frowned and shook his head as if to say he didn’t remember any cameo. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Josh was convinced his stepfather had gotten rid of it just to spite him. “This cameo,” he clarified and grabbed a photo of Richard and his mother off the bookcase and handed it to Richard. “See, there on her blouse. It belonged to her before she married you and I’d like to have it to remember her by.”

Richard stared at the framed photograph for a long time before he answered. “I buried your mother with the pin … I didn’t think.”

Josh frowned. He tried to remember seeing his mother inside the casket and couldn’t recall what she’d been wearing or the jewelry she’d had on at the time.

“The funeral director would have given it back to you,” he insisted. “Right along with her wedding ring.”

Richard stared back at him and slowly shook his head. “I … I don’t know where it is, and even if I did …”

Josh didn’t stay to hear anything more. Not even five minutes inside the door and his temper was ready to explode. The two of them couldn’t be in close proximity without an angry outburst.

“Where are you going now?” Richard called after him.

Josh ignored the question and headed up the stairs to what had been his bedroom at one time. He heard footsteps behind him and he knew Michelle was trailing after him. Being in Cedar Cove again was proving to be so much more difficult than he’d ever anticipated.

“Josh?” Michelle reached him just before he entered his old room.

He heaved in a deep breath in order to center himself. His emotions had gone from grief to anger so quickly that even he was shocked. This entire trip had him on an emotional roller coaster. Josh wasn’t accustomed to dealing with these sharp ups and equally rapid downs. His heart pounded hard against his ribs while he struggled within himself.

“I apologize, Michelle,” he said, turning to face her and planting his hands on her shoulders. “I don’t know what it is about Richard that makes me so angry. I didn’t mean to blow up like that.”

“It’s a volatile situation,” she said. “I understand.”

Josh stuffed his hands in his pockets. She was right; it was that all right, and more.

“If you want I’ll ask Richard if I can look through his bedroom for your mother’s cameo.”

Josh shook his head. “It would probably be better to just wait.”

“You mean …”

She didn’t say the words out loud. She didn’t need to complete the thought for Josh to know what she was asking.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. Josh wanted to wait until Richard was dead to find the cameo, if it was to be found. No sense unsettling the old man any more than he already had.

“So which room was yours?” Michelle asked as they stood in the middle of the narrow upstairs hallway. Dylan’s bedroom was on the right and Josh’s on the left. The bathroom they’d shared was at the end of the hallway. The master bedroom was downstairs. Josh wondered if Richard had taken that into account when he purchased the house years ago, anticipating that he wouldn’t have the strength to climb the stairs in his old age. He couldn’t now; otherwise he would have followed Josh up the staircase.

Instead of answering Michelle’s question, Josh opened his bedroom door. The room looked exactly as it had when he’d been in high school. The bedspread was the same one that had been there when he’d left—correction—when he’d been kicked out.

The dresser and mirror were also exactly as he remembered them. He walked over and opened the dresser drawer and frowned. Instead of his T-shirts being in the top drawer where he always kept them no matter where he lived, he discovered his socks and underwear. They were stuffed haphazardly inside, which was just the way he’d left them—in a different drawer. The second one down held the T-shirts.

“Do you want to pack up any of these clothes?” Michelle asked. “They look almost brand-new.”

Josh shook his head. “I’d prefer to give them all to charity … except,” he paused and smiled at Michelle. “I want my letterman’s jacket.” He’d earned that letter his senior year in track. Dylan had been the athlete who all the girls had pined for, but Josh had made his mark on the track field. He wasn’t a great runner, but he’d been good enough to make the team.

“Where’d you keep it?” Michelle asked, sounding excited herself.

She’d made a point of attending all the school’s sporting events, including the track meets. Josh remembered how she used to cheer the team on from the sidelines, and was grateful. A couple of times he’d gotten a ride home with her. His mother had been too sick to attend the meets and Richard, well, he couldn’t be bothered. Even driving to pick Josh up after an event had seemed to be a huge burden for him, and he’d always complained. So much for parental support.

