The Invisible Papers (8 page)
Let’s give the peanut gallery something to gawk about! One loves to laugh (laugh at you) and one loves to be mean (mean to you). If he or she could destroy you at the push of a button they just might do it, even though it would end you and end “us”, one just can’t resist the prospect of seeing you succumb to complete and utter destruction! If you have a better idea or simply a wonderfully charming reason why he or she shouldn’t kill you now, please share it with all of us.
They love winter. This winter seems like it will be brutal though, so cold it could hurt the sides of one’s face, from his or her ear down to their teeth. It burns and burns like his or her head is about to explode, it feels like a fire. It gets him or her angry and then it passes. Pain is directly linked to negative thought. Didn’t you know? It’s true. Pay attention next time, unless you get lost in it and only realize what’s happened after you’ve come out the other side. That’s fine too, just keep trying and one day you’ll see the dark world that pain brings you. You’ll be okay, promise!
Let’s, let’s, let’s, get the party started. Keep the lights on and the music loud. Use the same words over and over because we’ve got no creativity left. He or she is going to have to borrow some hope and wisdom from the dealer on the corner, he charges a lot of interest though. Nothing is free. One could always pay full price but they’ll have to sell a few things to dust up the capital.
How are you feeling lately? They’ve got an idea but you might not like it. How about we send you a list of our demands by mail? We promise to use the nicest stationery available!
They’re basically in pain again and again. Squeezing something from a stone is pretty much their entire daily existence. Maybe not, sometimes it’s not, one gets these swings you see. One doesn’t ride on swings yet he or she still manages to get taken for a ride. The rest of you sit back and watch. Sometimes they’ve got to hang on real tight because things can get hectic, chaotic, fuzzy.
One wishes they were a vampire. One wishes they were a wizard. It would be nice to be Harry Potter. One doesn’t know which vampire they’d like to be, any would be fine really. It’s got to be a mean one though and not a sappy sparkling one.
One loves photographs and everything about them. Taking them, filing them, editing them, organizing them, looking at them, sharing them. If one could just scan something then that too would get him or her excited. Sometimes anyway, it’s a little off-topic but close enough, it makes one feel like some kind of investigator! One loves the vibe of the whole thing. His or her biggest fear is that their batteries will burn out right in the middle of a shoot. Wouldn’t you agree that it’s quite the legitimate fear? He or she likes to live on the edge though. Let’s have a big smile!
For the umpteenth time he or she has deleted their profile from a dating site. A social network of sorts. Some of them lend themselves to quicker real world meetings but some are just black holes, you could get lost in them for months and have nothing to show for it. One wishes they’d all crash and burn. If there were a way to take down those annoying wastes of webspace they’d gladly be the ones to push the red button. “Let me at ‘em!”
Why does one have a headache every single night? Well not exactly every night but at the most curious and strange times and for unknown reasons! Let’s attach ourselves to fences and wait for the bulldozers to run us over, overheating with a pounding heart. Could one possibly break out of this body? There is a shell, a prison cell and maybe there’s a doorway one can step through to make a run for it. Are they too fat? Is their body imperfect? Are they awry or rebellious to society’s ideal standard? If only that really mattered, why don’t we pray to all the gods we know for death to come to those standards? Let’s. Again with that word, has one run out of words? Is an intelligent vocabulary no longer available to him or her? Limited, is one not digging deep enough? What about reaching too deep? Do you think that the flightiness of creativity and a muse on the loose is the only way to go? Probably. One seems to be partial to that method. Take a walk down the road and reach that point where the land meets the sea. Where the sun meets space and the moon meets the night sky.
They’re back! Take a picture of the two of us please. We’re all dressed up but admittedly a little bent. The good and the bad; dichotomies. Some words, oh those addictive words, they pop up and peek in through the cracks of your bedroom window. Even your bathroom window if that’s the only view into your home that’s not facing a brick wall!
Inspiration is hard to come by.
