The Language of Sisters (26 page)

I ducked my head as I followed Garret into the kitchen. “Nice sign,” he commented, glancing over to the table.

I touched his back, and his muscles froze, repelling my fingers. I pulled them away as though they’d been bitten. “Garret, please,” I started.

He snapped his head around to look at me, reaching out to grip the handle on the refrigerator door. “There’s nothing to explain. I understand completely.”

I reached out to him again, barely brushing the warmth of his arm. “No, you don’t. I didn’t know he was coming. I tried to call and let you know—”

“I’m sure you tried your best.” Sarcasm clung to his words. He grabbed a beer and popped off the cap, taking a long pull on the bottle, then stepped back from me, out of my reach.

I tried again. “Please don’t do this.”

He looked at me, his usually warm eyes suddenly unrecognizable
with cold and indifference. “
I
haven’t done anything.” His tone stung like a whip. He pushed past and left me in the kitchen, alone. I looked at my distorted reflection in the chrome oven door and frowned. “Happy birthday,” I said ironically. “May all your wishes come true.”

•  •  •

The rest of the evening passed mostly without event. Shane made polite conversation with Orion, in whom he had found a fellow golf enthusiast. Star and my mother reminisced about the birthday parties they’d thrown for Nova and me over the years, and Garret talked with Ryan, focusing on playing with Lucy and the other children while pretty much ignoring Shane’s existence, as well as mine. Jenny watched everyone happily from her vantage point on the couch, her eyes sparkling with content. It wasn’t until Nova brought the presents down to the family room that things became tangibly uncomfortable again. Shane stepped up to me and kissed me soundly in front of everyone, then smiled. “My presence is my present, babe. Happy birthday.”

I laughed hesitantly, as everyone else glanced at each other, unimpressed by this pronouncement. I quickly opened my other gifts: a professional cookware set from Nova and Ryan; a set of silver-and-amethyst bangle bracelets made by Star; several pieces of artwork from the children; and a beautiful emerald green cut-velvet scarf from Mom and Jenny. I had mentioned the scarf to my mother the week before when I’d admired it in a local dress shop; I was touched she’d remembered. I thanked everyone profusely. Then Lucy piped up, jumping from her father’s lap, where she had been resting. “What about
our
present, Nicole? Don’t forget ours!” She tilted her elfin face at her father. “Where is it, Daddy?”

Moving with slow deliberation, Garret reached into his shorts pocket and retrieved a black box that was topped with a small red bow. He handed it to Lucy without even glancing at me. I swallowed hard, watching Shane’s face for his reaction. Anticipation hung heavy in the air, everyone watching me. Oblivious to the tension in the room, Lucy skipped over to me and held out the box. “Here! Open it!”

“How about you do it for me?” I offered, my heart pounding a nervous mix of excitement and trepidation. I had no idea what he might have gotten me.

“Okay,” she agreed, pulling the lid off the gift. “I’ll do the first part.” Inside lay a black velvet jewelry box that Lucy pulled out with her tiny fingers and handed to me. “Now you.”

I rested my fingers on the soft fabric of the box, eyes to my lap. What if it was a
ring
? I shook my head briefly. That was a ridiculous thought. Garret wouldn’t do something like that after our conversation the night before. He knew I was still technically involved with Shane. Then why was he so angry with me for having Shane here? I’d told him I had some things to work out before we could—

“Open it!” Lucy cried out. She jumped up and down with her hands clasped in front of her chest, her dark brown cap of hair swishing around her freckled face. “Open it, open it, open it!”

“Lucy Mae,” Garret said softly, reaching over to touch his daughter’s small arm. “Settle down, please.” The tenderness in his voice made my muscles quiver in remembrance of the night before; he had used the same tone with me.

I took a breath and opened the gift. Inside was a delicate silver strand upon which hung two tiny, jewel-studded rings, small enough to look like they might fit around Lucy’s littlest finger. I pulled it out, admiring the necklace. “This is lovely,
Lucy,” I said, deliberately thanking the child and not Garret. “Thank you.”

“One ring has your birthstone and the other has Jenny’s,” Lucy said importantly. “You can add the ba——”

“Birthstones of anyone else you like,” Garret interrupted her. He looked at his daughter, and she quieted, seeming to understand the warning in his words.

