Authors: Sara B. Elfgren & Mats Strandberg
‘The world might collapse around us tomorrow,’ he says. ‘Every day might be our last.’
She knows exactly what he means.
Suddenly, the moment has come when it might happen. Minoo feels sure that they both sense it.
And then it is gone again.
Gustaf puts his hand on hers and presses it lightly.
‘Let’s be in touch soon, right?’
‘Yes, let’s,’ she replies.
The hammock rocks when he gets up.
Her eyes follow him as he walks through the garden. Out in the street, he stops under a streetlight and raises his hand. She waves back and stays looking after him as he disappears into the darkness.
* * *
Anna-Karin sits on the bed in her room with Peppar on her lap. Minoo and Gustaf have stopped talking in the garden.
Anna-Karin hasn’t heard what they’ve said, but she doesn’t need to. She feels stupid that she hasn’t realised before what they feel for each other. Tonight, when she saw them together, it was impossible not to notice.
She feels awful for being envious.
If the world ends tomorrow, she will never have experienced what Gustaf and Minoo or Vanessa and Linnéa have. Though it’s also true that she can’t imagine finding someone, even if the world doesn’t end.
When she hears Minoo climb the stairs, she gets up. Peppar leaps onto the floor, meows and follows her, waving his tail, as she walks to Minoo’s room.
Minoo is sitting on her bed with her legs crossed, typing on her mobile.
‘Is Gustaf staying in town?’ Anna-Karin asks.
‘Yes, he is.’
Anna-Karin is relieved. She had been so happy that Rickard and Gustaf wanted to help them, even though they didn’t have to.
Minoo’s phone beeps as her text is sent.
‘I texted Vanessa to let her know,’ she says. ‘She can tell Linnéa.’
Minoo is still angry, Anna-Karin thinks, her stomach twisting.
‘I know I was hard on Gustaf and Rickard,’ Minoo says as she puts the mobile away. ‘But I was worried about them.’
‘I understood that,’ Anna-Karin tells her. She did, but she had also been scared by Minoo’s coldness. And how convincing she was. Minoo is so strong, but she doesn’t seem to realise it herself. She doesn’t understand the effect she has on people around her. Linnéa is just the same. Perhaps that’s why they clash such a lot.
‘How was school today?’ Minoo asks.
‘A lot of stuff happened – with the eclipse and all.’
Anna-Karin’s stomach twists again when she thinks of what it will be like every day from now on. She has to get used to being alone again.
‘I heard you telling your mum that you want to take a year out,’ she adds.
‘That’s right,’ Minoo says.
Anna-Karin wants them to have a talk about it. And to talk about Nicolaus and Linnéa and the new circle, and about the tension between Linnéa and Vanessa. This morning, they could have talked about any or all of these things. Can they really have grown so distant in just a day?
‘I’d better go to bed now,’ Minoo says.
‘Me too,’ Anna-Karin replies. ‘Good night.’
* * *
Linnéa sits on her haunches, leaning back against the warm, vibrating metal cover of the tumble-drier. She stares at the window in the washing machine. A few tops belonging to Vanessa are churning around in the foam. Round, round, round.
Rather like Linnéa feels inside.
Vanessa still hasn’t been in touch. And why should she be?
She had looked so desperately fucking hurt that Linnéa’s whole body twitches with guilt when she thinks about it. How could she do that to Vanessa? Just leave without another word? And especially just after they’d met Wille and Elin?
How could I say that I wanted to end what we had together? Linnéa thinks.
But she knows why. She is so terrified of losing Vanessa that it would be a perverse kind of relief if she did. Then she could stop fearing it.
Fuck’s sake
…
how can you stand yourself?
Linnéa has no answer. She has no idea how she will stand being herself all her life. It is a life sentence. And Vanessa deserves better than being a fellow prisoner.
Linnéa forces herself upright, grabs the heavy bag full of clean laundry and walks into the basement corridor outside the block’s communal laundry room. The timed light has gone out and she has to press the red switch several times before the light comes on again. The sudden sound of water rushing along the pipework in the ceiling makes her jump and she realises how tense she is. Her grip on the bag’s handles tightens as she starts walking, her eyes fixed on the grey-painted metal door at the end of the passage. With every step, the bag bounces against her leg. She has to keep reminding herself that the noises she hears are not made by someone following her.