Is
inspiration hard to come by? Who can one send this question to in order to receive a truly correct response? Why don’t we really look at the heart of the matter? Placing a question containing any old type of wording into any old type of publication in order to give it clout will definitely fool a whole lot of people! From one thing to another, eager to put pen to paper but preoccupied with that paper’s aesthetics. It’s all about the vibe, the right effects will allow for a more effective springboard, one that really lends you the strongest struts and pillars of support to keep moving forward. Bring one back to the 1920’s please, only for an hour or two! It better be a speakeasy by the way, where one can drink some prohibited liquor and sing along to good ditties. It’s funny how “coloured people” provided the arts in many instances while whites would consume it all and pay less for it than they likely should have!
Thank you for understanding, we’ve got a deadline to reach here! One can’t waste anymore time with you, he or she has laid there time and time again being barraged by your incessancy. They’d literally pull the covers over their own head, drown their face into a pillow and wait it out. You are the biggest bully one has ever faced and the rub is that you’ve been there since birth! The worst one of all even though you’ve been there the longest but only now he or she can see you for what you really are! All they need to do is just look at you smack dead in the eye. Your rocks and twigs and dirt fly by, never touching them. Not a speck ever got onto his or her clothes yet one had, for so many years and so many instances, masochistically dodged into your wrath! If only one knew then what one knows now! He or she is standing still, watching you wither away and die, burning out. The flame without oxygen will disintegrate.
They don’t need you scientists out there to nitpick at every inaccurate assessment he or she makes! One likes to use words creatively and sometimes the round pegs don’t always fit into the square holes so they need to jam those buggers in. Stomp on them with his or her boot, hammer those stubborn nuisances into place just to get by in this crazy world. Sure if you pay close attention you’ll see all their flaws but they’d rather not be flawless if it means turning into a stuffed shirt like you. You’re so boring! So rigid! One can’t stand it! They don’t want it. Thank you for understanding but if you don’t then no one can help you. It’s none of his or her business! Cheers to all those who’ve fallen and hooray for better days. Let’s all celebrate the ones who’ve died trying because that’s where all their strength is derived. Here’s to the hermits and the outcasts and the losers. Keep breathing! Show them who’s staying alive!
One is going to run for this final stretch right here while listening to fantastic melodies buzzing around in his or her head. Humming them back and conducting an invisible orchestra, trying to keep that vibration going. As long as one can keep it they’ll fight for it. They’ll fight to the death for it! It’s magical and amazing how a single note or a single voice can strike that heartstring, in the right combination of course, and send you off to another planet on a one-way ticket with no thoughts or cares as to how you’ll return!
Let one stay there forever if this is what it feels like! They don’t even need to pack a bag, just give them freedom!
Chapter 15
It’s not that one has anything against vegans. It’s not that one has anything against a different race. It’s just that one doesn’t want to be told what to eat or how to live or who to love. One doesn’t want to get into this too much with you. It’s a personal subject however there are elements that shouldn’t or rather can’t really stay lumped in the “Personal” or “Private” categories for very long. At some point you’ll have to share your beliefs with somebody and it may well be with somebody who’s the object of those beliefs. At the very least this can be considered a great test, can you fathom this situation? Perhaps you’ve already experienced it?
It’s very important to be able to formulate a belief for yourself but taking it too seriously could be a detriment and any belief you’ll concoct must at one point or another be voiced or even defended. If this never comes to pass then what you have instead is a private thought and possibly even a prejudice that may eat away inside you. For better or worse, voice yourself, say what’s on your mind and stand up for what you believe in. Is this licence to step on somebody else? Crush somebody else? One could say yes and one could say no but it’s a much more valuable question when posed within.
It’s time we start supporting the seal hunt because there are just some things that need to be stood up for. Tradition may not win the hearts of many in this day and age but something can be said for a people’s way of life. Do you know how expensive it is to ship vegetables to the Arctic? By the time they get there they aren’t even that fresh anymore! How do you expect a Native people to survive the harsh winters eating vegetables and wearing cheap thin fabric made in China? No, we need to step back from the liberal left-wing agenda and let people be. One isn’t going to preach anymore about this but something had to be said. A message can travel to the most unexpected places and via the most surprising means. Vis-à-vis this piece of literature. Is it literature? Until someone says otherwise he or she will grab the flag and run all the way home with it!
