The Lesser Kindred (ttolk-2) (16 page)

We are taught to attempt the healing of the mind (it is far harder than healing the body) by countering the vision with its natural opposite as we open a way for the healing power. A mind full of darkness is to be gently, gently introduced to the dawn—nothing sudden, no flaming sunrise that would overwhelm, just a first slight suggestion of growing fight that heralds the morning. Often the suggestion is not even noticed by the patient, but with time and talk and much hard work, this kind of healing can take place. While we are working, it is as if we are "there," inside the metaphor, and can feel the results of our own work.

I had tried to heal Marik with visions of morning mist, of low soaking cloud, even (in desperation) with a gentle rain—in each case the "water" of my healing disappeared

instantly when I ceased putting forth my power, as if something was drinking it, and the broken brown dust of the vision remained untouched. It was as if he were drinking in all that I could offer but was still dying of thirst, even though I could feel myself getting soaked through as I was working.

This time I drew my power about me—and feeble it looked indeed beside the pulsing blue of Berys's healing mantle—and watched, for we can "see" what is happening even when another Healer is working. The two Healers might not see the same metaphor of the patient's mind, but the effects are mirrored in both.

I was there again, standing on the hard cracked ground of Marik's mind, barren of all life and of all promise of life. I felt Berys stretch forth his strengtli—and there, a cloud was coming over the sun, and a breeze sprang up. I drew in a deep breath and I swear it smelled of rain.

If you have ever been proud of a small skill, one you have worked long and hard for, and then seen a master of the craft surpass your very best work without the slightest effort, you will know how I felt. Over three full moons of work I had managed several times to put an image of gentle dampness in Marik's mind that stayed with him for an hour or so. Berys had called up a thunderstorm upon the instant.

Deep inside myself, I was uneasy—surely this was too sudden, too rough. A broken mind needs to be brought back gently if it is to regain its wholeness, or so I was taught. However, I could hardly argue with the Archimage of Ver-faren. I stood and watched, felt a cold wet wind blow lazily through my cloak, chilling me, and heard thunder far off. The first large drops fell, raising dust as they hit. I could feel them on my skin, cold, heavy, even painful when they struck. They did not immediately change the dryness below my feet, though I could see a few patches of dampness that lasted for an instant before they too fell away.

However, I knew from the feel of the air that this could not last. The drops came faster, heavier—and I was standing in the midst of a downpour, like a bucket being emptied from the clouds. It felt dangerous. I found that I was terrified even as I was fascinated. I suspect I was drenched in the first instant, but I never noticed—all my attention was riveted on the ground.

For ground it was becoming. Nothing could stand against that much water, and even as I watched the cracks filled with dark liquid, the edges softened, and that barren land crumbled into mud. Soon it was a pool filled with more rain than it could hold. I began to fear for Marik and called out, "Lord Berys, enough, surely that is sufficient for now!"

There was no reply, but the rain did not stop and the air grew even heavier. Something began to emerge from the pool.

It was a creature of nightmare, a dragon the size of a mountain. The falling water fizzed and disappeared as it touched the gleaming black skin, but still the rain fell in sheets. The creature stood on its back legs and roared, terrifying—and there was an answering roar of thunder from the heavens, and a spear of lightning split the sky, stabbed down at the dragon and struck it between the eyes.

I was blinded, there in the realm of the mind. I shook myself, drew deep breaths, returned to the waking world, and saw a miracle.

Marik was sitting up, his eyes focused on Berys, and though he was trembling his voice was surprisingly sure.

"What took you so damned long?"

I had grown since I left him, both in body and in spirit. I had walked in the deep woods by moonlight, drinking its rays like water, feeling the currents in the ground beneath my feet like living things. I had flown, one hot summer night, high and far, rising and circling on air strong as stone beneath my wings. I had seen many like him, two-legged, walking like him but fearful in the shadows under the trees, and some like me, four-legged, winged and tailed and scaled and taloned.

There were more of his kind than of mine.

