The Last Adventure of Constance Verity (35 page)

“Sounds ambitious to me.”

“I'm Constance Danger Verity. I do the impossible.”

“But you've lost the caretaker,” said Thelma.

“I'm still carrying some of it,” said Connie.

“Just some?”

“Enough. It's not the size of your enchantment; it's what you do with it.”

“Is that the lesson we've learned today?” asked Hiro from behind Tia.

She jumped. “Damn it, you asshole.”

He flashed his grin. That grin could get him out of a lot of trouble.

“You escaped?” she asked.

“Was there ever any doubt?”

“And you didn't come back for us?” Tia punched him in the shoulder. Not hard. He stumbled back, slipped on the sand, and fell on his back with a grunt.

She knelt beside him. “Oh, jeez. I'm sorry.”

“Think nothing of it,” he replied. “I'm only bleeding to death here.”

Connie checked him. “You'll be fine. That wound on your side is probably going to leave a scar, though.”

Hiro caressed Tia's check. “A memento to remember you by.”

Tia groaned before leaning in for a kiss.

Connie cleared her throat.

“What? He did get stabbed for me,” said Tia.

Connie shrugged. “It's your call.”

She turned her back while they made out. She assessed which direction would lead them to civilization.

She wasn't worried. This wasn't the glorious death that was her fate, but if she managed to die out here, then she'd beaten that fate. She'd chalk that up as a win.

T
hey didn't die in that desert.

Three weeks later, the universe hadn't self-destructed.

Connie knocked on the hospital door as she entered.

Lucas Harrison lay in his bed. “Ah, Jesus, Verity. You could've told me you were coming.” He tried sitting up.

She held up a teddy bear she'd picked up in the hospital gift shop. The bear had a bright red heart stitched on its tummy. “Saw this and thought of you.”

He grunted. “Funny. Y'know, I only got shot because you weren't fast enough.”

“And you're only alive because I was,” she replied.

Harrison smiled. “Heard you're still in the adventure game.”

“Didn't think you were on the Constance Verity beat anymore, Lucas.”

“I'm not, but I still have a few connections here and there, keep my ear to the ground.”

“Thinking about getting back in the game?” she asked. “I prefer you to that suit they replaced you with.”

“Ellington? She'll grow on you. After all this, I think I'm ready for a nice vacation. But what about you, Verity? You're still not normal.”

“I'm more normal than I was,” she said.

“Is it enough?”

She shrugged. “I thought I wanted to be a regular person, but I just wanted a little time to breathe now and then. Every day was too damned tiring. Now, I don't know if it's because the Engine is gone, or maybe because I only carry a small part of the caretaker spell, or maybe I've just learned to ignore every call to adventure that crosses my path, but I'm down to two or three adventures a week. I have more time for myself, more time for my family and friends. I'm dating a guy, and it's going well. It's a juggling act, but compared to my old life, it's almost relaxing.”

“You can't stop being who you are,” he said.

“If someone needs my help, who am I to leave them to the cruel mercies of the universe? Someone has to keep the universe from exploding.”

“I told you, Verity. You're good people.”

“No, I'm just the right person in the right place. How about you, Harrison? Are you going to be all right?”

“What? Conspiracy stuff? Don't worry about it. I've already told you everything I know. Killing me wouldn't serve any useful purpose. And if anyone did want me to disappear, they'd
have to consider you'd be coming after them. Trust me. Nobody wants that.”

Connie chuckled. “Take care of yourself, Lucas. And keep in touch.”

“You, too, Connie. Oh, and if something does happen to me, there's a safe deposit box in Hamburg. Oh, I'll just e-mail you the info.”

She tossed him the bear.

“You do that.”

Leaving the hospital, she boarded an empty elevator. Bonita Alvarado, dressed as a nurse, jumped in as the doors closed.

“Hello, Connie.”

Connie grunted as way of greeting. “I thought you might have been blown up with the Engine.”

“I'm more durable than that,” Bonita chirped, changing shape into a tall humanoid insect. Only for a moment, easily missed if one weren't looking right at her. Easily dismissed even if one were.

“Funny,” said Connie. “The computer said you were all extinct.”

“There are secrets even the Great Engine didn't know,” replied Bonita. “We've been here for a long, long time. We'll be around a long while yet. My people owe you a great debt. The universe owes you a great debt.”

“Don't worry about it,” said Connie. “Somebody had to protect free will across the cosmos. But now that the Engine is destroyed, will everything fall into entropy?”

Bonita shrugged. “Who knows? But a perfect universe, deprived of free will and the unexpected, where's the fun in that? And my people don't have to hide anymore. You have no idea how stressful it is being hunted by a nearly omnipotent supercomputer across the aeons. I just wanted to say thanks.”

“You've got a lot of nerve,” said Connie. “You've screwed with my life, with how many lives, just to get me to undo your mistake.”

“Who said this was planned?” Bonita sounded almost convincing.

“Right. It's all simply an amazing coincidence that the bug lady who helped build a megalomaniacal computer was part of the conspiracy to control my life.”

“Why couldn't it be?” asked Bonita. “When you're a member of a near-immortal progenitor race, it's easy to get bored. I'll admit it is rather suspicious serendipity, but then again, isn't that how your life works?”

She smiled mysteriously, and damned if Connie could determine if Bonita was lying or not.

The elevator dinged. Its doors opened and several other people boarded.

“Looks like this is my floor.” Bonita exited. “Regardless of what you may or may not think, Connie, your life hasn't worked out so bad, has it?”

