A day came when I should have died
And after that nothing seemed very important.
So I stay as I am, without regret,
Separated from the normal human condition.
Guy Sajer
The Forgotten Soldier.
The prison guard entered the interview room and helped Deni to his feet. He shuffled past Marsha and the prosecutors down the hallway toward his cell. It’s a problem when you feel so isolated and then you come to realize how many people surrounded you with love. There was a certain shame a man can shrug off when he was overshadowed by his ideals, but no man can hide from love once he opened his eyes.
As the guard escorted Deni through the hallway, he wondered when exactly he was stricken with blindness
,
when did his heart stop beating?
Was it when I was a child in Grozny, was it the materialistic spectacle when I arrived in the US, was it witnessing police profiling and other’s bigotry, was it Hector’s murder, or was it simply a condition within myself?
The guard unlocked Deni’s cell, guided him inside and removed the cuffs. Without a word, the guard left. Deni fell to his knees and curled on the floor. The floor felt cold on his cheek, but he didn’t have the energy to stand up. He was emotionally and mentally crippled from the interrogation.
Deni drove through the dark, wooded roads in the hills and then onto the city streets of Reading, contemplating where to run.
Maybe Heather is right, maybe I should head to Canada or take off on some cruise ship. Just how far can I go on such little money?
I should have taken her up on her offer. It would have been awesome running with her
—
just the two of us alone in the world.
He pulled up outside Mikail’s house. With a lamp lit in the front bay window, it actually looked inviting.
If I’m going to be a fugitive, I might as well not be alone
.
Heather, as much as I desire you, you are not an option
, he thought. He climbed out of his car and headed inside.
Despite the light being lit in the front window, there was no one there. “Hello!” Deni called.
“We’re upstairs!” yelled Mikail.
Deni walked up the stairs where Mikail packed a bag, while Jamie cried, rocking Elena in her arms. Mikail glanced up at Deni. “Everything okay with you?” he asked.
Deni chuckled ironically. “As good as I can be.”
Mikail rolled a shirt and placed it in the bag. “I’m sorry about earlier. You were right. Everything went off as expected.”
Deni didn’t respond. There wasn’t much to say.
“Where are you going to go?” asked Jamie.
“I don’t know,” Mikail replied.
“Canada,” Deni suggested.
“Yeah,” said Mikail. “That might be our best bet. We can be there by morning if we drive all night.”
Red lights flashed through the window. Deni peaked outside. “Ah shit!” he muttered.
Mikail glared accusingly at Deni. “I wonder who would have tipped them off.”
“They’re at your house bro,” replied Deni quickly.
“Take Elena and hide in the bathroom,” Mikail commanded Jamie. She held Elena tightly to her chest and left the room. Mikail reached for a pistol under his mattress and tossed it to Deni. “You’re gonna need this!”
Deni handled the pistol loosely, while Mikail retrieved a shotgun from under the bed. “What should we do?”
“Act calm,” replied Mikail.
Mikail headed down the steps followed by Deni, where the police were pounding at the door. Mikail walked toward the door and opened it. He lowered the shotgun by his side, behind the door, and out of sight from the officer. “Can I help you?”
“Are you Mikail Anhton Daudov?” asked the police officer.
“Yes,” Mikail replied calmly.
“Do you want to step outside the house?” said the policeman.
Mikail surveyed the scene and saw several more police cars pull up. “No. I’d like to talk here.”
“Sir, I’m going to ask you again to step outside,” said the policeman.
Mikail slammed the door in the policeman’s face and then locked it. He started to move the couch toward the door. “Help me, will ya?” he called to Deni.
Deni placed the pistol in the waistband of his shorts and helped Mikail move the couch in front of the door. Suddenly bullets started spraying through the front window. Shattered glass flew everywhere and some pieces lodged in Deni’s shoulder and abdomen.
“Ouch, shit!” he yelled as he picked shards of glass from his shoulder.
