Read The Language of Sisters Online
Authors: Amy Hatvany
The Language of Sisters (43 page)
Still on the front porch, David wrapped his arms around Eden and buried his nose in his daughter’s silky black, apple-scented hair. Would Lydia smell Angel, even beneath the earthy funk of the weed smoke he was drenched in? He needed to clean up before they talked. The last time he took off she’d seen the telling purple bruise on his neck when he returned. She knew right away what he’d done. Even though the doctors told her his impulsiveness might spill over into sexual behaviors, she hadn’t believed them. David hadn’t believed them either. Not until he was naked in a bathroom with Cerina, the manager of Wild Orchid, a gallery that had bought a few of his paintings. He threw up after the first time it happened. And yet later, he went back for more.
“I’m sorry, bug,” he said to his daughter. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Eden rubbed her father’s back and squeezed him tighter before sliding back down to the floor and looking up to his face with her almost violently blue eyes. “It’s okay,” she said. “We can always go another day.” She smiled bravely, a thin, false happy mask resting over the disappointment David sensed beneath it. His brave, loving girl. He wasn’t sure how he could have helped create something as perfect as she seemed to him. None of his paintings even came close to expressing her kind of beauty. It wasn’t something he could capture on a canvas. It was something he lived and breathed.
“I’m going to shower,” he said. He blinked a few times upon fully entering the house. Rick never had more than a tableside lamp on in his house. Lydia loved her brightly lit chandelier. David felt as though he were a mole emerging from the damp, dark earth. A stranger in a strange land. He didn’t belong here. He didn’t belong anywhere.
He took the stairs slowly, one at a time, feeling Eden’s eyes on him the entire way to the second floor. The door to their bedroom was open. Lydia was sure to be inside, lying on their bed, a cold cloth over her swollen eyes. She cried when he left, though she tried to hide it from him when he returned. Lydia was so strong. Too strong, maybe, for the likes of him.
When he entered the room, he was surprised to see his wife sitting calmly on the edge of the bed. She eyed him. “Glad to see you’re alive. Your daughter was worried.”
He dropped his chin to his chest and looked up at her from beneath his eyebrows with a questioning look. “And you? Were you worried?”
“I don’t know,” she said flatly. “I don’t know what I am anymore.”
“That makes two of us,” David said. He ran a nervous hand through his hair. It felt greasy. He didn’t want Lydia to know about Angel. He didn’t want to hurt her any more than he knew he already had. “I’m going to shower, okay? And then we can talk.”
“I’d like to talk now.” Lydia shot him a cold stare with the same transparent blue eyes that had drawn him to her eleven years before. She had the kind of radiant beauty men felt compelled to write songs about and a soft, inviting nature that called out to his broken soul. The first time he saw her, he wanted her to be his safe harbor. His home.
“Can I have five minutes, please? Just five minutes? I smell like shit.”
“You smell like pot. Do you think Eden doesn’t know what it is? With how often you’ve come home reeking of it?” She twisted a strand of her long blond hair around her index finger, then let it unwind.
“Jesus, Lydia,” David said as he took the three steps to their bathroom. “I already feel bad.”
“Not bad enough, apparently. What was her name this time?” Her words dripped with disdain.
David slammed the bathroom door behind him. He looked in the mirror and saw an old man. He was twenty-nine years old and his face was haggard and lined. His dark hair was a wild, matted mess around his head. After four days without sleep, he looked like a corpse.
“David?” Lydia stood outside the bathroom door. Her voice was muffled.
“What.” David stated it rather than asked.
“It’s getting worse.”
“What’s getting worse?” he asked her, knowing full well what she meant. He wanted her to say it aloud. Wanted her to tell him to leave. If she did, maybe he’d have the courage to do it.
“The … cycles,” she said. “How quickly you move up through the highs and slip back down. The doctors said this might happen. They said if you didn’t stay on your meds—”
“I know what they fucking said!” David snapped. “Don’t you think I know? I’m the one they talk to.”
She sighed. “They talk to me, too. When you’re strapped down to a bed having sedatives shot into your arm, they’re talking to
me
. They told me it’s possible this could keep getting worse and worse if you don’t control it.” Her voice elevated and then caught in her throat. “I don’t want Eden to see this. I don’t think she’ll survive.”
David turned around and pressed his forehead against the door, holding on to the handle. He wanted to let her in. He wanted to have her take him in her arms and hold him the way she used to hold him. back when they first met. back when his mind was still his own. “What won’t she survive?” he said. His voice was very small.
“You, David. I don’t think she’ll survive you.”
Advance Praise for
Outside the Lines
“Like a gorgeous dark jewel, Hatvany’s exquisitely rendered novel explores the tragedy of a mind gone awry, a tangled bond of father and daughter, and the way hope and love sustain us. This novel does what the best fiction does: it makes us see and experience the world differently.”
