The Last Revenant (Book 1): The Crash (28 page)

Jeremy furrowed his brow, unsure. “So that meant tearing his face off?”

I couldn't believe he was defending him. I stuck my bloody hand out in protest. “Did you see the guy? He probably beats his wife every day.”

“No.” He shook his head. “He doesn't.”

“Right. And you know because—”

“Because she's dead, Tess.”

I only stared at him while the guilt began to sink in. I was already dreading the next part before it even came out.

“His wife was one of the first in Arrino...” He let the sentence go, but we both knew what it meant. “Kyle's men used his sister. He was taking her to see a doctor, but she was too embarrassed to go. That's... that's what you saw.”

Of course...

Of course I had beaten on a widower because he was trying to help his little sister. First Emma and now a random stranger. Even a blind, deaf person would have had a better track record than me. I wasn't sure of what else to think, except—

Fuck.

Everything.

I fell back against the table and leaned against it, looking down at my hands. The torn pieces hurt like hell and I deserved it, but the man didn't. I felt like such an asshole. “I didn't know...” The excuse came out muttered. It was far from enough, yet Jeremy gave it sympathy anyway.

“I know.”

I stared at the ground and waited until I could see his boots stop just in front of mine. I wasn't brave enough to look up at him, but I supposed he had enough courage for the both of us.

He gently put a finger underneath my chin and tilted my head up. I hadn't realized just how close he had gotten until he had done so. “You should have Martha check your lip.”

I stared into his eyes, then down past the stubble on his face until he gently ran his thumb against what I had yet to figure out was swollen. I quickly pulled away. I hadn't realized that the man had even landed a hit, but it also dawned on me that the last person I had been this close to had gotten shot in the head. I turned away and got up, stumbling over my own words. “I have to go.” I walked out on him without saying anything else.

The regular momentum of Tent City greeted me as soon as I made it outside. I immediately caught Martinez's eye as he stood with another armed man directly across a path laid out in front of me. Neither of them made a move. I had not bothered to ask, but it seemed entirely likely that I had accidentally stumbled into what was left of Arrino and Martinez had been accepted as one of their own. Maybe he had been forced to work under Ryan all along, just like anyone else, which meant that I had actually hurt two innocent people in quick succession. He probably deserved an apology just as much as the first.

“Tess...”

I forgot I had been standing still. I turned around to see Jeremy had quickly caught up with me and he had the same look on his face that Olivia had. I didn't want anyone's pity. I wanted to be angry at him for it, but I couldn't hold the feeling.

“Where are you going?”

I shook my head. “I don't know.” I really didn't. Yet as soon as I had opened my mouth, I knew the answer. It really didn't matter where I went so long as I wasn't there. I had to leave. I walked away and was glad to see that nobody stopped me. I let tents and strangers pass me by on either side as I fell into my own thoughts and stared at the ground.

Something was wrong with me. I didn't belong in a crowd surrounded by so many strangers nor the ones that I had come to know over time. I belonged to Emma. I would never be able to reconcile the two if I stayed put. I would only take my frustration out on others, but they didn't deserve that. I was stupid enough to care about them and I knew I wouldn't be able to change it, so I had to leave. I had to find her. It would be a tall order, but if I could find the presence behind it all, if I could find Knox, I could die happy.

I quickly turned towards the nearest tent with my new ambition in mind. I checked that nobody was eying me in particular and then stuck my head through the front flaps to make sure there was nobody inside. I took a step in to see two empty cots side by side, though a quick glance underneath cleared my exact suspicion. I knelt down and pulled a box filled with food out and into the open.

Just the sight of various canned goods, water bottles, snacks, and the smell of freshly baked bread instantly made my mouth water.  I had seen others carrying the familiar loot crate all over the city. Newcomers must have gotten a share of the remaining supplies so that they could make ends meet, but I had never gotten my own—until now. It would be enough to last me a few days on the road. By then I would have another plan to sustain myself. Finding it so quickly was meant to be.

I stuck a loaf in my mouth and devoured it with one hand while the other made a mess grabbing a small backpack and stuffing it with everything that it could possibly hold. By the time I managed to get it closed, the seams threatened to burst open and fling the only zipper into my face. I didn't have enough time to take inventory. I assumed I had already gotten others in trouble for starting a one-sided confrontation. Following that up by getting caught stealing food would be much harder to explain away.

I flung the pack over a shoulder and walked out into the open, fully expecting a clean getaway until I practically kicked a little girl over in my stride. I looked down and thought that she had grabbed my legs to keep from falling, but I realized I was getting a hug when she wouldn't let go.

“You came back!”

Fuck.

Amanda looked up and me and beamed, seemingly undecided on whether she should cry or not before ultimately stuffing her face back into my stomach.

I kept my arms up and tried not to fall over. I didn't know what to do. I had just gotten caught stealing food from an eleven year old girl. She must not have realized what I was doing. I managed to pry her off of me and quickly took a knee to get down to her level. I glanced around to make sure no one else was watching and I felt like a paranoid creep.

Amanda only stared back patiently with a smile that didn't help.

I didn't realize that she cared about me at all. It only made me feel worse. I almost asked where her mother was before I remembered that she was gone. I put a hand on her shoulder and took a second to force a smile. “Where's Martha?”

She kept quiet like I remembered and instead pointed at the back of Martha's head not too off from our side. It looked like she was too preoccupied talking to someone. Amanda must have managed to slip away after seeing me duck inside her tent.

I looked back at the little girl and was a little put off to see that she had instantly grown somber at the sight of the backpack.

“Are you leaving again?”

