The Lawman's Nanny Op (18 page)

“Where’s your hero? I figured he’d be here with you,” Layla said.

“He was here until about an hour ago and then he got a call from Tom and had to leave. I think Tom needed an official report about what went down last night.” Caleb had been right at her side when the doctor had stitched her up, and when he’d insisted that Portia remain hospitalized for blood loss and trauma, Caleb had slept in the chair next to her hospital bed.

They hadn’t spoken much except to replay the events that had happened while Caleb was unconscious and Portia had been fighting for her life.

It had felt like the fight with Rita had taken hours, but in reality it had all gone down in a matter of minutes. Benjamin had arrived on the scene to find Caleb getting up, having regained consciousness, and together the two men had burst into the house, praying they weren’t too late to save Portia.

“He’s supposed to be back here to take me home in an hour or so,” she said.

“So what happens now between the two of you?” Layla asked.

“Nothing. I go back to my life and he goes back to his.” Portia ignored the pain that sliced through her with her words.

Layla released a dry laugh. “The way I see it neither of you have much of a life going for you. I’d kind of hoped you two would have realized you belong together and there would have been a happily-ever-after kind of ending for you two. It would have given me hope that there might be that kind of an ending for me.”

Portia sighed. “To be honest, I’d kind of hoped for that kind of an ending for me and Caleb.”

“I knew it!” Layla sat up straighter in her chair. “I knew you were still in love with him,” Layla exclaimed triumphantly.

“It doesn’t really matter. He’s made it clear a million times that he doesn’t want a relationship and so it’s finished.”

“Well, that sucks,” Layla said with her usual aplomb. They both turned as Benjamin came through the door. “I was in the area taking a missing person’s report and thought I’d stop in and see how the patient is doing,” he said.

“Who’s missing?” Layla asked.

“Jennifer Hightower. You know her?” Benjamin asked and both Layla and Portia shook their heads. “She’s a twenty-two-year-old and works at the convenience store out on the highway. She didn’t come home last night and her roommate hasn’t heard from her since she went to work at the store last night.”

“She’s probably holed up with a boyfriend some where,” Layla said.

“I hope that’s the case,” Benjamin replied and then smiled at Portia. “So, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine, ready to get out of here and get back to my house,” she said.

“I just thought you’d want to know that Rita had surgery on her knee and is doing fine. She’ll be in good shape to spend the rest of her life behind bars.” Benjamin stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels.

“All’s well that ends well,” Layla said.

Benjamin nodded. “I had a long talk with Dale Stemple this morning. He wanted me to pass along his sympathies to you. He had no idea Rita was so crazy and he was afraid of letting anyone know he was back in town.” Benjamin pulled his hands from his pockets and shrugged. “He seems like a changed man. He told me all he wants to do is get his life back together again and hopefully someday get back custody of his children.”

“But wasn’t he convicted of child abuse?” Layla asked.

Benjamin shook his head. “No. He agreed to a plea bargain on the illegal weapons charges, but he’s always proclaimed his innocence in the abuse of his children.”

“But surely he knew it was going on,” Portia said. “The marks that I saw on those kids were evidence of abuse.”

“Dale maintains that he was working or out of the house most of the time. He had no idea what was going on with the kids. The only marks he saw on them could be chalked up to regular childhood bruises and bumps.”

“And you believe him?” Layla asked dubiously.

Benjamin hesitated a moment and then nodded. “Yeah, I do. Anyway, Portia, I’m glad you’re doing okay. It looks like you finally get to return to your life.”

“Thank you for everything, Benjamin,” she replied.

“I’ll just get out of here,” he said. “I’ve got to see if I can figure out where Jennifer Hightower might be.” He nodded to both Layla and Portia and then left the room.

“I should get going, too,” Layla said as she got up from the chair next to Portia’s hospital bed.

“Thanks, Layla. The flowers are beautiful, although I think I’ll pass on the tattoos.”