—Caroline Leavitt,
New York Times
bestselling author of
Pictures of You
“This extraordinary novel about a woman’s search for her lost father—and herself—touched me deeply. With her trademark insight and compassion for her characters, Amy Hatvany has written a beautiful and moving book. Were there Oscars for novels,
Outside the Lines
would sweep the categories.”
—Melissa Senate, author of
The Love Goddess’ Cooking School
“
Outside the Lines
offers a fascinating look at the interior of a mental illness—the exuberance and self-loathing, creativity and destruction that then reverberate against the lives of family and loved-ones. Hatvany’s storyline is compelling, weaving back and forth between father and daughter, patiently explaining as it asks all the important questions.”
—Juliette Fay, author of
Shelter Me
“
Outside the Lines
is a tender and lovely novel that explores the boundaries of love and how we break those boundaries in its name. It’s sad and funny, heartbreaking and heartwarming. You’ll want to read this book slowly. When you’re finished, you’ll want to read it again.”
—Rebecca Rasmussen, author of
The Bird Sisters
Praise for
Best Kept Secret
“Amy Hatvany grabs you from page one and doesn’t let you go. I was transfixed by Cadence and her heart-wrenching dilemma. The writing is visceral, the problems are real, and there are no clear solutions. You won’t want to put it down.”
—
Emily Giffin,
New York Times
bestselling author of
Something Borrowed
and
Heart of the Matter
“
Best Kept Secret
is touching, hopeful, and so real. Amy Hatvany writes with depth and compassion about a secret many have kept as she offers the miracle chance of starting over … I loved these characters and this novel.”
—Luanne Rice,
New York Times
bestselling author of
The Silver Boat
“Rarely do I find a book that stays with me long after I’ve finished it, but this is definitely one. The honest portrayal of the fallible but oh-so-human Cadence hit me straight in the gut. The writing is warm, witty, thoughtful and heartbreaking, and that ending—I’m still thinking about it.”>
—
Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author of
Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay
“Haunting, hopeful, and beautifully written,
Best Kept Secret
takes a brave and honest look at the slippery slope of addiction and the strength it takes to recover. I couldn’t put this book down, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
—Allie Larkin, bestselling author of
Stay
“This gripping novel probes the darker sides of motherhood and family secrets, and proves that redemption is never out of our reach. A captivatingly honest book that you won’t soon forget.”
—Lisa Tucker, bestselling author of
Once Upon a Day
“
Best Kept Secret
is one of the most compelling books I’ve read in years. This could be any woman’s secret—be it your sister, your best friend, or the mother you see on the playground. Amy Hatvany’s heartfelt, heartbreaking, and ultimately uplifting novel will start an important dialogue about the secrets we keep … and it could even save lives.”
—Sarah Pekkanen, author of
The Opposite of Me
and
Skipping a Beat
“Amy Hatvany’s powerful language, delicious imagery, and tender treatment of motherhood is a love letter to women everywhere, who try and sometimes fail, but who always get back up again. She is a gifted writer, whose compassion and clear-headed view of addiction and recovery are inspirational and empowering.”
—Rachael Brownwell, author of
Mommy Doesn’t Drink Here Anymore
“On the surface,
Best Kept Secret
might simply seem like another story of addiction. And, indeed, it is a raw examination of a woman in crisis, an honest and aching portrait of an addict who almost loses everything when her life spirals out of control. However, what makes this novel entirely original is its fearless exploration of the place where addiction and motherhood intersect. What made me love Cadence was not her struggle with alcohol, but her fierce love for her child. This novel is a testament to the power of a mother’s love. Hatvany goes places in this novel that other, less courageous, writers might fear to tread. And I suspect this story will resonate with more women, more mothers, than this author might ever know.”
—T. Greenwood, author of
The Hungry Season
and
This Glittering World
“Cadence could be you, your neighbor, your friend. At her core, she is the mother we all try to be. Hatvany’s novel is a gripping story of pain, love and renewal, one that leaves you cheering for the imperfect heroine who in some ways represents us all.”
—Kaira Rouda, author of
Real You Incorporated
and a novel
Here, Home, Hope
©SHERRIE STOCKLAND
Amy Hatvany
is the author of four novels, including
Outside the Lines
and
Best Kept Secret
. She lives in Seattle with her family.
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Since becoming part of Simon & Schuster in 1959, Washington Square Press’s mission has been to bring the best in contemporary and classic literature to the widest readership possible. Upon Atria’s founding in 2002, WSP became the trade paperback home of some of America’s most talented contemporary storytellers, including Jodi Picoult, Jennifer Weiner, and Kate Morton, joining such WSP backlist luminaries as Pearl Buck, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Harrison, Walter Mosley, and Wally Lamb.
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