I took a breath and stopped there. It would be too easy to tell her what she wanted to hear and lie to her—people did it all the time, especially to kids—but I couldn't force myself to do it. I couldn't tear the feeling away from me while she timidly looked down and played with her hands. I gently shook her shoulder and leaned in. “Hey... What's wrong?”

She looked back up at me and I could tell that she was embarrassed.

I gave her the best smile I could and brushed her hair back as her eyes danced across my forehead. I couldn't believe I had forgotten about her. I could see her chew on the inside of her lip before finally opening up.

“I'm scared.”

I must have given her a face without even realizing it. It was broad daylight. Nobody was shooting at us. And as far as I knew Juno was long gone in our dust. “Scared of what?”

Her eyes instantly began to water and she threw herself at me for another hug.

I didn't understand what I had said that was so wrong until it dawned on me that Amanda had already gone as far as she could. It didn't matter if she was scared of losing me or Martha, or of a shadow that she had seen in the dark. Her life had been filled with so much shit that had happened to her, to even admit that she was afraid at her age and with everything going on around her was an achievement in it of itself. She was braver than I ever was.

I pushed her back and wiped her tears off with my thumbs. “Hey, it’s okay to be scared.”

She sniffled and wiped her nose, but I could tell that she still wasn't convinced.

“Really. You're not alone. I'm scared too.”

She seemed to relax a bit at that and I felt like I had just heard myself speak out loud for the first time.

I took the food-filled backpack off my shoulder and handed it to her so that I wouldn't have to think about it. “Here. I think this is yours. Keep it safe, okay? And keep Martha safe. You need to protect her. That's your job now. You need to keep her safe no matter how scared you are.”

She struggled to keep the weight up in front of her chest, but no doubt found the new job important. Maybe being included somehow would help take her mind off of everything that was going on around her.

“Go back to Martha. I'm not leaving. I promise.”

The affirmation got her to smile before trotting off and I hoped I wasn't lying.

I watched her drag the backpack towards Martha, tug on a leg and point at me, but I turned away and got out of sight before they could look. I didn't want to talk to her. I had not even wanted to run into Amanda, but being forced into the situation had prompted me to think about what I was doing. If I left now, I'd be short on answers to questions that would never go away. It didn't matter that I was afraid of what I might hear. I needed to confront Olivia.

After stumbling around and asking questions for longer than I should have, I eventually made it back to the correct med tent in mind and found myself nervously wiping sweaty palms against my thighs. The red cross etched into the sheet of canvas stared back with as much impunity as it had the first time. Not a single thing around me had been at fault for the way I had reacted earlier. That much was my own wrongdoing and I needed to make amends. I finally sucked up the courage and walked inside to see the familiar darkness and resting patients, though I was somewhat relieved to see that this tent was Knight free.

I plopped down next to Ellie and she looked up at me from a snoozing daydream to ultimately give me a tired grin. I thought I might have been hanging around too many kids lately, but Ellie was older and now that I saw her smile, I realized how much she could have changed since I had last spoken with her.

“Hey.”

“You came back.”

“Yeah...” I nodded, still unsure of what to say as I nervously glanced around the room. She must have known.

“She's not here.” Ellie strained a bit to get a hand underneath herself and readjust her back. “Olivia told me you were fighting or something. She said that she had to find you, so she left.”

I couldn't help but frown at that. Even if I didn't know Ellie very well, I still knew that being the one responsible to leave her alone was kind of a dick move, especially since I had also been ultimately responsible for her current condition. “I'm sorry.”

“For what?” She stared at me expectantly, though I didn't know how to put it into words. “You know, she's one of the good guys. I mean, she saved my life.”

Yeah...

I knew the feeling. “I know. She... She helped me too.” The very first thing Olivia had managed to do for me was to keep me from running away and I was starting to get the feeling that she might have just done it again without even trying.

“Hey...” Ellie looked around the tent for a moment, only to come back to me with a perplexed look. “Where's Chris?”

My stomach dropped at the thought of it. I had completely forgotten that Ellie had no way of knowing the truth. She was old enough to hear it and she was definitely no stranger to death, but just like with Amanda, I couldn't bring out what I needed to say.

I took a breath and stopped as soon as it dawned on me. What if Olivia had gone through the same thing? Every kid that I had ever met had at one point or another looked up to the Knights as if they were a level above the rest. As trained Paranormals that honed their skills in order to protect others, that might have been true, but they were still human. The biggest thing we all had in common was also one of the most forgotten. They held struggles just like the rest of us, so I did what any one of them might have done; I lied.

“We got separated.” I looked down at Ellie and saw just as I had been expecting—inevitable acceptance. She might have had more questions, but her own optimism would fill in the blanks for her. It might have been wrong for me not to tell her, but it was what she needed. She was vulnerable. She didn't need to know how much the world really sucked. She didn't need to know that Chris had been executed because he stood up for everyone in Tent City or that the same kind of people had killed her parents because they had only been trying to do what was right. She could be angry at me all she wanted in time, but it would be worth it.

I spent the next few hours with her, listening to anything she had to say and offering my own opinion whenever she gave me the chance, which wasn't as often as I had originally thought, but it didn't matter. I was there for her the same way Olivia had been there for me. I listened to her ramble on about anything that fell into her mind until I eventually watched her grow tired and fall asleep in front of me. It didn't take long to figure out what I needed to do after that.

The sun was starting to set and I found everything turning orange by the time I made it up the correct hill and found Olivia outside of her tent staring out into the field below. I took an extra second to appreciate her choice of the location. She had set up her home to get the best view but just far away enough to stay secluded from everyone else. I stopped close enough behind her to see that she was entirely disarmed this time and wondered if she had done it especially for me. She spoke first without turning around.