Even when I was very young I knew we were different. As I grew I wondered when I would lose my wings and stand upright and whether it would hurt. I knew he was older than I and wiser and looked and smelled so strange, but I also felt love sure and strong. I never questioned, until one bright morning I leaned over to drink and saw my face in a pool, the colour of an autumn sunset, and knew in my blood that my great shield of a face would never go soft or be covered with fur like his. It did not make me love him less, but I knew then that I must go from him and seek my own.

I sought, I found, I made my life with my own kind, but I did not and could not forget that loved face and form. And now that there was a great change coming over us all, a deep desire arose in me to be with him again. Long I wavered between stay and go, long my fears kept me from doing either, but in the end I chose to leave my safety and seek him. I will never know why I so chose, or how I found the courage; but I did, and the world changed.

I had never objected to deer meat before, but I couldn't eat it even when Jamie had managed to cut some small and cook it quickly on a skewer in the fire Rella had set going. It smelled good, but at least for the moment I couldn't get rid of the echoes of that cry in my mind. I found myself hoping that vegetables didn't scream as I bit into a carrot, one of the winter store we'd brought from Hadronsstead. My gut was in a terrible state and the very idea of meat turned my stomach. Even the carrot tasted terrible.

"What's up with you, my girl?" asked Jamie, when I refused the deer. "It's well cooked and we all need hot food."

"I'm sorry, Jamie," I said. I couldn't face explaining what was only a guess. He'd had enough trouble believing in true-speech between people. I wasn't sure I could ever tell him. Maybe it would just go away. "I'm not hungry. I can't face food just now."

He looked closely at me for a moment, then shrugged. "Suit yourself. We should cook as much as we can, though the cold will keep it fresh enough for a few days." He smiled at me. "If you're not hungry you're the very one I'm looking for. Keep an eye on the rest of this lot while I set up camp."

He left me to tend skewers of small chunks of deer cooking over the fire while he untied his bedroll and mine from our saddles. "Thank the Lady those poor bastards were in such a hurry to get you they left our horses alone," he said after a time. "I'd rather ride than walk."

"Ride where?" asked Rella, kneeling on the cold ground as she cleared a space for her bedroll near the fire. "We never did decide exactly where we're going." Her voice hardened. "I still vote for Sorun. I have my suspicions but I want to know for certain who hired those poor buggers."

"Are you suspecting anybody I know?" I asked, half a smile tugging at my lips despite myself.

"Not unless you've heard the name Berys, no."

I frowned. It seem familiar, somehow, though I couldn't be sure—and then I heard Jamie hiss, "Berys." His voice was so deep and intense I turned to stare at him. He had stopped what he was doing and knew nothing beyond Rella's words.

I had to concentrate hard to hear anything. My mind was suddenly filled with voices again, louder than before. I tried desperately to ignore them. Something Jamie said had raised a memory, something I'd heard him say once and couldn't quite remember. It was hard to think with all the noise.

"I know him," he said. "Do you?"

"Yes, and I wish I didn't," she answered. "He's been watched for years now and none of the news is good."

"It never has been," said Jamie, almost in a trance. "I've known him for the last twenty-five years and I've hated him ever since I first heard his voice."

"Ah, you're a man after my own heart, Jamie." Rella took in Jamie's stance and voice and came to a decision. "I suspect I could be dismissed from the Service for telling you this but I think you need to know. He's now the Archimage of the College of Mages in Verfaren, where the best of the young Healers go to learn their art and better their skills. It's still a good place, by all accounts, but he's rotten to the core and as far as we can tell always has been. Rumour has it the place has started to stink of demons."

"At least for the last twenty-five years," said Jamie. His voice shook me and made Rella turn to look at him even more closely. He stood there in the winter wood, his pack dangling unheeded from one hand, his other on his sword hilt, and he was hot with fury decades old. The voices in my head were a little quieter now.

"Lady guard us, what did he do to you?" asked Rella, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Tried to kill Maran and me with demons," Jamie said, the words rough in his throat, "but that's by the by." And I remembered with a shock, as if it were the day before, Jamie telling me of a demon master linked with Marik. But that was before I was born, a quarter of a century since, and Berys had not been young even then by Jamie's account. Jamie had told me that this Berys had killed an innocent to create the Farseer, a globe that allowed the owner to see whatever they desired, no matter the distance. The Farseer for which Marik's first child had been the promised price— me, yet unsuspected in my mother's womb, the unborn child of Marik of Gundar.