Ducking under the window, Mikail raised his shotgun and started shooting, while Deni hid in the corner. Through the window, Deni saw a cop struck by one of Mikail’s bullets.
“Are you going to help me, or just stand there?” questioned Mikail.
“This is insane, Mik. Think of Elena upstairs. You want to have a shootout in the house where your child sleeps?” asked Deni. “You succeeded at your cause.” He paused and then continued. “You have earned your place in Paradise. Now think of your family.”
Mikail lowered his gun from the window and slumped against the wall.
“It’s over. There’s no escape from this,” said Deni calmly.
“You’re right,” replied Mikail. He stood behind the front door and gave Deni a big hug and kisses on the cheek. “I love you brother. I truly do.” He moved the couch away from the door. “I’ll handle this.”
Mikail opened the door to see the entire Reading Police Department. He stepped outside on his porch and just as he started to raise his hands to surrender, a shot rang out and struck him in the chest.
Seeing Mikail’s body fall backward through the front door threshold, Deni froze. It was a shocking thing to see the vacant look in his brother’s eyes. He knew his time was limited if he didn’t act.
He headed back up the stairs toward the bedroom that faced the back yard. He opened the window and tested his footing on a large branch of the old oak tree. When he got his footing, he grabbed hold of a higher branch to balance him.
From above, he saw swat team officers flooding the back yard and breaking into the back door. Suddenly a few shots rang and nailed Deni in the upper thigh. “Shit!” Deni muttered softly. The bullet stung like a son of a gun. Several bullets sprayed through the tree, striking his ear, upper arm and even his butt.
He made his way through the tree branches and jumped over the fence to an alleyway. He winced at the pain from his gunshot wounds, but he did not let his wounds stop him. He limped as fast as he could down the alleyway and then turned through the grass yard of a neighbor.
He glanced over his shoulder, but could not see anyone behind him. Up ahead, there was a gas station, where a female nurse was fueling an SUV. Deni snuck behind the SUV and the woman. He grabbed the back of her head and slammed it into the gas pump, rendering her unconscious. He returned the gas nozzle to the pump and jumped into the SUV.
At first, he fumbled with the ignition trying to figure out how to start the damned thing, but as soon as the engine turned, Deni sped down the street onto the highway. Deni wondered where he should go. Injured and bloody, he would never make it to Canada. He thought to contact Heather. Maybe she could meet him and at least help tend to his wounds.
His mind was spinning. He knew he had to get somewhere. Soon every cop in the world would be looking for this SUV. He did have one thought—a hiding place that no one would think to search for. He headed in the direction of Pine Forge.
The neighborhood around the old Thomas Mutter estate was quiet. He abandoned the SUV on the street and then hobbled to the estate. The homestead at night was eerie—the breeze between the trees sounded a ghostly howl and there seemed to be shadows moving about the land. He recalled that the estate frightened him as a child, now he was here once again escaping like a slave.
Deni came to the hole in the ground. The idea of going underground was disconcerting. He leaned over and put his hands around the stone outline of the hole and slowly lowered himself down. He looked up and in a flash he saw his ten-year-old self looking down at him when visiting the site years ago on a field trip.
The sight sent shivers down his spine. He ducked just under the opening. Slumped in the tunnel, it wasn’t quite as horrendous as he expected. Curled up underground, Deni closed his eyes tightly. The pain from his wounds was excruciating and as he crouched, he could not get comfortable.
What a fitting place to die
.
In the underground darkness, Deni’s mind couldn’t help but wander to his brother. No doubt the police had broken into Mikail’s house. Jamie and Elena were most likely in police custody and Jamie would be forced to answer a ton of questions she had no knowledge about. He felt sorry for her.
She is
s
uch a sweet, loving girl having to face such adversity
.
He wondered what Heather was doing, was she crying or putting on a brave face for everyone around?