Josh slid open the closet door. A couple of shirts remained and a good pair of slacks, the very ones he’d worn to his mother’s funeral. Then he saw his letterman’s jacket.

“Oh, Josh.” Michelle’s hand flew to her mouth.

Someone had taken a razor blade to the sleeves, ripping them open, slashing away at the leather.

Someone?

Josh was able to narrow that
someone
down to a single individual in less than a second.

Richard.

It could only have been Richard. For an instant he saw red. Josh wasn’t about to stand by and ignore this. He didn’t care that Richard was sick, this was destructive and immature for a grown man. Josh started out of the room when Michelle placed a restraining hand on his arm.

“Why?” Josh demanded. “What did I ever do to Richard that would give him reason to destroy the one thing I was most proud of accomplishing in high school?”

“Oh Josh, I hardly know what to say …”

“Why?” he demanded again. “What could I have possibly done for him to hate me this much?”

Josh sank onto the end of the bed. Michelle sat with him and reached for his hand, gripping it with both of her own.

“I think he did it the day he learned Dylan was dead,” she said.

“How would you know?”

“I don’t for sure. It’s an educated guess. He was in such pain that he lashed out.”

“At me? But why? Explain it to me if you can, because frankly it looks pretty sick.”

“Because you were alive and his son was dead,” she explained. “You were only here on the day of the funeral, but I was around afterward and it was bad for Richard. So bad that my parents called me and asked me to talk to him. Richard was inconsolable, in such terrible grief that no one seemed to be able to reach him. My family thought I might be able to help. You have to understand that he didn’t come out of the house for days. He didn’t eat, didn’t bathe.”

“I was alive and his son was dead.”

“I realize that makes no sense.” Michelle squeezed his arm in consolation.

Josh wanted to lash out at his stepfather, make him sorry for what he’d done; instead he forced himself to calm down.

“In other words, punishing me for being alive made sense to Richard,” Josh said.

She leaned against him. “Letting your anger get the best of you now wouldn’t do either of you any good.”

Josh knew she was right. As difficult as it was, he’d need to simply let it all go. “Actually, in some way it doesn’t come as that much of a shock. Richard never liked me. I was little more than an encumbrance that he had to tolerate while my mother was alive.”

“Your mother loved him, though, despite his flaws,” Michelle said.

“She did.” Josh sighed and realized Michelle was right. His mother had been happily married to Richard. Josh’s father had abandoned the family when he was barely five and Teresa had struggled as a single mother, doing the best she could. She viewed Richard as an honorable man. And to her, he had been all that and more.

Unfortunately, Josh’s stepfather had never taken a liking to him. Josh tended to think that Richard had never tried. He’d married Teresa and found in her a wife and a mother for the son he loved. As it happened, Teresa had come with a bit of baggage in the form of a son, whom Richard did his best to ignore.

It hadn’t taken very long for Josh to figure out the lay of the land. Dylan was the apple of his father’s eye. It was always Dylan, and nothing Josh accomplished would ever measure up in Richard’s eyes. Josh had been a fatherless boy, longing for a male figure in his life, which only made it worse. While Dylan didn’t excel academically, he was a star in both football and basketball. Josh
helped him get a passing grade in geometry, earning his stepbrother’s respect. The two got along just fine.

Not so with Richard and Josh. They locked heads often, and although Josh was almost always on the losing end, it didn’t stop him from challenging his stepfather.

“He was good to my mother,” he said, deep in thought.

“I see this same scenario in my work again and again. Richard loved your mother, but wasn’t at all loving with you.”

In response Josh snickered. “You could say that.”

“Did he … did he ever abuse you?” she asked. Being a social worker, this was probably a subject she dealt with far too often. It’d been bad, but never as bad as that.

“Never with his fists.”

“Verbally?”

Rather than meet her stare, Josh looked away. “Every chance he got.”