They’re just going to start filling up space now, you’re at their whim and they don’t care if you suffer! It’s time to get sadistic and test your patience to the absolute limit! Do you believe them? It’s entirely possible that they’re lying through their teeth! The funny thing is you won’t know until you know. That means that the only way to find out if one is bluffing is to stick with it and keep reading. Bluffing, it’s an interesting phenomenon, or would you consider it a tactic? What about a tool? If someone were to push you to follow through on a promise or a threat, “calling your bluff” as it is dubbed by some, would it prove wildly successful or awfully disastrous? One’s philosophy is, “Do not posture unless you’re ready, willing and able to deliver.” This may prove harmonious for you in life.
One loves to revisit and soak up interesting reports and stories. Do you like how one jumps from one topic or subject to the next? Do you appreciate and admire one’s disdain for rules, regulations and accepted form? It’s quite possibly one of his or her favourite things to do, break the rules that is. Hilarious, of course. He or she is making this sound like the missives of an outlaw and one isn’t afraid to admit they happen to look up to outlaws now and then. Everyone should take a page from the book of psychopaths, psychophants and killers once in a while, they’re a veritable gold mine!
He or she is in a rush to keep writing because one can’t sit idly. They worry at the prospect of downtime. What will he or she do? How will they last through the night? Will he or she float away and out into space? Their hair is too short to be pulled out from anxiety and frustration! One loves how a window opens whenever a door closes. The feeling of accomplishment over the demonstration of will power when shedding any kind of vice is addictively satisfying. It’s amazing how the chains you break free from curiously give birth to a new and positive alternative. Life is incredible that way, wouldn’t you agree?
Does this please you? His or her bondage by your hand? One knows now that if they need to fill up time then their creative outlets are within reach and ready to serve. It hadn’t been an easy road to reach that point and he or she had never thought it would ever be possible to be able to tolerate the bottomless expanses in between action. Now he or she can burn, then rest and repeat again. It took a while.
One isn’t going to rush anymore, they’ve got no reason to at all. None in the world. There’ve been so many instances where anger, frustration and restlessness have not only crept up but boiled up from the inside. Eruptions outward into flailing manifestations have scared him or her time and time again. They’ve surrendered whenever possible and subsequently withstood countless moments of pain and discomfort. Each and every time one has come out the other side successfully but with it would also bring a new and deeper level to confront.
One sometimes wonders if it will ever end. Each barrage of torment when conquered brings renewed strength yet then something new rears its ugly head when he or she least expects it. They can’t help but wonder whether something is wrong, seriously wrong. Is it curable or utterly hopeless? Is one doomed to be at the feet of such horrors forever?
As long as he or she can bury themselves in whole or in part in their writing, photography and music (or any other artistic pursuits) it helps he or she feel more worthy of each breath taken. It makes them feel like they’re keeping busy or at least busy enough. There’s also that expression, “worth your salt” or something to that effect. Anyway it makes him or her feel good and helps one tolerate disappointment or uncertainty about the future or anything else. One is grateful for such a thing and they’d even go so far as to call it a gift. It is not destructive but recreative.
One guesses that’s the whole point or byproduct of art! He or she may feel lonely but no longer frustrated and maybe they’ve even surpassed some or most of that too. It was a habitual loneliness, they saw such extreme futility in certain acts and responses so he or she simply gave up any chance of success or even participation! However one still feels kind of lonely and maybe they’ll share that feeling with another lonely friend of theirs. It seems like the new positive habits they’ve been developing are laying the foundation necessary which would allow one to build new and hopefully lucrative activities and pursuits! Since establishing healthy, nonaddictive habits one can sense a space forming allowing for new endeavours to come to fruition! They are very excited about this.