Layla walked toward the door and then turned back to her. “Portia, if you really love Caleb, then don’t be afraid to fight for him. Tell him how you feel, make him realize the two of you belong together. Love is really the only thing worth fighting for.” She turned and left the room.

Portia eased herself out of the bed and went to the window to look outside as she thought about Layla’s parting words.

With her nightmare behind her there was nothing to confuse her feelings where Caleb was concerned. She loved him. It was as simple and as complicated as that. She’d always loved him and she had a feeling she would go to her grave still loving him.

There was no question in her mind now that she had misjudged him years ago, that she’d made the biggest mistake of her life when she’d broken up with him.

And she believed with all her heart, all her soul, that he loved her, too. But could she get beneath the defenses he’d erected around his heart? Could she make him see that they deserved a second chance to find happiness together?

Love is really the only thing worth fighting for.
Layla’s words were still playing in her head a few minutes later when Caleb walked into the room.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

She turned from the window and smiled at him. “Pretty good. I’m ready to get out of here, that’s for sure.”

“I just spoke to the doctor and he said you’ve been released.” He walked over and stood in front of her and he took her chin between his fingers and tilted her head upward. “Yes, you definitely look better than you did last night. Your color is back and your eyes are shining bright.”

With love, she wanted to say, but she didn’t. She didn’t want to talk to him about her feelings here in the middle of a hospital room, where anyone could walk in and interrupt what she wanted, what she needed to say.

“I’m just ready to go home,” she said as he dropped his hand from her chin.

“Then let’s get out of here.” He picked up the vase of flowers that Layla had brought and together they left the room.

Thankfully one of the nurses had provided a clean T-shirt for Portia to wear home. The one she’d worn the night before had been ruined, torn by the knife and bloodied by the wound.

They left the hospital and got into Caleb’s car. She noticed her suitcase was in the backseat. He’d made sure that she’d have no reason to go back to his house. Her heart sank.

“I talked to Wally this morning down at the garage and he said your car is finished. He’ll have it delivered to your house sometime this afternoon so you won’t have to go without wheels,” Caleb said as he started the engine.

“Great. I think I’ll take the next couple of days and finish painting the inside of the day care before I have the children come back. A fresh start sounds like a wonderful idea.” She glanced at him, wondering if he had any idea how badly she wanted a fresh start with him.

He kept his gaze focused on the road, apparently completely unaware of the war going on in her heart. Should she tell him how she felt? Or was it smarter just to tell him goodbye and never let him know the depth of her love for him? Could she live with her regrets of what might have been if she didn’t say anything at all?

She wouldn’t die without him in her life. She’d go on to find happiness eventually, but she would always remember the deputy with the dark eyes and that charming half grin, the boy who’d taken her virginity and the man who had stolen her heart.

By the time they reached her house she knew she had to speak what was in her heart. As she carried the flowers, Caleb grabbed her suitcase from the back and together they walked to her front door.

She unlocked the door and went inside, nervous tension coiling tight in the pit of her stomach. She walked through the living room to the kitchen, aware of him following close behind her.

She placed the vase on the counter and then turned to look at him and in that moment she knew she was going to tell him everything that was inside her. Layla was right, this kind of love was definitely worth fighting for.

“Caleb.” Her throat was painfully dry and she wasn’t sure where to begin.

“Portia,” he replied with a smile. He dropped her suitcase to the floor. “I’m glad this is all over for you, that your life will return to normal again and you don’t have to be afraid anymore. So I guess this is goodbye.” His eyes were dark and unreadable.

“It doesn’t have to be.” She took a step toward him, her legs suddenly feeling wobbly with nerves. “I’m in love with you, Caleb. I want a second chance. I think we belong together.”

She paused, watching his features intently. Nothing changed. It was as if he hadn’t heard her. She took another step closer to him, now standing close enough to smell his familiar scent, to feel his body heat radiating over her.

“Caleb, say something. I’m baring my heart here.” Tears began to burn her eyes. “I love you. I’ve always loved you and I want to spend my life with you. You’re the one, Caleb. The one I want to share my hopes with, the one I want to build dreams with, you’re the one I want for the rest of my life.”

