The Learning Curve (16 page)

On Monday morning she woke before her alarm. She had to speak to Rob before anyone else was in. Forty minutes later, she parked the boudoir in the empty school car park and sat staring through her windscreen as the wipers squeaked regularly in the rain. Rob’s car wasn’t there. She felt the first sensation of tension since their kiss. She wondered if Pete would know what had happened? If so, would he tell Ally? For the first time, she considered how much she had to lose should all this go pear-shaped. She had to talk to Rob fast.

She was the first member of staff in. She walked down the eerily silent corridors, aware that her body was ever-so-slightly shaking. Why? Was she thrilled? Or nervous? What
the hell was she nervous about? It was Rob! When she opened the staffroom door, she sat down, took out a pen and paper and tried to work out how she felt. After a moment, she put down the pen and let out a big sigh. What was the point of having feelings if you didn’t understand them? Was there any other creature in the animal kingdom that had this inability to work itself out? she pondered, as she stood up and stomped to the kettle. She pictured a gazelle coming face to face with a lion, wetting itself with terror and thinking, ‘Hmm? What is that overwhelming sensation? Fear?
Joie de vivre?
’

At the sound of the door opening behind her, Nicky whizzed round, her eyes bright, her smile wide. At the sight of Amanda, her mouth went dry.

‘Hi!’ she said, her lips sticking to her gums.

Amanda’s eyes shrank. ‘What are you doing in so early?’ she asked.

‘Oh, you know,’ said Nicky, swallowing hard. ‘Things to do. People to see.’

Amanda crossed her arms and stared at her.

Nicky’s lips came away from her gums and she managed a smile. ‘You?’

Amanda gave her a sickly smile. ‘Oh, you know,’ she mirrored. ‘Things to do. People to see.’

Nicky fought the urge to punch her in the face. Just then the staffroom door opened again and Rob walked in. He took one look at them both and made a noise that was part laugh, part retch.

‘
Hi!
’ he exclaimed, eyebrows high. ‘
Hi!
’

‘Hi!’ responded Amanda, her voice light like acid rain.

Nicky smiled. ‘Kettle’s just boiled. Coffee?’

‘Er, no thanks,’ said Rob.

She turned her back to him, nausea clutching at her stomach. Instead of making herself a coffee, she joined them in the chairs in the far corner. How come this was going so badly?

‘So,’ she began, folding herself into a chair, her knees now higher than her face. ‘What did you think of Saturday’s display, Amanda?’

There was a moment’s pause.

‘Pitiful,’ replied Amanda crisply, staring at Rob. ‘A bit like this one. Would you two like to be alone?’

‘No!’ cried Rob and Nicky in unison. Shit, thought Nicky. She’d meant yes. She’d been in denial for so long she’d forgotten how to come out of it.

‘Actually, would you mind?’ she said quickly, before giving herself a chance to self-censure. ‘Only, Rob and I do need to talk, actually.’

‘No we don’t!’ laughed Rob. ‘There’s nothing private we need to talk about. Is there?’

Nicky’s allegiances switched and she wanted very much to punch Rob in the face. At least Amanda was honest. Amanda got up, making some muttered comment about ‘boring lovebirds’. Rob started persuading her not to go and then the staffroom door opened, bringing in Ned and Gwen, and all was lost.

Nicky thought that maybe she’d have time to talk to Rob on their way to the morning meeting with Miss James, until he jumped up, told her he had some preparation to do before it and would see her in there. She would have followed him out, but at that moment Ally came in.

‘Hello, all,’ greeted Ally, as Rob walked out.

‘Oh, hello,’ said Amanda. ‘Welcome to The Bad Schoolroom Farce. Nicky wants to talk to Rob. Rob’s pretending he doesn’t know what she’s talking about and any minute now a vicar’s going to walk in without any trousers on.’

Ally’s eyes went round. ‘Excellent. I’ve always had a thing about dog collars and no trousers.’

The door opened and Pete walked in.

‘Typical,’ said Ally. ‘I fucking hate Mondays.’

Everyone turned away from Pete.

‘
What?
’ he demanded.

Nicky decided to go early to Miss James and try to get her puzzle piece finished before the meeting. Maybe last night’s dream was portentous and she’d be able to do it more quickly now. Then she could follow Rob out afterwards.