Does it really matter anymore? It’s all been done! There is nothing left but to die.
Nightmares haunted his sleep and every time he awoke from one, he was shocked he was still alive. With every awakening, his body felt weaker and sicker.
One more nightmare and I will find myself in hell
, he thought.
Morning light shone through the Underground Railroad hole and with it came voices. The voices disturbed Deni’s sleep. When he woke up he was shocked to hear the voices of children. Despite the pain that radiated through his entire body, he had to chuckle.
Children on a field trip, wouldn’t it be a trip if I poked my head out? That would really scare those little buggers
.
As Deni fell in and out of consciousness, he couldn’t really tell if the voice he heard were real, ghosts of slaves, or the angel of death ready to take him to meet his maker.
“Deni Alexei Daudov?” a male voice called through what sounded like a tunnel.
“I’m ready. You can take me now,” Deni muttered incoherently.
“Deni Alexei Daudov!” the same male voice shouted.
Deni opened his eyes and realized it wasn’t an angel calling him to him; it was the police. That was something he was not ready for. With any might he had left, he tried to slither further into the tunnel. He didn’t realize that a rescue worker had jumped down the hole.
Suddenly, Deni felt someone grab his feet and start pulling him toward the opening. He gave himself up; he was too weak from loss of blood to fight. Two cops grabbed Deni roughly by the arms and tossed him to the grass. An ambulance crew arrived with a stretcher and placed Deni on top. Once placed on the stretcher, Deni passed out.
Deni opened his eyes and realized that he was still very much alive and feeling stronger every day, despite his solitary confinement, but it was far too late for what could have been. What could have been can never happen; any dreams Deni had are gone and with the death of dreams, goes life.
Morning arrived with the opening of his cell door. The guard found Deni still sprawled on the hard cement floor. The guard lifted Deni to his feet and shackled his wrists and ankles. Deni didn’t even bother asking who he was going to see, Marsha, Dr. Sodhi, or maybe his maker. It didn’t matter anymore. Everything has been said; it has all come out, and now it was time for a fair trial. He knew his chances were slim.
The guard sat him down in the same interview room he had grown accustomed to. Weary from an emotional day and night, Deni rested his head on the table. When the door opened he didn’t even look up to see who it was.
“Aren’t you even going to say hello?” she said.
Deni lifted his head, shocked to hear Heather’s voice. He couldn’t believe it; she was sitting right across from him. She looked very tired and strung out, yet she wore a very strong expression. He knew the police and the FBI were working her over well, but she was holding her own. “What are you doing here?”
She chuckled. “I think they want to put us together to see if I can draw any more information from you.”
“Are you okay? They didn’t hurt you or anything?” he asked.
“They don’t want me; they’re just using me to get to you. I know their game, and I’m not going to give them anything,” she replied.
Deni reached out his arms and took hold of her hands. “Why? Why are you doing this?”
She sat back in her chair. “I was taught when you believe in something, you never stop fighting for it. Some people fight for an ideology, some people fight for religion, some people even fight for money. Me, I fight for love; I fight for you. It’s what I believe in.”
“What if the cause isn’t worth the fight?” he said.
“That’s been your problem all along; you never thought you were worth it, but it wasn’t your decision. It wasn’t for you to decide the value I hold in my heart. I own my heart Deni, not you,” Heather said and then shrugged awkwardly. “I can’t stop thinking about it, witnessing all those victims, seeing all the blood. I feel for them and I cry for them. People, my father, friends ask me how I can possibly support you. How I can even love you after what you did. I say to them, if they have to ask me that question, they do not understand love. Love is not for the good deeds someone does. It’s not just for the victims, and it’s not just for the heroes among us. Love is not something one has to strive to deserve. Love is universal and it belongs to everyone. The biggest lie in the world is quantifying good and evil. Good and evil doesn’t exist; only love does. It is why this world is so fucked up, because people do not understand the concept of love.”