It was an incredibly thoughtful gift; I was terribly moved by the meaning behind it. The birthstones of the baby, Jenny, and me, forever linked, to wear around my neck. I longed to thank him, to kiss him the way he’d kissed me the night before. I longed to make this moment happen all over again without Shane in it.

“Nice,” Shane said, reaching over to finger the necklace. He looked at Garret with a hint of challenge in his blue eyes. “Expensive.”

Garret appeared unruffled. “Well, we cooks are paid pretty well these days,” he said. Shane responded with a cool look. Garret stood, taking Lucy’s hand. “It’s late, honey. Time to go.”

“But I don’t want to,” Lucy whined.

Nova stepped up and handed Layla over to Ryan. She prodded her other children toward the stairs. “It’s bedtime here, too, Lucy,” she offered in support of Garret. “We’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“I’m beat, too,” Shane said, his eyes still smoldering at Garret. He took my hand. “Take me back to my hotel, babe?” His voice dripped with suggestion. Something inside me dropped another level. I felt as though I were sinking.

Garret shook hands with Orion and Ryan, then hugged Star and Nova, purposely ignoring Shane. He looked at me, a tinge of sadness shadowing the hurt in his eyes. “Good-bye, Nicole.” It sounded as though he was saying it for good.

“Bye,” I whispered as I raised my chin, drawing on every ounce of self-control to keep from crying. His voice told me he had made his choice. He wasn’t going to listen. No matter what I said, no matter how hard I tried to explain. Rejection oozed from his pores, and in that one moment, I realized we were over before we’d had a real chance to begin.

•  •  •

After dropping off Mom and Jenny at home, I went back with Shane to his hotel. In an oddly familiar motion, I pushed down my negative thoughts about him, ignoring all the reservations I’d been feeling about our relationship. It was surprisingly easy to fall back into the comfort of denial, and it didn’t take long for our bodies to be pressed together in the dark, reacquainting themselves. I felt less like his lover and more like a detective, searching his skin with mine for evidence of why we should stay together.

Afterward, I lay awake, covers pulled up to my chin, ashamed. I listened to the immediate postsex breathing of the man I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with, aching for the man I had only just met. I tried to push away these feelings for Garret but found them immovable, rooted somewhere deep within me. I didn’t know how I’d ever let them go. Eventually, I drifted into a troubled sleep.

The next morning Shane woke me with a kiss. “It’s my day with Jenny,” I said, pulling my wrinkled skirt and blouse from the plush carpet and shaking them out before dressing. “I’ve got to get home.”

He stretched out, twisting the covers between his long legs, yawning. “And I’ve got to get to work on an opening statement.”

“You’re going to
work
?” I asked, surprised. I flipped my hair
up into a messy twist, fastening it with a silver clip I had in my purse.

“I’m not exactly on vacation here, Nic. I’ve got a pretty important case starting Wednesday morning.”

I couldn’t believe that after traveling all this way to see me he was going to spend the day in his hotel, working.

“Think I could work at your house?” he continued.

I considered this. “I don’t think you’d be able to concentrate very well. Jenny can be pretty noisy.” Actually, I knew he’d be able to work just fine around Jenny. And I’d lied—it wasn’t my day with her; Mom usually took Sundays. I just didn’t want to be around him. I wanted to go to Nova’s and find out if she’d talked with Garret after he left. “How about you come over after you’ve made some progress?” I suggested, stepping to the door. “For lunch, maybe?”

“Maybe we should go to your friend Garret’s place. I’m sure he’d be happy to see you.”

I paused, gripping the doorknob. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He slid folded hands behind his tousled blond head, elbows pointing to the ceiling. “I think you know.”

My face flushed as I attempted to twist my expression into one of indignation and not guilt. “No, I don’t.” I didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Come on, Nic. It seemed pretty obvious to me the guy is into you. He was all bristly and territorial, like he had something to protect. And that necklace he got you.” He whistled. “Pretty impressive.” He smiled at me. “I liked the way you thanked his kid so he wouldn’t get his hopes up. You big heartbreaker.” Obviously, my behavior had convinced him the attraction was one-sided.

I half laughed, half coughed in relief. “Oh, yeah, that’s it.
Men falling all over themselves just for the chance at me.” I shook my head. “Please.”