When she arrived at Miss James’s office, she found Miss James scribbling what looked like an upside-down long-division sum and, to her astonishment, Rob standing at the puzzle table. She stopped in her tracks, shock and hurt making her stomach lurch. He’d actually lied so as not to have to talk to her. He didn’t even look up as she came in. She joined him at the puzzle table and before she’d had a chance to look at him, let alone speak, he made a little whoop of satisfaction, popped a puzzle piece in place, and almost leapt to his chair opposite Miss James’s desk, all without giving her so much as a glance. Now who was playing games? she thought angrily. She stared at the puzzle, trying desperately to find a piece before Miss James spoke. Everything went out of focus and she found it hard to catch her breath.

‘Now!’ exclaimed Miss James, perching her glasses on her nose. ‘Now, now, now, now, now,
now
.’

Nicky sat down next to Rob. There was a long silence as
Miss James tried to look for some notes. Nicky tilted her head towards Rob and he tilted his away. Nicky could hear his breathing. Miss James started humming happily.

‘Miss James?’ started Nicky, unable to sit in silence for any longer.

Miss James’s head shot up. ‘Yes, m’dear?’

‘Can I ask you a question about Parents’ Evening?’

‘My dear!’ cried Miss James, ‘you can ask me a question about anything in the world! My ears are yours! Ask away!’

Nicky smiled. ‘Thank you. It’s about one of the parents.’

She told Miss James about her concerns for Oscar and her inability to get a response from his father. At the end, Miss James shook her head sadly.

‘Always so . . . tragic when the father doesn’t get involved.’

‘Especially when there isn’t a mother,’ agreed Nicky.

‘I don’t understand men,’ added Rob quietly. Nicky and Miss James looked at him. ‘I mean,’ he mused aloud, ‘how can you not want to be involved in your child’s life?’

Nicky stared at him. He smiled at Miss James. His profile was perfect.

‘. . . so I think a letter to him, just kindly prompting him to come, would be appropriate,’ concluded Miss James, before turning to the more pressing matter of how many biscuits and chairs there would be for both evenings.

By 4 p.m., Nicky was desperate. She could barely breathe. Rob had managed to keep one step ahead of her all day. In the end, she had to resort to texting Ally for help. It wasn’t ideal having Ally – or Pete – there while she spoke to Rob, but if that was the only way it was going to happen, so be it. She couldn’t spend another day like today.

She came running up to the staffroom to find Ally and Pete performing some kind of song-and-dance routine while Rob was having hysterics watching. The room went quiet when she entered. Everyone else had gone home.

‘Rob!’ she cried out, unable to dissemble. ‘At long bloody last!’

He looked at her for a moment, then at the other two, whose guilty faces gave everything away, and then turned back to Nicky.

‘Nicky!’ he responded. ‘Finally!’

‘Listen, we’ve got to talk. About Saturday night –’ she gushed.

‘Shit, Nicky, you don’t need to explain anything to me! It’s me, remember! Rob!’

‘Yes, I do,’ she said.

Ally and Pete started making loud exit noises, but both Rob and Nicky ignored them. Nicky realised that they both knew exactly what had happened.

‘The kiss,’ Nicky started, ‘was a complete blinder . . . um . . .’

‘I know, I know! I mean, it’s . . . not . . . it’s . . . look. It’s work and everything. It’s really complicated. Crap timing. I got home and realised I was really grateful we didn’t take it any further. It would have been impossible.’

There was a long pause. Nicky flicker-flacked through what felt like hundreds of possible answers.

‘Thank goodness,’ she said eventually. ‘That’s exactly what I wanted to say. It’s really,
really
bad timing.’

Rob nodded. ‘Yeah. Really,
really
bad timing.’

Pete broke the awkward silence by asking Rob for a lift home. Rob gave Nicky a big smile and the boys left together,
leaving Ally and Nicky standing alone in the staffroom. Nicky looked at Ally.

‘I was going to tell you, Al,’ she said, ‘but I thought it would be better to talk to him first. You know, get it all sorted out. But he’s been avoiding me all day.’

‘Tosser,’ said Ally mildly.

‘I take it he didn’t mind talking about it to others.’

‘Apparently not. Pete had told me everything by break.’

‘Sorry you had to hear it from him.’

‘Hey, don’t be daft!’ said Ally. ‘This wasn’t about you and me. I knew you’d tell me in your own time.’ She nodded her head to where Rob had been standing. ‘Was that all . . . OK?’

Nicky seemed to wake up out of a daydream. ‘Unbelievable!’ she said, suddenly excited. ‘Ally! I can’t tell you how wonderful I feel now I know I’m over him. I’ve been trying to talk to him all day to tell him finally, conclusively, that we are just good friends. It’s like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders. After seven years!’

‘You’re kidding?’ Ally started laughing.