"I made a vow to kill him with my own hands and now I have the chance to do it," said Jamie. "He's at Verfaren, you say?"

"I know what you're thinking and it can't be done, Master. He's the head of the College of Mages! Untouchable. Nearly everyone believes he is what he claims, a kindly servant of the Lady who oversees the training of the young Healers with a very powerful benevolence. The Silent Service knows better and obviously so do you." She flashed a quick grin at me. "Ah, well. Guess we're not going to Sorun. We can make straight for Kaibar and cross the river there, that's the fastest way to Verfaren from here."

Jamie dropped his pack and knelt beside her. "Mistress," he said fervently, laying his hand lightly on her arm, "this is not your fight. I go into danger to fulfill an old vow. Lanen and Varien go where the Lady and their destiny lead them. You do not need to come."

"Is that so, Jamie Horsemaster?" said Rella, gently removing his hand and drawing out an extra blanket from the depths of her own pack. "You don't listen very well, do you? I'm on duty, remember."

I was going to ask her what kind of duty she was talking about when I heard Shikrar's voice clearly saying my name.

"Wake up, girl!" Rella's voice interrupted my thoughts. "If you burn that deer meat you'll eat it yourself."

I managed to save most of it and was laying it by on a stone to cool when Jamie said, "Where's that man of yours?"

"He's not far," I said. "I heard him just now." Silently thanking the Lady for truespeech, I bespoke him. "Varien? Where are you/are you well?"

I was not so squeamish as Lanen and ate well of the deer that Jamie had killed. I had occasionally heard the death cry of creatures I killed for food—certainly I saw their faces.

It is a hard truth of life that we live, all, on death. We of the Kantri give thanks to the Winds for the lives that sustain our own and ask forgiveness of the creatures we must kill, but we cannot live only on the fruits of the earth. Indeed, one of the Kantri tried it when I was young—Kretissh, it was. He ate only roots and the fruit of the trees, and though Ian fruit is sustaining for a time, eventually he grew weak and then ill. It was Shikrar, my old friend, who came roaring into his chambers with a great fish he had caught. Crafty soul, he knew Kretissh was partial to fish. Shikrar was not Eldest then but he had taught Kretissh along with most of the rest of us, and when he ordered Kretissh to eat, he ate. He could only take a little flesh at first, but as he grew stronger he returned to himself. As Idai once said, how do we know that the fruits do not feel pain and cry out in their own silent tongue when we eat them?

I found my thoughts turning more and more to my old friends and my heart grew heavy. So far away, my people. I had almost forgotten that I had the means to bespeak them. I drew out from my pack the rough gold circlet Shikrar had made to hold my soulgem. I did not put it on immediately but held it in my hands and gazed at it.

How shall I explain it to you? A soulgem is not an ornament dug from the ground, it is a part of us, part of our bodies, as much as wing and talon, blood and bone. I still missed my wings, though the wonder of being human delighted me, but the absence of my soulgem was a constant sorrow. It was as though a human had lost all but the least of hearing and sight, and yet could hold the loss in their hands. The Kantri can sense emotions and hear truespeech. It is the way we are made—without truespeech, how should we speak one to another, up in the high air riding upon the winds, and with at least two wings' distance between us? Lanen was the only child of the Gedri who had ever been known to have truespeech.

I raised the circlet and put it on. My head began to ache immediately but I did not care, I so desperately longed to hear the voices of my kindred. "Shikrar, soulfriend, canst hear me?"

"Akhorishaan!" came the response, immediate, delighted. "Ah, blessed be the Winds, I hear you! And I must call you Varien, of course. Your voice is welcome as summer in winter, my friend. How fare you?"

I wrapped my arms around me, hugging his voice to myself. It was Shikrar, speaking to me mind to mind as of old, the lifelong friendship between us deep and strong as the sea. "All the better to hear your voice, my friend. The winter is long, and life among the Gedri is not always simple."