She pushes the handle down with her elbow and shoves the door open. Outside is the brightly lit basement level in the stairwell. The lift is there, and she presses the button for the eighth floor. The lift shakes a little before it starts its slow upward journey.
Her thoughts turn to the events of the day.
The so-called eclipse. Nicolaus. The skull. And the row with Minoo.
It makes her angry again just thinking about it. Angry and frustrated. What disappointed her most of all was that Minoo wanted to take the objects straight to Walter. That she didn’t even want to consider giving the Chosen Ones a chance to find an alternative.
The empty landings come and go outside the lift’s window.
But, when all is said and done, perhaps it’s all her own fault? After all, she is the common denominator in today’s rows.
The lift stops with a jerk and Linnéa steps out onto the landing and is just about to unlock the door to her flat. But stops. Goes stiff. Suddenly, she is terrified that Erik and Robin are inside, waiting for her. With baseball bats. She can almost hear Erik in her head.
You fucking cunt
.
Linnéa has to force herself to turn the key in the lock and open the door. She dumps the laundry bag in the hall and walks about the flat. Even checks the wardrobe. No one. Of course.
She locks the door, opens a sitting-room window and lights a cigarette. Tries not to think about having to go back down to the laundry room.
She drags on her cigarette and feels anxiety rushing through her body, wondering if she will ever stop longing to smoke joints or get pissed at moments like this. She hates the way her cravings always surface, like reflex responses. It would be such a relief to not have to think, just for a while. To silence her mind, stop the thoughts that keep chasing each other, like a dog chasing its own tail. Round and round and round.
Linnéa leaves the window open and carries the ashtray back to the sofa. She sits down and opens the laptop Viktor gave her and puts on a playlist. She hears guitars. Then Hizumi of d’Espairs Ray starts to sing. She has to skip the song immediately. The memory of when she and Elias tried to learn the text by heart is still too strong. It is his birthday tomorrow. He would have been eighteen. Something else she must not think about.
She checks on her profiles, opens her messages. Nothing from Vanessa. And Vanessa is nowhere online.
Linnéa’s fingers hover above the keyboard.
She knows she shouldn’t. Feeling bad, then doing something that makes her feel even worse is dangerous.
It is self-destructive, she thinks as she opens up the web page.
INNOCENT
!
The photo shows Erik Forslund seated on a bench in the open-air museum. His eyes, which look straight into the camera lens, are calm and frank. This is a guy you can trust.
FREE ERIK FORSLUND
!
A total of 627 people have liked this group.
Julia started the group when Erik was arrested and it has grown steadily. Her version of the story seems to have struck a chord. According to her Erik, Robin and Kevin were in the Positive Engelsfors Centre all night. Just like Helena Malmgren said when she provided their alibi. But, since then, Robin and Kevin have come up with their sick story, probably constructed together with Linnéa, and their aim is to harm Erik.
For a lot of people it seems easier to believe this tale than that a really nice guy like Erik would ever do anything so awful.
A middle-aged lady who lives in Riddarhyttan has written the latest message on the wall only a couple of hours ago.
ERIK, WE TRUST YOU! NEVER STOP THE GOOD FIGHT. HUGS FOR STRENGTH
!
The comment just before comes from a team member in Erik and Robin’s hockey team.
BLOODY AWFUL, THIS WHOLE STORY. L IS A MENTAL CASE OBVS BUT WHERE THE FUCK ARE R AND K COMING FROM
?!
Julia writes:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT
! <3
Linnéa clicks on the album.
That photo is back again. Julia has taken it from Evelina’s blog. They’ve complained more than once, but it still keeps turning up.
Linnéa, Vanessa and Michelle together on Olsson’s Hill after the end-of-term assembly. Linnéa is well aware of what onlookers will make of her. They will see the cold smile on the heavily made-up face of a girl with jet-black hair and a pentagram pendant on a chain around her neck. There couldn’t be a bigger contrast to the wholesome-looking Erik.
The caption nails the message to the wall.
HERE THEY ARE CELEBRATING THE ARREST OF AN INNOCENT PERSON
Hanna A’s comment –
WISH THERE WAS A
DISLIKE
BUTTON
– has had lots of thumbs-ups.