For just a quicksilver moment a longing flashed in his eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. “Portia, I told you all along that I’m not looking for a relationship.” His gaze couldn’t hold hers and instead he stared down at the floor. “I’m sorry if I somehow led you on.”

“You love me, Caleb. I know you do,” she exclaimed with fervor. “For God’s sake, give us our chance to get it right. Let me into your life like I know I’m already in your heart.”

His gaze shot back to her but instead of seeing joy in the depths of his eyes, she saw despair as he took a step backward. “Don’t do this, Portia. Don’t make it more difficult than it already is.”

“I’m not trying to be difficult,” she protested. “I’m trying to make you see that we belong together.”

He shook his head and took another step back from her. “We don’t belong together. We had our chance and we blew it. I just don’t want to put my heart on the line ever again.”

She stared at him in stunned surprise. “You know what I think, Caleb? I think I hurt you and I’ll always be sorry for that. But I think Laura devastated you.”

She paused and fought back her tears. “I was always secretly afraid that I’d become like my mother, afraid to look for happiness, afraid of being hurt again. Caleb, if you embrace your bitterness and keep love out of your life forever then you’re going to wind up like her, cold and alone.”

He jammed his hands into his pockets. “I did what I promised I’d do. I got you your life back and you aren’t in danger anymore. I can’t do anything else for you, Portia.”

“You mean you won’t do anything more for me,” she exclaimed as tears fell from her eyes. “Because you’re afraid.”

“You think what you want. Find a good man, Portia. Get married and have all those babies you always wanted. I’ll see you around.” He whirled on his heels and strode out of the room.

A moment later she heard the front door close and knew he was gone. Gone in a way he’d never been gone before. A tight band squeezed her chest in a pain she’d never felt. She recognized it as complete and utter heartbreak and the shattering of dreams never realized.

She sank down at a chair at the table and laid her head in her arms and cried for everything that might have been and now would never be.

“Joey, we don’t put our beans up our nose,” Portia said as she used a napkin to wipe the baked beans off the four-year-old’s nostrils.

“How come?” he asked.

“Because beans don’t like noses, beans like mouths,” she replied and kissed his forehead before moving to the next child who needed a kiss, a face wipe or help with their lunch.

It had been three days since Caleb had walked out of her kitchen and not looked back. For the first two days Portia had lost herself in finishing the painting of the interior of the day care and getting things ready to welcome back the children.

They had returned yesterday and the last two days had been filled with happy kisses, fierce hugs and enough laughter to keep heartache at bay, at least during the day.

It was only after the kids left and she’d finished eating dinner that the house resounded with a silence that was deafening and the heartbreak became so overwhelming she could scarcely stand it.

It might have been easier if she believed that Caleb didn’t love her, if she was certain that he had cast her out of his life because he didn’t want her. But she didn’t believe that and that was as heartbreaking as anything.

She knew eventually the pain would lessen, that there might come a time when she would think about Caleb and not feel the excruciating arrow of pain through her heart. But she was a long way from that point in time at the moment.

“You okay?” Melody pulled Portia from her thoughts.

“Fine.” Portia smiled at the assistant who had been a godsend through the entire ordeal. “I’m just glad to have the kids back.”

“They’re all thrilled to be back here,” Melody replied. “Every day they were at my house they asked when they could come back here and be with Ms. Portia.”

Portia’s heart expanded with love for all of the children who were in her care. “You need to have some babies of your own, Portia,” Melody said.

“Maybe someday,” Portia said wistfully. “And now we’d better get the rest of the lunch mess cleaned up before Joey actually does manage to get a leftover bean up his nose.”

The rest of the afternoon passed all too quickly and then it was time for the parents to arrive to pick up their children. As always, when the last child left, Portia felt as if a little piece of her heart had been ripped away.

The silence in the day-care center heralded in thoughts of Caleb. As she straightened books and put toys away, her head filled with thoughts of the man who’d refused to accept her love, who had refused to embrace his own love for her.