“Didn’t your mother—”

“He was careful around her and she never heard the things he said.” Nor had Josh told her. His mother had been happy and Josh wasn’t about to destroy the little bit of contentment she’d found in her marriage to Richard Lambert.

Josh stood and opened the drawer in his nightstand. He’d placed his senior year high school yearbook there. He breathed a sigh of relief—it was still there. He set the book on his lap and ran his hand over the slim hardcover as if looking for damage.

“Did he destroy that, too?” Michelle asked.

Just from the feel of the annual, Josh knew something was wrong. Opening it, he quickly discovered that several pages had been ripped out. His graduation picture for one, and several others as well. Josh guessed that Richard hadn’t sat down and methodically flipped through the book until he found what he wanted, but had blindly ripped pages from the yearbook in a rush of anger and
grief. It was all a little nuts—the violence of the act—even all these years later. Josh found it disturbing to be so loathed by his stepfather, although it shouldn’t come as a shock.

“What are you going to do?” Michelle asked again with trepidation, as if she were afraid of his answer.

“Nothing.”

“That’s wise,” she assured him. “You’re a much more sophisticated, emotionally secure man than he is.”

Richard would like nothing better than to get an angry reaction from him. Michelle was right; he had to let this go. If he had responded reflexively with rage, it would have only compounded the problem. As difficult as it was, Josh refused to give his stepfather that much power over him.

Michelle leaped to her feet.

“Don’t worry,” he assured her. “I don’t intend to say a word to him.”

“Good.”

“You know that’s what Richard wants, don’t you?”

She nodded. “He’ll be looking for your reaction.”

“I’m not going to give him one.”

“He’s sorry, you know.”

“Richard? I doubt it.”

“Actually, I believe he is. He didn’t want you to go upstairs and this is why. He’s embarrassed by what he did, but he couldn’t make it up the stairs to hide the jacket or the yearbook.”

Josh wanted to believe his stepfather regretted the rampage that had destroyed his things, but he wasn’t sure that he could.

“He’s sorry,” Michelle repeated. “If you can find it in your heart to let it go, then do.”

She made it sound easy. He paced the room as though his anger was too hot to hold inside of him. “This is wrong on so many levels. How could Richard do something like this? What kind of grown man does this?”

He didn’t give Michelle the opportunity to respond. He felt himself getting fired up again. It was hard to rein in his anger and stay coolheaded.

“How can you say he regrets any of this?” he challenged.

She continued to sit on the edge of the mattress and stared up at him, perfectly calm while he vented his outrage. “Did you notice how the yearbook was neatly tucked back inside the drawer?”

“So what?” he snapped.

“He cleaned up the torn-out pages.”

“Big deal.” But still Josh felt the anger leave him. He appreciated Michelle all the more for talking him down. He resisted the urge to take her into his arms and simply hold her.

“At some point Richard returned to the room and cleaned up the mess.”

She was right. No one else would have been up here. Richard lived alone. Gradually his pulse returned to normal. Losing Dylan had been hellish for Richard. He could only guess what other damage his stepfather had done when he learned that he’d lost his only child. Whatever it was had been righted to the best of Richard’s ability. No doubt Josh’s dresser drawers had been emptied, too, and then everything had been returned to some semblance of order. That would explain why his socks were in the top drawer and not the second one where he’d always kept them.

Josh’s letterman’s jacket was hung up, too, which told him that at some point Richard had returned to the room and replaced it on the hanger.

“Richard probably didn’t expect me to find any of this until …” He didn’t complete the sentence. The older man assumed he’d be dead and buried before Josh discovered this damage.

Michelle couldn’t seem to stand still. “Let’s go someplace and talk this out,” she suggested.

“Where do you want to go?” His time in town was limited and he wanted to settle matters so he could leave. This was no vacation.

“I need to get away from here … just a few hours. I still think you can retrieve the things you want of your mother’s and say your good-byes, but we need to take it slow.”