After Shane agreed to be at the house around one, I grabbed a cab outside the hotel and gave the driver Nova’s address. I knew it was early, but her brood typically got her up with the birds, so I didn’t feel bad about not calling first.

She was in the kitchen with Ryan when I arrived, both of them still in their robes, sipping coffee and chewing on toast. The birthday banner still hung above the table; platters of half-finished appetizers were stacked by the dish-filled sink. The television blared noisily from the basement, where I assumed the kids sat eating their morning cereal. Nova didn’t look surprised to see me.

“So,” she opened, knowingly.

I dropped into a chair, and Ryan busied himself pouring me a mug of coffee. “So,” I sighed, shaking my head. “Garret was not happy.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Nova shoved the plate of toast in front of me. “Here, eat. You want some eggs?”

I nibbled on the edge of the already-buttered raisin bread. “No.” I looked at her. “Did you talk to him?”

“Uh-huh. I called him after you left.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me he felt like you’ve been leading him on. That you rubbed Shane in his face.”

“I didn’t!” I exclaimed, knocking the table with my insistence, splashing the hot coffee from my mug.

“Think I’ll go watch cartoons with the kids,” Ryan said, wisely sensing this conversation would exclude him. “Want me to check on Layla?”

Nova smiled. “Please, hon. She’s probably going to need to eat soon.”

Ryan gave me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. “Hang in
there, Nic. If either of these guys needs their ass kicked, you just let me know.”

I gave him a grim smile. “Thanks.”

Nova turned her attention back to me after he left the room. “
I
know you didn’t rub Shane in Garret’s face. I’m just telling you what he
said
.”

“Didn’t you tell him what happened? That Shane just showed up?”

Nova shrugged her round shoulders as she set her elbows on the table, sipping her coffee. “I tried.”

“Maybe you should have tried harder,” I remarked, not without a shade of meanness.

“Hey, now,” Nova warned as she set her cup down. Her blue eyes flashed. “Don’t get all bitchy with me because things didn’t go your way. The last time Garret really trusted a woman he got majorly screwed over. I’m sure your bringing Shane here last night just pushed all those old buttons. And I told you he’s stubborn when he thinks he’s right about something, and he thinks he’s right about this.”

“That I was rubbing Shane in his face?” I sighed.

She bobbed her blond head. “Exactly.”

“I guess he doesn’t know me very well, then.”

“Well, how could he? You two have barely spent any time together. I’m only playing the devil’s advocate here, but for all he knows, you’re just like Jackie, pretending to be something you’re not just to get what you want from him.” She looked at me over the edge of her mug. “Can you blame him for not wanting to go through that again?”

“No, but I’m not Jackie. And if he’s too damn stubborn to see that, then tough shit for him.”

“Tough shit for you, too, maybe?” She paused, sipped her drink. “You of all people should know it’s easy to mistake how
things appear for the truth. Think about how long you believed your dad sexually abused Jenny.”

Though I hated to admit it, she was right. Of course, I didn’t tell
her
that. I could be a little stubborn myself.

“Anyway,” she continued, her expression assuring me that she knew her point was clear, “how did Shane take the news about your adopting the baby?”

I looked down to the table, fiddled with the place mat. “It didn’t exactly come up.”

“You’re kidding me. You didn’t
tell
him?”

“Nope. Your best friend’s a big old wimp.” I lifted my eyes to hers. “I slept with him, though.”

“Really?” Her tone was edged in surprise and what I thought might be a hint of disgust. I couldn’t blame her; I felt a little disgusted with myself.

“Yes.” I sighed dejectedly.

“And how was that?”

“Weird. Like being with a stranger.”

“Why’d you do it, then?”

“I don’t know. Habit? Because sleeping with your boyfriend when he travels hundreds of miles to see you is what you’re supposed to do?”

“Um-hmm,” she murmured, her mouth against the lip of her mug, her eyes like cattle prods, urging me to continue.

“I don’t know,” I said again, another sigh cushioning the words. “Mostly I think I just wanted to see what was left—if there
was
anything left, you know? Maybe it felt weird because we’ve been away from each other for so long. Maybe this whole thing with Garret was just to show me that Shane is who I’m supposed to be with.” Even I didn’t believe the words as they left me.