Linnéa clicks along. New photos of Erik, and of him and Julia. And there is a picture of Erik’s solicitor. He is a well-known Stockholm lawyer who has won several high-profile cases.
Linnéa forces herself to leave the site.
Her heart is beating very fast.
Patricia hasn’t put it into so many words but she clearly thinks that Erik will be convicted. Linnéa’s solicitor, a man called Ludvig, is also optimistic. He has told her that the prosecutor, Hans-Peter Ramström, is a real ‘pit bull’ and pointed out that both the judge and the senior magistrate don’t come from Engelsfors. In other words, they will have no idea about who Erik Forslund is, or what is supposed to be special about the Forslund family. All they will see is an arrogant young man clinging to an unsubstantiated alibi.
But, despite their encouragement, Linnéa can’t bring herself to believe that she will win. And now she can’t even comfort herself by thinking that, if things go badly for her, Anna-Karin will control the minds of the magistrates.
Panic stings and itches everywhere. It would be so good not to feel it. Just for a brief while.
There’s a ping and at first she doesn’t understand why. Then she notices that Vanessa has logged on. Linnéa shuts her laptop.
She gets up, piles the freshly washed clothes on the sofa and takes the lift back to the laundry room, with panic eating into her mind.
The birdlike twittering of Anna-Karin’s mobile wakes her up. She turns off the alarm and forces herself out of bed. If she doesn’t get up straight away, she will just go back to sleep. She has slept badly, slipping in and out of the fox’s consciousness. He is very close now to what he has been looking for in the forest.
He wants Anna-Karin to come.
At some point in the small hours of the morning, she made up her mind. She will play truant and go into the forest to join her fox.
The door to Minoo’s bedroom is open and her bed is made. When Anna-Karin comes down into the kitchen, Farnaz is there alone. She sits at the kitchen table, leafing through a medical journal. The smell of freshly made coffee fills the air.
‘Where is Minoo?’ Anna-Karin asks.
‘She texted me to say she’s off on a long walk,’ Farnaz replies. ‘She left before I woke up.’
Anna-Karin nods and wonders how Minoo feels after everything that happened yesterday. What must it be like having to face whatever awaits her in the manor house?
She makes herself a mug of tea, then a bowl of cereal, and sits down. Farnaz being there makes her nervous. She tries to eat as discreetly as possible. Even so, she seems to produce lots of revolting slurps and gurgles.
‘Anna-Karin,’ Farnaz looks up from her magazine. ‘Please say if you’d rather not talk about all this but … I understand that it’s a tricky situation for you, especially since you live here with us. You are Minoo’s friend and I am her mother. I don’t want you to feel pressurised.’
Anna-Karin already feels pressurised. But she nods in vague agreement.
‘This idea of Minoo’s – about taking a sabbatical year – came on so suddenly. Do you know if she has been thinking on those lines for a long time?’
‘Quite a while, I think,’ Anna-Karin tells her.
‘Why hasn’t she said anything?’
‘Perhaps she was worried about how you guys would react.’
Farnaz looks even more deeply concerned, and Anna-Karin realises that she has just made matters worse.
‘But you mustn’t worry,’ she says quickly. ‘Taking a year out could make all the difference for her. Give her time to process stuff. So much has happened over the last couple of years.’
Farnaz looks thoughtful.
‘I can’t help feeling that I’m to blame,’ she sighs. ‘If I had come home more often, I would surely have picked up the warning signs and made her talk about this much sooner. Minoo always behaves in such a grown-up way – one tends to be fooled by it. Even as her mother, I am … Please forgive me, I really shouldn’t talk to you about these things. But the news came as quite a shock …’
Her mobile rings and she replies in Farsi.
Anna-Karin gets up quickly and rinses her plate under the tap. She suddenly feels so utterly lonely She longs intensely for someone to talk to, someone who listens. And then she realises that there is someone she can turn to.
Anna-Karin takes the key from her pocket and is about to insert it in the lock when she stops herself and rings the doorbell instead. She listens intently and hears footsteps on the other side of the door. The safety chain is unhooked. She feels enormously relieved. Only now does she realise just how much she had dreaded that he might disappear again.
Nicolaus opens the door wide and smiles at her. It still feels odd to see him look so neat and tidy. His new style suits him, but Anna-Karin misses the old Nicolaus a little.