The Learning Curve (53 page)

THERE WERE NOW
only two more days of the holiday left. Daisy and Oscar knew they had to do their spying tomorrow evening because there was a day-trip to Brownsea Island on the last day, and they would all be getting back to the dorms too late. Evenings were the only time when teachers had any free time alone.

They spent the whole night making their plan, except between the hours of three and five, when things went a bit hazy before Oscar woke to dribble on his arm and Daisy snuffling into her elbow. By 6 a.m. their entire plan was settled and given a name, complete with codes. By 7 a.m., when the morning bell was rung to get up, they were ready for a good night’s sleep.

Oscar was so excited that he couldn’t eat a thing for breakfast. Luckily he was too tired to, anyway. Even more luckily, breakfast was kippers. The day was boring, merely a stretch of time to be crossed before spying could commence and Plan O-D (Oscar-Daisy) could be put into action.

When evening came, they exchanged the secret sign (a scratch on the left earlobe with the right index finger) during tea, and snuck away to their empty dorm. They sat behind
the half-open door. From here they had a perfect view of who was coming in and out of the adults’ dorm opposite. They went over their plan.

‘If you go in and someone’s in there?’ asked Daisy.

‘Plan A,’ Oscar said.

‘Which is?’

‘Pretend I want to talk to them.’

‘And if someone’s in the bathroom?’

‘Plan B.’

‘Which is?’

‘Hide.’

‘And?’

‘Spy.’

Daisy nodded. ‘Right. Now. I’ll be out here. If you hear “tu-whit, tu-whoo”, what does it mean?’

Oscar looked at her. ‘Someone’s doing a crap impersonation of an owl.’

‘Oscar! This is serious.’

‘Someone’s coming.’

‘If you hear it twice?’

‘All clear.’

‘Right.’

They heard something. Daisy looked out into the corridor, Oscar peeked through the crack in the door.

‘Hobbit approaching,’ she whispered urgently. ‘Hobbit in hole.’

‘I know,’ hissed Oscar. ‘I’m next to you.’

‘Well, go on, then!’

Oscar tutted. ‘She’ll still be in there.’

‘She might be in the bathroom.’

‘Give her two more minutes.’

Daisy looked at her watch. Exactly two minutes later, she said, ‘Right. Go on.’

Oscar jumped up and skidded in his socks across the empty corridor and into the adults’ dorm. He heard Daisy giggling behind him. The dorm was empty, the door leading to the bathroom showing an engaged red strip under the handle. Plan B it was. Hide. And Spy. Heart hammering, he glanced back at the dorm door. If he left now, no one would be any the wiser. He looked again at the bathroom door. He crouched down and lay flat on his back next to the nearest bed, preparing to slide under. He came face to face with the bottom of it. There wasn’t enough room for him. He heard the toilet flush, and leapt up. What should he do now? It hadn’t occurred to him that there wouldn’t be room to hide under a bed. Where else was a self-respecting child to hide in a teachers’ dorm? He climbed to the top bunk, whipped up the duvet and lay under it, as flat as could be. Quickly, he sat up again and piled some of the clothes scattered at the foot of the bunk on top of the duvet. He was a natural! Then he lay back down again, completely flat, piling a jumper round his head, but leaving his ear nearest the wall uncovered, so he could hear everything clearly. This was perfect. He could hear everything and was totally invisible. He heard the bathroom door open – Miss Hobbs! – and shut again behind her. He could hear her humming. It couldn’t have gone better.

Then he fell asleep.

Across the corridor, sitting cross-legged on the floor, Daisy picked up her magazine and opened her emergency supply of biscuits stolen from the kitchen earlier in the day. Then her eyes shut and she leant back heavily, the door closing behind her.

Nicky sat on the bottom bunk – Rob’s bed – too knackered to climb into hers. Why was Mark ignoring her? Had he picked up on her innermost thoughts and found them repulsive? Had he told her that he hated children expressly to stop her from imagining anything ever going on between them? Oh, the humiliation. Still, she told herself immediately, if he persisted in calling kids awful and kept ignoring her, it would definitely make it much easier to go with Rob’s white-picket-fence vision of life together. A girl could be offered much less and live quite happily on that, she told herself, thinking of Claire.

She lay back on Rob’s bed and let out a low, heavy sigh. The door opened.

‘Hey!’ said Rob. ‘Starting without me? I knew you were competitive, but that’s ridiculous.’

She shot up into sitting position. ‘I’m too knackered to climb into my bed. Honestly, it’s an obstacle course just to get to sleep.’