After the doors closed, Connie allowed herself a smile.

Connie met Tia for lunch in the Safe Zone, the break room at Tia's insurance agency job, the one place nothing interesting
ever happened. They performed a hasty exorcism, turning out the lights and surrounding Thelma's haunted pen with candles and sage. Connie was a decent exorcist, but it was easy when the spirit had no unfinished business and wanted to leave.

“You're free to stick around,” said Connie. She sort of meant it, though it wasn't because she cared for the ghost.

Thelma said, “Thanks, but I'm ready. I only stayed because I thought I'd be witnessing the end of everything.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

“Life, and apparently death, is full of surprises,” said Thelma.

“So, what is on the Other Side?” asked Tia.

“You aren't ready.”

“She's seen plenty of unknowable mysteries,” said Connie. “She pushed the button that might have saved and/or destroyed the universe.”

Tia shook her head. “Don't put this on me. It was your plan. I'm only the scrappy sidekick.”

Thelma said, “The Great Engine was just one of many mysteries in this universe and beyond. Nobody knows them all. Not even the dead. Now, can we do this? I've got uncharted metaphysical realms to explore, and I can't do it from this pen.”

Connie and Tia joined hands. They chanted “We release you” three times, and a glob of ectoplasm with Thelma's face rose from the pen.

“Any last-minute words of wisdom?” asked Connie.

“Wouldn't you like to know?”

The fairy's ghost dissolved with a mischievous grin. The
scent of roses lingered with the herbs used in the ritual.

A middle manager stepped into the darkened break room.

“Don't mind us,” said Tia. “Just finishing up.”

They turned on the lights and swept the mess into the wastebasket. Connie kept the pen. It was a good pen. The manager said nothing as he microwaved a burrito, poured himself a cup of coffee, and walked out without looking directly at them.

“Normal people, huh?” said Tia with a grin.

They chuckled.

“I still hope we did the right thing,” said Tia. “What if the Engine was right? What if there is some greater potential out there, and we stopped it from happening?”

Connie said, “The Engine's view of perfection wasn't any more perfect than what we have. Yeah, it's a messy world, but who says order is all that great? That sort of paradise makes sense if you're a mad computer, but it's not how things work. I think even if it would've succeeded, it would've failed eventually. There's always going to be something you can't see coming. Life is nothing but complications. Eliminating them shouldn't be the goal. It's how we deal with them that matters.

“And even if the Engine was the force holding everything together, it'll probably be hundreds of thousands of years, millions, before the cosmos unravels. By then, it'll be someone else's problem.”

“Just kick the can down the road, then,” said Tia. “Let someone else deal with it.”

“There are no permanent fixes. Just fires to put out. Take it from me. I've fought in three separate Ragnaroks, twice with the gods, once against them. And I've saved the Loch Ness Monster four times.”

“Saved it from what?”

“You don't want to know. The Engine wanted everything to be perfect, but it never will be.”

“It's a good thing you're around, then,” said Tia.

“Maybe it is,” agreed Connie.

“What do you think happened to the caretaker spell?” asked Tia.

“Probably destroyed when the Engine was destroyed,” said Connie.

“Probably. But if it's out there, it could be dangerous if it falls into the wrong hands.”

“Everything's dangerous,” said Connie. “We live on the edge of disaster, ninja assassins and almost-exploding planets. And that's just the easy stuff. The small things, the little tragedies and calamities we defuse on a daily basis, often without realizing it, that's what we really need to keep an eye on. Most of us never realize it. Speaking of ninjas, how are things with you and Hiro?”

“Good. Except he wants to move in with me.”

“That's fast.”

Tia poked at her yogurt. “I know. I only started dating the guy because I was convinced he'd vanish in the night at some point. I wasn't looking for anything serious.”

“The stuff that gets you is the stuff you don't see,” said Connie. “I say go for it.”

“But given his history—”

“The Hiro I knew would've been gone by now. Maybe he has changed. And it's obvious you're crazy about him.”

“I don't know. He's so full of himself. Sure, he's cool, handsome. Suave, if you like that corny winking assurance that belongs to a James Bond character and not a person in real life.”

Connie smiled, said nothing.

Tia blushed. “All right, so maybe I like him. But he's always disappearing when the dishes need to be done. It's annoying. Are you sure it's cool with you? Because if it's not, just say the word.”

“It's cool. It's more than cool. If Hiro is genuinely trying to change, he shouldn't be with me. We were good together, but we weren't
good
together.”

“What if I'm too boring for him?”

“You pushed the button that either saved or destroyed the universe, and you're dating a ninja. I don't think
boring
is a word to describe you.”

“You know what I mean. I'm not special. Not like him. Not like you.”

“With me, it was all about the thrills. Winging across the world, stealing precious treasures, passionate sex in exotic locales, betrayal, betrayal sex in other exotic locales. With you, it's about you.”

Tia shook her head. “Basically, I'm boring enough that the
only reason anyone would be with me was because they like me.”

“Not what I meant, and you know it. I've seen the way Hiro looks at you. He never looked at me like that. It probably won't work out in the end, but enjoy it while it lasts. There are worse guys to have a fling with.”

Tia nodded, smiling at images of Hiro winking at her.

“You've got it bad,” said Connie.

“How are things with Byron?” asked Tia, changing the subject.

“Good. He's the right guy. He's steady, but he also understands that I need to go off and have adventures now and then. Usually at the last minute. We make it work so far.”

“That's all any of us do, I suppose.”