Nicky joined in. ‘No!’ she said. ‘Apart from my body almost beating him to the finishing line, I felt absolutely nothing when I kissed him. I mean, emotionally. Nothing! Physically . . .’ She mimed her body melting, and Ally laughed. ‘Un-be-lievable. But at the same time . . . it felt like I was . . . I don’t know . . . lying. And if I’d taken it any further, it would have felt like I was leading him on. And,’ she shrugged, ‘I just didn’t want to.’

Ally screamed. ‘You can get on with the rest of your life!’ she cried.

‘I know!’

‘You got closure!’

‘I know!’ laughed Nicky.

Ally came and hugged her. They drew apart and Ally frowned when she saw Nicky’s eyes were full. ‘But?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know,’ she said, honestly. ‘I didn’t expect him to give in so easily.’

It was Friday evening and Daisy’s nan, Pat, was in a rush. She slid the bread under the grill and called Oscar and Daisy for their tea. There was a moment’s lull in the squabbling. In the half-hour before Lilith was due home from work Pat had to pack Oscar’s overnight bag, iron a blouse, change for her line dancing, make tea and clear up from tea. She called them again, turned the bread over, added some sliced cheese to it, and slid it back under the grill.

Oscar appeared silently by her side, giving her the fright of her life.

‘I want to go home,’ he informed her evenly.

She looked at him. ‘Don’t you want some cheese on toast?’

‘No,’ replied Oscar. ‘I want to go home.’

She handed him some cutlery. ‘Lay the table, please.’

‘I want to go home,’ he repeated.

‘Yes, I heard you. Well, Daddy isn’t home yet and your au pair’s away, so I’m afraid you can’t.’ She handed him two table mats.

Daisy came in and plonked herself down at the table. Pat gave a warning cough and Daisy tutted, got up, pulled glasses out of a cupboard, and helped lay up huffily. Oscar had insisted they play sports games on her computer all
afternoon and she was thoroughly sick of him.

‘I want to go home,’ he told the room in general.

‘And I want to have a fag and a sit-down,’ said Pat, shrugging. ‘Life stinks. Once you work that out, it all gets a lot easier.’

Oscar stared at her. ‘I want to go ho—’

‘Yes, well,’ interrupted Pat, ‘I’m beginning to agree with you, but there’s not a lot we can do about it, is there?’

‘Yes there is,’ said Oscar. ‘You could take me home.’

‘On what? My shoulders?’

Oscar frowned. ‘No. In your car.’

‘Sunshine,’ said Pat, ‘I don’t drive. And even if I did, your daddy isn’t home yet and your au pair’s away. So it’s not going to happen. So, I recommend you sit down, eat your cheese on toast and when Lilith gets home, tell her. All right?’

Oscar gave it a moment’s thought. ‘All right,’ he mumbled.

Pat smelt burning, swore, and took out the cheese on toast. She put it on two plates and placed the plates in front of the children.

Daisy scowled at her tea. ‘When’s Mummy home?’ she asked.

Pat sighed. ‘My pleasure,’ she muttered, wiping her hands on her apron.

‘Thank you,’ mumbled Daisy, leaving a polite pause. ‘When’s Mummy home?’

‘Mum
-my
,’ mocked Oscar.

‘Mum,’ corrected Daisy before kicking Oscar hard under the table and then swinging her legs up before he could kick her back.

Pat glanced up at the kitchen clock and then swore again. ‘Ten minutes. When you’ve finished, Daisy, you wash; Oscar, you dry.’ She’d have to wear a different blouse, there was no way she’d have time to iron the more flattering one. ‘Right. I’m going to get changed now,’ she said, taking off her apron. ‘I want no arguing and no messing up the kitchen –’

When they heard the front door open and Lilith call out a greeting, the children leapt up.

‘SIT DOWN!’ shouted Pat. They sat down.

Lilith appeared in the kitchen doorway, coat still on. ‘Hello, boys and girls!’ she greeted them. ‘How are we all?’

‘I’m going to be late,’ said Pat, squeezing past her and into her bedroom.

‘Nan burnt the tea,’ said Daisy accusingly. ‘And Oscar wants to go home. And I want him to go home too. I’ve had to play cricket all afternoon.’

‘I want to go home,’ Oscar informed Lilith, his voice increasingly shaky.

Lilith looked at them both for a moment. ‘Right,’ she considered. ‘Daisy, there are some children in the world who would kill for burnt tea. Oscar, I will phone your dad.’

‘Good,’ Oscar told Daisy, as Lilith went into the lounge. Daisy ignored him and stared at her burnt toast with hot, stinging eyes. Suddenly she flew up off her chair, knocking it on to the floor and followed Lilith into the lounge.