Rob laughed and sat down next to her.

‘Don’t worry, Nicky,’ he said softly. ‘Not long now.’

She managed a small smile. ‘Yeah, then the longest job interview known to man will be over.’

‘Yeah,’ said Rob, sidling closer to her, ‘and then we can ignore the old bat and just get on with our lives, eh?’

Nicky leant her back against the wall and looked at him.

‘Mr Pattison, if I didn’t know you better, I’d think you were trying to put me off the race before it was over,’ she said archly.

To her surprise Rob answered seriously.

‘Hardly!’ he cried. ‘Fucking hell! I’m only the guy offering
you everything you’ve ever wanted instead of winning a stupid old bat’s idea of a race.’

Nicky frowned.

‘Everything I’ve ever wanted,’ she repeated, nodding dully.

‘Yeah!’ He sounded piqued. ‘Kids, husband, financial security, the whole kit and caboodle. But if you want to go ahead and win some fuck-off stupid race instead –’

‘Ah!’ she said, suddenly getting it. ‘I see, you mean everything I ever wanted when I was twenty-three!’

He looked at her and his eyes went suddenly soft. ‘I know you, Nicky,’ he said with a gentle urgency. ‘Better than anyone else in the world. And I know you haven’t changed that much.’ He put a large hand on her thigh.

‘You don’t know me more than
I
know me, Rob,’ she said, moving his hand off her thigh.

‘Sometimes you’re your own worst enemy,’ he whispered, putting his hand back, more gently this time.

She tried to concentrate.

‘And sometimes our worst enemies are our friends in disguise,’ she said, putting it back.

That seemed to really annoy him. ‘What the hell does that mean?’

She hadn’t meant to annoy him, she was just talking hypothetically, while trying to keep his hand off her thigh. But now she’d started, she’d better keep going.

‘You know,’ she said, sweetly, ‘if you really felt strongly for me, as you claim to do, you’d be happy for me trying to be Head. I’m happy for you. I don’t keep trying to talk you out of it, do I?’

‘It’s exactly because I do feel strongly for you that I’m
trying to help,’ pleaded Rob. ‘I know you, Nicky, and I know that you’re not thinking this through! If you settled down with me, you’d have the family you always wanted within a year and you wouldn’t give a shit about this stupid promotion.’

‘Will you stop going on about me and kids!’ cried Nicky. ‘You’re bloody obsessed!’

‘Nicky, you can try and pretend to yourself, but I know the truth. I’m the one you finished with because I didn’t want to give you children before you were twenty-five! I’m the one whose shoulder you cried on because you thought promotion meant no kids, remember?’

‘I was twenty-three, Rob! What the hell did I know about myself? I thank God I never rushed into having kids that young. And I only cried once! It was just the shock of it. You seem to forget that I didn’t cry when the headship came up.’

‘Look,
you
may be in denial, but
I
can see it like it is,’ said Rob. ‘You’re not getting any younger. If you want more than one child – and I know you do – you’ll have to pop them out quickly. And believe me, you won’t have the time or energy to be a head teacher of a school as well. And you’ll be such a good mother that you won’t care anyway!’

‘What the hell gives you the right to tell me what I want and don’t want?’

There was a pause.

‘Love?’ he said softly. There was that hand again.

There was another pause.

‘And anyway,’ she said, trying to lighten the tone while moving his hand again, ‘maybe I’ll find a man who’s already got a family. Maybe I’ll be a fantastic stepmum and a brilliant headmistress at the same time.’

‘Oh for fuck’s sake, Nicky!’ To her amazement, Rob started shouting. ‘You’re so fucking naïve. You live in cloud-cuckoo-land. Which planet are you from? It’s like watching you try to do Miss James’s pathetic puzzle every morning. You must have wasted hours doing it.’

‘Oh sod off!’ cried Nicky. ‘Just because you’re Puzzle-King doesn’t mean I can’t be a good headmistress.’

‘I’m not Puzzle-King!’ Rob was almost hysterical. ‘That’s exactly what I mean – you’re so naïve! Nicola, I cheat!’

Nicky gasped. ‘What? Every time? Every morning?’

‘Of course every morning! I’ve got better things to do than find the last bit of Yugoslavia because she’s too lazy to do her own fucking hobby! The whole school would be an academic year ahead if it wasn’t for her fucking puzzles.’

‘You’re kidding me!’ gasped Nicky. ‘You’re the puzzle cheat? You’re why I’ve had to cancel a back massage because I’m now in school on the last afternoon of term?’

‘Don’t blame me, blame Miss James! The woman is mental! And because of our morning meetings, we’re ending up finishing her puzzle for her! Or rather
you
are! Every single morning you waste half an hour doing it for her! If you counted up how much time you’ve spent doing her puzzle this year, you’d probably have been able to learn a new language by now. Did you never stop to think why Janet never actually steps into her office?’

There was a long silence.

As it happened, Nicky had stopped to think why Janet never actually stepped into Miss James’s office and she had decided it was because Janet was an unfriendly old sow.

‘You see?’ continued Rob, calmer now. ‘You haven’t got the cynicism needed to be a decent head teacher. You’d be
too busy helping everyone do their puzzles.’ He laughed, then spoke softly. ‘Anyway, I know that you don’t want someone else’s family.’ He brushed her hair with his hand. ‘You want your own.’

‘Well, that shows how little you know me.’ She shook his hand off.

Rob sat silently for a moment before speaking again, this time his voice full of disbelief and coming out through gritted teeth.

‘You’re not seriously talking about that arrogant prick and his little prat of a son, are you?’

‘Don’t talk about them like that!’

They were now staring at each other, their breathing heavy. Then to Nicky’s amazement, Rob suddenly threw himself on to his knees in front of her. For some reason it reminded her of a bad comedy sketch and she had to hide a laugh when she realised he wasn’t joking.

‘Marry me, Nicky,’ he said desperately, as if his life depended on it.

‘P-pardon?’ she managed.

‘You heard. Marry me. Live dangerously. Sod the consequences. Let’s just do it.’

He jumped up and sat next to her again. His hand gripped her hand.

‘You’re mad,’ she said. ‘Leave me alone. You’re scaring me.’

‘Why not?’

‘That’s not a good reason to get married, Rob.’

‘I’ve heard of worse. Why the hell not?’

‘Touched as I am by this romantic proposal,’ said Nicky, ‘I shall have to force myself to say no.’

Rob stood up again and started pacing. ‘So you’re going to chuck in your one last chance at real happiness for a cocky shit who’s already got one of his own?’

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘I know that someone else’s shitty little ten-year-old son is not your idea of the perfect family.’

‘Oscar is not shitty. Stop talking about him like that.’

‘I taught him for a year too, remember. Hardly got a word out of him all year. And he’s been giving me the evil eye all holiday. Gives me the creeps.’

‘You know what?’ flashed Nicky. ‘If he’s giving you the evil eye, Rob, chances are you’re evil.’

Rob opened his eyes wide. ‘Oh, that’s really rational talk, that is.’

‘He’s a wonderful kid,’ she said breathlessly, ‘and I adore him.’

‘Jesus Christ, Nicky! Listen to yourself! You sound like an over-emotional schoolgirl. Do you honestly think that you’re headmistress material? Oscar’s just a normal little shit of a kid. And his dad’s a smug git who thinks he can ponce in here and charm all the pussy into his bed with his posh suits, his flash car and superdad act. And what I can’t believe is that you – you, Nicky, one of the brightest women I know – are falling for it all! And you’re going to turn your back on your only chance of happiness for that!’

There was a long pause.

‘Just leave me alone, Rob.’

‘Nicky . . . I’m trying to
help
–’

‘Get out.’

‘I don’t want you to get hurt –’

‘Get out.’

‘I’m telling you because I care.’

‘GET OUT!’

There was a pause.

‘OK,’ said Rob. ‘Just promise me one thing. Don’t let him ruin your dreams, Nicky.’

He slammed the dormitory door behind him. Nicky wasn’t quite sure why she started sobbing, she just knew that a lot of tears needed to come out and sobbing seemed as good a way as any to make that happen. She fell back on to Rob’s bed and let it all come out.

She didn’t even hear the door open. It was only when she heard Mark’s voice near her ear asking her what was wrong that she jumped up.

‘Oh! Sorry!’ she said. ‘Please. Now’s not a good time,’ she said, sitting up and sniffing hard. ‘Please. Just leave me alone.’

‘What’s wrong?’ The pain in Mark’s voice made the tears come again. He sat down next to her and she suddenly felt so safe she needed to cry some more. She tried not to look at his long thigh stretching out on the bed next to her. Or notice the charge through her body that came just from the feel of his frame so near hers. She remembered the table quiz meeting at his house and almost went from sobbing straight to coronary. She had to get back into control. Remember, she told herself, this was a man who had gone to great pains to let her know he didn’t want children and had then ignored her all week. He was also a man who had a persuasively strong motive for making friends with her.